Eat, Bach, Love: Arie The Bachelor Gets Closer to The One in the Tuscan Sun

And it’s not the Nanny!!! He’s come to his senses, Folks. I mean, while I’m watching them makeout after Bekah’s cry session over Tia’s harsh but true reality smackdown to Arie (i.e., Dude, she’s 22, open your f-ing eyes) and all I’m thinking is: it’s like he’s making out with the babysitter. Then I realize – she IS a babysitter! Oh g-d, get rid of her! Now, I’m all for following our hearts and Bekah is young and fun and wild and their connection is probably the strongest of any I’ve seen (aside from the epiphany Lauren B love attack, but more on that later). And yes, they’re in Italy, which means we are supposed to forget that he’s 36 and she’s 22 and that he wants to settle down and have babies and her MOTHER DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE IS and is sending out missing girl police reports about this chick. I mean, what if he DID go home to meet her family? Would they be like, “Thank the Lord, Bekah is alive and FOUND?” Would Arie get arrested for kidnapping? Can you kidnap a 22 year old or is that done after age 18? I’m so confused.

Regardless, if the sexiest truffles in Tuscany and the strongest wines drunk by sunset at Napolean’s sister’s home can’t make Arie forget about the concerns in his head, it sure ain’t going to happen back in Scottsdale, Arizona. I’m a little all over the place, so let’s start with Arie’s first date with Becca.

Becca’s 1 on 1:

Sweet, girl next door, Minnesota born and bred (piccolo bread?) Becca. I can only scream “FRIEND ZONE” in my head every time I watch Becca nervously chat with Arie. She seems to repeat herself and state the obvious wherever they go together. She’s attractive, down to earth and seems to be in the stage of her life that is compatible with Arie. Also, it seems like she’d move to Arizona in a heartbeat. I’m not sure what it is, but I don’t get this overwhelming sense of chemistry between them. Their kissing seems forced. Their body language is of her being much more into him than vice versa. Am I wrong? Am I missing something? I just feel bad for her because she seems prime material to get her heart broken. Also, their sunset picnic of bread, meats and cheeses looked picture perfect, but can there actually be chemistry when cheese breath is obviously present?

Lauren B Gives Arie an Epiphany:

And now let’s please spend some time breaking down the incredibly confusing / hail Mary pass Lauren B one on one date. WTF was that? I mean, we know Arie is head over heels attracted to Lauren B. It’s hard not to be – hell, I’m very attracted to her. She’s a walking Barbie doll. But beyond that – she’s timid, has said practically nothing to him but “Wow” and “I’m really scared” and “It’s harder for me.” For some reason, these are the keys to Arie’s heart. He hears these things and why they mean absolutely nothing to me and certainly would leave me wanting more – more personality, more insight into who she is, more insight into ANYTHING going on in her head – to Arie, it’s like speaking to his soul phrases.

So we’re led to believe that Arie is going to seek out some mystical truth from Lauren B. What makes her tick? How does she actually feel about him and hometown dates being next week? How has she not been pursued by every guy that has ever crossed her path? Does she really need to come on a reality TV show to meet her perfect guy? I have a hard time believing she doesn’t get asked out constantly. Is she really that closed off to not be dating people left and right or is she just not over the ex-fiance. Is Lauren B’s ex fiance that one that comes looking for from the previews? Or is that a Tia ex? Also, was anyone else SHOCKED that he gave a rose to Kendall first, before Tia and Bekah?? Sorry, I’m getting distracted.

Lauren B is like the dream that Arie never thought existed after Emily Maynard. Turns out she DOES exist, she’s just 11 years younger. Also, does anyone care that she’s 11 years younger than Arie? Nope. Nobody. Ok. Hasn’t even been brought up once. So 13 years (Bekah) bad. 11 years ok. Great.

Their date was very similar to their Paris date. Strolling around, Arie trying to pull teeth to make her talk. Him not being able to get the slightest read on what she’s thinking. We’re all wondering when these walls are going to get broken down. I love how Arie’s actually saying that he’d send her home if things don’t get sorted out. Yeah right, he’s so into Lauren B. We all know that’s not happening and he’s just talking tough for the cameras. Also, the forced soccer game with the Italian boys was eerily similar to Ben Higgins’ date with his Lauren B of playing basketball at his hometown gym with school kids.

But then it’s dinner time and it’s do or die time. Lauren finally starts saying something interesting. Yes, she’s scared, but somehow, she’s managed to start falling for Arie. How can we tell? We absolutely can’t. She’s so guarded and almost scared even saying the words. But she does recognize that her emotions don’t connect with what she’s actually saying (or at least that’s what I think she was trying to say?). Finally – some verbal confirmation that she’s into him. Arie should be thrilled, doing back flips or something and what does he do? He WALKS AWAY. Seriously, what the heck? Who does that? Did her words shock him like a game of Operation? Did they zing directly to his heart? Did they hit a metal plate in his brain zoned for deep romantic love and attraction? Whatever happened, it affected him greatly to the point where I was sure Lauren was DONE. I mean, when the person you’re most into out of a group of 25 tells you that she’s falling in love with you – you usually don’t completely abandon them. Particularly when they’ve just spend time admitting how scared they are and how they don’t admit things like this easily. Poor Lauren B even starts tearing up, convinced that she’s about to be hurt yet again.

But then Arie comes back and does the opposite of what we think he’s going to do. He takes out the rose and does NOT apologize (jerk). He basically just tells her that he’s falling in love with her and that he’s vulnerable and that it’s pretty much game over. UMMMM, did we just see the actual finale of the show right here? It sure felt that way. These intense feelings seemed to have bubbled over out of nowhere and all of a sudden, it’s very clear who Arie wants. Right?? How psyched is Arie when he throws Lauren B against a Tuscan wall to make out with her. Or was that Becca? Or Tia? I can’t even remember at this point. Either way, Arie’s heart is happy.

Seinne’s in Truffle:

Seinne’s date was actually my favorite. How awesome to go on a truffle hunt with two adorable dogs, a truffle hunter and then get invited for an authentic Italian meal to top it off? Where did they find these people? Seinne has so many wonderful qualities about her but she did seem to be leading with her mind instead of heart for most of this journey. I also didn’t see the chemistry that Seinne was convinced could have been there had they had more time. Seinne’s high on the list for next Bachelorette and we can be sure this isn’t the end of her Bach career. PS I’ve been virtually carb free for a month now and watching them make pasta from scratch, truffle the crap out of it and then stuff it in their faces was REALLY tough. I’d gain 60 pounds in Italy and probably be happy about it. Eat, Bach, Love.

Group Date from Hell:

Finally, the last and most awkward group date. Tia’s been on edge all week. You can see her kind of scowl at every comment being made back in their lovely Tuscany hotel room as the date cards roll in. You can see her silently fuming at every ridiculous Bekah the Nanny comment. Tia’s eyebrows do a lot of talking for her. She had this worried expression up until the very second that Arie finally gave her the rose and sent Bekah home. She literally melted and became human again. I’m happy because I love Tia. Now should she have thrown Bekah under the bus to Arie? Is it ever right to talk about another girl to the Bachelor? No. Did it backfire on her? No, but she’s lucky. Also she did it in a very sincere way and she didn’t say anything Arie didn’t already know. Plus Tia let Bekah know what she’d done.

Kendall seems like a great free spirited type, but way too intense and quirky for Arie.

I see this coming down to Lauren B and Tia, but that’s just based on this week’s episode and who knows what hometowns will bring.

As for Bekah, I hope she’s safely at home, snuggling under the blankets and getting home cooked meals from her mama. They’ll always have Paris and Moulin Rouge which in and of itself was always just a fantasy. Maybe Bekah can babysit for Arie’s kids in the next couple years.

Intelligently Confused:

As for Jacqueline – this one left me utterly confused as well. She just seemed way too in her head and I think she blew a great opportunity to see where things went. Do I think she would have been the last one standing? No. But I think she cut herself short and will regret not seeing it through. BTW, there’s nothing like a break up that ends with lots of hard core kissing.

On that note, I gotta run and throw The Husband up against a wall around here.

Don’t forget to tune in to Bachelor Winter Games tomorrow night!! Although if it conflicts with figure skating or Chloe Kim’s battle for the gold, I might have a problem.

Let’s hear your thoughts on tonight’s show, please!

Also, I forgot to mention last week how Arie opened up to Lauren B about his Ex leaving him after finding out she miscarried with his baby and how horrible that must have been for him. She’s the only one he’s been able to open up like that with and I think it speaks volumes into how he feels about her. He wants to break down her walls by sharing intimate secrets. He’s a race car driver, let’s not forget – and she’s an adrenaline race course for him to get around. Ok, I’ll stop analyzing and go to bed now.


Stacey B




  1. I totally disagree with your take on Becca. She seems to be the only one that is genuine, their conversation is easy and unforced, and I feel their cconnection and passion. I also think these two are heavily edited to not give them away. (Oh how I hate the way he licks his lips before going in for a kiss. Yuk.) Personally, I’m not attracted to Arie AT ALL. But I digress…

    Very easy to see the emotionally immature giirls (Jacqueline). The ones that look at it like a competition or just TV exposure…they also are pretty transparent.

    Lauren… she’s gorgeous, but dang. Who IS she?

    Noit sure why I’m watching this season. I don’t dislike Arie, I just don’t care…

  2. Hi Stacey! Coming out of Lurkville to tell you how much I love your blog. You are hilarious.

    The problem with this season is Arie. He might be a nice guy, but God, he is boring. And not very smart. And if he has any sense of humor, they have edited it out. OF COURSE he loves Lauren B. Their personalities (or “personalities”) are a perfect match. I’m actually not surprised she’s single. Even my husband, who loves the blondes, said he could never be with someone that bland. (I almost threw him against the wall after that!) And as someone said on Twitter, if any one of those girls dated Arie in real life, they would have ghosted him after the first date. So I do think he and Lauren belong together. The question is what will they talk about for the next 50 years? “Wow” and “I love that” only go so far.

    Tia should have minded her own business, but she and Friendzone Becca are too good for him anyway. Kendall is WAY too interesting for him. And I actually think Jacqueline was the smartest one of the bunch. She KNOWS she’s not into him. The only reason she was torn was because she liked the kissing, and she probably didn’t want to leave the traveling and fun behind. With six years of school ahead of her, she shouldn’t have gone on the show anyway.

    So there’s my wrap-up. I am so bored by this season that I got through about 30 levels of Candy Crush so far, but I’ll keep watching. If only for Girls Tell All, which should really be a double episode.

    Keep blogging and thanks for the laughs!

  3. Hey Stace,
    Even though Arie is a snooze I am enjoying this season! I just don’t get the connection with Becca, but maybe the producers are doing some major editing, like someone commented above. Kendall is way too interesting and quirky for him – I really like her and want to be her friend! Tia definitely should have stayed focused on herself. We all know it never ends well for the woman who uses her time to talk about other women. My husband and I thought that Arie was disappointed when Lauren shared her feelings for him, because he wanted to send her home. We were both shocked when he said he was falling in love with her. Isn’t that a no-no?? They’re both so dull. Yawn!

  4. I also never saw the Becca connection, but kept reading about how great it was, so I’m glad to find out I’m not the only one! Also, liked your “Eat. Bach. Love” reference.

  5. I really thought that when Arie left Lauren at the table that he was having a significant gas attack – possibly IBS?

  6. Eat Bach Love! HA! Love that! Brilliantly funny :)

    For me – the hardest part of watching this season is watching Arie kiss. It is a big gross out for me. He licks his lips and then does his signature move with his hand on the woman’s neck/cheek. UGH! I seriously have to close my eyes every time.

    I love the Nanny and Kendall. They are my favs. Sad to see the Nanny go. Kendall is quirky and I think she is looking for a true relationship and is spunky and confident enough to think to herself: Why not go on the Bachelor? It will be fun, interesting, I get to travel, go on awesome dates, analyze the bizarreness of women competing for one man, and even possibly fall in love!

    It’s a win win for Kendall!

    But I agree with everyone – Lauren B and Arie make the perfect dull and pretty couple. I think she will be the one he proposes to in the end :)

    Thanks for your hilarious blog!

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