Bachelor in Paradise Ends in Confusion, Lies & An Engagement

Love Triangle on The Ellen Show

Love Triangle on The Ellen Show

Thank goodness Bachelor in Paradise over. It needed to end, right? I mean it sounds like there was a total of 5 days of filming that went on AFTER the big break in production, so it’s astonishing that any relationships were even viable.

But even after we waited for what seemed like an eternity for this season to wrap up, we STILL don’t have all the answers. For example:

  1. What ever happened with Wells and blonde Danielle? As far as I can tell, she’s back from whatever international journey she went on. Did she rekindle a flame with Wells? Just admit that they were friends? Why did Wells show up in a beaten up t-shirt / sweatshirt and sit in the larger audience? What didn’t anyone ask either of them a single question?
  2. Why no mention other than an advertisement for Arie the Race car driver as Bachelor? If you’ve been living under a rock, Arie was announced this week OFFICIALLY as the next Bachelor and Bachelor Nation is going nuts. A handful are excited, some are shocked and others find him “disgusting” as Jef Holm (Jeff with one “f” who was the technical “winner” on Emily Maynard’s season). Shouldn’t the producers be baiting us to love Arie by interviewing him and finding out why the heck they selected him as next Bachelor over Peter or Wells or Ben Higgins (Round 2) or ANYONE else that was still relevant?
  3. The Christen thing was kind of confusing because she made it seem with Jack Stone like she had absolutely no romantic relationship with him to begin with. I mean, yes, they weren’t together for too long, but she definitely seemed into him. And they kissed more than a handful of times, so I don’t think he was that out of left field in wanting to date her after the show. She acted like he was her brother and he was asking her to do this. She did seem somewhat into him. At least more into him than any of the other guys throwing themselves at her (e.g., The guy that hated Wa-Boom and the Tickle Doc). I heard Christen being interviewed on the Ben and Ashley podcast where she confessed that she never had any romantic interest in any of the guys in Paradise. Oh well. Too bad because now she’s known as the scallop Virgin instead of just the Virgin who ended up with Jack Stone the Serial Killer.
  4. I also don’t quite get what happened with Amanda and Robby. Did I ever think Amanda was fully into Robby? Not entirely. But in the same way that I didn’t see Raven falling for Adam (does she REALLY think she’s in love with Adam??). But ok, back to Amanda / Robby. I wasn’t sure if Amanda was just not into Robby or if she was worried about making another big mistake like her last season on Paradise. Perhaps a little of both? But she finally opened up to him and he seemed head over heels. It didn’t seem that surprising that she broke up with him in Paradise, but I don’t understand what happened after paradise. She pursued him, they dated but he didn’t understand what it meant to be in a relationship? I was definitely getting the EVIL Spencer Pratt vibe from him on the after the finale segment. And why couldn’t we see the picture of Robby NOT hooking up with another girl but being “near her?” Come on, ABC, where was that photo! Let us judge.
  5. Diggy and Dominque = who cares but then I loved how nose ring Jaimi was like – yeah, not interested, Diggy. BUH BYE.
  6. Raven and Adam. I mean, I just don’t feel her interest in him. Also, she really looked like Elvira during many segments of the show. I also find her being a bit more full of herself? I don’t know what it is. She’s getting lots more attention for being in love than for breaking up, that’s for sure. It must be good for her clothing boutique. Didn’t seem like they were nearly ready for an engagement. But maybe that makes them a potential long lasting couple?? Ehh, I can’t see her being long term interested with the amount of male attention she’s likely been receiving. Notice how she said, “Every girl needs an Adam?” That’s kind of like saying, “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you.” Also, I’m pretty sure he’s Jewish and she’s definitely not and I wonder if that’s going to be ok? Southern belle from a small conservative town + Jewish guy usually do not end up together. You can read more about their post-show thoughts here – they plan to be moving to Texas together: https://www.glamour.com/story/why-adam-and-raven-didnt-get-engaged-on-the-bachelor-in-paradise-finale
  7. I don’t even want to waste a sentence on Corinne and DeMario because been there done that and WHO CARES anymore? Was kind of funny to watch Corinne’s face as Taylor got proposed to.
  8. As for Taylor and Derek – EEEEEEk, I can’t watch them together without feeling a little nauseous and icky about it. I mean, does he really want a lifetime commitment to that?? Constant evaluation of every word you say, so much inner thinking, too much talking, too much analysis, heightened sensitivity on crack. UGH, he’s in for a life of absolute misery, no matter what his goofy smile says when he looks at Taylor. I think Taylor is 23? Has she had a boyfriend before or any actual real relationship? I just can’t imagine having to navigate any sort of conflict with her in a positive manner. She seems like someone who goes wild by letting her hair be wavy versus curly. I don’t know. I guess she’s just not my cup of tea. Wish them all the best, though.
  9. Canadian Daniel and Lacey – the result is not unexpected – I mean Daniel having a serious relationship with anyone but himself just never seemed to be a reality. He’s so awkward / vampire-ish physically and he just spouts craziness. But then you see them together and their oddities kind of mesh and I was thinking they kind of have that awkward thing that just might work. But nope, Daniel is exactly what we always knew he was. I just loved that Lacey got to call him out on his bullsh!t.

And then there’s my favorite topic of all time – the Dean / Kristina / D Lo thing. Still confused. Still on Team Kristina.

So Dean is greeted by Boos. And we’re all waiting to hear what the heck happened since he finally realized that D Lo was just a lustful distraction and Kristina is the one that he loves. We see him cry tears. We almost feel sympathy – but then we remember that he’s a douche bag. An immature idiot. A loser. A guy that sleeps with someone and tells her to have patience and then goes after someone else. But we can maybe forgive him if he’s come to his senses and is ready to do the right thing and fess all to Kristina.

We think they should be happily ever after at this finale, BUT then learn that Dean hit up D Lo AFTER Paradise while he was still “talking” to Kristina. STILL a douche bag. Still an IDIOT.

But this time, Kristina warns him not to play both sides and to tell two stories. She’s onto him. She wishes him well with future relationships because THE NEXT TIME THAT HE FLIP FLOPS…IT WON’T BE ON HER. Yeah, you sing it!

So Kristina starts off her proclamations by calling out D Lo for not speaking to her about Dean. D Lo and Dean blame Dean. Kristina is a smart cookie. She knows if she plays her cards right and Arie’s season is a flop, she would be in a great position to be the next Bachelorette. She’s no fool. Our first Russian Bachelorette. But we know she’s still got a thing for Dean.

I didn’t see the Ellen show today, but all 3 of them were on it (Dean, D Lo and Kristina). It was filmed after tonight’s finale. Sounds like Dean and Kristina (KrisDeana), may be “talking” again. UGH. Until he decides to call D Lo. You almost wish he’d just get with D Lo for a few weeks, get her out of his system, so he could make a clean attempt with Kristina. Also, why would D Lo even consider being back with Dean when he’s blatantly told her that he loves Kristina? That doesn’t seem quite right either.

Ok, my head hurts from thinking about all of these questions. Did you have any unanswered questions? Oh, and why no update / explanation for why Nick and Vanessa broke up? Shouldn’t we be entitled to some dirt from them? Is Amanda officially done with Paradise?

I’d love to ponder this season some more, but my 3 year is starting nursery school tomorrow, and it’s gonna be a big day for all of us.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy fall. Check here for more Bach updates and aftermaths of this season before Bachelor 2018!

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

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Double the Pleasure in Bachelor in Paradise!

Haley & Emily or vice versa?

Haley & Emily or vice versa?

Finally, a comic relief episode. And THANK YOU, ABC for only making us sit through an hour of the nonsense tonight after fuming at Dean for 2 hours yesterday. The Husband is psyched because he’s on his second fantasy football draft in 48 hours. He’s only half listening to me cackle at the twins’ declaration that they’re going on a date with each other and taking along “two douche bags.”

I thought the most interesting part of tonight’s episode was hearing about Jaimi’s bisexual, but non-categorical attraction to people versus a particular gender. Diggy was digging it and not just because he’s gay (nothing wrong with that at all – just wish he’s admit it already) but because he was into her nose ring, kinky blonde hair and guessing her ethnicity. Kind of a strange first date quiz – “What ethnicity am I?”  He says Puerto Rican and Dominican and asks if he’s close?? And she’s like – uh, no, I’m Black and Italian. What does this teach us exactly? And then even if you do care about Diggy and Jaimi, too bad – because they kiss and then they show us…wait for it…NOTHING. NO idea how the end of their date went down or how Diggy is feeling about Jaimi versus Dominique.

We’re not supposed to be care because the rest of the episode if focused on the twins. And who can share the spotlight with those twins? Love them or hate them, they’re always entertaining. It would be impossible at this point for anyone else to come in and stand a chance at breaking up these couples. The fact that Dean was actually considering going out with Twin Emily is just insane and speaks once again to his wishy washy immaturity. It was a strong tactic for Emily to go speak to D-Lo to clear it with her before – I mean, what is she supposed to say? But it doesn’t work – Dean is still stung from the departure of Kristen and his choice to go for D-Lo. Too bad – I was so hoping the Dean / D-Lo thing would be over before it ever started.

They were completely rude and immature to bash Ticklemonster and Jack Stone the way they did, but at least they’re saying what the viewers are thinking at this point – it IS creepy to walk around with little plastic hands tickling people and Tickle and Jack ARE kind of the “scraps” left. I’m surprised they didn’t even think to go after Canadian Daniel as he would certainly have been game, but I think they were all on the previous season of BIP together. And you’d also think they’d try to force Wells to go with them. Ahhh, too bad.

I can’t watch another minute of Derek and Taylor making ga-ga eyes at each other.

It just feels dirty to watch Dean and D-Lo interact and kiss. Like you’re watching your best friend’s boyfriend hook up with another chick. Gross. Today on Dean’s Instagram, he posted a pic of him and Kristina in happier times with his arm around her and him kissing forehead. The caption is “You were out of my league.” There are over 168K lies on this photo and nearly 16K comments, most of which are telling him what a schmuck he is and how amazing the Russian is. Kristina for next Bach??

Not much else to say here except the following:

  • I’m bummed that we didn’t get to hear Amanda explain to her twin best friends why and how she fell for Robby. World’s Biggest Bachelor Mysteries.
  • Who were the twins throwing scallops at?
  • Are they really that uneducated / ditsy re: Mexico and other basic facts or do they play this up for the camera?
  • If it really is fantasy suite time, how is Dean going to decide whether to basically do the dirty with D-Lo when Kristina literally left the day before?? It’s 24 hours later and he’s got to make that call?
  • I love how the twins think they look totally different.
  • THANK GOODNESS it’s the finale next week. I was starting to think this show would just go on indefinitely.

Off to bed. Taking advantage of the extra hour and using it to close my eyes. Hooray for that!

Xoxo,

Stacey B (@OfficeStace)

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Bachelor in Paradise: How D. Lo Can Dean Go?

Don't let his hair or blue eyes fool you. Dean's disappointing behavior is every aloof guy a girl has ever dated.

Don’t let his hair or blue eyes fool you. Dean’s disappointing behavior is every aloof guy a girl has ever dated.

Oh, Dean. You’ve really done it now. Kristina FINALLY put you in your place and you FINALLY told her you want to pursue D Lo over her. But the way you guys got here was ugly. And we all had to witness first hand how you sleep with someone who you’re in a relationship with and then make out with someone else a few hours later in front of your first girl. Just because you’re in Paradise, doesn’t mean you can be an a-hole, Dean. I think you know this, but either don’t know what the right thing to do is or are just too immature to understand why you’re hurting anyone. You are every aloof guy that every girl has ever date. You say enough to keep Kristina around, but your actions go against your words. When she questions you, you agree with her enough so that she feels she should stick around, but not enough for what she deserves.

I know Raven was trying to help with her little “truth” speech, but what I don’t understand is what exactly was Kristina and D Lo’s relationship prior to this season. They were both on Nick’s season – were they friendly? Did D Lo know that Kristina and Dean were actively sleeping together (even after she took Dean out on a date?). Kristina is right to be annoyed by that, but I agree with Raven that Dean is ultimately to blame for what’s unfolded between them. That said, Raven’s delivery and sensitivity is way off. Maybe she’s on high on her authoritative spokesperson personae she’s taken on this season, but she came off as a little condescending and insensitive at best. Clearly, Kristina is hurting and there are ways to get the message across without summarizing their relationship as “He’s just not that into you.” Because I don’t even think that’s true. Dean IS into Kristina – but he’s just not ready for that type of a relationship at this point. Maybe if Paradise were longer and this was the real world and Dean had a chance to date D Lo for a hot minute – he’d see that Kristina is EXACTLY the kind of person he wants to be with. But that’s not in the cards nor should Kristina have to wait in the wings while Dean figures out that he’s an immature ass who is following the wrong body part.

I also don’t agree that Dean’s been pushing Kristina away. Yes, he’s been got a little hot and cold but he’s done everything in his power to keep her in the batter’s box. He’s the guy that every girl wants and can’t have – he’s either too immature for a real relationship (isn’t he 25 or 26 and just finding stardom through this show?), has a lot more oat-sowing to do or actually does realize how awesome Kristina is, so wants to keep her around while he’s feeling up, I mean out, D Lo. It’s no wonder Kristina’s confused. He’s done the following:

  • Told her to be patient
  • Spends time with her, flirting with her, making out with her, etc.
  • Told her that she’s special, the most incredible woman he’s ever met and other things that indicate she’s a unique snowflake to him
  • He’s sleeping with Christina AFTER these interactions with D Lo, including Dean’s date with D Lo.
  • Let us also not forget that they’ve had about 10 days in the real world when production shut down to get to know each other. Dean went home with Kristina and they were actually forming a relationship outside cameras and Bachelor expectations. D Lo and Dean have literally known each other for about 72 hours at this point.

He’s also done the following:

  • Made out with D Lo in front of her
  • Given D Lo a “half birthday watermelon cake” in front of everyone, including Kristina, who he was just canoodling with
  • Told Christina that he’s confused because he’s attracted to D Lo

I feel like these last three things, cancel out the first 3. RUN, Kristina. RUN.

People may punish Kristina for not giving away her rose to Fred or the Waboom hater, but there’s probably only 48 hours left in Paradise, so she’s not thinking clearly. People may blame her for not leaving earlier, but I’m glad she got to give one last speech. You can tell someone 100 times that the person she is with is not for them. But she ultimately needs to come to that realization herself – in a kind, supportive way, like Wells did for her. For Dean to just go on about how he hates himself and to apologize – means absolutely nothing. Because back he goes to pursue D Lo. I’m glad Christina didn’t go out on a vengeful date with the Waboom hater.

Not really interested in anyone else’s shomance this season:

  • I have a hard time believing that Raven is remotely interested in Adam.
  • Derek and Taylor are just 2 fools in love, 7th grade style. I can’t take Taylor’s smugness that she’s the authority on relationships because of her Derek time. Also, she gives horrible relationship advice.
  • I love that Scallops Christen was being made fun of yet she’s got 3 guys after her. Also, happy that Wells let her in on the secret so it can stop seeming like a bullying situation. Loved that the Waboom hater brought her scallops – thought that might have gotten him a rose. Watching Ticklemonster be intimate with anyone is so very awkward. Jack Stone is hard to take seriously and I’m glad that he made out with every girl there (strange since Raven is faking an interest in Adam and D Lo is pursuing Dean) and was confirmed a great kisser. Does Christen know this before she gave him her rose?
  • Also have no idea how Robby convinced Amanda to play romance buds on this season. And he so creepily reminds me of Spencer Pratt from The Hills, that I can’t think of him normally now.
  • I was hopeful for Fred’s return and had no idea what Dominque was thinking by choosing Diggy over him. Guess their relationship has just had like 20 more hours to bake.
  • Daniel the Canadian and Lacey the Sarah Jessica Parker stunt double are an interesting match. Daniel could double as a vampire on True Blood or a Cullen in the Twilight series. He’s difficult to take seriously and his one liners are more creepy than funny this season.

Things I’m looking forward to:

  • Watching Dean crash and burn with D Lo. Because that relationship can’t go anywhere, right?
  • Seeing which couples force themselves to think they’re in love enough for an engagement
  • Going to sleep. It was a fun and long Labor Day weekend at my sister’s house. The Husband and I, my father and sister ran in a 5K (3.1 miles) race this morning and I’m sure I’ll have trouble walking tomorrow. We’ve been sleeping in one big room with Ellie who hasn’t had a real nap since Thursday, so we’re all beyond exhausted. I hope you all enjoyed the weekend and didn’t think about Dean being an IDIOT.
  • ABC announcing that Dean is NOT the next Bachelor because even though he’s got amazing eyes and thinks women swoon at the sight of him, he’s an actual moron and was completely immature to treat Christina the way he did.
  • Tomorrow night’s episode (obviously).

Til then,

Stacey B

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Bachelor in Paradise: Corinne Confessions, Dean’s Double Timing & Lacey’s Going Canadian Bacon

Really wishing Danielle was around to talk some sense into the Russian. Don't take that nonsense, Kristina!

Really wishing Danielle was around to talk some sense into the Russian. Don’t take that nonsense, Kristina!

I’m going to sum up the circus like this:

  • Lacey literally jumps Canadian Daniel’s bones the second he makes his arrivals and makes it crystal clear that she’s been waiting for HIM and only him. He correctly assesses Lacey as one of “the leftovers” along with Jasmine and Christen. What I love about Daniel is he says what everyone else is thinking to the people he’s thinking it about. He has no inner monologue. It’s all just out there, for better or worse. He basically says to Lacey’s face – I’m borderline interested in you, but I’m going to talk to other people. Even when he gets the date card and she makes clear that she wants to go, he’s like – “Yeah, we already know each other, so might not be a need to go on date to learn more.” Ouch. But Lacey hangs in there against all rational thinking and somehow lands that date card. She speaks Daniel, after all.  I’m still not clear on what happened when Jasmine came to interrupt their kiss – did she end up making out with him? Did he resume the kissing? Who knows. Who cares?
  • As for Jasmine, I was sooooo happy that she’d be going home and we wouldn’t have to hear to one more word of her insane, belittling, enraging remarks. But damnit, Matt comes back (as predicted by Husband) to give her his rose. She casually accepted it and is clearly having an internal meltdown because the 3 days she knew Matt, he’s not ready to fall in love back and propose. The fact that the show took any time at all to interview her in the studio with Chris Harrison and have her confront Matt, is such a reflection on the season itself? Who cares about Jasmine and Matt’s relationship? Seriously – do any of you care? I don’t. I’m moving on. Chris Harrison basically reiterated Jasmine’s insane and that Matt should stay far away.
  • Everyone is still being mean to Christen and the scallop fingers thing isn’t funny. Like at all. I’m glad that it looks like someone tells her what’s going on next week.
  • Dean. Dumb Dean. Cruel Dean. What is his problem? Yes, at this point Kristina should either leave or separate herself completely from Dean and try to find someone else. Yes, it’s impossible. Yes, she’ll never find someone with the same intensity that she liked Dean, but he’s wronged her multiple times and she deserves so much better. The fact that she has to sit around after getting Dean’s rose and then watch as he pursues Danielle, is just horrible. Especially since they’ve been continuing their intimate time. It’s disgusting. Dean has to have a sense of the pain he’s inflicting on Kristina. She’s holding on to hope and he’s giving it to her. She should move on and he should be ashamed of himself. And you actually hear Dean tell Danielle that he thinks he could fall in love with her? WTF, Dean? Then why did you give Kristina your rose? He’s a man child. I can’t deal with him. Kristina better find a much hotter, more mature guy who worships her.
  • Christen is now a desired jewel. I don’t find Tickle Monster or Adam remotely attractive (or Matt for that matter), but somehow Tickle manages to seduce Christen. Though it sounds like Jack Stone is able to win her back post date? Or is he? Why is he kissing everyone else next week?
  • Does Raven actually have feelings for Adam or is she just happy to be saved? I’m glad Sarah is gone – couldn’t take much more of her.
  • Ben Z – why is he just unable to make a romantic connection with any of these girls? Is it really because he’s all dog talk? Didn’t Danielle say to him when she accepted his rose that she wouldn’t have accepted a rose from anyone else? Or maybe I misheard her. But it doesn’t matter because she’s not into Ben Z.

Ok, so then we get to the Corinne Chronicles. In she comes with her innocent white spaghetti strap dress and her hair pulled back in a half pony so she can look like she’s 16 and couldn’t harm a fly. The only redeeming thing going on here is that Corinne admits that she has nothing against DeMario. Of course she prefaces that statement with the statement that she was basically blacked out for their entire encounter – so is that really a vindication for DeMario? I sure hope so. I’m guessing her legal team subpoenaed the video tapes and perhaps were given the footage to show that she really was consenting to whatever went on with DeMario. And her only justification for doing those sorts of intimate acts with someone she had only known an hour is to claim she was blacked out. I mean – what medication was she on? Is there a medication that when mixed with alcohol allows you to act completely like yourself but then takes away your memory? I’ve never heard of such a thing, but maybe I should take it when I go to work. Too soon? Too harsh? I don’t know if I believe Corinne.

Ultimately, it was a third party producer who alleged the misconduct – so it wasn’t Corinne saying that something bad went down. She was caught up in it – but by claiming to be a victim, that puts the shame on DeMario. I didn’t really see her recognize it. Because yes she went through this situation – but for her, it was as a white female promiscuous label and for DeMario – it’s Black aggressor – something completely unfair and NOT equivalent. For DeMario, it means, loss of employment and future job opportunities, reputational damage and the pain that being affiliated with a sexual misconduct does to a person. I think Corinne comes out of this just fine as Corinne always does. In any event, hoping this topic has been put to bed and everyone can move forward.

Other things I’m pondering:

  • Wells never answered the question on what happened with Danielle when she came back from her volunteer work. Did they rekindle? Was that kiss just Wells giving Danielle some romance for the cameras (that’s kind of what his statement implied – that it was just so she wouldn’t leave without something – but that he wasn’t necessarily interested in her). Hmmmm….
  • Is Wells our next Bachelor?
  • I tried calling the Ben Higgins / Ashley I podcast telephone number today to ask some very important questions, but the number wasn’t work. I’ll try again tomorrow. In particular, I’m curious whether Ben Higgins only dates model types and if Ashley I has tried to talk any sense into her bestie, Dean, who she seems to hang out with constantly and is also sometimes dropping in on her podcast.
  • Does Lacey look a little bit like Carrie Bradshaw, minus the funny personality and confidence?
  • We’ve seen zilch from Dominique and Diggy. I can see Diggy and Daniel getting together romantically.
  • Is Christen’s virginity up for grabs? Didn’t realize so many guys are down to date a virgin.
  • Was anyone else happy that Taylor was basically speechless for the full two hours? Miracles do exist.
  • Did anyone else realize that what Jasmine did tonight by stealing Daniel away from Lacey mid-kiss is arguable worse than what Christen did with Matt? Matt actively sought out Christen to let her know his interest in going on a date. Daniel is not out looking for Jasmine.
  • Does Tickle travel with baby plastic hands at all times to seduce women with? Definitely odd – you’d think he could lead with, “I’m a doctor” and the ladies would swoon. The tickle thing is just gross.
  • Still scratching my head about Amanda and Robby.

Til next week, Bach fans.

Xoxo,

Stacey B (@OfficeStace)

 

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Bachelor in Paradise – Buds, Bullies and Boredom

Love triangle #1

Love triangle #1

Has it really come to board (bored) games in Paradise? Man this season is turning out to be a big disappointment. When the biggest dramas du jour are that Taylor has “trigger” words that set her off into an even more annoying, high maintenance over-talker than she already is, that there’s literally nothing to do but harass the new Virgin girl by calling her scallop fingers and Amanda’s grown SO completely bored that she’s actually tricked herself into believing she’s remotely interested in Robby, you know it’s a sleeper season (and not THAT kind of sleeping).

There was an insane amount of two-timing on this episode. Let’s recap in case you might care:

  1. Adam the Mehhh choice. I have no idea how this guy suddenly became such a prized possession but suddenly Raven (arguably the “coolest” girl in Paradise) has to fight for him over the in your face Sarah who basically throws her lips and boobs on a platter in Adams face and says things like, “I am real” and “I’m safe” and “I like you” and “You can have sex with me right now if you wanted.” Ok, maybe not that last line, but I think her facial expressions do in fact say that. The crazier part is that Adam is kissing both of them and interested in both of them. I have no idea how he finds the Sarah vibe attractive but to each his own.
  2. Matt. Another guy who is caught in a love triangle because there’s literally no other guys that anyone finds appealing. In the real world would 2 women be in tears over Matt? I’m finding this very hard to process (or care too much about). I can’t take 2 more seconds of hearing anything that comes out of Jasmine’s mouth. Did she whine about Matt for 8 hours straight because that’s what it sounded like. Then you have Christen. She’s perfectly sweet and innocent enough, but she’s certainly no match for the feisty, ready to fight for her rights Jasmine. Christen may be the earlier crier in Paradise – or maybe that’s still Ashley I? But whatever, Jasmine already makes her feel threatened enough to cry but that doesn’t prevent Christen and Matt from hitting it off. And even though Matt appears to be crushing on Christen, he still allows Jasmine to pull her insane, territorial marking gestures on him upon his return from their date. Agree with Wells that he could have at least given out his rose before leaving, but he was such a spineless idiot in not being able to end things with Jasmine – who needs him? Buh bye. Too bad he couldn’t have taken Jasmine with him.  Really rude of him not to even tell Christen he’s leaving the show. Just “ghosted” as the kids are saying these days. Seems very immature even if he ultimately wanted nothing to do with either of these girls.
  3. Dean. ARGHHH. At this point, I kind of put some of the blame on Kristina. If he’s not CHOOSING you, he’s just not that into you. Didn’t she read the book? I’m pretty sure there’s a chapter in there entitled, “If he’s not ditching D Lo (Danielle) for you and delivering her half birthday cakes and telling you that he’s basically still into her, he’s NOT INTO YOU, even if he tells you that you’re the most interesting girl in the world, which is kind of what he said.” If he found you THAT interesting, he’d be spending his time with you because he found you THE MOST interesting and nobody else would be interesting at all. DITCH HIM, Kristina! But there goes Dean with his white teeth and blue eyes and floppy hair just kissing both of them back and forth like a ping pong match. Annoying.
  4. At least Diggy couldn’t even pretend to be remotely interested in Lacey
  5. Robby has a one track mind
  6. Jack Stone is enjoying how the leftover girls are now pining for him. Will he seduce Jasmine by touching her legs? Will he deflower Christen before we make it to a third rose ceremony? Will anyone care?
  7. Why does nobody love Ben Z except his dog?

Ok, so here is what annoyed me the most on tonight’s episode: Why was everyone so mean to Virgin Christen? I mean, the scallop story by itself was ridiculous and even if it was true, so what? People have quirky food tastes. Christen did not deserve the sort of ganging up / making fun of her that occurred behind her back. I thought Amanda and Sarah seemed like a pair of Mean Girls for just laughing in Christen’s face. At least bring her in on what everyone is making fun of her for. I didn’t like how Wells made fun of her either and I like Wells. It seemed mean spirited and cruel. Not sure if they were all just drunk when discussing “scallop fingers” or not, but there was way too much energy devoted to bringing down Kristen and that on top of Jasmine’s horrible jealousy and ferocious plans to bring physical harm to Christen just seemed pretty degrading to her. Talk about evidence of misconduct – there was more awful things done to Christen in this episode mentally and threatened physically by Jasmine than anything that ever occurred between DeMario and Corinne.

Other things that annoyed me:

  • Why does Robby feel like deserves a Noble Peace Prize for cracking glow sticks and throwing them into a hot tub? How does he know for sure it’s safe to do that and that the glow sticks aren’t chemically hazardous to go swimming with? Are those glow sticks water proof?
  • When your date wants to kiss you and takes you to a romantic hot tub spot with glow sticks, and your proposal in return is to go place a board game with the group, isn’t that the definition of UNINTERESTED?
  • Do we have another Evan and Carly sitch here? (That’s The Husband’s thought)
  • My mother in law and I both agreed over the weekend that Wells should be our next Bachelor. BUT I think we’d agree that he was pretty mean spirited tonight in his impersonation of Christen. Yes she’s got new boobs. Yes she likes shell fish. It would be one thing if they made fun of her to her face and she was in on the joke and could kid around about these situations. But it didn’t feel like that and I hope they apologize.
  • Does Derek (Jim from the Office) really want a relationship with Taylor after witnessing her insane reaction to what was likely a sarcastic “f–k you?” I mean ok, nobody wants to hear that from their partner, BUT it set her off on a nuclear level rampage about why she’s above it all and extremely emotionally more intelligent than Derek and every other human on earth. I wish we could have heard what Dominique was thinking while listening to Taylor vent. How about, “Get over it.” or “Get your shit together, Derek’s the best shot you have at a normal boyfriend.”

Very excited the Canadian Daniel has arrived. I have no idea when this season ends but it looks like the twins are coming so not sure if we have 1 or 2 more weeks but the fact that we have only had 1 rose ceremony now TEN hours of Bachelor in Paradise is beyond insane and annoying. Not as annoying as Dean at this point, but annoying.

Also, I can’t stop thinking about last night’s Game of Thrones season finale. I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen it yet, but will say it was AMAZING and far better than this season’s BIP nonsense.

Til tomorrow, Bach fans.  Stay safe, Texas.

Xoxo,

Stacey B (www.instagram.com/OfficeStace.com)

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Double Agent Dean Disappoints in Bachelor in Paradise

Don't, Dean!

Don’t, Dean!

Deeeeean. Come on. I had such high hopes for you. You’re like every middle school / high school crush I’ve ever had. We start off strong. Life is exciting and fun and new with you. You are into me. Then you grow distant for absolutely no reason at all. And I think that by playing it cool, wearing my hair differently or saying something funny, you’ll snap back to the way you were and all will be right in the world. We’ll have a little chat after you’ve ignored me all day. You want to “take things slow” and allow me my space but you’ll still put your arm around me and flirt with me. I take this as a sign that you’re still interested. But you’re not. Not in the way that I need you. Instead, you’re biding your time, keeping me in the wings until Danielle (D. Lo) shows up and asks you out. You’ll feel guilt free because a) you already warned me that you wanted to take things slow and b) you had a “pre-date chat” with me to make sure that I’m ok, but really how am I supposed to be ok? What did you want me to say? That I WANT you to go out with Danielle and all her exotica? Of course I don’t.

But wait, you’re back from your D Lo date and you actually tell me that you missed me. And things are back ON. Even though you slip in to our conversation that you and D. Lo kissed. So you’re off the hook again because now you’re just CONFESSING that you cheated on me so it’s not cheating? So that makes it ok?

UGH, Dean.

But hey, let’s sit around a bonfire together and be all cuddly and happy while D Lo sits 2 feet away from us and wonders if I’ll go to the bathroom so she can swoop in and take over Dean. But it’s worse than that. Dean steps away and when he comes back, he’s got a birthday cake made out of watermelon for D Lo’s half birthday?? WTF, Dean??? What is wrong with you? If you’re going to do something like that (which makes absolutely no sense – it’s not her actual birthday. It’s her HALF birthday) do it with meaning. It was such a random gesture – something thoughtful and quirky and sweet for a girl he went out on a great first date if there was no other girl in the picture, but there IS and he was sitting with her 30 seconds earlier. I’m so confused. Is anyone else confused?

So we sped through FOUR full hours of Bachelor in Paradise last night on the DVR. My eyes were bloodshot by the end. The Husband was pounding coffees and looking for poison for himself.

It all seems like one blur, except I’m just so annoyed with Dean.

Other things that confused me:

  • I thought Jasmine’s dude rejected her last week. Isn’t that the same guy that opted to go to sleep than hang out with her and also mentioned he wasn’t interested in her? But this week they seem like all is well and they’re on their way to becoming a couple? Until they aren’t?
  • Adam seems to be the suave dude this season, which is nice but that new Sarah girl – she’s like the cling on of social media. Sarah is one of those people who nobody remembers from Nick’s season of Bachelor. But then she befriended anyone she could from the Bach franchise and poses with them on social media, which raises her social media profile. Maybe she’s being coached by Robby, who knows. I love how they were all trying throw Ben Z on her and she’s like – if he’s so great, why don’t YOU all date him? Great point. The Ben Z dog talk is out of control.
  • Wells and the other Danielle – they were soooo cute together and I love that he planted one on her right before she left. I so wanted Danielle to reconsider her trip or just take Wells with. They were adorable. Wells for next Bachelor with Danielle coming on to compete? And why can’t Wells date anyone on the show? Looks like he’s eligible.
  • Amanda and Robby. At what point was it decided that Robby was going to hit on Amanda? They seem perfectly suited for each other between his hair and her hair extensions. They could share hair products. Robby looks absolutely smashed when he tries to kiss Amanda, or maybe that’s just the tropical heat, but she doesn’t seem that into him. Also, how is Robby friends with Amanda’s ex fiance (assuming that’s Josh Murray from Andi’s season)? Robby was on JoJo’s season, so when did he meet up with Josh Murray?

Things that annoyed me:

  • Lacey. Just in general. She makes it seem like her only chance of happiness in this lifetime is turning one of these guys into her husband. Then she blames Taylor (who is annoying, but still) for sabotaging her relationship with Diggy. As if Diggy can be programmed to stay focused on Lacey. It was kind of low for Diggy to go from hand holding Lacey post-date to diving right in to Dominique. Diggy is so effeminate, that it’s hard to take him seriously. The compliments he gives Dominique about her dress, her hair, her nose ring – like what guy notices these things? You’d think he’s just be into her body or something. I don’t know.
  • Taylor. Also in general. Acting like her solid relationship footing with Derek suddenly gives her authority and power and knowledge. Calm down, Taylor.
  • Raven’s hero complex. I mean, look, she’s a cute girl with a growing social media platform and I understand this is her 15 minutes. And yes, it’s the high road to come to DeMario’s rescue, but everything she said on the show last night with Chris Harrison, we’ve already heard on last week’s elementary school style lecture. Maybe it’s her quiet, sweet Southern girl thing but Raven’s a smart girl and it can’t hurt that her clothing store is probably doing very well the more she shows herself on TV. Also, I hate the word “slut-shaming.”
  • Why have we only had ONE rose ceremony in 8 hours of Bachelor in Paradise?

Things that I loved:

  • Alexis the dolphin girl. She just seems like such a fun girl who I’d love to hang out with. First off, I LOVED her immediate repulsion to Dean’s shenanigans that upset Christina. I see Alexis as the ultimate loyal friend who can’t stand for any bull. If you cross her friend, you’ve crossed her. Love that about her. Second, she was hilarious in the pool with Jasmine. I have no idea what they were talking about but it made me laugh.
  • Adam fighting off large insects that attach themselves to him. That was just awesome.
  • How Jorge would not leave Lacey and Diggy alone on their date.
  • Carly & Evan. I mean, Carly is so giddy and happy that she’s literally glowing and Evan can barely look at her without crying. They’re very cute and I loved their Cavalier King Charles Spaniel matching shirts (that’s our dog Wally’s breed). Also cracked me up how during the sonogram, we’re watching Baby Bass do flip flops in Carly’s stomach but we don’t know the sex, so we’re all just staring at a screen of what looks like an alien. Chris Harrison eventually cuts this off.
  • Emmy the Janner baby

    Emmy the Janner baby

    Jade & Tanner had their baby girl! She was 4 weeks early, but my goodness – have you ever seen such a beautiful newborn in your whole life? Her name is Emerson Avery Tolbert (Emmy for short).

  • Jamie & Doug Otis

    Jamie & Doug Otis

    In other Bachelor family news, do you remember Jamie Otis – the goofy, but pretty, but kinda out there personality labor & delivery nurse who went on to be on the first season of Married At First Sight? Well, that show has experts matching you up and then you meet and get married on the same day. She was not attracted to her husband, Doug Hehner, when they initially met, but then fell head over heels for him. They stayed married and she delivered their daughter, Henley Grace, yesterday!

  • Thank goodness Alex is gone. I felt bad for Vinny, but he got about 7 seconds of air time this season, so his chances weren’t great. LOVED that blonde Danielle saved Ben Z.
  • Seems like DeMario has been through a lot over this BIP scandal but that things are improving since the show aired and clearly evidenced that there was no “misconduct” going on with him and Corinne. I hope he can move past it quickly and that Corinne’s interview next week clears up any doubt as to the situation. Though I think we’re all ready to view more Paradise, and less DeMario / Corinne scandal. It seems like a very odd dynamic this season with such a big break in production. The cast all seem chummy instead of romantically interested in each other.

So that’s all for now. Are you enjoying this season? Are you caught up? Are you as frustrated with Dean’s wishy-washy actions as I am? Step it up, Dean!

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