Before tonight, I think we heard Juan Pablo say less than 5 sentences. After tonight, he’s made to look like the only real eligible contestant from this season with the charisma to carry the next season of The Bachelor. Let’s think about the possibilities – there’s Zak (who is too spray tanned, too white toothed and too intense to appeal to the masses). There’s the loser amongst Drew, Brooks and Chris but they can’t even try to pimp any of these guys out to us until the outcome is revealed. Drew and Brooks are too effeminate and Chris (although I like him best) is a bit dull to carry the show plus his father freaked us all out last week. Who’s left? Prosecutor Michael G? No way. Thick necked James dug a deep grave tonight as did his buddy Mikey. Did anyone feel like the whole purpose of The Men Tell All was to audition Juan Pablo and Zak to be the next Bachelor?
Then there’s the exotic, impossibly toned (did you see him in that speedo during the Mr. America contest?!), adoring father to Camila, Spanish speaking, “I want to settle down” good looking, professional soccer playing, down to earth (Hu-wan Pahhblo). Considering that Roberto Martinez (Ali Fedotowsky’s ex) supposedly has a new girlfriend, Jef with one “f” is not massively appealing and Arie the Race Car Driver is doing online dating, I’d say Juan Pablo might be our best shot. Funny how there was so much talk about how James manipulated Desiree during the season when the producers of The Bachelorette are clearly manipulating all of us into like Juan Pablo. That’s ok, I don’t mind being manipulated in this case. Even The Husband was starting to have a crush on him after all of the incredible PR this guy got tonight.
So for all of you who skipped tonight’s episode (and I might have too as The Men Tell All can usually be a bit lame), here are some of the highlights and surprising parts of the show:
(1) We learned that The Bachelor will not be coming on until January. Which means we have the Fall off to recover from what Chris Harrison promises is the most shocking finale EVER (and this time he says he really means it, despite people in the audience rolling their eyes).
(2) We also learned that there will be a TWO PART finale, with Part 1 being next week. It looks like from the previews that Desiree is heartbroken by one of the guys (seems like someone rejected her) and we can only guess that it’s Brooks since she’s already admitted to falling in love with him. She wants to go home, she’s crying to Chris, she’s a mess. But would they really make us sit through 2 weeks of a finale if the ending was that she gave up and went home? What on earth are we in for? NO SPOILERS PLEASE – just legitimate guesses.
(3) There was crazy gossip revealed about Ben (the single dad from Texas) by one of the other contestants, Dan from Las Vegas. So who knows if this is true, but Dan claims that the mother of Ben’s son, adorable Brody, came to see him in Vegas (not clear if they happened to bump into each other or she went there on a mission to find him which doesn’t make sense since he was on the show for 2 minutes and was not very memorable). The gossip was that a) Ben only filed for custody of Brody AFTER the show and didn’t have any hand in raising him and b) Brody was conceived when Ben cheated in his girlfriend (correction: he cheated “on” not “in” his girlfriend. Whoops). Oh boy. Then Ben was asked to defend his comments about being a Hollywood seeking arrogant fool in his limo ride home. Ben could only say he was pissed after being tortured by Michael G, the Prosecutor, on their two on one date for EIGHT HOURS. I can see how spending 8 hours getting ripped on by Michael G might be irritating. At least he apologized to Des. Ben still came off as a big puppet who smiles pretty for the cameras but isn’t sincere. He really reminded me of Jake Pavelka (hence my Tweet).
(4) All the guys were extremely spray tanned tonight, but James may take the prize as most spray tanned, white toothed human being. Even more so than Zak which is nearly impossible. James was asked to defend his comments regarding “if it doesn’t work out with Des, he could just be the next Bachelor.” Des and the other guys are still giving him heat and saying that he needed to be 100% devoted. There was no thinking about “the back up plan.” James says he was just “being real.” Mikey even sticks up for James. Then Mikey got into some big argument with Kasey and both them were just hormonal messes having a verbal argument about who knows what but it doesn’t matter because I was too busy staring at Juan Pablo and how adorable he is.
(5) Zak is still heartbroken. He wrote Des a secret poem in that journal he gave her and Chris Harrison read it aloud to everyone. Then when Des came out, Zak sang her a song he wrote, which had to be one of the saddest, most awkward moments in Men Tell All history. Des just had to sit there when really she’s thinking, “How long do I have to pretend to have regrets over Zak when I’m happily engaged to someone else most likely?” Why didn’t Chris ask him if he ever went back for the ring he threw out of the limo after getting rejected?
(6) At the beginning of the show, they feature Desiree getting together with former Bachelorettes, Ali Fedotowsky, Ashley Rosenbaum (JP’s lady) and Emily Maynard. I thought Ali F looked so overdone and was really disappointed because she posts all these adorable pictures of herself and her new boyfriend on Facebook and Instagram where she’s just so naturally pretty. Too much makeup, too much highlighting, too much trying to over style herself. I miss her Converse sneakers and natural ways! Emily Maynard was also extremely styled and had tons of make up. Actually, Ashley looked the best out of all of them – she just seemed very relaxed and happy. Ali F didn’t really let anyone else get a word in edge wise.
(7) There were so many guys on the show that I didn’t remember a lot of them and many more who never got a word in. If that Jonathan guy (the one who tried to get Des to go to the “fantasy suite” with him the very first night until she kicked him out pre-rose ceremony) hadn’t mentioned who he was, I never would have known. We never heard a word from Bryden (who was sporting a new, much more attractive hair style), Zack (Book publisher who was an early favorite for me), the African American guy and about 6 other really spray tanned individuals.
(8) The guy who came on the show with a girlfriend never showed. That didn’t stop them all from bashing him for a few minutes.
(9) Chris and Des did a few surprise pop-ins at Bachelorette viewing parties in Los Angeles. Although none of these people looked that surprised. They also joined JP and Ashley in New York City to drop in on some other viewers along with Trista, Molly and Jason. Why wasn’t I invited to these viewing parties? They looked like a lot of fun.
(10) Desiree looked great. She wore another sparkly gold dress that showed off her figure and love of the Golden Globes? She seemed very confident and wasn’t afraid to put James and Ben in their places.
Perhaps the funniest part of tonight’s show was the audience members. They were very expressive. There was booing for James, crying for Zak’s love song and lots of shocked looks throughout the night. There was even a group of ladies wearing “I Heart Juan Pablo” t-shirts. This show’s fans are the best!
And so, we’re down to our last 2 weeks. And I honestly feel like the show is JUST beginning. Because it’s gotta get good based on what we know is coming, right?? Who’s excited? Will it be Brooks? Will it be Drew? Will it be NOBODY? Again, no spoilers, just opinions!
PS – If you have no interest at all in the show anymore (or even if you do) can you please tell my SWF (Scottish Work Friend) that she CAN’T go back to Scotland? We need her to stay in the US to 1) keep me sane at work and 2) discuss this very important show with. PLEASE STAY! PLEASE STAY!
Tonya says
I only got home in time to watch the bloopers (always my favorite part) and preview for the finale(s). I read your blog and it usually takes me all week to find time to watch the entire episode. Last week I was behind by an episode and a half.
I have no idea what is going to happen, but if she doesn’t end up with Brooks any other relationship is doomed. I can’t imagine being one of the other guys watching at this point and seeing all her declarations of love that aren’t for them.
Keep up the blogging. It is my Monday night highlight, and I almost always read it before watching the show. I think we can all use the break until January!
Denice Girdner says
I don’t think a relationship with Chris is doomed. She has declared love for him also. And there are so many things we don’t see about what she says and does with each. I think Chris is the most stable and manly of the three remaining.
I didn’t like how Desiree took the advice from Emily and Ali about not letting the “bad boys” think they got away with anything. I truly feel James is a decent guy and being realistic thinking about what if she doesn’t pick me? Seeing her have great connections with so many other men has to make you think these thoughts. It’s called self preservation and real life. And these other guys are not being honest when they pretend they don’t think about the “what ifs” in the back of their minds. I still say they should have done the honorable thing and brought it up with Mikey and James BEFORE going to Des. I don’t like seeing anyone bullied and ganged up on. EVER.
Tonya says
I hope you are right about Chris! I like them together and was a fan of his hometown date since I grew up in Oregon. Hope to find some time today to watch part of last night’s episode.
Anon21 says
I agree with your comment about James. I was so glad to hear him tell Des what I’ve been thinking this whole time about her dating 25 guys. It’s true. She’s dating so many guys, yet it’s wrong for even one of them to think about what if it doesn’t work out? Come on. Why get so mad at him for making a back up plan when you’re dating a million guys at once.
Stacey B says
I hope you’re right about Chris too, Denice. He seems like such a wholesome normal guy and they might have a real shot. Tonya – I like the bloopers too, but wish they had more of them!
Barb says
I think ABC themselves are torn between using Juan Pablo and Zak. I was not a fan of Zak singing, it seemed a bit much. I like his voice, I just feel like he’s trying to promote himself at every turn and that put me over the top. I feel like this show has become more about the contestants promoting themselves with modeling, singing or being the next bachelor than about finding love. It’s really sad to me that Des didn’t seem to have a chance and I’m really doubting she does find love among our remaining models.
Great recap, since I have taken to playing Candy Crush and Words with Friends this season I really do miss some things and appreciate you keeping me straight.
Please stay in America SWF…are you mad at America because Phil won the British Open this weekend? Seriously, don’t abandon poor Stacey. I would be distraught if I lost my best work friend.
Stacey B says
Thanks for the Scottish Work Friend plea, Barb! She can’t go! Says a lot that you have to entertain yourself with apps while watching the show. YIKES. Did feel like an overdone Zak advertisement. Was strange.
SWF says
Hi Barb, believe me, its proving a VERY tough decision to make and leaving Stacey B would be tragic so I am not taking it lightly. It would break my heart as much as hers if we had to split up!
Teresa says
I found myself getting aggrivated during last night’s episode of MTA. The drama with James and Mikey and what was said and what wasn’t said was just blown way out of control…who cares anymore!? It would have been nice if James just owned up to saying some comments that offended the other men who have invested so much into the show..but he didn’t he and Mikey appear to have some roid rage going on..so let’s move on..
You can tell a lot about a season when the men returning on the show have had absolutely no significance to us whatsoever..I did not know hald of those guys and the ones I did remember did not speak a word! No one wanted to ask Bryden if he regretted leaving the show? I see Ben is a bit of an a** but I still don’t get what the big deal is…I can’t tell if he really was hard to be around or if the producers were so desperate to have a new villian this season???
I loved seeing Emily, Ali F, and Ashley last night! It made me realize how much I used to enjoy the show..and after watching last night’s episode, I realized I really cannot stand Des. She bugs me. I think the season struggled because of her, not the guys.
Juan Pablo for President! HOLY HAT was he adorable?!?!?! I fell in love with him last night! I was waiting for Chris to announce him as the new Bachelor! I agree with the thought that ABC was testing the waters with Juan Pablo and Zak.
As for the finale…it looked like she was rejecting Chris? Did Drew utter the words “I’m gay,” or am I oging crazy?!? Chris Harrison claims it will the most dramatic Bachelorette finales ever…but notice he specified Bachelorette finales..were there really that many dramatic endings when it was the Bachelorette vs the Bachelor?
Denice Girdner says
I didn’t hear “gay” – I will have to rewatch – but I did wonder by the comments Chris and Des made and the looks that they gave each other when they said them. And of course, he has seemed gay all season long.
Stacey B says
LOVE, Juan Pablo!
HoneyTimbitCanuck says
Thank you for the recap, Stacey! I skipped last night’s show because I suspected it would put me to sleep. :/
Juan Pablo is a total hottie, I knew that from day one! Too bad they didn’t show that much of him. I didn’t think he had so many fans though! Yay!
I think what will happen is that Brooks might decide to leave, and make Des want to put an end to the whole deal. We’ll see!
Stacey B says
I wonder if a contestant can ever just leave? They must sign a contract saying that they’ll agree to pick someone even if it won’t last. No? Think there’d be major consequences for millions of viewers to get invested in season only for it to end in a horrible mess.
HoneyTimbitCanuck says
I don’t know, I think having it end in a horrible mess can be the “shocking, dramatic twist” type of situation Chris Harrison would make the most of. But you never know!
Anon says
Didn’t Jen from Andrew Firestone’s season pick no one when she was the Bachelorette? It must be allowed.
anon4 says
I speculate :
Brooks is in but doesn’t convince her of that so he gets dumped.
Chris probably gets sent home cuz of his strange family.
She stays for Drew but then he has has doubts and that throws her for a loop.
Maybe she back pedals on Brooks.
Weird.
Easycinderella says
If they don’t choose Juan Pablo, they are fools! Athletic, hunky, not attention seeking (well, other than going on a reality show), does not get involved in drama, seems to adore his daughter. What more could you want? Women will tune in! And their Husbands will be forced to watch.
Stacey B says
Easycinderella – there’s nobody else they could pick after all the air time they gave Juan Pablo. He is certainly a top contender.
Jonah says
SWP, please stay, my grandparents will baby sit.
Jonah says
That is SWF
Stacey B says
Yes, SWF, listen to Jonah!
SWF says
Hi Jonah, did you know you are my favourite Stacey B nephew and that’s saying something as there a lot to chose from! Your granparents are adorable too 😉
Amy says
You have the best typo I’ve seen in a long time. Possibly a Freudian slip? Either way, I almost choked on my lunch when I read this:
“Brody was conceived when Ben cheated in his girlfriend.”
In his girlfriend. Oh my. That’s funny, I don’t care who ya are.
I didn’t watch last night, but since the old Bachelorettes were featured, I’ll have to take a look. Thanks for the recap. And the laugh. 🙂
Stacey B says
You know I went back and saw that typo earlier today and decided to keep it in because it was kind of amusing. But then re-reading it, Ben wouldn’t be cheating in his girlfriend. He’d be cheating in Brody’s mother. So I had to make a correction note but kept the original typo because it’s mildly comical.
Erin says
I will be rewatching the Juan Pablo segments of TMTA-> much more than we got all season… Chris H directed a LOT of questions to Juan Pablo, asking his thoughts and take- I got the vibe early on, and then over & over, that he may be our NEXT ONE… he’s swoon-worthy, articulate, has cute expressions, doesn’t have a bad word to say about anyone, got along with everyone, is mature, loves his daughter, sensitive, tears up, motivated to find a mate -> the total package.
Stacey B says
They may have to have subtitles for Juan Pablo’s season but that’s ok because nobody will really be listening to what he’s saying. He’s too good looking.
Erin says
After my original comment and your reply, Stacey (exciting!) I went to the abc bio page to read about Juan Pablo again… big mistake- seems that he might not be able to carry an entire season seeing that his response to favorite book is that he doesn’t read!?!!
Also for occupation he says former soccer pro. Chris has an occupation; he doesn’t say ‘former baseball player’.
Another ugh was his perfect woman characteristics; he should’ve told Des that he likes a large bust…
Definitely appears that abc is scoping out JP or Zack for our next guy- Zak is sweet and fun to watch but he was a bit looney with how attached he got (he bought the ring before they even had a one on one)
Barb says
Well if we are basing it on the profiles it definitely goes to Zack K. the book publisher. He’s got a real job, his favorite book is Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged (which happens to be my son’s favorite author and the only reason I’m familiar with it). Also an ex ball player so he’s athletic and he’s a real cutie. Too bad he got less air time than Juan Pablo and we didn’t even get to hear two words out of him during TMTA…:(
AC says
I definitely think Juan Pablo will be the next bachelor. They dedicated a lot of time to him last night, asking him personal questions and making him even more divine!! I think he’s soooo hot and that accent. OMG yes, he’ll make a great bachelor.
Zak is kind of scary looking to me. He seems like a really nice guy but his face looks fake.
The bloopers were great!
Stacey B says
AC, totally agree. JP for next Bachelor.
Teresa says
Can I just add that I’ve been readin JP for the next Bachelor and I almost cried because I assumed you guys meant JP as in JP and Ashley..I was like..”OH NO! Did they split up?!?!” OOPS hehe
AC says
LOL too funny Teresa. Ashley and JP look so happy together. I love seeing them.
Patty says
I really don’t want another boring season…. So I am still rooting for Zak. He might be too much of a wild card for the producers though. 🙁 At this point I don’t really care about having a hottie ~ I just want entertaining.
Stacey B says
Zak is a loose cannon. Plus I can’t take another musical number from him or his family.
Shelley @ Calypso in the Country says
Oh that Juan Pablo! What a hottie! Not only is he this sexy Latin guy but he is sweet and even the guys love him! I wonder if he could carry the show as the Bachelor though?
I became bored with James defending himself and trying to dig himself out of a hole. Honestly, I never thought what he said was that terrible. I mean, he probably could have kept those thoughts to himself but you know how it is when guys with egos get together, probably have a few drinks…I really don’t think he is a bad person, he just wasn’t thinking.
I am dying to see what happens next week in the “most dramatic finale ever”…ha ha. It looks like Brooks is getting cold feet and maybe tells Des he is not sure how he feels. If that is the case and then she ends up picking one of the other ones out of default, I would feel sad for that guy. Then again, I couldn’t see them ending the show with her picking no one. I hope they are just playing up the dramatic part for ratings and she ends up finding love. Or…maybe she is crying because she is the one who realizes it won’t work with Brooks and she is the one to tell him to leave. Either way, I will be watching next week! Thanks for the entertaining recap once again!
Cheers – Shelley
Stacey B says
Shelley – couldn’t agree more. Juan Pablo = hottie!
Barb says
I think you’re getting your wish Stacey.
http://www.eonline.com/news/441996/tv/bachelorette-scoop-juan-pablo-close-to-signing-on-as-the-next-bachelor
Looks like they are offering JP the gig. I’m just glad it’s not Zak. He is interesting to say the least, but lets face it JP is much easier on the eyes!
AC says
Barb, I could not agree more!!!!
Stacey B says
Ok, I don’t want to say this TOO early, but there is a wee, bit, small chance that I might get to go to the FINALE in Los Angeles!!! STAY TUNED!!!
Tracy says
I hope you get to go! This should be your compensation for not being invited to a viewing party in New York!
backchat says
If you get to go to L.A., then you MUST take SWF with you! That will make her know how important your friendship and Bach. connection is- she can’t leave you! SWF, please stay stateside for awhile longer : )
anon4 says
Yeah, Stace! you would be representing us there. Hope you make it.
A4
PLynn says
One comment……Chris H did not ask Des if she was in love. This is a staple of every Tell All episode….could this be a clue or are they trying to amp up our curiousity…not that that would be difficult !
hungarianprincess says
I’ve been reading your posts for awhile now (which I love), but this is my first time posting. My guess is totally different. Chris H. said something along the lines of “due to circumstances beyond our control” to describe the dramatic happenings in the next 2 weeks . I wonder if maybe somebody close to Desiree gets sick or something and that’s why she wants to go home. That could explain all the tears with the guys… maybe they’re just sympathy tears. I don’t know, just a totally wild guess here.
Barb says
I agree, based on the way he worded it you have to think it’s something like that and she is forced to go back to the states and cut it short. The only thing is that I would think that would have been leaked by now?
Tracy says
I still think after all the L-word talk about Brooks, she can’t pick one of the other two. So the drama must be either 1) he reveals something that make her question things (the kids have to be raised in a particular faith, he can’t have kids, he’s never leaving Utah, he was married before, etc.), or 2) he’s still jogging on the road to love but isn’t there yet.
I think after all the fireworks they work it out, but they want to keep us guessing, so that’s why they don’t ask if she’s in love or with anyone. Because it would have to be Brooks if she was, and that would spoil the emotionally shocking ending, or whatever Chris called it.
Zak (minus the spray tan) is more my type than Juan Pablo, but I’m married and old enough to be his mom, so I’m not the target demographic. He’s certainly easy on the eyes. I like that both Juan Pablo and Zak seemed to be liked and respected by all the guys (except maybe Ben); the girly drama from thick-necked James and Mikey was incredibly boring, as were both of them.
My favorite tweet:
“Please put Zak in the ‘hot seat’ and ask him what a drilling fluid engineer is and how it relates to snow cones.”
I also liked the suggestion for a dual-bachelor show called “Juan Pablo and Zak find love.” Two guys competing with each other for 25 women would be awesome. And I think JP and Zak would have different favorites, anyway.
Patty says
I agree!! I hope the reason that they are waiting until January is that they are mixing things up a little. Bachelor/Bachelorette land is too predictable. JP is attractive, but he will be more of the same…
At the end of Sean’s season, I was one of the ONLY people not excited about Des being the Bachelorette. Does Zak have too white of teeth, a spray tan and unnecessary singing – yes. BUT just like Des’ bangs the producers can get rid of them!!
I want exciting and different this time around!!!! PLEASE let Zak be the Bachelor!!!
Barb says
I wanted Lesley instead of Des, so you were not alone. I wanted and still want someone that just calls all these guys on the B.S. from the get go. I just can’t believe how many of these women fall for all the players. I really think Lesley would have done that. She just seemed to call it like she saw it. For a Bachelor, I want someone cleaver and interesting, but can’t go with Zak because every thing with him seemed self serving. The king of self promotion. I know they will only recycle now because ABC thinks we need to already be emotionally invested. I disagree with that, I think they need to go back to recruiting people. They have to realize that when all these models come to them to apply they have other motives besides finding love. Maybe they can find someone that’s on E-Harmony the one dating website that targets people looking for a soul mate and someone looking for marriage.
Patty says
That is a great idea! They could chose someone not from the show, but that would mean extra work in making us like them. The producers seem a little lazy at times using the same material over and over.
I wish Lesley would have been the Bachelorette too….. at least we would have witty comments.
backchat says
I remember that the new season always starts in January- or at least the last few have…it is my Winter guilty pleasure on Monday nights.
anon4 says
ZAK works out on an oil rig. Not only strenuous but IN THE SUN. Not everyone who is tanned fakes it!
anon4 says
James made a comment that was small but revealing when riding back to the hotel after the 6th groupe date :
«… [the guys ] are taking everything that I came here with and taken it away from me.»
Sounds like James came with the intention to «make it to the top four» if ever he didn’t get the girl. It wasn’t a bad plan but he should have kept his mouth shut.
How embarrassing that Chris H. asked the audience if they wanted James as the next bachelor knowing full well they didn’t. Ay ay ay!
Mick says
Juan Pablo’s anti-gay remarks about “pervert” so that he will now (2014) work with the LGBT community and organizations. It does not seem that anyone network person ever talks with or rehearses with the men & women of bachelor and bachelorette about how to conduct one’s self in an interview without offending the majority of America or minorities in America, the world – or maybe that’s what the network really wants: a semi-Dr Phil atmosphere to generate better ratings?