Bachelor in Paradise – Buds, Bullies and Boredom

Love triangle #1

Love triangle #1

Has it really come to board (bored) games in Paradise? Man this season is turning out to be a big disappointment. When the biggest dramas du jour are that Taylor has “trigger” words that set her off into an even more annoying, high maintenance over-talker than she already is, that there’s literally nothing to do but harass the new Virgin girl by calling her scallop fingers and Amanda’s grown SO completely bored that she’s actually tricked herself into believing she’s remotely interested in Robby, you know it’s a sleeper season (and not THAT kind of sleeping).

There was an insane amount of two-timing on this episode. Let’s recap in case you might care:

  1. Adam the Mehhh choice. I have no idea how this guy suddenly became such a prized possession but suddenly Raven (arguably the “coolest” girl in Paradise) has to fight for him over the in your face Sarah who basically throws her lips and boobs on a platter in Adams face and says things like, “I am real” and “I’m safe” and “I like you” and “You can have sex with me right now if you wanted.” Ok, maybe not that last line, but I think her facial expressions do in fact say that. The crazier part is that Adam is kissing both of them and interested in both of them. I have no idea how he finds the Sarah vibe attractive but to each his own.
  2. Matt. Another guy who is caught in a love triangle because there’s literally no other guys that anyone finds appealing. In the real world would 2 women be in tears over Matt? I’m finding this very hard to process (or care too much about). I can’t take 2 more seconds of hearing anything that comes out of Jasmine’s mouth. Did she whine about Matt for 8 hours straight because that’s what it sounded like. Then you have Christen. She’s perfectly sweet and innocent enough, but she’s certainly no match for the feisty, ready to fight for her rights Jasmine. Christen may be the earlier crier in Paradise – or maybe that’s still Ashley I? But whatever, Jasmine already makes her feel threatened enough to cry but that doesn’t prevent Christen and Matt from hitting it off. And even though Matt appears to be crushing on Christen, he still allows Jasmine to pull her insane, territorial marking gestures on him upon his return from their date. Agree with Wells that he could have at least given out his rose before leaving, but he was such a spineless idiot in not being able to end things with Jasmine – who needs him? Buh bye. Too bad he couldn’t have taken Jasmine with him.  Really rude of him not to even tell Christen he’s leaving the show. Just “ghosted” as the kids are saying these days. Seems very immature even if he ultimately wanted nothing to do with either of these girls.
  3. Dean. ARGHHH. At this point, I kind of put some of the blame on Kristina. If he’s not CHOOSING you, he’s just not that into you. Didn’t she read the book? I’m pretty sure there’s a chapter in there entitled, “If he’s not ditching D Lo (Danielle) for you and delivering her half birthday cakes and telling you that he’s basically still into her, he’s NOT INTO YOU, even if he tells you that you’re the most interesting girl in the world, which is kind of what he said.” If he found you THAT interesting, he’d be spending his time with you because he found you THE MOST interesting and nobody else would be interesting at all. DITCH HIM, Kristina! But there goes Dean with his white teeth and blue eyes and floppy hair just kissing both of them back and forth like a ping pong match. Annoying.
  4. At least Diggy couldn’t even pretend to be remotely interested in Lacey
  5. Robby has a one track mind
  6. Jack Stone is enjoying how the leftover girls are now pining for him. Will he seduce Jasmine by touching her legs? Will he deflower Christen before we make it to a third rose ceremony? Will anyone care?
  7. Why does nobody love Ben Z except his dog?

Ok, so here is what annoyed me the most on tonight’s episode: Why was everyone so mean to Virgin Christen? I mean, the scallop story by itself was ridiculous and even if it was true, so what? People have quirky food tastes. Christen did not deserve the sort of ganging up / making fun of her that occurred behind her back. I thought Amanda and Sarah seemed like a pair of Mean Girls for just laughing in Christen’s face. At least bring her in on what everyone is making fun of her for. I didn’t like how Wells made fun of her either and I like Wells. It seemed mean spirited and cruel. Not sure if they were all just drunk when discussing “scallop fingers” or not, but there was way too much energy devoted to bringing down Kristen and that on top of Jasmine’s horrible jealousy and ferocious plans to bring physical harm to Christen just seemed pretty degrading to her. Talk about evidence of misconduct – there was more awful things done to Christen in this episode mentally and threatened physically by Jasmine than anything that ever occurred between DeMario and Corinne.

Other things that annoyed me:

  • Why does Robby feel like deserves a Noble Peace Prize for cracking glow sticks and throwing them into a hot tub? How does he know for sure it’s safe to do that and that the glow sticks aren’t chemically hazardous to go swimming with? Are those glow sticks water proof?
  • When your date wants to kiss you and takes you to a romantic hot tub spot with glow sticks, and your proposal in return is to go place a board game with the group, isn’t that the definition of UNINTERESTED?
  • Do we have another Evan and Carly sitch here? (That’s The Husband’s thought)
  • My mother in law and I both agreed over the weekend that Wells should be our next Bachelor. BUT I think we’d agree that he was pretty mean spirited tonight in his impersonation of Christen. Yes she’s got new boobs. Yes she likes shell fish. It would be one thing if they made fun of her to her face and she was in on the joke and could kid around about these situations. But it didn’t feel like that and I hope they apologize.
  • Does Derek (Jim from the Office) really want a relationship with Taylor after witnessing her insane reaction to what was likely a sarcastic “f–k you?” I mean ok, nobody wants to hear that from their partner, BUT it set her off on a nuclear level rampage about why she’s above it all and extremely emotionally more intelligent than Derek and every other human on earth. I wish we could have heard what Dominique was thinking while listening to Taylor vent. How about, “Get over it.” or “Get your shit together, Derek’s the best shot you have at a normal boyfriend.”

Very excited the Canadian Daniel has arrived. I have no idea when this season ends but it looks like the twins are coming so not sure if we have 1 or 2 more weeks but the fact that we have only had 1 rose ceremony now TEN hours of Bachelor in Paradise is beyond insane and annoying. Not as annoying as Dean at this point, but annoying.

Also, I can’t stop thinking about last night’s Game of Thrones season finale. I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen it yet, but will say it was AMAZING and far better than this season’s BIP nonsense.

Til tomorrow, Bach fans.  Stay safe, Texas.

Xoxo,

Stacey B (www.instagram.com/OfficeStace.com)

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Comments

  1. Run Derek, RUN!! Run for your life!! There’s a reason she doesn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband!

    Jasmine. Get a grip girl! He’s just not that into you. (I finally figured out who Matt reminds me of. It’s his voice, very Steven Segall-ish.)

    I pretty much thought Wells and the puppet was the highlight of the night. So that says a lot, right?

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