Arie The Bachelor’s Starting to See Krystal Clear in Tahoe

The smiles of girls pretending they're excited to be roughing it on a group date. Photo credit, Twitter: @BachelorABC

The smiles of girls pretending they’re excited to be roughing it on a group date. Photo credit, Twitter: @BachelorABC

Come on there, Arie. You’ve got to see a little bit that Krystal is not your girl. Right? Do you see that now? If you’re still into the baby talk and think that’s remotely attractive, are you not the slightest bit irked that she pulls you aside to tell you how vulnerable she is? And stares at you all intensely, hoping you’ll feel some unspoken connection that you may have had on your first date? You’ve got to be at least slightly annoyed that you were pulled away from the rose ceremony by Krystal despite making it very clear that your mind was made up. Was Krystal in your original plans? Did you choose her last to punish her? I hope so.

Happy Monday, Bachelor fans. I am still exhausted from staying up too late to watch the SAG Awards, but I had to see Kristen Bell do her thing. Also, I can’t make out whether I have the inklings of a cold brewing or perhaps a touch of the flu that everyone around me seems to have. Some congestion in my lungs, my stomach being off – maybe it’s the thought of Arie keeping us all going for the next few weeks only to choose a TWENTY TWO YEAR OLD GIRL who obviously has a lot more living to do?

I’m visualizing Arie wanting to stay in on Saturday nights and Bekah being like – uh, but I want to climb mountains and do photo shoots and wrestle and do 22 year old things like go to a bar and get smashed. Yes, he may be attracted to her elfish qualities and the fact that she’s cute enough to stick in his pocket, but can he really think that she’s long term material?

So here are some things that greatly confused me this week:

  • Why hasn’t he given Lauren B any one on one dates? Out of everyone there, she reminds me the most of Emily Maynard and he’s clearly physically attracted to her. Yet, he keeps her on the side lines. It doesn’t look like she’s getting a date next week either. I fear by the time they get some actual quality time together, it’s going to be too late and I see a “You’re great, but my relationships with the other women have advanced further” which really isn’t fair to her because he didn’t attempt to make it work.
  • Tia seems like a straight shooter and because of that, I’m wondering what her attraction is to Arie. I don’t know what it is about him this week (or this season)? Is he lacking a strong personality (or any personality?). Is he just very effeminate in a different way than Nick Viall? I just don’t feel like I know him any better than I did on week 1. Am I wrong? And Tia just seems to real and down to earth that I’m wondering if I’m missing something. Tell me, Friends, am I missing something?
  • Was there any actual chemistry between Arie and Seinne? Don’t get me wrong – she’s got amazing eyes and a killer smile and we all know she’s brilliant, but I just couldn’t see any sense of romantic chemistry between them. I know she wants a love story, but I’m not sure it needs to be with Arie.
  • Is Arie really still attracted to Krystal at this point? He can’t be, right?
  • I know they’re making a big fuss about Bekah’s age, but Maquel, the blonde Utah photographer who left because her grandfather died, is TWENTY THREE. Does that somehow make her a little more eligible? Who chose these women? Why even cast a 22 and 23 year old for a 36 year old man? Or is this when everyone is supposed to already know that these women may have been casted for Peter Kraus (Rachel’s runner-up)? It’s kind of annoying and a waste of a spot.

Tahoe was a pretty awesome spot for this week’s adventures. The perfect back drop for all of the dates and thank goodness no more physical competitions this week. I love watching Kendall the Taxidermist enthusiast in her element. As Arie said, she’s quirky and funny and you just never know what’s going to come out of her mouth. She’s also a natural beauty. I love seeing the girls at the beginning of each episode be in their morning attire with no make up to get a sense of what they really look like and Kendall’s eyes just sparkle.

So if it were up to me, I’d have booted Bekah and Krystal with rapid haste. Who needs them? Bekah is a risk and we don’t need risks. Krystal is just out of her mind. Even her discussions with Tia and Caroline made little sense. What was she trying to get out of that? Sympathy? Intimidation? Krystal’s speeches and pep talks about taking advantage of every moment with Arie are annoying to me – I can’t imagine how they are perceived by the other girls.

As for Marikh, the Indian Kardashian girl, she is on a completely different wavelength altogether. I see negative chemistry between her and Arie. In fact, I think we could safely have eliminated her and Ashley. I don’t even think we’ve seen any conversations between Arie and them.

I love that Chelsea manages to throw in there that she was a model. She’d just like everyone to know that. I think she’s enjoying not being the villain these last couple of weeks but don’t forget her antics in week one. I think she’s got a few tricks up her sleeve and she’s definitely using the mom card to her advantage.

I wonder how it will work with Maquel coming back – does she just slip on in like nothing happened? She’s another one that could likely go home. 23! In fact, of the girls remaining, we’ve got Lauren B who is 25, Kendall who is 26, Ashley who is 25, Jacqueline who is 26 and Tia who is 26. Which basically means that half the girls remaining are 10 years younger than Arie. WTF??? Are any of them ready to settle down right now?

Also, does anyone else think Jenna is just completely insane?

If you didn’t get to see last week’s SNL skit that made fun of Arie’s season, it’s definitely worth checking out:

Front runners that actually have long term odds at this point:

  1. Tia
  2. Chelsea
  3. Lauren B (if he gives her a real chance)
  4. Kendall (though she’s a shoe-in for any Bachelor Pad / Bachelor in Paradise season)

Seinne may have a real run at next Bachelorette or Tia if Seinne doesn’t get it. On that note, I’m off to bed. How are you all feeling about Krystal? And Bekah’s age? And all of these girls 26 and under when our Bachelor is 36?

 

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Week 2: Wrestling Their Way to Arie the Bachelor’s Heart

Do you know what it's like to bake cupcakes when you're on day 1 of a carb / sugar free diet? It's more torturous than watching Annaleise try to build a connection with Arie.

Do you know what it’s like to bake cupcakes when you’re on day 1 of a carb / sugar free diet? It’s more torturous than watching Annaleise try to build a connection with Arie.

This has been the longest MLK weekend of all time. I actually have no idea what we did yesterday. Life with a 3 year old is about living in the moment. I do know that just today, I have done the following:

  • Played Candyland 3x
  • Taught Ellie how to play the card game “Go Fish”
  • Made scrambled eggs for everyone
  • Made protein pasta & banilla yogurt for Ellie’s lunch
  • Sat with her while she ate chicken nuggets and green beans for dinner
  • Arranged an impromptu playdate with the triplets in our building
  • Got a cavity filled in one of my wisdom teeth at the dentist (OUCH!)
  • Went to Lord & Taylor to meet catch up with my first cousin who moved to NYC this weekend!
  • Had a catch with Ellie in our living room
  • Gave Ellie a bath, cut her nails, brushed her hair
  • Cleaned and labeled her new water bottle
  • Fought Ellie for the 12 times she came out of her room at bedtime
  • Walked our dog outside in 20 something degree weather
  • Started a new boot camp workout / diet for the next 6 weeks. 25 online workout followed by 45 minutes at the gym
  • Colored a coloring book
  • Sang “Castle on a Cloud” from Les Miserables to put Ellie to bed
  • Have not had carbs or sugar in 24 hours and am going out of my mind.

I’m sick of bullets. How was your MLK weekend? Is everyone ready to go back to real life tomorrow? I sure am.

I think what also rubbed me the wrong way about Arie (speaking of rubbing, did TWO girls mount him this episode?? Bekah the Nanny and Blonde Jenna off the charts nuts girl in the white dress?) is that he kept taking girls to his little “spot” with the telescope and bed. Except that wasn’t HIS spot, but rather Bibiana’s. Boo on him and gave me a bit of a gross out feeling about him. Is he kind of a douche? Or did the producers set him up? Or does he really think he’s being that smooth? Either way, he had to feel like kind of an idiot when he saw tonight’s episode or when he learned of why that set up was there (they never showed Bibiana filling him in so I wonder if he ever found out?).

The Dates

Both group dates were pretty dumb tonight. The retired GLOW professionals were pretty rough on the girls. Yes, I know it’s all for entertainment but the brunette was really rude to make fun of Bibiana’s name / mother and to bully Tia. Should this have brought them to tears? Probably not. But still, they’re trying to impress Arie and they have these women in their faces insulting them while teaching them how to wrestle. Not the most inspiring or compassionate scenario. You know Bekah loves any opportunity to be a seductive actress and Krystal probably took the naughty tiger or kitten outfit home with her. Speaking of outfits – do you know that Arie personally bought all of those Rachel Zoe dresses for other Becca last week?? I couldn’t believe it either.

Best part was watching Kenny the Wrestler just slam Arie around a few times.

The dog date looked promising, but they probably should have just stuck to puppies as at least if the puppies didn’t follow direction, they’d still be absolutely adorable. Also, they seemed to only focus on Chelsea’s red dress. Did Chris Harrison have hug slash marks on his neck or was that just a bad camera angle?

Napa Valley Disaster Date

Poor Lauren S. She seemed so giddy, elated and positive to go on the one on one date. The Husband was impressed that she could fit all her lower teeth into one big smile. He also loved that she was wearing sneakers with a dress. I was impressed that her dress didn’t ride up in the breeze, but maybe it was a cute little romper number?

Watching Lauren S try to complete a sentence or thought that made any sense was literally painful. You’d think the wine would calm her down but maybe it just made her mind wander. Some women are just not comfortable being themselves on camera.  And others are exactly themselves and that is the actual problem. I think Lauren S. falls somewhere in between. She is self aware enough to admit that she was “all over the place” and yet can’t help but crash and burn on her Arie date. There’s so much pressure on getting the chemistry right immediately – she just couldn’t handle it. I feel bad because she seems to understand that she messed the date up herself. But I just wonder who the real Lauren S is.  Arie did have a funny line about gradually wearing more cardigans. That definitely makes him ready to settle down with the right blonde (eye roll).

HUNGRY

So now that I have given up for sugar, I want to point out those giant vats of candy that exist in the Bachelor mansion. Did anyone else see them? I saw Skittles, Twizzlers and maybe M&Ms? All brightly assorted and ready to be eaten in giant glass display jars.

Some of my favorite moments from tonight:

  • Bekah telling Arie that she “doesn’t need him” and also that maybe the reason he dates moms is that he has a need to be needed and depended on. I love that she’s armchair psychiatrist to him and he listens. She’s got a strange elfish power over him. I still think she’s about 17-18 years old and has gotten into his head. I was also desperately praying that while she was mounting him in full on kiss mode, Krystal would walk in on them with her perma-smile and say, “Enjoyyyyy”
  • Watching all the editing with Lauren B. She is clearly the most Emily Maynard like – beautiful, blonde, elegant and subdued to some extent. She’s only 25 years old which is kind of ridiculous. We barely have seen Arie and Lauren B together and yet by the rose ceremony, they were climbing into the Bibiana Telescope sex den all over each other. Are they trying to hide the sparks?
  • The Tia connection. Tia just seems like a wholesome, down to earth girl with heart. I’m glad Arie has noticed and is interested in her, but I fear he might break her adorable Southern heart. She seems way over her head and he seems to be living a sophisticated, fast paced life style. I’m not sure they’re long term compatible. Though I liked them drinking moonshine together.
  • Annaleise going home – though I wish she would have left before that final, awkward confrontation with Arie. She’s clearly picked up on the “he’s just not that into you” vibe but is still sticking around hoping things can turn around. She knows he’s made out with other girls and feels his body language has changed. Why stay? I’d be packing up my stuff and storming out. If he’s not giving her the time of day, why should she stick around to get officially rejected? He gave her more time & eye contact after ending things by walking her to the car than he did the whole time they ever talked.  Also, those vignettes of staged childhood fears were ridiculous. Is she really over the top with her childhood fears or are they legit? Who knows? Glad that’s over.
  • Caroline the intuitive brunette realtor who finds Krystal’s behavior condescending. Krystal was sitting there like the Dalai Lama dolling out advice on how to take advantage of time with Arie? And all with a plastic smile on her face? And while believing all the while that nobody has the same kind of connection that she does? I can’t even imagine what she’ll do when she gets rejected on this show or sees him kissing someone else. Will she try to join them? Burst into flames? Coach them?

Top contenders at this point:

  • Lauren B
  • Seinne (she just seems so intellectually on another playing field than most of these girls)
  • Becca (Pretty Woman date); Loved that she called him a dork. He is a dork.
  • Bekah (Nanny)
  • Krystal (as irritating as she’s become, she’s still on top of Arie’s mind for some reason)
  • Chelsea – just because Arie likes a girl who will interrupt him to plant one on him and she’s still somewhat mysterious to him.

I personally love Tia, but I think they’re not gonna last :(

I’ve got no carbs to burn in order to keep typing, so I’ll end here. What do you all think? Husband is shutting lights off on me. Must be time to go. Til next time, Bachelor Fans.

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Start Your Engines: Arie the Bachelor Revs up Adrenaline on Week 1

Hello, Ellie.

Hello, Ellie.

Hello, Bachelor Family. We’re back again for week 1 of Bachelor and it’s shaping up to be a somewhat worthwhile season with some intriguing tidbits: intelligent women, Pretty Woman like dates and drama of course (and not just stirred by Chelsea!). So first off, some Bachelor news:

  1. Set your DVRs & mark your calendars because February 13th, 8 PM EST, The Bachelor Winter Games begins! Good thing because just one Bachelor show a week wasn’t cutting it so thankfully they’re adding a second on Tuesday nights. It’s going to be 4 episodes and the cast is comprised of not just former Bachelor contestants that we all know and love (BEN HIGGINS ANYONE???) but they’re throwing in international contestants from the Bachelor seasons that have taken place internationally. This should definitely expand our horizons to mind blowing degrees. Like what happens when Ashley I (wanna be Princess Jasmine / famous for crying over Jared / having a crazy sister / crying over Jared again / having a podcast with Ben Higgins) loses her shizz over the Canadian / Australian contestants? Get the popcorn out. Other cast members include Dean Unglert (the most hated guy after playing Russian beauty Kristina against D Lo.), Luke from JoJo’s season and Clare (who I think is 34 now and still hasn’t recovered from her Juan Pablo distress)? In any event, it’ll be entertaining and will coincide with the actual Olympics, so that should be fun.
  2. Was anyone able to hear our podcast? Apologies for those who attempted to listen from your devices instead of a desktop computer. We’ll try to make it more user friendly if I get my IT department to figure it out (note: The Husband IS my IT department).
  3. It is so freaking cold outside that I have had little desire to do anything or go anywhere. That said, I’ve taken 3 epic journeys this weekend, one of which has scarred me almost as much as bumper cars scarred Annaleise:
    1. The Husband & I took Ellie to see Frozen on Ice. It was a 90 minute train ride on Metro North to Bridgeport, Connecticut because it wasn’t playing in NYC. It was -11 degrees in Bridgeport with windchill. I told Ellie this was all caused by Elsa but that was only cute for like 30 seconds and then we almost died from frostbite. The show was amazing, but the the venue was FREEZING. Both The Husband & Ellie (both of whom are living furnaces) wanted their coats the entire performance. The show was fantastic. Ellie shushed me a bunch of times when I started singing though. Oh well.
    2. En route home from the show, we took a couple subways once back in NYC. Well, we ended up stuck between two stations underground, with no cell service for close to 45 minutes. Do you know what it’s like being in a crowded NYC subway car when you’ve already been traveling close to 2 hours and you’ve got a 3 year old who has a LOT of questions and a LOT of singing to do since she just came from Frozen on Ice and there’s no way out? They claim it was track fire ahead of us and the NY Fire Department was on their way. I’m not sure this was very comforting. But in any event, after what seemed like an eternity and being on the verge of an absolute panic attack, the train started moving…backwards. It took FOUR hours to get home from the show that lasted under 2 hours.
    3. We saw Ferdinand yesterday – an absolutely adorable animated tale of a bull that doesn’t want to fight. Go see it. Take everyone. But bring your own popcorn because in cold weather everyone and their mother is going to that movie so expect mile long lines for food and don’t forget the baggies that are used with your toddler’s port-a-potty because it’s pointless to be carrying a port-a-potty in your purse when you can’t actually use it. STUPID. Ellie was VERY happy about this circumstance as you can imagine since she refuses to use public restrooms. SERENITY NOW??

Ok, Arie.

So date one and we’re already throwing dresses and diamonds and shoes at someone. I wasn’t into this date. Maybe it was just me, but it’s so early in the season that Arie should be taking these women somewhere to have an actual conversation. What exactly are they learning about each other by him gifting her these extravagant things? I’m sure that I’m in the minority, but if I stepped into a room with Rachel Zoe, I’d think she was a country singer. Yes, I’ve heard of her name and that she’s a designer, but I’d rather be spending the time chatting with my love interest, not being whisked away by a fancy dress designer to become Cinderella. TOO EARLY. Yes, Becca seems super down to earth, but there seemed to be no real sparks between them. Although they are both into each other’s eyes. As for those Louis Vuitton shoes [UPDATE: yes, they were really Louis Vuitton – not Laboutin heels] – again, I’m not the right audience. I’d spend about 30 seconds walking in those shoes and break my neck. I was wondering if she would sell them or lend them out to her friends in the house. Or maybe give them to Krystal to sell… but more on that later.

Throwing Cinderella dates on THE first date, just seemed a bit over the top for me. Very materialistic – and what’s Arie’s role in all of this? He’s clearly not paying for this, so he gets to just throw random expensive stuff at this total stranger and watch her reaction. I felt awkward. It didn’t seem very real or like a bonding experience. The only thing it probably did was make the other girls jealous.

I DID love the fact that week one included two one on one dates. Perhaps the producers are focused on getting Arie the QT he needs with the girls right up front – may bode better for a successful connection at the end of the show. There did seem to be a lot of girls that didn’t get any date with Arie (the two blonde Laurens stand out).

Then there was the Demolition Derby which I’m talking about out of order because we’ve got to save the hometown visit for last. Here were my favorite parts:

  • Anything Tia said. She’s got a JoJo quality about her and is very likable besides being adorable. Everything she said this episode made me laugh.
  • Annaleise is reminding me of Jason Mesnick’s wife and former Bach contestant, Molly Mesnick. Though Annaleise is a bit more cray cray. I mean she had a tragic bumper car experience as a kid, ok. I’m not sure it merits crying over, but then again, she may be a genius because it certainly got her time and sympathy from Arie and she did end up getting a rose. Was it all an act? She also was quite aggressive once she actually got into the car. Hmmmm. The Husband was offended by the show’s snippets of bumper car tragedy reenactments. Kind of mean. But hey – she seemed to recover alright.
  • I’m super impressed with Brittany T. She’s so upbeat and spirited and I’ve never seen boobs quite like that in my life. She has very pretty eyes but all I could stare at were her two closest “friends.” I was wondering if the dress she was wearing would sufficiently hold those suckers up and also how Arie could look at anything else.
  • What was the nanny wearing for Demolition Derby? She might as well shown up in a bikini. She’s a completely free spirit, wild child. Arie loves making out with her. She just smiles at him and it’s enough to make him go ga-ga. The Husband got ahold of the Nanny’s instagram page – search for Bekah Martinez (@whats_ur_sign). She’s already got 42.4K followers and seems to have some sort of modeling career before this (and longer hair of different colors).
  • I was so bummed that Tia didn’t win. That said, “winning” didn’t really get Seinne much. I thought she’d at least get some alone time but nope. UPDATE: Thanks for correcting me – got confused as Tiffany received a “Hard Core Certificate” or something like that, but she didn’t actually win.
  • I’m pretty sure I would have been crying with Annaleise if I had to do Demolition Derby. This seemed like bumper cars on crack. I don’t like getting banged into from multiple angles and needing to do the same to others. Not my idea of a fun afternoon date. But maybe that’s just me.

Ok, so can we just drop everything and talk about Krystal? I am a bit baffled by her. There’s the baby talk thing which needs to be mentioned. Is this authentic? Is it an act? Is it from spending too much time in the sun meditating? I did once meet a girl from California who was also blonde and had to spend an irritating car ride listening to a baby voice like that. That was probably about 9 years ago and I still remember her saying, “I’m _____. And I’m from Saaaanta Barbarrra” in such a way that it took her about 15 seconds to spit out that sentence and I was pretty convinced she was on drugs or taken a valium. Only later did I realize that this was just how she spoke.

So baby voice aside, Krystal received a far better date than Bekah – the chance to see Arie’s home and meet his parents! He obviously saved this date specifically for her and clearly sees something serious with Krystal. The question is whether her multiple interruptions during the pre rose ceremony cocktail party annoyed him. They annoyed me. I mean Bibiana was ready to sucker punch her.

My other concern is her non-traditional upbringing. Can you come out of a broken family like that, living the way she did and having to deal with not being loved / supported by her parents and still be a sane person? She seems to Arie like a spiritual, sweet soul who would dote on his every word and seems to have bonded quickly with his intense mother. Or is the baby voice a cover up for rage she has? Are we going to see a crazy angry bitter side come out on this season? I thought it was classy of her not to reveal too much about her date to the other ladies but at the same time, I’m wondering if she is teasing them or enjoys having the upper hand in having it remain a mystery.

Eyelids are closing. Time to go to sleep and dream of Chelsea thinking she’s mysterious. I’m relieved she finally told Arie about her son because I thought that might drag on for another couple of weeks.

Other standouts this week:

  • Seinne. Who lives in Scottsdale and went to Yale. SMARTY PANTS> is this our first Ivy Leaguer on The Bachelor? She may be our next Bachelorette if this doesn’t work out.
  • Lauren B – maybe I’m associating her with Lauren Bushnell, Ben Higgins’ final choice, but Arie’s Lauren B is also blonde and beautiful. I’m hoping we see more of her.
  • Kendall is still quirky but she’s comfortable in her quirkiness and I think she’s smart. Arie’s intrigued.
  • Bibiana needs to do more than complain about not getting time and other girls taking her time away. Everyone knows that the ones who do this don’t last.

So as of now, we’ve got some strong attractions from Arie. I’d say his favorites are:

  1. Bekah the Nanny
  2. Lauren B the Blonde (he’s attracted to her, let’s see if she gets a date next week)
  3. Krystal
  4. Seinne
  5. Becca (maybe but I think she’s heading to the friend zone)

I’m interested in learning more about:

Tia, Lauren B and Lauren S.

I still think Arie prefers blondes, so we’ll see how he does with the group. Ok, off to bed. What did you think? Don’t forget, you can catch up on my whereabouts at http://www.instagram.com/OfficeStace.

 

 

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Stacey B & The Husband Are Back: Listen to the Podcast Premiere of The Bachelor!

Yes, we’ve had too many hours locked up in our New York City apartment due to this snow blizzard hurricane disaster. Call it boredom. Call it inspiration. Call it slap happy. Back by popular demand, here is our latest, hot off the microphone, podcast of The Bachelor’s Premiere for Arie L.

We also have a special guest joining us and if you need a visual, check out photos below.

Hope you are all are staying warm this evening. Now sit back, grab a hot tea or a glass of wine and enjoy.

Xo,

Stacey B & The Husband

Ellie, age 3

Ellie, age 3

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Arie Luyendyk Races to Find Love in Bachelor Premiere

Apologies for this very long post and also for the delay in posting it. There’s a lot to discuss. Also a quick reminder that this is a NO SPOILERS BLOG – so please if you’ve read a spoiler and even if you think everyone has heard it, PLEASE NO SPOILERS here.

First off, happy new year to my Bachelor Besties & Community. And thank you for everyone who contacted me to ask if I will be blogging this season of The Bachelor with Arie Luyendyk (let’s just call him Arie, ok?). It hadn’t even been 24 hours from the show when I received emails and texts and calls for concern on whether I’m blogging this season. It really warmed my heart (very hard to do in this freezing NYC weather!!) and made me happy that anyone is actually reading this thing besides my family :)  I love you all!

It also helps to know that there are still readers out there as attached and devoted to this insane show as I am. I’m happy to report that I will in fact be blogging the season – let’s be honest – what else is there to do when it feels like 5 degrees outside in January? Besides, my blog has always been a happy outlet for all stressful related happenings around me. How could I not follow the bandwagon to this season of Arie? Also, I’m more than willing to podcast with The Husband if he’s up for it. Would you guys be interested in that?

I was feeling pretty mehhh about Arie when he was announced. All I can remember from Emily Maynard’s season besides what was played as the recap from last night was the following:

  1. Arie seemed a bit effeminate to me and less warm and fuzzy. He is lacking the lovable, guy next door vibe like my favorite, Ben Higgins or even the controversial, yet chatty and talkative Nick Viall. While the show is selling us on his big blue eyes (and in one case, the chance to have babies with blue eyes – was that Bibiana?), those baby blues always seemed vacant to me. But I will withhold judgment. For now.
  2. Arie’s mother. I remember his blonde, Dutch mom as being semi terrifying from Emily’s season. I can’t exactly remember why – perhaps it was a certain sharpness or coldness that I’m recalling, but my aversion to her sticks in my memory. We’ll have to see if my memory serves me well.
  3. Why on earth Emily chose Jef with one “f” who seemed like a free spirited hippy kid from Utah with a strange haircut, over the racecar family lifestyle that she was familiar with, I have no idea. But the Jef thing didn’t work out and now Emily has not one, not two but THREE additional sons with her husband in addition to her daughter Ricki. She’s happy, so I’m happy and who knows (or cares, franly) if Jef is happy, but I wish them all well.

And with that…first, let me wish you all a very happy new year and Bachelor 2018 season.

Before we dive into what promises to be a far more compelling and dramatic season than Nick Viall’s Bach season, let’s catch up a bit. Not on Bachelor land – but in the main competing crazy things going on in my life at the moment. And please, if any of you can relate to any of this or have any advice, I’m all ears:

  1. Potty Pooper. I’m living with a 3.5 year old girl who is terrified of pooping in the potty. I hate the words “pooping” and “potty” with a passion and hate even more that it is taking up space in my brain and on this blog. I’ve spent way too much time coaching, convincing and even cheer-leading this miniature force of nature into placing her little tush into that little space with very little success. We’ve tried sticker charts, potty songs, rewards, punishment, ear plugs, candy, threats, eliminating pull-ups, hand holding, nakedness, ignoring, waiting several months, peer pressure at school. Nothing works. For peeing in the potty it took FOREVER. We tried and failed the 3 day method THREE separate times with several months in between each attempt. Then when we stopped pushing her, she agreed to do it within seconds in exchange for getting an H&M hair accessory blonde braid like Frozen’s Elsa. But poop is a whole other sh-tshow, pardon the pun. She will hold it forever if given the chance. She is fully capable of going if you just hand her a pull up. She’s even done the deed before in the actual toilet. You’d think we could declare victory and all the articles and experts say – once they do it, they’ll realize it’s not scary and life is PERFECT. Bullsh-t to that. Somewhere along the line she’s gotten scared and there doesn’t seem to be thing in the world that can change the course. So we’ve pulled out the big guns and bought her a Kid Kraft Frozen dollhouse, waved it in front of her face and demanded action of 5 consecutive potty poops (I hate myself for even using that phrase right now) if she ever wants to play with it.
  2. Frustration. I realize this is a phase and she will likely not go to college still demanding a pull up to go #2, but it doesn’t stop the aggravation of going anywhere and having to cut that outing short because the child is scream crying for a bathroom but won’t do her business when we bring her to a toilet. SERENITY NOW.
  3. Stress & Blogging. Since Rachel chose Bryan (why didn’t she choose Peter again? How has she dealt with Bryan’s overbearing mother?) I was confronted with a threatening letter from a law firm demanding an absurd amount of money by a photographer for a photo I used on this blog in a post from 7 years ago. I’ll share more later if/when this gets resolved – but let’s just say, the stress and aggravation of having to defend myself from someone who threatens photo copyright infringement claims is definitely not what I had in mind when I started this blog critiquing and commenting on my favorite show.
  4. I am taking a leap of faith in switching jobs over the next month. This has been another major decision requiring a bunch of soul searching, worrying and “what if” complaining to The Husband and “pro / con” lists, but in the end, I’ve decided to take a full time position where I can work remotely 100% of the time. This enables me to have more flexibility in terms of being home with Ellie, will eventually open up options. If anyone has any creative ideas for inserting work spaces into an approximate 17 x 11 bedroom space, we’re all ears! Also tips for not killing each other are appreciated when The Husband is taking his daily nap and snores while I’m taking a conference call. We need to reorganize the space. I’m Pinterest dysfunctional and have no interior decorating patience or vision. HELP. More posts on that coming up too separately if you’re interested in the progress.
  5. Mixed Feelings. As I unwind myself from my current job, I’ve got mixed feelings about leaving the comfort of the known madness. Will I go crazy working remotely? Will I find the kind of friendships / camaraderie that I’ve built up at my current job? I’m trying to take things one step at a time and see how it all unfolds. I’ll have to keep reminding myself that I needed this change and if I’m doing it for the right reasons, the rest will just have to fall in line. That’s what the Bachelor contestants say, so it has to be true, right?

So that’s enough to chew on for now. Let’s dig in where it really counts. Arie land…

Overall first impression: this is a very attractive, surprisingly intelligent mix of Laurens, social media managers and real estate industry experts. I’d say overall, there were only 3-5 duds, while the overwhelming majority of the 29 ladies had something unique in addition to being beautiful to offer Arie. The Husband was feeling lukewarm about this season but I’d say he’s more interested in the season now after meeting the Ladies.

A few points worth noting at the top:

  1. Were these women picked for Peter or for Arie. As soon as I saw that there was a 23 year old photographer (the platinum blonde Barbie blue eyed (“exotic” as The Husband called her) looking girl named Maquel, I just rolled my eyes. She’s going to end up with a 36 year old slightly grayed Arie? He does like blondes, but my guess is Maquel is looking for an career promoting things on Instagram, not a love story. Arie himself says that the decision to choose him as Bachelor over Peter came so late in the game that he didn’t even have time to “prepare” (meaning, get a personal trainer, diet and jog on the beach half naked for promotional shots). So it’s safe to say that most of these women thought they’d be getting Peter, but ended up with Arie. They actually should be happy as it sounds like Arie is worth a lot of $$$ and his father is worth even more $$$$.  As for the handsome Peter Kraus who was the favorite to be the next Bachelor after he wouldn’t propose to Rachel – there has been much speculation for why he wasn’t chosen. Ultimately they claim he wasn’t in the right “head space” to become Bachelor. I’d think the producers were concerned we’d sit through a whole season and Peter would once again not want to propose. He is way too rationale for this show.
  2. Blondes and Boobs seem to play a larger than life theme this season. We know Arie likes blondes because 1) his mother and 2) Emily Maynard. But as many of these women were showcased, I noticed a disproportionate amount of top heavy ladies with inexplicable tiny waists. The Husband did not agree that these were all boob jobs. I’m not so sure. There’s going to be a lot of busty hot tub scenes if the editors / producers plan this season right. At least they’ll know how to draw in the male viewers this season. I was more focused on how these women could defy gravity so well and walk without toppling over.
  3. Arie has a lot more of a compelling story / set up to be a successful Bachelor. He’s 36. The show worked for him the first time around – he did fall in love Emily Maynard and was ready to propose. He claims this affected him so much that he hasn’t been in love since. He’s more “settled down now” with a side career in real estate. The Twitter universe revealed that he does have some beef with Jef with one f, but Emily Maynard and Sean Lowe support Arie, so Arie’s reputation is saved for now. I wonder what other dirt will be uncovered before this season is done.

As for the girls…general observations in no particular order:

  • As soon as Tia (Weiner, Arkansas) was shown, I said, “I bet Raven recommended her.” Two seconds later, there was Raven and Tia together in Raven’s store, getting free publicity. Tia seems completely cool and down to earth. I liked her instantly, even despite her awkward “little weiner” joke.
  • Kendall may be this season’s Ashley Salter (from Chris Soules’ season). Ashley was the spacey blonde, known for blurting out random phrases like “Mesa Verde” and taking paintball to another level. Kendall’s taxidermist enthusiasm and her ability to blurt out songs about anything may make her the most brilliant creative genius of all time or a complete lunatic. TBD.
  • Krystal, the online fitness and nutritionist guru, seemed very sweet and smiley. I was super impressed that she managed to keep that smile plastered to her face even when Arie got stolen from right under nose while blurting out her astronomical sign. She may be too far out there for Arie, but maybe that’s what he needs.
  • The rock climbing nanny Bekah (not to be confused with brunette, intelligent, girl next door Becca K) doesn’t reveal her age at this point. Hopefully she’s over 18 but even so, she’s definitely intense and competitive. I felt bad for the little girl she ditched to come on the show. She kind of looks like an elf but Arie thinks she’s cute.
  • I liked Annaliese better with her mask on. She was way more mysterious and it enabled us to focus on her perfect teeth which is a big seller in my book. I didn’t feel the chemistry between them. Also, what is Arie supposed to say when she takes off her mask other than “Wow, you’re beautiful?”
  • Chelsea is gonna “vill” this season. She snagged the first impression rose by stealing Arie twice and you know that puts the target on her back. She doesn’t care. She’s a mom. Her time is more precious than anyone else’s time and you know we’re gonna get a “I’m not here to make friends” pitch in the next episode or two.
  • Brunette wavy haired Jacqueline is entering the Friends Zone early according to The Husband.
  • Wild, jittery Jenna is terrifying. Arie couldn’t figure her out. I think she forgot her anxiety meds. Once Arie realizes this, she’ll be gone.
  • All the other blondes blend together at this point. Major hotness points go to Lauren B, Lauren S and Maquel.
  • Valerie, with dyed red hair, was looking like a hot mess by the end of the night (or early morning rose ceremony?). Her formal photos are much better than the video. She’s a 25 year old server (read: aspiring country singer) from Nashville. Bets are on that she’s written Arie a song within the next week or two.
  • I loved Jenny the blonde’s drawing of Arie. She’s cute and talented.

In case you’re counting, I’ve got some stats on the ladies:

  • 13 out of the 29 ladies are blonde, or 45% and 9 of them stuck around after the first rose ceremony which keeps Arie at a 45% blonde level.
  • Ages range from Nanny (21?) to Annaliese (32); it was Lauren J at age 33 but she’s been eliminated.
  • We’ve got some great diversity this season – no longer just 1 or 2 African American women.  I’d say the ones to keep an eye on are Marikh who co-owns an Indian restaurant with her mom and kind of looks like a Kardashian; Lauren G, an attractive 26 year old Executive Recruiter and Seinne – the alluring Commercial Real Estate Manager. Honorable mention to Brittany T who stole the first kiss and was super proud of herself for confirming that Arie’s kissing bandit rep is deserved. No Asian women, transgender or bisexual women that we know of at this point.
  • There are 4 Laurens, one mom that we know of (Chelsea) and one Libra (why does anyone start a conversation announcing their astrological sign?)
  • 4 Real Estate people:
    • Ashley – Real Estate Agent from West Palm Beach, Florida
    • Caroline – Realtor from Holliston, MA
    • Chelsea – Real Estate Exec Assistant from South Portland, ME
    • Seinne – Commercial Real Estate Manager from Long Beach, CA
  • 6 Californians

Overall, I think this season has potential – both on the Arie side and from the Ladies. We’ve got some true Alpha type women here who will not be wallflowers and will refuse to sit by and watch others walk over them. There is built in drama. Chelsea is already stirring the pot. My guess is the Nanny is going to piss off people too. Kendall and Jenna will be off the wall nuts but entertaining. Tia will narrate this season like Raven did hers.

What did you think? Any early favorites?

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Bachelor in Paradise Ends in Confusion, Lies & An Engagement

Thank goodness Bachelor in Paradise over. It needed to end, right? I mean it sounds like there was a total of 5 days of filming that went on AFTER the big break in production, so it’s astonishing that any relationships were even viable.

But even after we waited for what seemed like an eternity for this season to wrap up, we STILL don’t have all the answers. For example:

  1. What ever happened with Wells and blonde Danielle? As far as I can tell, she’s back from whatever international journey she went on. Did she rekindle a flame with Wells? Just admit that they were friends? Why did Wells show up in a beaten up t-shirt / sweatshirt and sit in the larger audience? What didn’t anyone ask either of them a single question?
  2. Why no mention other than an advertisement for Arie the Race car driver as Bachelor? If you’ve been living under a rock, Arie was announced this week OFFICIALLY as the next Bachelor and Bachelor Nation is going nuts. A handful are excited, some are shocked and others find him “disgusting” as Jef Holm (Jeff with one “f” who was the technical “winner” on Emily Maynard’s season). Shouldn’t the producers be baiting us to love Arie by interviewing him and finding out why the heck they selected him as next Bachelor over Peter or Wells or Ben Higgins (Round 2) or ANYONE else that was still relevant?
  3. The Christen thing was kind of confusing because she made it seem with Jack Stone like she had absolutely no romantic relationship with him to begin with. I mean, yes, they weren’t together for too long, but she definitely seemed into him. And they kissed more than a handful of times, so I don’t think he was that out of left field in wanting to date her after the show. She acted like he was her brother and he was asking her to do this. She did seem somewhat into him. At least more into him than any of the other guys throwing themselves at her (e.g., The guy that hated Wa-Boom and the Tickle Doc). I heard Christen being interviewed on the Ben and Ashley podcast where she confessed that she never had any romantic interest in any of the guys in Paradise. Oh well. Too bad because now she’s known as the scallop Virgin instead of just the Virgin who ended up with Jack Stone the Serial Killer.
  4. I also don’t quite get what happened with Amanda and Robby. Did I ever think Amanda was fully into Robby? Not entirely. But in the same way that I didn’t see Raven falling for Adam (does she REALLY think she’s in love with Adam??). But ok, back to Amanda / Robby. I wasn’t sure if Amanda was just not into Robby or if she was worried about making another big mistake like her last season on Paradise. Perhaps a little of both? But she finally opened up to him and he seemed head over heels. It didn’t seem that surprising that she broke up with him in Paradise, but I don’t understand what happened after paradise. She pursued him, they dated but he didn’t understand what it meant to be in a relationship? I was definitely getting the EVIL Spencer Pratt vibe from him on the after the finale segment. And why couldn’t we see the picture of Robby NOT hooking up with another girl but being “near her?” Come on, ABC, where was that photo! Let us judge.
  5. Diggy and Dominque = who cares but then I loved how nose ring Jaimi was like – yeah, not interested, Diggy. BUH BYE.
  6. Raven and Adam. I mean, I just don’t feel her interest in him. Also, she really looked like Elvira during many segments of the show. I also find her being a bit more full of herself? I don’t know what it is. She’s getting lots more attention for being in love than for breaking up, that’s for sure. It must be good for her clothing boutique. Didn’t seem like they were nearly ready for an engagement. But maybe that makes them a potential long lasting couple?? Ehh, I can’t see her being long term interested with the amount of male attention she’s likely been receiving. Notice how she said, “Every girl needs an Adam?” That’s kind of like saying, “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you.” Also, I’m pretty sure he’s Jewish and she’s definitely not and I wonder if that’s going to be ok? Southern belle from a small conservative town + Jewish guy usually do not end up together. You can read more about their post-show thoughts here – they plan to be moving to Texas together: https://www.glamour.com/story/why-adam-and-raven-didnt-get-engaged-on-the-bachelor-in-paradise-finale
  7. I don’t even want to waste a sentence on Corinne and DeMario because been there done that and WHO CARES anymore? Was kind of funny to watch Corinne’s face as Taylor got proposed to.
  8. As for Taylor and Derek – EEEEEEk, I can’t watch them together without feeling a little nauseous and icky about it. I mean, does he really want a lifetime commitment to that?? Constant evaluation of every word you say, so much inner thinking, too much talking, too much analysis, heightened sensitivity on crack. UGH, he’s in for a life of absolute misery, no matter what his goofy smile says when he looks at Taylor. I think Taylor is 23? Has she had a boyfriend before or any actual real relationship? I just can’t imagine having to navigate any sort of conflict with her in a positive manner. She seems like someone who goes wild by letting her hair be wavy versus curly. I don’t know. I guess she’s just not my cup of tea. Wish them all the best, though.
  9. Canadian Daniel and Lacey – the result is not unexpected – I mean Daniel having a serious relationship with anyone but himself just never seemed to be a reality. He’s so awkward / vampire-ish physically and he just spouts craziness. But then you see them together and their oddities kind of mesh and I was thinking they kind of have that awkward thing that just might work. But nope, Daniel is exactly what we always knew he was. I just loved that Lacey got to call him out on his bullsh!t.

And then there’s my favorite topic of all time – the Dean / Kristina / D Lo thing. Still confused. Still on Team Kristina.

So Dean is greeted by Boos. And we’re all waiting to hear what the heck happened since he finally realized that D Lo was just a lustful distraction and Kristina is the one that he loves. We see him cry tears. We almost feel sympathy – but then we remember that he’s a douche bag. An immature idiot. A loser. A guy that sleeps with someone and tells her to have patience and then goes after someone else. But we can maybe forgive him if he’s come to his senses and is ready to do the right thing and fess all to Kristina.

We think they should be happily ever after at this finale, BUT then learn that Dean hit up D Lo AFTER Paradise while he was still “talking” to Kristina. STILL a douche bag. Still an IDIOT.

But this time, Kristina warns him not to play both sides and to tell two stories. She’s onto him. She wishes him well with future relationships because THE NEXT TIME THAT HE FLIP FLOPS…IT WON’T BE ON HER. Yeah, you sing it!

So Kristina starts off her proclamations by calling out D Lo for not speaking to her about Dean. D Lo and Dean blame Dean. Kristina is a smart cookie. She knows if she plays her cards right and Arie’s season is a flop, she would be in a great position to be the next Bachelorette. She’s no fool. Our first Russian Bachelorette. But we know she’s still got a thing for Dean.

I didn’t see the Ellen show today, but all 3 of them were on it (Dean, D Lo and Kristina). It was filmed after tonight’s finale. Sounds like Dean and Kristina (KrisDeana), may be “talking” again. UGH. Until he decides to call D Lo. You almost wish he’d just get with D Lo for a few weeks, get her out of his system, so he could make a clean attempt with Kristina. Also, why would D Lo even consider being back with Dean when he’s blatantly told her that he loves Kristina? That doesn’t seem quite right either.

Ok, my head hurts from thinking about all of these questions. Did you have any unanswered questions? Oh, and why no update / explanation for why Nick and Vanessa broke up? Shouldn’t we be entitled to some dirt from them? Is Amanda officially done with Paradise?

I’d love to ponder this season some more, but my 3 year is starting nursery school tomorrow, and it’s gonna be a big day for all of us.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy fall. Check here for more Bach updates and aftermaths of this season before Bachelor 2018!

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

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