Double Agent Dean Disappoints in Bachelor in Paradise

Don't, Dean!

Don’t, Dean!

Deeeeean. Come on. I had such high hopes for you. You’re like every middle school / high school crush I’ve ever had. We start off strong. Life is exciting and fun and new with you. You are into me. Then you grow distant for absolutely no reason at all. And I think that by playing it cool, wearing my hair differently or saying something funny, you’ll snap back to the way you were and all will be right in the world. We’ll have a little chat after you’ve ignored me all day. You want to “take things slow” and allow me my space but you’ll still put your arm around me and flirt with me. I take this as a sign that you’re still interested. But you’re not. Not in the way that I need you. Instead, you’re biding your time, keeping me in the wings until Danielle (D. Lo) shows up and asks you out. You’ll feel guilt free because a) you already warned me that you wanted to take things slow and b) you had a “pre-date chat” with me to make sure that I’m ok, but really how am I supposed to be ok? What did you want me to say? That I WANT you to go out with Danielle and all her exotica? Of course I don’t.

But wait, you’re back from your D Lo date and you actually tell me that you missed me. And things are back ON. Even though you slip in to our conversation that you and D. Lo kissed. So you’re off the hook again because now you’re just CONFESSING that you cheated on me so it’s not cheating? So that makes it ok?

UGH, Dean.

But hey, let’s sit around a bonfire together and be all cuddly and happy while D Lo sits 2 feet away from us and wonders if I’ll go to the bathroom so she can swoop in and take over Dean. But it’s worse than that. Dean steps away and when he comes back, he’s got a birthday cake made out of watermelon for D Lo’s half birthday?? WTF, Dean??? What is wrong with you? If you’re going to do something like that (which makes absolutely no sense – it’s not her actual birthday. It’s her HALF birthday) do it with meaning. It was such a random gesture – something thoughtful and quirky and sweet for a girl he went out on a great first date if there was no other girl in the picture, but there IS and he was sitting with her 30 seconds earlier. I’m so confused. Is anyone else confused?

So we sped through FOUR full hours of Bachelor in Paradise last night on the DVR. My eyes were bloodshot by the end. The Husband was pounding coffees and looking for poison for himself.

It all seems like one blur, except I’m just so annoyed with Dean.

Other things that confused me:

  • I thought Jasmine’s dude rejected her last week. Isn’t that the same guy that opted to go to sleep than hang out with her and also mentioned he wasn’t interested in her? But this week they seem like all is well and they’re on their way to becoming a couple? Until they aren’t?
  • Adam seems to be the suave dude this season, which is nice but that new Sarah girl – she’s like the cling on of social media. Sarah is one of those people who nobody remembers from Nick’s season of Bachelor. But then she befriended anyone she could from the Bach franchise and poses with them on social media, which raises her social media profile. Maybe she’s being coached by Robby, who knows. I love how they were all trying throw Ben Z on her and she’s like – if he’s so great, why don’t YOU all date him? Great point. The Ben Z dog talk is out of control.
  • Wells and the other Danielle – they were soooo cute together and I love that he planted one on her right before she left. I so wanted Danielle to reconsider her trip or just take Wells with. They were adorable. Wells for next Bachelor with Danielle coming on to compete? And why can’t Wells date anyone on the show? Looks like he’s eligible.
  • Amanda and Robby. At what point was it decided that Robby was going to hit on Amanda? They seem perfectly suited for each other between his hair and her hair extensions. They could share hair products. Robby looks absolutely smashed when he tries to kiss Amanda, or maybe that’s just the tropical heat, but she doesn’t seem that into him. Also, how is Robby friends with Amanda’s ex fiance (assuming that’s Josh Murray from Andi’s season)? Robby was on JoJo’s season, so when did he meet up with Josh Murray?

Things that annoyed me:

  • Lacey. Just in general. She makes it seem like her only chance of happiness in this lifetime is turning one of these guys into her husband. Then she blames Taylor (who is annoying, but still) for sabotaging her relationship with Diggy. As if Diggy can be programmed to stay focused on Lacey. It was kind of low for Diggy to go from hand holding Lacey post-date to diving right in to Dominique. Diggy is so effeminate, that it’s hard to take him seriously. The compliments he gives Dominique about her dress, her hair, her nose ring – like what guy notices these things? You’d think he’s just be into her body or something. I don’t know.
  • Taylor. Also in general. Acting like her solid relationship footing with Derek suddenly gives her authority and power and knowledge. Calm down, Taylor.
  • Raven’s hero complex. I mean, look, she’s a cute girl with a growing social media platform and I understand this is her 15 minutes. And yes, it’s the high road to come to DeMario’s rescue, but everything she said on the show last night with Chris Harrison, we’ve already heard on last week’s elementary school style lecture. Maybe it’s her quiet, sweet Southern girl thing but Raven’s a smart girl and it can’t hurt that her clothing store is probably doing very well the more she shows herself on TV. Also, I hate the word “slut-shaming.”
  • Why have we only had ONE rose ceremony in 8 hours of Bachelor in Paradise?

Things that I loved:

  • Alexis the dolphin girl. She just seems like such a fun girl who I’d love to hang out with. First off, I LOVED her immediate repulsion to Dean’s shenanigans that upset Christina. I see Alexis as the ultimate loyal friend who can’t stand for any bull. If you cross her friend, you’ve crossed her. Love that about her. Second, she was hilarious in the pool with Jasmine. I have no idea what they were talking about but it made me laugh.
  • Adam fighting off large insects that attach themselves to him. That was just awesome.
  • How Jorge would not leave Lacey and Diggy alone on their date.
  • Carly & Evan. I mean, Carly is so giddy and happy that she’s literally glowing and Evan can barely look at her without crying. They’re very cute and I loved their Cavalier King Charles Spaniel matching shirts (that’s our dog Wally’s breed). Also cracked me up how during the sonogram, we’re watching Baby Bass do flip flops in Carly’s stomach but we don’t know the sex, so we’re all just staring at a screen of what looks like an alien. Chris Harrison eventually cuts this off.
  • Emmy the Janner baby

    Emmy the Janner baby

    Jade & Tanner had their baby girl! She was 4 weeks early, but my goodness – have you ever seen such a beautiful newborn in your whole life? Her name is Emerson Avery Tolbert (Emmy for short).

  • Jamie & Doug Otis

    Jamie & Doug Otis

    In other Bachelor family news, do you remember Jamie Otis – the goofy, but pretty, but kinda out there personality labor & delivery nurse who went on to be on the first season of Married At First Sight? Well, that show has experts matching you up and then you meet and get married on the same day. She was not attracted to her husband, Doug Hehner, when they initially met, but then fell head over heels for him. They stayed married and she delivered their daughter, Henley Grace, yesterday!

  • Thank goodness Alex is gone. I felt bad for Vinny, but he got about 7 seconds of air time this season, so his chances weren’t great. LOVED that blonde Danielle saved Ben Z.
  • Seems like DeMario has been through a lot over this BIP scandal but that things are improving since the show aired and clearly evidenced that there was no “misconduct” going on with him and Corinne. I hope he can move past it quickly and that Corinne’s interview next week clears up any doubt as to the situation. Though I think we’re all ready to view more Paradise, and less DeMario / Corinne scandal. It seems like a very odd dynamic this season with such a big break in production. The cast all seem chummy instead of romantically interested in each other.

So that’s all for now. Are you enjoying this season? Are you caught up? Are you as frustrated with Dean’s wishy-washy actions as I am? Step it up, Dean!

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Comments

  1. Great summary! Only good thing about Dean being wishy-washy is that it elevates Peter’s chances of becoming the next Bach.

    Girls: Raven seems to be getting a little too full of herself, Kristina and blonde Danielle are the classiest and Alexis and Jasmine are the funniest. I feel bad for Lacey – always second place. I understand why she’s crying so much because what is happening on Paradise is a reflection of all her dating and social experiences… Sarah is a little too flip for my tastes and Amanda doesn’t have a lot to add to the show. D-Lo needs to not laugh so much and it’s still in my head how shocked and offended she was with Nick that she fell out of #1. I think she looked around, summed up herself as being the hottest one there and then decided something was very wrong with him when he decided to let her go. All she had to do is watch the show and hear her stilted conversation with him and she would have understood why.

    Guys: Robbie is more effeminate to me than Diggie, Ben Z is a nice guy but you have to bring more to the table than your dog, buddy…Dean’s eyes and hair and smile are absolutely adorable but it doesn’t make up for his double-playing, double-dipping. Matt, Adam and Jack are nice enough guys but have seen no action for Jack. Sad that Wells is gone. :( Have no idea who the last guy is…

    My opinion? Bachelor in Paradise should keep everyone for the full number of weeks so that the ever-changing dynamics can happen and allow enough time for people to click or to make relationships more authentic without the pressure of getting a rose.

    • Denice – the other thing about not having Dean as next Bachelor – how can producers honestly recruit 25 eligible women who want Dean’s family as their family? Yes he has no relationship with his father, but that’s got to be a thought in their mind. Also, Dean obviously has some emotional damage that he’s dealing with still…I’d say Peter or Wells for next Bachelor.

  2. Stacey, I laugh out loud (or is that suppose to be lod ) with your posts; and I do not know how you keep this whole show straight…spread sheet??…but thank you for helping to clear things up for me. Your insights and comments are spot on, and I do think you are the best part of the show.

    • MILLY – thank you for your continued loyalty to my blog! It’s too bad that my love and devotion and memory of random Bach information can not earn me Powerball jackpot size money. :)

  3. Stacey,
    Do you think that Wells is “bartending” in BiP so they can set him up to be the next Bachelor? It would make sense, since he hasn’t been on in a couple seasons… it would reintroduce him to the viewers. They made him unavailable for dating which would also make sense – can’t have him dating if he’s going to be the next Bachelor. I would be fine with him taking the torch next.

    Dean was a favorite of mine on Rachel’s season. But now… nope! Did you notice he doesn’t do well looking people in the eye? He averts eye contact a lot. That bothers me about him. Poor Christina… she can do better. Way better.

    And… just barely a mention of “a 3rd party filed a complaint” regarding the shut down. So a 3rd party is a Producer or Camera Man or someone on set and yet now, the Franchise is floating right over that part of the Demario/Corinne equation. I wanted to hear more from… the 3rd party. Obviously that didn’t happen.

    Another great job on your blog Stacey!

    • Lisa – funny about your Wells theory as The Husband and I discussed just that possibility last night. I feel like throwing Nick back into BIP last season was to test his likability and reintroduce fans to him. Yes certainly that he’s everyone’s hero on BIP – he can lend an ear, say funny things but isn’t allowed to explore relationships – they have to be considering him on the short list of Bach options.

  4. I, too, wonder how you keep up with all this!! :) I didn’t see the 2nd show this week, so tried watching the recorded version late night and I fell asleep. Tried watching again last night on my iPad on the ABC app, and again, fell asleep. So thanks for the recaps!! Maybe 3rd time is the charm?

    My first impression with this season? Bromance, baby. The guys are in Mexico for a good time, and that’s it. I don’t think ANY of them are “looking for love”, and it doesn’t even appear they’re looking for a hook-up. I think they should send all of the guys home and bring in some new ones that actually would like to meet somebody.

    I love Wells, and have since he was on Bachelorette. I would LOVE for him to be the next Bachelor! He actually seems like a real down to earth guy, unlike the others. I can’t get past Robby’s hair. He just creeps me out for some reason. Taylor is as annoying as a gnat. That Sarah girl …. totally agree with you. I’ve seen her in everybody’s SM posts and wondering who the heck she was. And I still don’t care who she is. Lacy is in dire need of some good therapy. Or an adjustment in her medication. Whichever.

    Baby Janner (Emmy) is beautiful!! And her name couldn’t be more gorgeous. Carly & Evan make me smile. She is so real, and makes no bones about not being attracted to him at first. And he doesn’t care!! He has her now, and that’s all that matters to him. That is true, true love. Love them to pieces. I think at the time of the ultrasound she was too early to determine gender, or else they wanted the big reveal themselves first, which they did this past weekend. (Girl!!!) Evan is beyond excited after having 3 boys!

    • Katbyrd, thanks for the scoop – didn’t hear yet Carly is having a girl! That’s great. Robby reminds me of Spencer from Heidi & Spencer on the hills. I think that’s where the creepy quality arises for me. Kind of like a plastic smile with those shiny teeth and the hair.

  5. Hey Stace,
    I too can’t believe we have only had one rose ceremony. I can’t stand how they drag it out and make us wait until the next week. Also, I felt like the upcoming scenes before each commercial break give so much away! Do they think we’re going to switch the channel?

    Chris Harrison was annoying me so much. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation that’s making me crabby. D Lo says “like” for every other word. Dean definitely reminds me of some high school dude – so immature. Christina needs to cut her losses! I really want to hang out with Alexis- her scenes were my favorite and I wish there were more of them!

    My husband finally gets to watch this show with me (in the past years he’s been working late on an audit) but he is finding it boring so far!

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