The Bachelorette’s First Dates: Dad Obstacle Courses, Dog Resorts & Deception

All smiles as Bachelorette

All smiles as Bachelorette

Sultry Robin Givens in Boomerang

Sultry Robin Givens in Boomerang

Let’s keep it 100, Bachelorette fans. Whatever that means. Is DeMario a total dirt bag or just misunderstood? I’m going with dirt bag. Can two gap-toothed hotties find love in Bachelorette land? You betcha. Does Eric the personal trainer just smell a little too much of desperation? And Josiah’s whole “Protector and Mr. Honesty” role he played tonight was a nice recovery from being besties with DeMario about 30 minutes earlier in the same day.

Happy Memorial Day, Friends. There’s so much to discuss and question. Like why did my 3 year old scream her head off for me out of the blue this evening for almost 2 hours? It was to the point where I literally almost took her out of her room to watch Bach with me. Is it normal for a 3 year old to address you by your first name? Then after screaming for you by first mean, she breaks into singing Disney’s Moana followed by “Under the Boardwalk?” I don’t think she had any caffeine before bedtime, but she must have the genetic desire to watch Bachelorette on Mondays. Maybe I won’t fight this next week.

It was a very active weekend of a trip to my sister’s house and hangin’ with our four nephews, watching a lacrosse tournament of my niece who traveled in with her team from Park City, Utah, a classic Main Street Memorial Day parade and an official outdoor swim of the season. We’re exhausted. Well, maybe just some of us. All I want to do is curl up with our dog, Wally, at Bark Fest. How awesome was that place? Also, it’s a good thing that Peter bonded quickly with Copper or it could have been a very awkward date. I wonder what kind of accident Copper got in? What an adorable dog and such a fun date…but let’s rewind to the beginning because there’s a ton to cover:

FIRST, before I forget, does anyone else get an early ’90s Robin Givens vibe from Rachel? I can’t get it out of my head when I see her – like Robin Givens from Boomerang. See them side by side – the resemblance is deep. I think it’s the confidence, the adorable smile and the big, warm brown eyes that can double as being seductive. Does anyone else see this?

Robin Givens or Rachel's sister?

Robin Givens or Rachel’s sister?

All smiles as Bachelorette

All smiles as Bachelorette

We’re finally starting to identify who is who on tonight’s episode. A few of the guys stood out from her first group date. Certainly, Dean – who earned the group rose off of his boyish charm, dazzling blue eyes and sparkling white teeth. He’ll forever be known as the guy with the one liner, “I’m ready to go Black and not go back.” Or something like that. He seemed a bit annoyed with himself for not going in for the kiss during their conversation, but then went for it while walking her out of the group date. I love watching these guys fumble over when do make a move or not. You’ve got to be so bold in the limited time that you have and yet when he jokes with her that she should take him on the next two dates, she calls him “greedy.” I love Rachel. Sharp as a whip.

Will the Sales Manager

Will the Sales Manager

I also like Will, the Floridian Sales Manager. He’s got a killer smiler, seems very sincere and understated. He wasn’t trying to make any flashy statements or moves – he was genuine and keeping it 100 to the 100th degree. (I’m making my own phrases now).

I absolutely loved the surprise appearance by Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, two of my favorites. Especially Mila Kunis as every time the movies Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Bad Moms is on, I have to stop everything and watch the entire thing. Of course they are superfans of the show (and my TV soulmates). Also, my favorite moment of the entire show was Mila getting excited that all of Rachel’s men on the group date had real jobs. But watching Lucas WahBoom win made me want to fast forward that entire section. The idea of the new dad obstacle course was kind of amazing, but who’d have thought that a moron would beat out the others? Also, Rachel’s lack of stimulating conversations with any of these duds, I mean guys, made the outcome extremely disappointing. Dean excluded of course.

Blake’s whining about WahBoom is just annoying. He’s already said his peace to Rachel on the first week of dates, so we know he’s getting the boot momentarily. He’s so angry and he’s living with WahBoom’s ex-girlfriend? Were they together? Why was she evicted? Will we ever know or care? They can leave together and I don’t think anyone would mind. Perhaps form a joint Drumming WahBoom entertainment business.  Kenny the professional wrestler seems the most mature of the crew by nature of him having to raise a daughter who is already 10. Or maybe it’s that he’s seen as the “old guy” of the pack, at a ripe age of 35. I’m not sure Rachel is ready for all of that just yet, but I think it’s appealing to her to find someone who’s got his life in order and is genuinely seeking to find a wife. But like what is his professional wrestling career all about? Would he be performing year round? Would their life revolve around his travel? What’s his retirement plan and at what age do you get out of wrestling? I’d think 35 might be close to the end?

The best part of the evening group date #1 was the vintage bar with old school video games. If I took The Husband there on our first date, he would have proposed on the spot. Actually, combine that with a trip to the Pet Park outing in Palm Springs, and we’d probably have gotten married right there and then.

A couple of the guys seem to be already on the chopping block without much hope: (1) Summer camp kid. Rachel can’t forget that he was a jerk. Once a summer camp jerk, always a summer camp jerk (2) Lee the Singer Songwriter Southern guy who already seems obnoxious. He’s a powder keg and I can’t wait to see him go off. (3) WahBoom. Did you see how unenthused Rachel was that he “won” the obstacle course? She was like – holy cow, do I actually need to spend more time with this clown show? I mean he owns phrases like, “The only leg I have to stand on are my two legs.” They clearly don’t give an intelligence test to be on the show. What the hell was that poem he read her? It didn’t even make sense.

Then we’ve got Fresh of Breath Air Dean. So easy to talk to and chat with. He’s got his hand on her knee like he’s actually going to do something with it (but chickens out). They’re chemistry was sparking almost as much as his white teeth were glistening. Rachel likes his whole mouth because she describes the kiss as “sweet, sensual, passionate and genuine.” You know he had red lipstick caked to his mouth when he walked back to the guys and was LOVING every second of that.

Peter’s one-on-one date looked amazing. The helicopter ride along must have been awesome, but for anyone who remotely likes dogs, I can’t even going to a resort where the dogs have their own pool and activities. It’s impossible to find anything like that in the NYC area. At first, I thought Peter seemed a little stiff and I almost thought that maybe she was a little more into him than he was into her. But by the time she was in that beautiful purple lace dress and were chatting about their future gap toothed kids, I kind of loved him. And I love how the producers used this opportunity to spotlight any of the rude naysayers who dare make fun of Rachel’s beautiful teeth. Rachel declares that she had the option to close the space in between her tooth but declined it because her “dentist said it adds character.” Another check for Rachel. She keeps it more 100 than any person I know. She’s got it bad for Peter.

The second group date was a basketball lover’s dream. Loving that Rachel is not just smart and gorgeous and confident and witty – but she’s an athlete too?! She’s quite the package. Also, meeting Karim Abdul Jabbar isn’t too bad either. I loved his comparisons on finding the right partner from watching their interactions on the court. Rachel definitely doesn’t like the showoffs, though she can’t deny her own attraction to DeMario’s dunking skills. I was surprised his team lost.

So let’s get to Lexie’s confrontation and bring down of DeMario, who was probably the most cocky of the bunch but also someone who caught Rachel’s eye. Does she seem like the most reliable source? Was she a little too eager to throw out the line she was obviously practicing the whole ride to the basketball game (aka “Karma is a bitch”). How did ABC find out about her? Did she just show up at the basketball game for this specific purpose or did they know going into the season that DeMario had a “complicated status” relationship that was baked into the drama of the show? Seems a little early in the season (week 1?) to be digging up past girlfriends? In any event, Rachel is a litigator so we know she was getting to the heart of this issue pretty quickly. You saw her cross examine DeMario and you could just see her trust was broken. He’s done. So yes, I’m most interested in seeing what he has to say and how Rachel sends him on his way AGAIN. I’m also curious to see if the guys come to her aid and go crazy on him.

So Rachel is super PISSED. Her only escape is to a high school gym’s women’s room. But when she regroups, she puts on another purple sparkle stunner of a dress to meet back up with the guys.  Josiah gets to give her a whole “It hurts me to see hurt on your face” song and dance and get a passionate kiss. Diggy loves the opportunity to get preppy and wear a different pair of clear glasses (he is SO not straight). Alex the Russian gets to sing in Russian about dark eyes. Eric gets to look deep into Rachel’s soul and announce that he doesn’t force things (while trying to force things). Jury is out on Eric. There’s something salesman-ish about him that I don’t dig.

 

 

Final best moments of the night in this order:

  • The guys trying to listen to anything Rachel says while she’s got the loudest ice clinking continuously happening and is wearing a seductive black gown with the gold sparkle belt and outlines of her neck and sides.
  • Bryan the chiropractor reminding Rachel that he’s still extremely into her, a “chiropractor physician” and that he can give her free massages.
  • Rachel reminding us that she too didn’t get on any of the first dates for Nick and so Bryan the chiropractor (physician) Latino lover is definitely a front runner.

 

Who are we currently excited about?

  • Bryan the Latino Lover
  • Will the Sales Manager
  • Peter, the gap toothed business owner who Rachel’s got a thing for
  • Fred the Bad Boy Camper she Loves to Scold
  • Kenny the Professional Wrestler – cause he’s the most mature of the group and actually wants to settle down

What did you guys think? I am loving this diverse cast but Rachel stands out above them all. She’s a pleasure to watch. I hope the guys can live up to her expectations.

See you on Instagram, (www.instagram.com/OfficeStace) (@OfficeStace). Til next week, Keep it 100, everyone, ok?

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