This week on Michelle Money’s Bachelor in Paradise…
Did anyone actually watch tonight over the Emmy’s? We kept switching back and forth, but ultimately, I wish we had waited until tomorrow and watched both shows back to back. But since there are limits to how much Bachelor I can make The Husband watch in one night (4 hours is a LOT, even for me), we did watch tonight’s episode. I’m left with a lot of questions. Questions like the following:
(1) If a 95 year old single man showed up on Bachelor in Paradise, would Michelle Money find him attractive and go after him? And if this 95 year old man rejected Michelle, would she cry? My guess is YES.
(2) Could Kalon look any worse? He is a pretty self-important, pompous jackass. How awesome that nobody wanted to go out with him! Loved that he tried to get Sarah to go out with him after he clearly chose Jackie over her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Then we got to hear Sarah’s awesome line, “I didn’t want to let him get close enough to my mouth so that I’d barf in it.” (Truth be told, I loved Kalon’s line too – something about “I want to zip line straight into Michelle Money’s _____” ) Although Michelle Money tweeted during the show in response:
@MoneyMichelle: Dear Kalon. I would highly suggest zip lining your way to another country if you plan on getting a date. Ever. In your life. With anyone.
(3) Can anything happen on Bachelor in Paradise without Michelle Money being involved? Is there any chance in hell that she’s actually attracted to Cody? He seems like a nice enough guy, but he’s a complete cartoon character. Actually, if Michelle had held out a little longer, there’s another Utah guy on the way for her to freak out about. I don’t see a single spark of interest between these two except the fact that they can actually play out the whole, “If we were on a deserted island and you were the last person on earth…” scenario.
(4) Will Michelle convince Graham to reject AshLee’s rose and that she’ll give it to him instead? Will we ever found out how these two went from “lovers” to “best friends?”
(5) Why would Michelle agree to do Sarah’s hair for her date with Robert if she was so upset about it? And was it REALLY daggers to Michelle’s heart to be doing this when she barely has spoken to Robert? I’m still not sure we’re seeing anything more than a strong friendship between Robert and Sarah, but I hope things progress. They haven’t even kissed yet as far as we know.
(6) Does Graham have any kind of independent backbone without Michelle telling him what to do? He’s already somewhat in the know about AshLee’s insanity. Why can’t he make a decision on his own that she’s nuts? I get it, she’s got a great body and wonderful mascara-coated eye lashes, but can’t he see it’s a fatal attraction type thing? I could have told him that from day one. I really wish he would have seen Sean Lowe’s season.
(7) What is going on with Jackie’s boobs? Was it the bikini top she was wearing or did she have very odd implants leaving her with a concave cleavage situation?
I predict a Marcus / Lacy engagement by the finale of this show. And speaking of which – will they cut this show free by football season? Because they’re going to lose a large chunk of their male audience (do they have a male audience?) very shortly. Does Marquel have any hope of even trying to keep Jackie? We didn’t see any game from him. He should have stepped in when Kovacs stepped up. That guy is a creepy player – at least from the previous season of Bachelor Pad that he was one. He’s just there to party and hook up. Basically – he’s like Kalon with a better disguise.
So let’s talk about the Clare / AshLee show down. For once, I completely agreed with Clare and had a lot of respect for her on this episode from beginning to end. I love how she handled the Cody date. It must have been flattering to be singled out for a one on one date and I’m sure she was happy that she had the opportunity to pin Zack down to exclusivity. He certainly did not seem completely sold on Clare, but the Cody situation brought things to a head faster. What was AshLee doing canoodling with Zack in a hammock if both are tied to others? She was like a snake offering the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. It’s not like she was offering her opinions of Clare to a girlfriend. Not innocent venting or gossiping. She went directly to Clare’s man and used her opinions of Clare as a means to get him to dump her. That’s pure evil. AshLee thought she was off camera. Her true venom came out. And after Clare took back the date card from Graham for her. No matter what AshLee’s pre-conceived notions were of Clare, all of that should have disappeared once Clare did that for AshLee. So AshLee’s apology to Clare was ridiculous. Clare was right not to let her “hug it out.” AshLee is a true lunatic.
Get ready for the fireworks. Michelle Money has set up the show nicely for all of us. What will happen next? Will AshLee try to drown herself? Disappear into the jungle? Stab Clare? Michelle? Both? It’s only a matter of hours before we’ll find out.
On a brighter note, my cold is getting better and we got Ellie back from my parents. The Husband should be on the mend soon enough too. Ellie’s smiling more and more each day and we’re having a lot of fun with her. Seems like a completely different lifetime and human being we were dealing with when she was up constantly throughout the day and night, crying at everything. We are 5 months and 15 days in.
Sarah W-J says
I am so glad that Kalon went on the date by himself because it was the most entertaining part of the entire show (at least in my opinion). At least he rolled with it. I would totally have gone (in a platonic capacity) just to be able to go exploring in that cenote.
I forgot how intense AshLee is…. whoa! At least she picked a fight with Claire who is more than willing to stand up for herself. That editing was brilliant: ‘No one messes with Claire Crawley’ *cue Claire picking up knives with both hands.* Alongside the amazing reenactments of other Michelle’s incident at the beginning of the season, the producers must be enjoying paradise as much as the contestants.
Amy Heinl says
I thought Claire was awesome tonight and showed alot of grace and AshLee showed her true venomous colors…how in God’s name isn’t Graham seeing all this and speaking of Graham and Michelle….anyone can see these two should be together…whatever the issue is/was it is obvious they have a very strong bond.
So glad to hear your and the hubs are mending and that sweet Miss Ellie is back home…I remember the early months and know first hand how hard that can be…..we all knew you would make it through and now it probably seems like just a blip on the map of your motherhood journey–you have learned one of motherhoods 1st lessons….”this too shall pass”….over the years you will say that and see that over and over and over again…lol Night#2 tonight but I’ll be breaking at 9 to see Married at First Sight and catch the back 1/2 on ondemand
backchat says
I can’t stand Kalen, but the producers put together a great date with him saying all of the typical bachelor lines to himself. That was funny.
Guess what???? Chris, the Iowa farmer is the next bachelor! Wow, that should be a good one! Maybe Marcus and Lacy can get married on the farm and Chris can date the bridesmaids? Well, now I am looking forward to the next season of the Bachelor!
Glad to hear that you both are getting better, and hurray for enjoyable parenthood moments!
anon 4 says
Oh Stace,
Great title, great picture of Ashlee!!! Great opening line of «This week on Michelle Money’s Bachelor in Paradise…» and so true. I really found Michelle very entertaining tonight. Yes, agreed, Cody and she are totally in the deserted ile scenario. Her remarks about plan B, C and D were hilarious. I just can’t help liking Michelle.
I’ve always liked Claire (despite her slow speech and little ticks). This episode really solidified the fact that she is sincere and unconniving—which cannot be said for Ashlee. So Bravo to Claire and I just hope she finds a good man (Zack or not). But although I feel for Ashlee because of her difficult childhood which fuels her insecurities it was SHOCKING that she would tell Zack not to get tied down WHEN THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID TO GRAHAM. Claire was soooo sweet to her and then she not only stabbed her in the back but had the audacity to LIE TO HER FACE and apologize when she didn’t mean it AT ALL. Yikes…she’s not on the straight and narrow at present. She’s being vicious and dishonest. Wake up Ashlee. Really it was good that Michelle set Graham straight which Ashley should have done herself…I hope Graham accepts the rose and then dumps her!
Why so many creeps on this show? And did the producers think they could get Michelle and Graham back together?
Re: Ellier
It’s nice how life makes having a baby get easier as they get older. The other way around would be the pits.
A4
anon 4 says
Tried to correct Ellie but it was too late. Sorry…