The Bachelor: Exotic Overnights, Orgasms and Outrage on Women Tell All

Holy three hours, Bachelor Fans. I remember wondering last week how the heck I was going to convince The Husband to sit through 3 hours of this insanity (thank you, DVR, for cutting this down to about 75 min). Add in a hacking cough, lost voice and a sick toddler. I took my first sick day from work in forever and I could probably use another week to get rid of the cough. Watching Nick try to sort through his last 3 women doesn’t soothe it. I even went to the doctor today who confirmed that I have a virus and no, she wasn’t giving me antibiotics and yes, the entire world is sick with the same thing right now. Most terrible of all is that our dog Wally had to go under anesthesia to have his teeth cleaned and we were anxiously awaiting the phone call that he made it through ok while watching Vanessa try to convince Nick that they are not entirely incompatible. [Wally’s home now and completely out of it which is the real highlight of the evening besides Corinne. P.S. my double root canal cost less than half my dog’s dental work. Also in my next life, I’m going to be a NYC dog dentist. How on earth would anyone know if your dog ACTUALLY needs a tooth pulled? This is just like going to a car mechanic except worse because there’s a living being involved. Not only did they pull a tooth, but they said he tested positive for lime disease which we treated him for over a year ago. Again – how on earth would we know if this is actually true?].

So out of the 3 exotic overnight dates, it looked clear (except for what we already know in the public news) that Rachel was THE ONE. She’s smart, fun, can challenge Nick in playful and upbeat way. Their relationship just seemed so easy to me. Their chemistry was palpable. I was most impressed by their body language during “the morning after.” Nick couldn’t seem to get enough of her. He even stayed to make her breakfast. If a man has seen all the goods and is staying to make breakfast, that’s a pretty good indication. Plus it’s during those “non-camera” hours that the real convos happen, right?

There was a split second that I thought ABC was fooling all of us. And that Rachel DID make it til the end and then rejected Nick to become the next Bachelorette? Or that maybe they just wanted a decoy and so had us thinking she was the Bachelorette when really she ends up with Nick? Who knows. In any event, I don’t dare try to understand what’s in Nick’s head. He’s a tough read. He seems to desire these very alpha, dominant female types (e.g., Andi, Vanessa?). Even Kaitlyn in her own way was outspoken and opinionated. I saw Rachel as a nice balance of confident, strong minded and assertive without being overly aggressive. Whatever. Nick’s loss, right? One last thing about Raven’s date – It looked like a scene from out of Frozen. From the reindeer (where was Sven?) to the sled adventure (just like Anna and Kristoff) to the snowy adventures they took on. I have to admit that I MAY have thought that reindeer were actually mystical creatures like Rudolph and Santa. The Husband corrected me that they do in fact exist. So now we have to take my daughter to Finland and tell her we’re going on a Frozen ride with Sven.

We saw the very tail end of Raven’s date. Where she basically does the “I had an orgasm” walk of shame. But instead of shame, she’s feeling giddy and happy to be alive. She never tells us it happened, but we know. Her big grin says it all. Too much even. Nick’s body language seems to be a bit reserved, almost dodgy during their morning after – perhaps a bit ashamed of what went on for the cameras. The Husband keeps referring to Raven as another member of the Adams family with her dark hair, pale skin and often dark lips. I can see it. You know when Raven got that rose tonight, she’s thinking, “AMAZING, I get to have at least one more orgasm if I play my cards right!”

So then there was Vanessa’s date. Just like hometowns, their conversations were tough and uneasy. I felt stressed out just listening to them discuss all their differences – She’s traditional and wants Sunday lunches with her family. She called this one of her Core Values and WILL NOT COMPROMISE on it. He’s not even sure that he wants to move to Canada. Um, how’s this going to work again? While she’s saying that she’s falling in love and that Nick’s her dream guy, we’re wondering whether her family being up Vanessa’s grill is too much for Nick. He says multiple times that maybe they’re too similar (too dominant, too impulsive). This is why I thought Rachel was a nice balance for his personality. And if the rumors of Nick going on Dancing with the Stars after this show are true – how on earth would his relationship with a Canadian teacher actually survive that?

That ice plunge thing looked absolutely horrendous, btw. Almost as horrendous as Vanessa trying to convince herself she’s in love with a person who has pointed out as politely as possible that they have very little chance of making it work in the real world (neither wants to move countries, Nick’s not traditional and is worried about her dominating family, both are impulsive which will bring a lot of conflict into their relationship, etc.)

So let’s get to what everyone is actually interested in. Did Nick sleep with all the ladies remaining? I think he must have. Nothing else could have explained his tears and fears of saying goodbye to Rachel. I wonder if she was blind sided. I wonder what they talked about when the cameras left. Could he point to one thing or another for not ending up with her? Normally they at least try to give that whole, “It’s not you, my heart just wants someone else more,” like it’s not Nick’s fault, it’s his heart’s fault. But he just gave Rachel and Corinne the same sorta – I’ve got lots of love for you and don’t regret anything.

I miss Corinne.

I don’t really like Women Tell All, but have a few comments:

  • The women really vamped it up tonight for their return moment. Blonde Danielle basically forgot to finish getting dressed. I don’t quite understand how her dress had such a huge gap down the front middle and no boobs popped out. She’s also blonder than blonde. Almost white hair with a white dress.
  • I’m terrified of Josephine’s lipstick and gothic look
  • Who on earth is Elizabeth the blonde marketing manager who is bejeweled and suddenly has a LOT to say?
  • What was Taylor doing with her tongue facial expressions while receiving negative feedback?
  • Jade’s maid of dishonor, Liz, is blonder and her teeth are a lot whiter than when she was on the show. She’s on a rant for female go-power and she’s put herself back together from just being Nick’s one night stand. Good for Liz. I think she’s trying to build a Bachelorette march after this show.
  • After viewing Taylor try to explain herself, I’m liking Corinne more and more – including her naps, her side quips, her nanny – all of it.
  • The Husband is squirming watching Taylor trying to redeem herself and her career. Corinne ain’t budging. Don’t mess with her. She did warn everyone.
  • Is Corinne’s hair all hers? Or did she add corkscrew extensions?
  • I love the “Emotional Intelligence is my Jam” shirts and the “I want a Raquel” signs in the audience
  • Corinne’s logic is that she’s doing everything to get Nick’s attention and whatever else she did doesn’t matter. The ends justify the means.
  • Napping is actually a point of controversy on this show
  • Corinne, without having to apologize at all, got Taylor to apologize for something. Brilliant.
  • Kristina is beautiful and I kind of love her. I wonder if there was ever a consideration of her being the next Bachelorette.
  • Lots of women still visibly upset from how Nick ended things without explanation (Kristina, other Danielle, etc.)

Rachel being a Bachelorette who knows exactly what she wants will be wonderful – so long as he’s amongst the group of Bachelors vying for her attention. I still want JoJo to be the eternal Bachelorette, but I guess we’ve got to move on. Wishing Rachel lots of luck in her journey.

Wishing me a night of minimal coughing and to wake up not feeling like I’m choking, but rather, fully ready to take on a work day.

Official countdown has begun for Ellie’s birthday which is this Friday. Which means it’s almost the THREE year anniversary since Juan Pablo’s Bachelor finale. Follow me on Instagram for the latest pics: http://www.instagram.com/OfficeStace (@OfficeStace)

See you for next week’s finale, which happens to be my 7th wedding anniversary with The Husband. Can you believe?!

 

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Comments

  1. Great analysis of the Final 3 & Women Tell All! You’re always so quick getting your recap out. I was thinking the same thing about Rachel & wondering if ABC had tricked us somehow with the ending. I think she’ll be a fabulous bachelorette. Women Tell All is always cringeworthy, but this year, other than Taylor & Corinne, it was evident how much most of the women truly liked each other & got along. I think because of that the producers really stirred up the drama with Taylor. She didn’t come across all that well but I do feel bad for her. As Taylor said, she was clearly overwhelmed. Josephine’s lips & Blonde Danielle’s dress were way too distracting & not in a good way! Take care & feel better soon. Wishing a speedy recovery to your dog also & a Happy Birthday to your daughter & Happy Anniversary to you & the Husband.

  2. The DWTS is not a rumor, Nick will be on there, I believe he is dancing with Peta.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who didn’t remember Elizabeth.

    I slept through the whole Taylor/Corrine thing.

    i like Nick and Vanessa but the whole Canada thing seems to be a big barrier. I just can’t see her quitting a job she obviously loves and moving somewhere else and I can’t really see Nick moving to Montreal. But what do I know? ?

  3. Oh my gosh. What a mess. Nick and Vanessa FINALLY had a REAL conversation about things that MATTER. In all of the Bachelor/-ette seasons, we have NEVER seen that! It could not be more obvious that it will NOT work! She won’t leave Montreal, he won’t move there, her family already gets on his nerves… And by the way, family lunch is NOT a “core value.” Core Values = What religion are you, what religion would our kids be, are you conservative or liberal with social issues……..? I haven’t finished “Women Tell All” yet. I was trying to watch while dealing with teen angst issues. I finally had to pull the plug and go to bed. But I did notice: Taylor came off horribly, Danielle (white hair, white inappropriate, ill-fitting outfit) looked ridiculous and I have no idea who the other Elizabeth was either. Corrine was actually endearing and Liz’s “girl power” thing made me giggle.
    I think he will choose Vanessa for the challenge, but I think they are probably already broken up. Just my hunches.
    Happy birthday to your beautiful girl and Happy Anniversary!

  4. You’re sick and you still pull off a quality recap?!?! You’re the best! :) I agree… Elizabeth who? I love Corrine and would gladly watch her on Bachelor in Paradise if she were on it. As for who he ends up with, because I don’t believe it could possibly be Vanessa based on their interactions, then it WILL BE Vanessa because in all the season’s, I’ve only ever picked the right one ONCE! haha Get well soon Stacey!

  5. Sue Curry says:

    I thought honesty and integrity were “core values.” Turns out just lunch is.

  6. My take-always from WTA:
    1. NEVER, under any circumstances, wear black lipstick. EVER. (Well, unless it’s Halloween, or you’ryou’re going to a Gypsy fortune teller.)
    2. Taylor is a twit for demanding an apology from Corinne for the heartache she’s endured professionally after being on the show. Sorry, dearie, you did that to yourself. You supposedly signed on the dotted line and should have been well aware of possible repercussions, seeing that you’re a pro and all.
    3. I love Corinne!! She’s kind of like a little fungus that grows on you. But I especially loved the love and respect she showed for Raquel, telling us how she helped the family during her Mom’s illness. Bravo.
    4. NEVER, under any circumstances, wear a white jumpsuit with no front when you are boob-less. You leave nothing to the imagination. NOTHING.
    So, this yawn-fest is about to come to an end. I, too, would love to see Kristina as a Bachelorette!! Love her and her story.

  7. Wow! Seventh anniversary – it seems like time has zoomed by – and with Ellie’s birthday here, too. We all remember those events (wedding and birth) like they were yesterday. Happy celebrations to you all. And, yes, the whole world seems to have the awful cough/cold/flu thing going, though here in Virginia I think it is finally moving off.

    i agree that Rachel might be one of the best bachelorettes ever, but was thinking during the rose ceremony that those three remaining women are some of the best that have been on the show. It is just the Bachelor that has been sort of a drag this season! Don’t know what Nick’s problem is, but, sadly, I can’t see a happy ending for him…

  8. Anonymous 4 says:

    Stace,

    Happy Birthday to Ellie ! She’s only three? Looking at Instagram she seems so grown up. Sorry you’re under the weather Stacey. Glad that Wally made it through. Wow, vets cost a fortune, don’t they ?

    The highlight of the WTA was Kristina’s story…so touching. Above all it really brought it home that we are very privileged/blessed to be Americans. We mustn’t forget.

    Strange/shocking : The women are so willing to reveal such intimate personal info on national television.

    The previews don’t bode well. I think Nick is really very attracted to Vanessa but is worried about their goals coinciding. Her father is right. She must consider making some compromise. Then Raven seems a bit less his type in a way. She is younger and therefore 100% committed to Nick. She’s also much more light hearted. Nick’s mother looked so distraught for her son. Not very encouraging.

    Love, love, loved Finland. Gorgeous.

    Hope Rachel has a lot of African American suitors. Will they bring back some of the past Bachelorettes’ men ???

    Happy (Early) Seventh Wedding Anniversary…sure miss seeing you & the Husband munching & commenting. You’re so cute together !

    A4

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