Now that we’re full swing into Hollywood awards season and I spent way too much time analyzing who was sitting near who at the Golden Globes Awards last week, it is time to move on and figure out who I’d hang out with at such an awards show. I didn’t give this much thought until earlier this week. I saw on some celebrity website, a picture of Selena Gomez hanging out with a bunch of Hollywood starlets. As you may know, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber broke up less than 2 weeks ago and suddenly Selena was hanging out (post-Golden Globes) with Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical, the actor who plays “Peeta” in Hunger Games and one of the teenage actresses from Modern Family. How does this happen? I know they’re all somehow connected through Disney and such, but does that make them instantly friends? Do they really like each other or are they forced to hang out together because they’re barely 21 and can’t relate to anyone else their own age?
This got me thinking about who I would hang out with at a post-awards show. First of all, would anyone want to hang out with me? I’d have a stylist and personal trainer of course, so I’d be the best version of myself possible and because I’m at an awards show, it probably means I can at least act like I belong. I’d immediately try to be friends with Kristen Wiig, because no female actress on the planet makes me laugh harder and I bet we’d play the best jokes on each other. Mindy Kaling could also be my friend too and I wouldn’t be worried that everyone is staring at her over me, like I would if I was friends with Jessica Alba, for example, or Sofia Vergara. I bet Jennifer Lawrence is pretty cool in a sporty sort of way. Jennifer Garner would be sweet but maybe a little boring for me. Natalie Portman and I could discuss the Jewish thing but then she’d go off with her ballerina husband and I’d feel deserted. I bet Mila Kunis is cool, but she’s too busy loving on Ashton Kutcher these days.
Hmmm, who else could Kristen Wiig and I hang out with? For sure, Melissa McCarthy, but we don’t want to get too “Bridesmaid” cliquey, so I guess we’d try to get Claire Danes to hang out with us. I’d hope she’s not as intense and wide-eyed as her character on Homeland. I long for her Jordan Catalano days. We might try to chat it up with J Lo, who would call me “S Becks” since my last name is “Becker,” and we’d compare rear ends – my own being way better than hers and her secretly agreeing. But her much younger, back-up dancing boyfriend would probably creep me out before long, so I’d need to move on. I’m actually also scared of Angelina Jolie – she just seems half human, half wild animal to me and she’s too busy with her tribe to be my friend. Plus I’m Team Jennifer Aniston anyway, so she wouldn’t like that. Overall, K Wiigs and I would always have a pretty cool circle of people around us who do not talk about fashion, jewelry or handbags. We’d be gossiping our faces off with Adele, who I love.
In terms of guys, I bet Ben Affleck is pretty cool, but he’s definitely the A+ of the A list these days, so he wouldn’t have much time for us. Bradley Cooper is certainly Bachelor of the year, and I’m sure he’s got all sorts of crazy stories to share with us. I’d definitely chill with Seth Rogen and Jason Segal – they’d be part of my crew for sure. If Ryan Gosling came anywhere near me, I’d stutter and faint, so that’s probably not a good match. But I’d love to see what happens if we were all hanging out and Rachel McAdams walked into the room. Would he blush? Do a double take? I bet he would. I bet it’s impossible for him to be in love with Rachel McAdams and then one day, not be.
I’m kind of sick of the following celebs: Jessica Chastain (she’s a little too everywhere at the moment), Emma Robertson (for some reason, I think she may be full of herself and talk badly about people just like I’m speaking badly about her and she’s so not as awesome as her Aunt Julia Roberts), the entire cast of Glee and Taylor Swift. Taylor seems really sweet, but I’m a bit over her either acting surprised at winning an award at this point or being unsurprised and therefore, ungrateful.
I’m wary of Jodie Foster, Mel Gibson and Russell Crowe. Jodie, I’m scared of because of the intense look in her eye before her “coming out” speech where she didn’t really come out, but just said in a cryptic way that she had already come out. Mel Gibson terrifies my nightmares because of his insane rants that have been revealed in the news and because if he could delivery such a passionate performance in Braveheart, I can only imagine the level of insanity he’d achieve when set off in real life. Gladiator scared the hell out of me and Russell Crowe is now Javert. Both of these characters together in one person is terrifying.
For the after-after awards party, I’d beg to run into Sacha Baron Cohen and his wife, Isla Fisher. They’d keep us in stitches and I’d be anxious to see what comes out of Sacha’s mouth when a few drinks are in him. I’d also like to hang with the entire cast of Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad and/or Dexter. Not Mad Men, though, because I’ve seen the real Don Draper (John Hamm) being intereviewed and he seems like a bit of a disappointment in real life – not Don Draperish at all. Plus I don’t ever want to be seen next to January Jones for obvious reasons.
What about you? Who would be your celebrity friends? BTW, we are working hard on getting to an awards show soon. To that end, please see The Husband’s shower singing debut at my latest Office Stace Facebook page post and be sure to “Like” the page so you don’t miss any of them in the future: http://www.facebook.com/OfficeStace
Have a wonderful weekend!
PS I wouldn’t be caught dead near any of the Housewives of any County as I don’t want to be associated with that level of reality of TV. The cast of Jersey Shore, however, I’d hang with any time.