The Bachelor: Will Sean Lowe See Past Tierra’s Antics?

I’m gonna get you, Bitches!

I’ve got a full four hours of sleep in me and it’s snowing out!  Time to go to work and blog a full post about The Bachelor.  First, let’s discuss the concept of back to back Bachelor episodes.  What’s behind all of this Bach cramming / double header stuff?  I can think of a couple of simple reasons: 1) scheduling conflicts.  They needed to start Dancing With the Stars on a certain date and they realized Bachelor ended a week too late.  The producers say it’s because things were so dramatic, they couldn’t wait a week to show the next episode, but that’s bull.  2) Is there a test audience for this show?  If so, perhaps the general consensus was that this episode was incredibly frustrating with regards to watching Tierra whine, manipulate and wrap Sean around her finger.  They foresaw another Courtney Robertson situation and they feared fans would go crazy being left to ponder Sean’s naivety. We may never know the reason, but who cares?  We’re getting 4 hours of Bachelor insanity and I’ll take it.

Three dates this week.  A one on one (scored by Lindsay), a group date (wilderness relay race) and the dreaded two on one date.  As a refresher, The Bachelor typically chooses two ladies he is unsure about for the two on one date to get more quality time and figure them out.  But everyone hates being on the two on one date because it means that you have a 50% chance of going home right there and then AND it means The Bachelor is questioning his feelings for you.  Tierra plays dumb and pretends that being selected for this date is just as wonderful as a one on one but we see past her feigned delight.

You know who would have loved the Whitefish, Montana week?  Our resident outdoors-horsewoman-wears-dirt-for-makeup, former contestant Lindzi Cox.  Is she still with Kalon?  No, as she revealed last month.  Instead of Lindzi, we’ve got Lindsay who gets the first one on one date with Sean.  We learn that in addition to showing up on first dates in wedding gowns, she’s an outdoorsy kind of girl.  We also learn that Sean is a real outdoorsman and likes to get out to camp and canoe.  A guy’s guy.  Well, I don’t know if you agree, but I’d say the majority of these girls don’t seem very “campy.”  This is more of a high heel crowd.

Wedding Dress Lindsay Scores Big on Her Date 

Lindsay gets her date card and immediately starts crying tears of joy.  Sean arrives and off they go, helicopter style to tour Glacier National Park, which is absolutely breathtaking.  They land and cuddle on Blackfeet Indian Reservation where they promptly proceed to make out.  We get a little more detail about Lindsay being an “army brat,” and having a long distance relationship with her dad for a large part of her childhood.  Despite that they are in one of the most beautiful places in the world, it looks like they spent the majority of their time kissing – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  We get to see about a minute of their day date and then all of a sudden it’s evening and they’re in some fireside log cabin-ish type place getting intimate (emotionally, of course).  [Sean reveals in his blog that the two of them wrestled for a while - apparently she's quite good at it.]  As soon as The Husband sees Lindsay and Sean and a fire with a cabin in the wilderness, he has one thought, “Lodge sex.”  So the fire must really be doing some wonderful things for Lindsay because Sean is convinced that she is “going to be such an incredible wife.”  And yes, in case you were wondering, the fire in the background is symbolic of their burning romance (everything is symbolic on this show).

So despite Sean throwing out “wife” bombs at Lindsay, he’s still got another surprise and for some reason, she’s actually surprised that there’s another surprise.  Come on, Linds!  It’s the Bachelor – of course there’s another surprise.  He takes her outside and around the corner and out of nowhere, a crowd of Whitefish folk are gathered round for an outdoor country music performance by Sara Darling (who is really darling) where Sean and Lindsay promptly dance together and make-out.  The singer is a beautiful, young blonde woman with a killer voice and for a second, I ponder whether SHE’S single and perhaps she’d make a great match for Sean – beautiful, talented and singing country folks songs…I bet he’d be into that.  But no, she doesn’t join the squad.

Upon reflection, we realize that this is the best date so far – both in terms of the location of the date AND the chemistry brewing between the two of them.  Who knew that crazy bridal gown girl could actually be a contender? We’re mystified, but as I said last night – she’s cute in a chipmunk-ish, squirrel-ish kind of way and I’d like to hug her (except when she’s getting choked up because someone in the house will be sent home at the rose ceremony – Puh-Lease).

Group Date: Relay Race to Drink Warm Goat’s Milk

It’s time for the group date.  I loved how the girls were SO excited to get all dressed up in actual country gear.  Because this is one of the few times in their lives when high leather boots will be functional.  We are introduced to a ridiculous relay race which will include canoeing, carrying bales of hay, sawing wood, milking a goat and drinking its milk.  I was worried about Sarah’s ability to do some of this stuff, but turns out, she was just fine.  Unfortunately, for Sarah, I think her days are numbered as 1) in the previews we don’t see any one-armed female silhouettes with Sean and 2) I just don’t see the chemistry between them that he has with other girls.  He definitely likes and respects Sarah, but not sure he’s got the passion for her.  Plus I don’t really see her “light up” around him like some of the others do.

A couple of the ladies use the group date as an opportunity to prove their devotion to Sean by their willingness to chug goat’s milk.  One of the funniest lines of the night was as the women were approaching the goats and one of them says, “Are those dogs?” Um, no, they’re not, but thank you for revealing your “outdoorsy” qualities that Sean is looking for.  The girls are divided into two teams and get cool red and blue plaid shirts to wear.  We learn that Robyn, who is supposedly athletic, has no idea how to steer a canoe or maybe it’s just Selma that’s screwing it up.  We do get to see Dez making a tremendous effort for more private time with Sean by downing that goat’s milk like a beer.  I’d want her on my team for flip cup.

The “Losers” are the “Winners”

So let’s talk about Sean’s strategic move to invite the “Losers” to join him and the “Winners.”  The Losers included: AshLee, Catherine, Lesley M and Daniella.  The first three are surely front runners (at least AshLee and Lesley M are) and you know that Sean has chemistry with Catherine.  I think this has less to do with wanting to make sure he spends as much time with these girls as possible and more to do with that he already knows that there’s nobody on the “winning” team he sees keeping long term.  We know this because he sent Robyn home last night.  He likes Dez, but he admits by the end of the show that he’s confused about her.  He likes Sarah, but I don’t see that spark.  And we know he likes Selma, but he can’t touch her and let’s face it, Sean is a “go to church” kind of guy and not sure Selma will be on board with that.  Not to mention – he did end up making out with at least 3 of the “losers” on the group date once they came back.   BTW, I completely agreed with Dez – I’d be pissed too if I had snorted goat’s milk through my nose in the hopes of getting more alone time with Sean only to find out he’s invited 4 other girlfriends.

Tierra’s “Head Start”

Meanwhile, back at “The Lodge,” Tierra is getting deeper on us as she’s scribbling madly into a notebook.  What are her Tierra thoughts?  Why did she feel the need to crash Sean’s date?  Did she honestly think that she was “getting a head start” on her two on one date like this was a science project and she went to the Extra Help classroom session?  This is the second time she has interrupted a date.  Last week, she crashed Lindsay’s private time with Sean.  This week, she steals one of the plaid shirts and covers Sean’s eyes during an interview.  Loved the producer saying to Sean as Tierra’s approaching him from behind, “Are you expecting any surprises this evening?”

Tierra tells Sean that being selected for the two on one date is a “big slap in the face.”  He tries to convince her it will be fun but she’s not buying it.  The strange thing is that Sean doesn’t seem as appalled to see Tierra crashing his date as I am.  Doesn’t he see she’s being manipulative?  Doesn’t he know how insecure she is and her showing up like this on his group date rings all sorts of alarm bells?

Random Thought

Did anyone else get choked up at the “Marry Me Monday”commercial?  Ok, me neither.

Everyone’s Falling In Love

I was a bit baffled by AshLee’s confession to Sean during the group date. She’s already using phrases like “It’s like a fairytale for me.”  This was almost, but not quite, as scary as her saying that she has this “soul connection” with Sean that she can’t put into words.  She adores our dear Sean and seals it with a passionate kiss.  AshLee is beautiful, passionate and extremely organized in telling her thoughts to Sean.  Let us not forget she is a professional organizer.  Should we be concerned that she’s falling intensely this early?  Ehhh, it’s not like we haven’t seen this before.  Just not sure Sean is at her level quite yet.  Only Bachelor time will tell.

Meanwhile, back at The Lodge, Tierra is taunting Jackie about their upcoming date.  Did anyone wonder where Tierra went off to?  I mean there are only 3 of them and she just vanishes for an hour or so?  With a group date plaid shirt on?  I’d be suspicious.

Back to the group date, we witness the out-of-nowhere snuggle fest between Sean and Catherine.  They can’t keep their hands off of each other but we’re all left into the dark as to why.  Where did this come from?  Did we miss something?  What the hell is going on?  Daniella pops out to get some Sean time and comes face to face with this unexplained chemistry.  It’s enough to send her to tears, but luckily she’s still crying when she gets her Sean time and this makes Sean horny.  There’s something about chicks in tears that does it for him.  For another unexplained reason, Sean is able to comfort Daniella by telling her how much he’s “starting to get to know (her) on a more intimate level.”  Really?  How so?  Doesn’t matter because he goes in for the kiss and it’s LOUD (not GoDaddy! Bar Rafaeli / nerd commercial loud, but loud).  Why does Sean always give the rose to the emotional, crying and insecure person? And what a slap in the face that he gave it to one of the “losers” who wasn’t supposed to be on the date to begin with! Last week he gave it to Tierra. This week, Daniella. Both girls give him a bit of a pout and BOOM, they get a rose.  Come on, Sean, they’re pretty much playing you like a violin.

The Temptress Versus the Shy Sweet Amateur

We’re finally read for the two on one date.  Tierra’s all proud of her “head start,” and even prouder that Jackie has no idea about it.  The two girls suffer an extremely uncomfortable car ride in silence to the Bar W Guest Ranch.  Off they go horseback riding and Tierra pretends she’s been doing it all her life while Jackie looks on, from behind, not sure how to gain an advantage.  This is literally a horserace (no symbolism necessary) and she’s losing.   Honorable mention goes to Jackie for trying to throw Tierra under the bus, we all know that as soon as she pulls out the “Tierra was flirting with a cute guy at the airport” card, Jackie’s done like burnt toast.  Was this supposed to be the big “Tierra Trash” talk we were anticipating?  Obviously Sean is going to need stronger evidence than this.  Shouldn’t it be enough that every girl in the house hates Tierra? I think Sean’s got his blinders on.  He’s frustrated because he knows in his heart that Tierra is not the right girl for him, BUT he’s too caught up in the “love at first breast sight” to give up on her just yet.  Even though we all know Jackie is going home, it won’t be before Sean gives her a little testing in the kissing department.  She’s too cute not to at least kiss once.  But since we’re showed previews of Tierra shivering and “unresponsive” on tonight’s group date, we KNOW she’s sticking around at least another week.

We learn from Tierra’s alone time with Sean about her five year relationship with a guy who went to rehab and died.   It was the hardest time of her life.  Is this why Tierra’s so insecure and clingy?   Should we feel sympathy for her and does this change our opinion about her behavior?  Do we believe her story?  Are we rude for not believing her story?  I felt awkward during their threesome “romantic” dinner.   We soon learn that even though Sean just briefly made out with Jackie, he doesn’t have romantic feelings for her (can he figure that out from one kiss or did he know before he kissed her??).  So off Jackie goes and Sean is giddy to take Tierra to a lake where fireworks go off.  Yes, symbolic.  This show is so deep!

The cocktail party is upon us and we already feel the tension in the air.  It’s Trashing Tierra time and the real fireworks take place during this part of the show.  Tierra’s feeling the tension as well because she suddenly declares, “I seriously want to punch everyone in the room.”  Really?  Even Sarah?  Come on, you don’t really want to punch Sarah – that’s just mean.  When Tierra gets up and storms into the other room to pout by herself in front of a fireplace, I am pretty sure we got an up-skirt shot.  She LOVES short shorts and skirts.  Sitting alone, she declares, “I honestly wish I was a fighter because I’d beat the ____ out of these bitches.”  Ok, we can officially hate Tierra now.  Let the floodgates begin.  And so it does.  She drops her biggest bomb yet with the whole, “If I want to go get engaged, there are plenty of f-in guys in the world.”  MOUTH DROP at this comment as we know there’s only Sean and nobody else in the world!

But when Sean walks by and hears Tierra going off on one, does he not know right then and there, he needs to send this girl home?  No, of course not.  Tierra thinks the girls are attacking her (and maybe they are a little, but only because she’s so different around them than with Sean).  Also, is Robyn wearing the same dress or color as last week or the week before?  I feel like she’s always in blue.  Meanwhile, according to Chris Harrison’s blog, the Tierra confrontation went on for hours and we only saw  a tiny piece of it.

So Sean’s down in the dumps because he knows everyone hates Tierra, but nobody can give him specific reasons (um, here’s 3 specific reasons, Sean: everyone hates her because she’s mean, needy and insecure – is that enough?  Oh and she thinks there are men in the world other than you – as if!).  WHY DO THESE GUYS NOT SEE IT?? Are they that whipped this early?  The Husband and I were discussing this issue at around 12:30 AM last night.  Our conversation went something like this:

 Stacey B: Why can’t Sean see that Tierra is bad? Does he know it and just doesn’t want to believe it?

The Husband: It’s her boobs.

Stacey B: Really? Her boobs? Why is there one girl in every season who is obviously disliked by the other girls and yet the Bachelor looks the other way? This is just like Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson.

The Husband: No it’s not. Courtney was a smokin’ hot super model.  I completely understood what Ben was thinking. Tierra is cute and has big boobs, but there are other hotter and nicer girls to choose from.  It’s not the same at all.

Stacey B: But everyone warned Ben and he didn’t listen and look how that turned out.

The Husband: Didn’t Ben and Courtney last longer than Emily and Jef?

OMG, I’ve created a monster and he’s coming up with actual, legitimate Bachelor arguments.  BTW, The Husband and I have our deepest conversations at 12:30 at night after a Bachelor episode.

Meanwhile, back to Sean’s Tierra weak spot: He tries to pump information out of Lesley, but she’s too classy (and she’s probably seen the show before and knows trashing another girl has never led anywhere good) to reveal much.  This scene really bummed me out as it told me that Sean is not romantically interested in Lesley even though they hold the Guinness world record for longest on-screen kiss. I know he’s not interested in her because if he was, he’d be focused on Lesley and NOT Tierra.  You didn’t see him think about Tierra when AshLee, Catherine or Lindsay were around, right?  Chris Harrison also mentions in his blog that Sean was getting so frustrated and was ready to give up on the whole process. Yeah, I don’t believe that. Sean’s got a signed contract that he’ll see this thing through to the end – and I wouldn’t worry that whoever he chooses suddenly gives him a written letter at the finale and walks away from the whole thing.  That’s a distraction piece. I’m sure it was a last minute love letter (such a tactic has Tierra written all over it – but let’s hope not).

I was really hoping Robyn would give it to him straight as she was walking out to the limo, but she was too shocked to be going home to be of much use.  So we have to wait a whole 24 hours before more Tierra drama – I hope that the red eyes / dark circles under my eyes clear up because we’ve got another big Bachelor night.  Are you ready???  Who are your favorites?  Do you think Tierra is a victim here or is she manipulative and a drama queen?  Is anyone feeling nervous about Tierra’s health on tonight’s date? She is the most dramatic shiverer EVER.

Tonight’s episode starts an hour later at 9 PM EST / PST.  Til later tonight, please “Like” my Facebook page: http://facebook.com/OfficeStace or “Follow” me on Twitter (@OfficeStace).