Rachel Lindsay Sizzles as First African American Bachelorette in Premiere

Our new Bachelorette!

Our new Bachelorette!

Welcome back, Bachelorette Fans!! Is there anyone’s jaw that didn’t drop when Rachel and Colombian Lover boy Bryan were interlocked in fierce passionate kissing within moments of speaking? Dios mio! More on that later…

Just in time to take our minds away from this horrific terror attack in Manchester, to allow us to hide from the time-consuming, political environment and more personally, from potty training a fiercely obstinate 3 year old – here comes Rachel.  I was optimistic about Rachel’s tenure as our new Bachelorette. She has all the makings of a great heroine for this series: Extreme confidence, the perfect combination of incredibly intelligent and well spoken with a light hearted personality, a beautiful smile and the ability to cut to the chase. She’s absolutely adored by her 7 bestie co-Bachelorette former roommates. It’s obvious that she’s charismatic, extremely likable and let us not forget – she’s the daughter of a federal judge. I don’t think we’ve seen a Bachelorette with a better pedigree. Yes, there was Andi Dorfman, former lawyer and Ashley Hebert the dentist, but compared to Rachel’s people chemistry and naturally magnetic personality – we’re in a far more intriguing season. I don’t see Rachel falling for an idiot. Though she did keep Whaaa Boom moron. Can we just get rid of these people before we have to take up a second more of brain power needing to watch them? Clearly he’s there for the ratings.

Now favorable and hopeful thoughts of Rachel aside, I did feel a bit like the show was “selling” us on Rachel. I’ve said this in my previous post, but we’ve never seen a level of tricks and ratings stunts pulled out for any former Bachelor or Bachelorette. Is ABC or the show producers worried that Bachelor Nation is racist? Do they not think Rachel can pull off strong ratings based on being herself? It was getting to be a little overkill on how many times we heard throughout tonight’s premiere how much everyone loves Rachel. She was described by them as the following:

  • “Wicked hot”
  • “Amazing”
  • “Voice is sexy”
  • “Disney princess”
  • “Smitten with this girl”
  • “the real deal”
  • “She’s the kind of girl you have babies with”
  • “Gorgeous”
  • “She’s dope.”
  • “I got butterflies.”

We get it. We like her. Even though she doesn’t like chocolate?!! Now let’s see how the guys measure up…

I am loving the fact that Rachel is 31 – slightly older than the average Bachelorette and it means that we’re getting a slightly older age curve of contestants vying for her. Last season’s group of women, while very attractive, were EXTREMELY young and I’m not convinced they were ready to settle down. I’m hoping with age, comes a bit more maturity – and Rachel will easily be able to seek that out.  She did, however, use the expression “Let’s keep it 100.” I think this is a millennial thing and since I’m officially old (I turned 40 in March), I had to google this phrase. Accordingly to Urban Dictionary, “Keep it 100” means:

to keep yourself real and true, to be honest and stick to the way you are, no matter what any one else thinks.

Did you all know this already? Am I over the hill? Because if someone told me to “Keep it 100,” I’d think they’re either handing me a $100 bill and don’t need change or maybe want me to a keep a secret until I’m 100. Whatever, I’m old. Don’t answer that. The fact that I’m googling what Rachel’s expressions mean just shows my age. At least I know how to google something.

There were so many dudes that stepped out of the limos, I honestly had a hard time keeping track. Here are my key observations:

  • Rachel seems especially attracted to tall slim Caucasian men with moderate amounts of facial hair. Definitely the Nick Viall type. I think she kept three of them around, including Latin Lover.
  • I was curious whether Rachel, as a lawyer, would be attracted to another lawyer. Particularly since litigators tend to be alpha personalities and might not mix with other litigators. I thought Josiah had an appealing back story in being a former kid criminal turned prosecuting attorney but he may have come on a bit strong. He did have one of my favorite lines of the night, “See you later, Litigator.”  He’s 28 years old and seemed perhaps the tiniest bit immature compared with Rachel. His confidence was amusing though, so he’ll definitely be one to watch if he can get out of his own way.
  • I would have liked to see more drunk scenes from Mohit featuring his Bollywood dancing.
  • Blake E is definitely going to crash and burn with such early and open verbal hate of whaaa boom. Everyone knows that if Whaaa Boom is already pissing him off to the point of anger on Night 1, he’ll never cut it in this environment. Also, we may as well kick this guy to the curb now because I don’t see Rachel ending up with an “Aspiring Drummer.” Also, was he the one going on about his amazing libido or was that someone else? I can’t keep track but I thought that person was a physical trainer and has lots of endorphins. Is it the drumming that gets him hot? I think I’m confusing Blake E with Eric the personal trainer or Lee the singer / song writer. I think Lee is the Southern gent who looks to get crazy later on in the season.
  • There was some serious teeth whitening happening before tonight’s show.
  • DeMario is definitely the bad boy that she can’t help falling for. I’m glad Whitney (my BFF – did you hear how I spoke to her on the phone recently?) gave her a warning about him. He’s hilarious though. And he reminds me of my Jewish camp friend, Stinky. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I think they might be brothers from another mother.
  • Speaking of camp, what do we think about Rachel’s former camper, Fred, who is 4 years younger than him and that she had to discipline? You know Rachel is Fred’s total fantasy from his childhood days. I actually have a very close female friend who ended up marrying her younger camper. Camp friends have crazy close connections. I married my camp friend. They kind of played down their connection tonight, but Rachel did confess to finding Fred attractive. Now we just have to find out if young camper Fred grew up to be a good person – or maybe she prefers him to be her bad boy.
  • I take a moment out of discussing Rachel’s men to gush about her beautiful white beaded gown this evening. It was so flattering on her! Very bridal and sexy at the same time. Details on the gown: It’s by Randi Rahm, involved 30 pounds of bright white beads and Swarovski crystals, all hand beaded. While the dress isn’t available online, Rahm indicated she’ll be making a more affordable version at some point. In the meantime, if you have an extra $6800 to spend – you can check out a similar style at Saks at this link.
  • Peter the gap-toothed blue eyed, plaid suit boy seemed very clean cut and personable. Maybe their kids could get a discount from Ashley the Dentist. Ok, that was mean – I know their little gap tooth is a charming thing. But two gap toothed fools in love? Hmmm.  She had another dark haired, blue eyed admirer in Dean the 24 year old start up recruiter. I kept confusing these two, actually. Dean had the insanely annoying flowery tie and wanted to build sand castles with Rachel. He’s sweet, but he’s 24 – a solid 7 years younger than Rachel. She could eat him for breakfast. She’ll never be happy with him. Brady the male model – also nice looking, but is Rachel really looking to marry a model? I don’t think so, but he’s sure fun to date and look at for the time being, though his smile was slightly mischievous in a scary way.
  • Rob the Law Student reminded me of Ryan Sutter (Trista the Bachelorette’s husband) – I think it was the serious glasses and poet type look about him. He didn’t make the cut.
  • Diggy was our other serious glasses wearing, fashionista. Definitely got a gay vibe from him, but maybe that’s just me. Rachel will have to fight for closet space with him and his 575 pairs of sneakers. Unless she gets him to come out of the closet. Bad joke.
  • There were definitely some good looking men in this crew and Rachel was into them – I’d say she was attracted to Eric, the personal trainer, Will, the Sales Manager who did the nerdy Irkel impression but who’s actually very good looking, Kenny the Wrestler and Anthony the Education Software manager. Not sure Rachel is ready to be a mom to a 10 year old daughter (sorry, Kenny) and Anthony is only 26 (yikes to a 31 year old professional woman).
  • The Husband seems excited about Alex, another bearded white guy that arrived with a vacuum cleaner. Maybe it was the thought of someone with a cleaning device who could actually tidy up around our own apartment that caught his eye. Who knows.
  • This is the most diverse cast of men in the history of the show – should be interesting to see how the fans react. I’m also interested to see the dynamics in the house amongst the men.
  • You have a serious right to be insulted if you’re the fireman, the doctor or even a former pro basketball player and Rachel has picked Whaaa Boom guy over you. That’s just nonsense.

There’s too many to go too deep about any of them individually or to even know who these people are at this point. Also, I was convinced that Rachel would NOT give the first impression rose to the guy she had just made out with. Who is coaching her? Shouldn’t she be playing a little hard to get? The Husband said Latin Lover WOULD get the rose and he was right. I was surprised, no rather, astonished, at how direct Rachel was with her reasons for giving him the first impression rose. Almost like she was laying out her arguments for a court of law. She was actually explaining her physical attraction to him. Who knew human beings knew how to communicate like that? I hope he can match her open style in more than just animated tongue wrestling.  Also, not to be too critical, but I believe Bryan referred to himself as a “Chiropractic Physician.” Is he implying to Rachel that he’s a licensed doctor? I’ve done minimal research and can only conclude that a chiropractor is NOT a licensed doctor – meaning, a chiropractor can’t prescribe drugs, do surgery and is not required to complete training in a hospital. Not that I have anything against chiropractors. I could actually use one right now as I’ve been sitting in an actual booster seat blogging and my back hurts, too lazy to move to a chair that my 3 year old doesn’t use.

Do we have a person still in the mix who calls himself a “Tickle Monster?” Him and Whaaaa Boom need to go make a children’s book together and go away. Penguin suit guy didn’t bother me so much. He reminded me of the Dolphin Girl from last season – just down to earth and charming.

So that’s all my brain can manage to absorb on Night 1 of this season. I’m so happy we’ve got a brand new cast of characters to get to know with a worthy Bachelorette leading us through. Do you have any early favorites? I’m liking some of the bearded Caucasian fellows myself, Will and maybe a couple others that I can’t distinguish quite yet.

Until next week, I’m very much looking forward to getting lost in this season again. Especially once Whaaa Boom, the Tickler and the Ventriloquist (big Adam?) are gone.

Xoxo,

Stacey B

PS – you can catch up on some of my recent personal adventures by following me on Instagram (www.Instagram.com/OfficeStace or @OfficeStace), or on Facebook page – www.Facebook.com/OfficeStace. Life as a full time working mom of a 3 year old is not for the weak or weary. Off to bed. I’ve got exactly 5 hours until the first “Mommy! I need you” screams of the day begin.

PPS – It’s now 6:45 AM, and everyone is still asleep, so I’m adding some photos of our weekend in Amish country…

$ extra for the pink cowboy hat. Couldn't resist

$ extra for the pink cowboy hat. Couldn’t resist

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The Husband & Ellie

The Husband & Ellie

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Let’s Catch Up – New Bachelorette Season, Gossip & Life

jojo

Is it too late to hope for a JoJo / Ben reunion?

It’s a rare moment of peace in the Stacey B household. 7:20 AM and The Husband is still asleep. Ellie is still asleep. I’ve been up for 90 minutes, packing frantically as we’re leaving for Amish Country in a few hours.

How have you been, Bachelor Friends? It’s been a VERY long winter/spring waiting for the new season, right? Quick updates for us: The Husband turned 40, I turned 40 and Ellie turned 3. Not sure how this happened. You know you’re 40 when your packing list for the weekend includes Advil, vitamins, antibiotics, wrinkle cream, really high SPF, chemical free sunblock, not an ounce of a high heel, allergy meds, Gas-X tabs (I look forward to dropping Gas-X by slipping a tab on my tongue after an insanely heavy meal and feeling it dissolve) and for when I feel like “dressing up” – Lululemon leggings. Sigh. Ellie’s life is far more interesting these days – but more on her later. We’ve got mega Bach gossip to cover.

So for anyone who has been living in a cave for the last several months, the biggest news was that former Bachelor Chris Soules got arrested for leaving the scene of a fatal car crash. He was later charged with felony and has plead “not guilty.” His charge carries up to 5 years in prison. Sounds like there may have been some alcohol involved (because what else are you doing in Iowa in a town of 17 people at that late hour?). Latest update is here:  http://people.com/crime/chris-soules-pleads-not-guilty-to-leaving-scene-of-fatal-crash/

There was a giant People magazine spread about former Bachelorettes and their very cute babies. Everyone looks exhausted, especially Emily Maynard, but what can you expect? I just wish they’d have shown them how new motherhood really looks – like first thing in the morning when you haven’t slept all night and that kid is crying AGAIN and you can’t figure out why and your makeup from the previous day is smeared all over your eyes, but you don’t care because you’re just proud that you had time to put on make-up to begin with. If you haven’t had time to check out the article – you can find it here.

There’s also been some mega break-ups. I was at work the other day and got a “OMG” text from my friend Neha who is very pregnant these days. I was certain she was going into labor or had some insane, life-changing news to reveal. She did. Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell are DONE-ZO! Finished. Game Over. Given, I don’t think anyone is shocked at this news – if you watched their painful interactions on their reality show, it was obvious that they weren’t exactly the best fit. She’s a walking beauty queen who wants to get married and have kids (or maybe be a celebrity blogger and go to pretty islands and wear pretty bikinis?). She did go on the show to find someone to marry. Ben seemed to have gotten cold feet. Anyhow – this is very exciting news because it means he’s back on the market. Perhaps Ben 2.0 could be upon us with a little campaigning. He’s got to be better than Brad Womack 2.0’s season, right? My sister is excited about this. I’m excited about this. I’m wondering if JoJo is just laughing her ass off somewhere down in Texas. JoJo and Jordan are still all smiles on their social media accounts. I love JoJo so just want her to be happy, but wouldn’t you all kind of LOVE to see a little JoJo / Ben reunion??

Other breakups – just this week, Becca the Virgin Tilley and Robert Graham also split. This is also not surprising since she’s a virgin who travels the world taking the most sexual bikini photos of herself and then still wants to be a virgin. Good for her. I’m guessing their time apart weighed on their relationship – but not more than her desire to remain a virgin. Read more here. Also, some press outlets are saying this is yet “another split for Bachelor Nation,” but if you know your Bach facts, you’ll also know that these two didn’t actually meet during a season of the show. They met in Bachelor La La Land – where all the former contestants hang out in random places with good lighting and take selfies. And the rest is history. Literally – they’re done.

In case you’re wondering – Nick Viall and Vanessa seem to be going strong. Nick finished his time on Dancing with the Stars and they seem to be traveling a bunch. But still together and okay for the moment. Good for them.

Did I miss anything big, Bachelor Fans? Let me know!

Ok, so now we’re just a couple days away from our first African American Bachelorette season. The show has done all sorts of crazy things to promote this season – teasing us with a couple of the contestants at Nick’s Finale show. Revealing more contestants during a live Facebook event. This took place during the weekday, so unfortunately, I was at work and had to miss it. Did anyone watch? Was it good? I think Ellen DeGeneres even had a group date for Rachel take place on her show?? I’m not sure whether all these tricks and leaks are actually going to help or hurt – what’s left in terms of surprises for the actual show?

And then this morning they already told us how Rachel ends up. It was pretty widely blasted, but I won’t ruin it for you if you don’t want to know – this is a no spoiler blog after all.

Anyhow, until Monday night, Bach Fans, I hope you all enjoy the nice spring weather this weekend. I’ll be out picking strawberries and doing buggy rides this weekend. If I don’t immediately join the Amish community, I’ll be back to blog on Monday.

xoxo,

Stacey B

 

 

 

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Nick Goes Canadian on Bachelor Finale, Rachel the Bachelorette Meets Her First 4 Men

Fire brewing between these two at all times

Fire brewing between these two at all times

Happy Finale Night, Bachelor Fans!

There have been some very exciting developments apart from tonight’s show:

(1) My daughter, Ellie, turned THREE on Friday. It has been non-stop partying, pizza and cake eating and I’ve gained 10 lbs and am exhausted. I’ve also become a cake master – check out my photos on my Instagram account.

(2) Today is my 7th wedding anniversary with The Husband. SEVEN. I can’t believe how fast that went. And I’m feeling the romance as we’ve ordered in Chinese food and are watching 3 hours of The Bachelor and couldn’t be happier. The Husband will soon be in tears of joy (just calling out the truth) for whomever the winner is. Or maybe he’ll be watching hockey on his phone and be crying over that. Hard to tell.

Whitney Fransway, my new BFF

Whitney Fransway, my new BFF

(3) Something amazing happened on Thursday night. I was home alone, baking birthday cakes so hard, when a mysterious California phone number lit up my cell phone. It was The Husband’s best friend from growing up (let’s call him Chase). So Chase lives in Los Angeles and says to me, “You’re never going to believe who I’m having lunch with right now.” Moments later, I, Stacey B, am chatting away with Whitney, the 25 year old Minnesota – tall, beautiful brunette pilates instructor from Nick Viall’s season! We didn’t get to hear much from Whitney during the season, but in the brief time I spoke to her, she was absolutely lovely – sweet, gracious and appreciated my complete Bach fan girl moment. I should also mention, that I was mid-worst cold of all time, so I sounded like the combination of a groaning 87 year old man and a dying goat. Hard to make that sound pleasant, sane and intriguing to a current Bachelor contestant, but Whitney didn’t seem to mind. She wished me a happy anniversary and gave me a few inside tips on the show, which I was sworn to secrecy on. I learned that Whitney was best friends in the house with current Bachelorette Rachel, so I don’t think this is the last we’ll see of Whitney on the series. Chase had told Whitney about my blog and she said she’d check it out.

So Whitney, if you’re reading this, who are we inviting to Rachel’s premiere party in NYC at my apartment? We only have about 2 months until the premiere, so time to start planning :)  Chase, you’re welcome too. Thank you both for making my night! I will bake a giant Rachel bachelorette cake for the occasion.

Ok, so now to the main event…

This doesn't look like platonic ice lovin' to me (Nick on Raven)

This doesn’t look like platonic ice lovin’ to me (Nick on Raven)

Every ounce of this episode just screamed to me that he should choose Raven. I mean, their love was easy. That doesn’t make it simple or boring or too good to be true. The type of laughter, mutual respect, communication and honesty that I saw in their relationship are the true skills needed to last in the real world. I was heartbroken for Raven that she had to go through that entire experience only to have to hear from Nick that he wasn’t in love with her. It just didn’t feel right. He certainly seemed in love with her on that ice skating rink in Finland. Especially after having such an intense night of convincing Vanessa to hang in there. There was zero drama with Raven. And yet they seemed to have that passion every time he would lay her down on the ground to make out with her. She certainly did NOT feel like friend material then. Also, what about that orgasm? Nick always was happy, upbeat and incredibly playful with Raven. What’s not to be in love with about being his best self? With Raven, we see Nick taking more of the lead, like he’s courting a young, impressionable small town lady. With Vanessa, Nick is mentally challenged at every turn. He’s met his match and then some. Every sentence he said, every look he gives her – she gives it back to him and questions it from every angle. She’s no wallflower. What’s the opposite of a wallflower? It seemed absolutely exhausting. And yes, I can clearly see passion between them too, is it sustainable with so many questions still looming in the air?

So here’s what I loved this episode:

  • Everything about Finland and the final dates that they went on. This may have been my favorite final week locale EVER on this show. I loved the home Nick’s family was staying in, the little Santa Clause hut where Santa was chillin’, all the beautiful snowy backdrops for horseback riding, the reindeer just chillin’ in front of the main building where all of the events were going on, the puppy huskies (please tell me Raven got to take one of them home to comfort her), the ice skating rink, all of the quaint fires, candles, opportunity to wear knee high snow boots and cozy parkas, frizz free gorgeous hair from both of the final ladies and sled rides.
  • Nick’s family. I mean, this is our 5th time meeting them (once with Andi’s season, twice with Kaitlyn’s season and 3x this season). Bella is starting to feel like my own little sister. I think Nick’s mother either has pink eye or is going to need a major vacation from all the tearful stressing she’s done over her son’s love life these last several years. I do feel for her. That moment when Nick’s father cried with Vanessa, we knew she was a shoe-in, even if they were only showing us all the negative scenes of her questioning her relationship.
  • Raven’s hair in the finale and then again on the After the Final Rose – how on earth does she keep it so smooth and shiny and tangle free? She has a future in shampoo commercials if Bachelor in Paradise doesn’t work out.
  • Raven’s revenge dress (and hair) on After the Final Rose. It was just screaming, “You obviously picked the wrong girl. Look at what you’re missing out on and how easy and happy your life would have been with me and this do-me dress.”
  • Nick and Vanessa’s proposal. Not a dry eye in the house around here. I mean, they’ve got a long road ahead of them, but how can you not root for them to work it out? There’s clearly a passion and love there – but can they make it work? Time will tell.
  • Seeing Rachel own her new role as Bachelorette. She’s going to be great. Smart, sweet and beautiful.

Here are the remaining questions that I still have from watching this:

  • Did anyone else think Santa was going to set his coat on fire by walking by that gigantic fire in that tiny hut?
  • Is Bella wondering what the hell is wrong with her brother? What does she think of Vanessa versus her best friend Raven?
  • Did Raven and Nick have any actual music during the ice skating portion of their date? Because Nick was busting out all sorts of dance moves and if there wasn’t music, is that just strange or just his body’s way of realizing it’s not in love?
  • DID RAVEN HAVE AN ORGASM?
  • Did Nick sleep with Rachel and Raven and Vanessa on the fantasy suite overnight dates? If so, how is Vanessa handling that information?
  • Was Raven ever a consideration to be the next Bachelorette? Feel like she’s too classy to be on Bachelor in Paradise? Or maybe she’ll be like Jade and find one good guy and end up engaged there?
  • Was beginning The Bachelorette’s season on tonight’s After the Final Rose really the most shocking thing that’s ever happened on the show? I mean, it was creative and new and kind of fun to get a preview, but most shocking ever? I still think Jason Mesnick’s switcheroo on his after the final rose was most shocking. Or perhaps Juan Pablo being unwilling to admit that he loved Nikki Farrell, the girl he chose.
  • Did anyone else think they were going to announce that Nick and Vanessa actually broke up and he was pulling a Mesnick (i.e., he wanted to pursue Raven instead?). What about announcing that Vanessa was prego? I mean, both of these things would be more shocking than Rachel starting her season, right?
  • Where the hell in the US are Nick and Vanessa going to live to start their life? How is this life going to start if Nick is in rehearsal all day in LA with Dancing with the Stars? I can’t see someone like Vanessa being satisfied with just sitting on the sidelines with a smile on her face. She’ll grow bored in 2 minutes. What will she do to occupy herself? What happens when Nick is amongst all these celebrities and hot dancers on the show? Will he remember that he’s off the market?
  • What will Vanessa’s students do without her coming back? What about Sunday lunches with her family? Maybe she really is more willing to compromise than was let on during the show.
  • Is Vanessa taking Nick’s last name and agreeing to be called “Mrs Viall (Vile)” for the rest of her life?

So the good news if you’re a Nick and Vanessa fan, is that a lot of their struggles have been based on the process of Nick being the Bachelor (there being other women, Nick not being able to fully commit to Vanessa when she wanted him to, etc.). Other problems were them both having to be holed up together and never being able to be out in public. So now they can be seen together and Nick can finally move forward with Vanessa instead of dwelling on his past heartbreak and current role as Bachelor. That may actually give them a chance. Especially if they’ve made it this far and are good communicators.

Ok, eyes are closing. I need to go love on The Husband even though he wants nothing to do with me until my cold goes away completely. Also, we’re expecting Snowmageddon tomorrow in New York City (12-24 inches being predicted), so time to turn the heat on.

It’s been an amazing season with all of you, Bachelor Fans. I hope you’ll come back to check in on me or follow me on Instagram (@OfficeStace). See if Whitney agrees to a Premiere party. I mean, it’s not that far away. I’ll miss hearing from you and your thoughtful, witty, funny comments. Can’t wait to hear more of them about this finale and all that comes up next season.

So what do you think? Are you happy for Nick and Vanessa? Were you cheering for them or couldn’t care less? Did you feel bad for Raven or did she dodge a bullet? Do you think she had an orgasm? What did you think of Vanessa’s first 4 dudes and are you excited for her season?

Til next time, Friends!

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

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The Bachelor: Exotic Overnights, Orgasms and Outrage on Women Tell All

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Holy three hours, Bachelor Fans. I remember wondering last week how the heck I was going to convince The Husband to sit through 3 hours of this insanity (thank you, DVR, for cutting this down to about 75 min). Add in a hacking cough, lost voice and a sick toddler. I took my first sick day from work in forever and I could probably use another week to get rid of the cough. Watching Nick try to sort through his last 3 women doesn’t soothe it. I even went to the doctor today who confirmed that I have a virus and no, she wasn’t giving me antibiotics and yes, the entire world is sick with the same thing right now. Most terrible of all is that our dog Wally had to go under anesthesia to have his teeth cleaned and we were anxiously awaiting the phone call that he made it through ok while watching Vanessa try to convince Nick that they are not entirely incompatible. [Wally’s home now and completely out of it which is the real highlight of the evening besides Corinne. P.S. my double root canal cost less than half my dog’s dental work. Also in my next life, I’m going to be a NYC dog dentist. How on earth would anyone know if your dog ACTUALLY needs a tooth pulled? This is just like going to a car mechanic except worse because there’s a living being involved. Not only did they pull a tooth, but they said he tested positive for lime disease which we treated him for over a year ago. Again – how on earth would we know if this is actually true?].

So out of the 3 exotic overnight dates, it looked clear (except for what we already know in the public news) that Rachel was THE ONE. She’s smart, fun, can challenge Nick in playful and upbeat way. Their relationship just seemed so easy to me. Their chemistry was palpable. I was most impressed by their body language during “the morning after.” Nick couldn’t seem to get enough of her. He even stayed to make her breakfast. If a man has seen all the goods and is staying to make breakfast, that’s a pretty good indication. Plus it’s during those “non-camera” hours that the real convos happen, right?

There was a split second that I thought ABC was fooling all of us. And that Rachel DID make it til the end and then rejected Nick to become the next Bachelorette? Or that maybe they just wanted a decoy and so had us thinking she was the Bachelorette when really she ends up with Nick? Who knows. In any event, I don’t dare try to understand what’s in Nick’s head. He’s a tough read. He seems to desire these very alpha, dominant female types (e.g., Andi, Vanessa?). Even Kaitlyn in her own way was outspoken and opinionated. I saw Rachel as a nice balance of confident, strong minded and assertive without being overly aggressive. Whatever. Nick’s loss, right? One last thing about Raven’s date – It looked like a scene from out of Frozen. From the reindeer (where was Sven?) to the sled adventure (just like Anna and Kristoff) to the snowy adventures they took on. I have to admit that I MAY have thought that reindeer were actually mystical creatures like Rudolph and Santa. The Husband corrected me that they do in fact exist. So now we have to take my daughter to Finland and tell her we’re going on a Frozen ride with Sven.

We saw the very tail end of Raven’s date. Where she basically does the “I had an orgasm” walk of shame. But instead of shame, she’s feeling giddy and happy to be alive. She never tells us it happened, but we know. Her big grin says it all. Too much even. Nick’s body language seems to be a bit reserved, almost dodgy during their morning after – perhaps a bit ashamed of what went on for the cameras. The Husband keeps referring to Raven as another member of the Adams family with her dark hair, pale skin and often dark lips. I can see it. You know when Raven got that rose tonight, she’s thinking, “AMAZING, I get to have at least one more orgasm if I play my cards right!”

So then there was Vanessa’s date. Just like hometowns, their conversations were tough and uneasy. I felt stressed out just listening to them discuss all their differences – She’s traditional and wants Sunday lunches with her family. She called this one of her Core Values and WILL NOT COMPROMISE on it. He’s not even sure that he wants to move to Canada. Um, how’s this going to work again? While she’s saying that she’s falling in love and that Nick’s her dream guy, we’re wondering whether her family being up Vanessa’s grill is too much for Nick. He says multiple times that maybe they’re too similar (too dominant, too impulsive). This is why I thought Rachel was a nice balance for his personality. And if the rumors of Nick going on Dancing with the Stars after this show are true – how on earth would his relationship with a Canadian teacher actually survive that?

That ice plunge thing looked absolutely horrendous, btw. Almost as horrendous as Vanessa trying to convince herself she’s in love with a person who has pointed out as politely as possible that they have very little chance of making it work in the real world (neither wants to move countries, Nick’s not traditional and is worried about her dominating family, both are impulsive which will bring a lot of conflict into their relationship, etc.)

So let’s get to what everyone is actually interested in. Did Nick sleep with all the ladies remaining? I think he must have. Nothing else could have explained his tears and fears of saying goodbye to Rachel. I wonder if she was blind sided. I wonder what they talked about when the cameras left. Could he point to one thing or another for not ending up with her? Normally they at least try to give that whole, “It’s not you, my heart just wants someone else more,” like it’s not Nick’s fault, it’s his heart’s fault. But he just gave Rachel and Corinne the same sorta – I’ve got lots of love for you and don’t regret anything.

I miss Corinne.

I don’t really like Women Tell All, but have a few comments:

  • The women really vamped it up tonight for their return moment. Blonde Danielle basically forgot to finish getting dressed. I don’t quite understand how her dress had such a huge gap down the front middle and no boobs popped out. She’s also blonder than blonde. Almost white hair with a white dress.
  • I’m terrified of Josephine’s lipstick and gothic look
  • Who on earth is Elizabeth the blonde marketing manager who is bejeweled and suddenly has a LOT to say?
  • What was Taylor doing with her tongue facial expressions while receiving negative feedback?
  • Jade’s maid of dishonor, Liz, is blonder and her teeth are a lot whiter than when she was on the show. She’s on a rant for female go-power and she’s put herself back together from just being Nick’s one night stand. Good for Liz. I think she’s trying to build a Bachelorette march after this show.
  • After viewing Taylor try to explain herself, I’m liking Corinne more and more – including her naps, her side quips, her nanny – all of it.
  • The Husband is squirming watching Taylor trying to redeem herself and her career. Corinne ain’t budging. Don’t mess with her. She did warn everyone.
  • Is Corinne’s hair all hers? Or did she add corkscrew extensions?
  • I love the “Emotional Intelligence is my Jam” shirts and the “I want a Raquel” signs in the audience
  • Corinne’s logic is that she’s doing everything to get Nick’s attention and whatever else she did doesn’t matter. The ends justify the means.
  • Napping is actually a point of controversy on this show
  • Corinne, without having to apologize at all, got Taylor to apologize for something. Brilliant.
  • Kristina is beautiful and I kind of love her. I wonder if there was ever a consideration of her being the next Bachelorette.
  • Lots of women still visibly upset from how Nick ended things without explanation (Kristina, other Danielle, etc.)

Rachel being a Bachelorette who knows exactly what she wants will be wonderful – so long as he’s amongst the group of Bachelors vying for her attention. I still want JoJo to be the eternal Bachelorette, but I guess we’ve got to move on. Wishing Rachel lots of luck in her journey.

Wishing me a night of minimal coughing and to wake up not feeling like I’m choking, but rather, fully ready to take on a work day.

Official countdown has begun for Ellie’s birthday which is this Friday. Which means it’s almost the THREE year anniversary since Juan Pablo’s Bachelor finale. Follow me on Instagram for the latest pics: http://www.instagram.com/OfficeStace (@OfficeStace)

See you for next week’s finale, which happens to be my 7th wedding anniversary with The Husband. Can you believe?!

 

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The Bachelor Fantasizes in Finland With Final 3

Husband's cake tonight

Husband’s cake tonight

Thank goodness this show was only an hour tonight. Normally I’d cheer for 5 hours of a Bachelor marathon, but tomorrow is The Husband’s 40th birthday and we’ve got festivities going on, Bachelor fans! How many times in your life do you turn 40? Or your husband turns 40? In this lifetime, it’s happening ONCE and we happen to be 25 days apart. So we had a very casual pizza and cake situation here tonight and I’m wiped out. The Husband is a crazy Star Wars fan for life, so it was only appropriate to have a cake. Tomorrow night is a hockey game at MSG after a full day of work, so I best get on with this crazy show.

When I told The Husband that Bach was only an hour tonight, he blurted out, “Best news of my life.” Uh, I think we’re all ready to fast forward on this season?

So Corinne’s reaction to getting dumped by Nick reminded me of Ellie’s meltdown at 8:30 PM tonight after a no nap day, and her almost 3 year old body was running solely on Star Wars birthday cake and a packet of green beans she wolfed down.  She was delirious and scream crying. Poor Corinne can only apologize to Nick for doing something. Oh, Corinne. You are a miracle for making it this far. She was the tiny elephant in the room of the final 4 girls. It was quite simple – Corinne is still a child and the other women are adults. While Corinne is a lot of fun, I don’t think Nick pictured a life with her, her nanny and her dad. This was probably the clearest decision we’ve seen. Ellie’s nanny told me there are rumors that Corinne his hooking up with evil Chad. Remember Steroids Chad? Oy.

So we only get to see Raven’s date and I was happy to see a cold weathered fantasy week. Finland looks absolutely magnificent. I told The Husband he can take me to a remote candlelit cabin any time. Our apartment building lost heat yesterday and I think we’re kind of cold, but it’s nothing like what Finland cold looks like. Those taverns look very cozy.

Itchy Neck meets Never Orgasmed

Itchy Neck meets Never Orgasmed

Raven’s got that sweet Southern thing going for her and she’s so soft spoken and innocent. I really didn’t want to hear about her lack of orgasms – couldn’t she have told Nick that in private? Why does the world (and her family?) need to know this level of detail? Nick’s turtleneck sweater looked unbearably itchy and like it would swallow his face. At one point he rolled down the neck and something fell out of the collar (or maybe his bushy beard?). Anyhow, there was a LOT of wool going on this episode.

Raven’s little love declaration was dragged out BEYOND a tolerable pace, but I guess it was kind of cute.

Oh wait, let’s rewind – what the HELL was Andi doing there? She wanted to know what Nick was thinking about his remaining women? WHY?? Was she paid to come back? Who needs her? How did she manage to be annoying in just a few minutes? Why does she care what Nick is up to or is thinking? She needs to go. And why does she need whiskey to ask him how his Bach season is going? She takes herself way too seriously.

Ok, so Raven accepts the fantasy card and off they go to snuggle in her Raven hair. Will she have an orgasm? Does the world now need to get an answer about this? Does Nick love her back? I’m not sure how I feel about them. Perhaps she’s the best match of the remaining 3? They just seem to have such a natural affection and respect for one another. But I wonder if Raven will bore Nick down the road. He seems to want to be continuously challenged and have an “edge” in his ladies. I think after a few months, Raven’s sweet talk might not be enough? I don’t know. What do I know? I’m too tired to think at this point.

Til next time. We’ve got some celebrating to do over here. Happy Birthday, Husband. Thank you for being born 40 years ago (and to his mother for giving birth!) and for being my Bachelor loving companion. Love you.

Xoxo,

Stacey B

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Bachelor Nick Gets Grilled at Hometown Dates

Getting hot in Hoxie with Raven

Getting hot in Hoxie with Raven

It’s been a VERY long Monday, Bachelor Fans. Was this an actual federal holiday? It certainly didn’t feel like it at 7 AM when we woke up and declared it Day 1 of potty training for our almost 3 year old daughter. This was our second attempt at potty training since several months ago. We’ve got a stubborn little girl who screams bloody murder at the mere suggestion that she use the potty. Like we’re insulting her by proposing it as an option. She was going consistently for months before her bath about a year ago and then as soon as we tried switching her to the “big” potty, that was it. Never again. Today, there was a lot of screaming, tears, accidents and threats. And then my mother FaceTimed us and told us not to bother. That maybe she wasn’t ready. That there was no sense in torturing her. That was at 5 PM after literal hours of hell. I looked at Ellie who looked absolutely miserable from being forced to sit on a potty all day and had literally hid under our dining room table from The Husband and me to avoid going and wondered what the heck I was doing to her.

I immediately ceased the potty training, the screaming, the declarations that she had to go potty “or else,” and gave it a rest. We put on our shoes and went outside to walk to our local drug store to buy children’s bubble bath that Ellie picked out. Then we hit up Starbucks and the grocery store to pick out Dino-shaped chicken nuggets. I apologized to Ellie for screaming at her all day. I explained that I had been frustrated but that I was wrong to push her. I told her that when she was ready to use that potty, I would be there to help her. That she didn’t have to go just because everyone else was going. That it was ok to do it at her own pace. I’m already feeling a lot better and so is Ellie as she had the best bubble bath of all time. She decorated my face with bubble beards and our entire bathroom wall was covered in suds, but it was the happiest point of our weekend. Ok, back to Bachelor…

I can’t believe we’ve still got multiple weeks left of Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor. Perhaps it’s because we’ve seen Nick on three previous season of this show or maybe it’s just the lack of any serious drama this season, but this has felt like a verrrry long season already. That said, the 4 remaining women could not be more different.

It’s really annoying watching Hometowns with the knowledge that one of these women is no longer in the running. I still HATE that ABC disrespected its fans to the point of releasing premature information about the next Bachelorette. Any interactions between this woman and Nick now seem like a waste of our time. Even wondering what went wrong between them seems pointless. And what’s so annoying is that their connection seems so effortless. Actually out of all the hometown dates I’d say they had arguably the best one.

So Hoxie, Mississippi seems a lot more fun with a friend like Raven around. Going muddin’ and climbing up grain containers might seem uninteresting but Raven somehow makes them charming, particularly when her brother plays a prank on their grain time. Her physical chemistry with Nick is probably the most palpable of the remaining 4. You could feel the love between Raven and her parents, particularly when he revealed his heart-warming cancer-free news. Even Nick teared up witnessing all of this. They had a picture perfect hometown date and I’m not sure why Raven regrets not telling Nick that she loves him – because she did tell him that. Remember when she let it slip a few episodes back? She was referencing her time with Nick in his hometown and how “that was the moment I fell in love with you.” So it’s not like he’s oblivious to her feelings. Still think Raven’s trip to Nick’s hometown puts in her in a much different state than the rest of the remaining women – he’s actually seen how well she got along with his family and little sister, Bella.

Rachel’s hometown date was both eye-opening and engaging on a number of different levels. Her family kept grilling him about whether he had ever dated another Black woman. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about Rachel – has she ever dated non-Black men?  They almost never discuss religion, politics or race on the show, but two of the three were discussed on this date. I’m not sure how Nick felt about being taken to a Black church – it looked like a very warm and welcoming community. Is this something that Nick sees as being part of his life? Would he feel comfortable joining an all-Black church if they end up settling down in Dallas? Have they had those conversations about where they would live? Rachel sounds like she has a legal career down in Dallas. For her to move elsewhere could require her to take the state bar of wherever she settles down.

Side note: Rachel’s younger sister, Heather, looked like she could have been a twin sister. I really liked Rachel’s smart mother (asking about red flags) and her older sister. Interesting that her older sister had married a Caucasian man – it sounds like they’ve had to face some real societal criticism of their interracial relationship. If Nick hasn’t been in an interracial relationship that was serious before, it might be hard for him to anticipate what kind of effect that might have on his relationship with Rachel.

I thought there was a repeated concern for at least half of these families regarding – what are Nick’s long term intentions professionally? It didn’t seem like anyone had had these discussions with Nick yet. Kind of scary as they are on hometowns. Not surprising for Corinne who hadn’t yet had a one-on-one date with Nick at this point. But seriously, what will Nick be doing after the show is over? Besides promoting Hello Fresh, sunglasses, teeth whitening and tea blends on his social media like every other Bachelor cast member? Because I think about what his life with Corinne would be like and have to cringe.

On the one hand, Corinne lives in a crazy fantasy world. She’s completely out of touch with reality. Can’t seem to have any sort of a deep conversation and yet, seems to still be living the lifestyle of a wealthy high school student. Comparing her “typical day” with Vanessa’s day is borderline laughable. And yet, is it bad to go shopping all day and spend $3000 on an outfit before drinking expensive whiskey with your father-in-law at your luxury Miami condo? It can’t be all that bad. Corinne wants to be his Sugar Momma and wouldn’t mind being the breadwinner. Nick could have a very easy going kind of life. He could even hire Raquel to help out with their future kids. I loved Nick’s comment about him being more of a bargain shopper.

I’ve got to hand it to Nick in being able to blend in to each of these very different ladies’ families and remain invested enough to ask each of their parents for permission to marry their respective daughters should they get to that point.

Then there was Vanessa’s hometown. Holy intense. It’s not just that Vanessa is a prolific, assertive, animated, sensitive human being of epic proportions. She’s on a different level than Nick altogether. It just seems like a Martian trying to date an Earthling. They’re in two different countries with two entirely different lifestyles. I think Nick is used to the big family thing with Vanessa’s mother’s side. But I don’t think he was used to the tough scrutiny her father put him under. I laughed out loud when the father asked whether he had asked the other women’s families the same question. Nick squirmed through that one! But ultimately, he seemed to get the ok from her dad. Though at that point it wasn’t clear if he wanted it. It was clear that him and Vanessa had not even talked about where they would end up if things worked out between them. I’d think this would be a pretty important talk to have considering they live in different countries and do entirely different things.

Vanessa just seems very Type A and assertive as everyone in her family was. I left their date feeling like she is an emotional cannon ball. So now she knows that he’s asking permission of all the other families too and her boyfriend has 3 other serious girlfriends. That is just not going to fly with someone like Vanessa. It could destroy her altogether.

So next week we’ve got to see what Obnoxious Annoying Andi has to say to try and prolong her 15 minutes of fame. Who needs her? The ratings, is my guess? Might as well have Kaitlyn show up too just to keep it interesting.

Ok, it’s late and we’ve got a long shorter week ahead of us. Will leave you with some side comments:

  • Corinne had alcohol at almost every point of her date with Nick from the champagne during shopping to the red wine she drank in bed with her dad while having a heart to heart. It’s really hard to figure out if she’s drunk or really serious about coming on this show to find love;
  • Loved watching Nick tear up when he saw Vanessa’s students’ reaction to seeing her. They really love her – she is like a hometown celebrity. She kind of had the feel of when the American Idol contestants go back to their hometowns and get treated like celebs.
  • I am sure there is some kind of rule about a federal judge not wanting to be on The Bachelor which is why we didn’t get to meet Rachel’s dad. Too bad because that would have been an AWESOME convo of him SCHOOLING Nick.
  • I wonder why Rachel didn’t show Nick anything about her job? No visits to her law firm?
  • Does Corinne live at home with her parents AND work with them? Talk about red flags. At least the Scotch will always be good.
  • Nick will use any excuse to take his shirt off. His Hoxie mud wrestling with Raven looked fun.

Anyone have a favorite at this point? I just can’t see him lasting with anyone other than maybe Raven…

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