It’s a brand new year of juicy relationship issues and here at The Relationship Judge, we are ready to go. No problem is too small to be judged – keep them coming! Today’s Relationship Judge is fairly straight forward, but kind of a crazy situation. Which is good because it’s Friday and I could use hearing about someone else’s “craziness” on a Friday. Here we go…
The Facts: Lesley (I’m using that name in honor of one of our favorite Bachelor contestants this season), an old friend of mine, wrote in as she’s very stressed and needs advice. Lesley works full time as a compliance associate at a bank in New York City. She’s very close with her brother and his girlfriend, Whitney, who is Lesley’s co-worker. Lesley is responsible for introducing them and they have been dating for 8 months. Recently, however, Lesley has learned that her brother (who has a wandering eye) has been pursuing someone else behind Whitney’s back. Lesley has urged her brother to end things with Whitney (who is already designing her engagement ring at various websitse during work) but he has not indicated if and when this will happen. Lesley is very worried that her brother won’t do anything and the relationship will get carried out indefinitely. She’s also worried about Whitney finding out about ”the other woman” and particularly, that Lesley knew about it and didn’t say anything. Being at work could get very awkward and stressful very fast.
The Question: Should Lesley indicate to Whitney in some way that her brother is cheating on her? Should she get involved at all? What happens if all hell breaks loose and Lesley is still forced to work with Whitney?
The Relationship Judge Says: YIKES!! This is a tough one. Do you remain loyal to your cheating brother and keep his secret or do you fess up your knowledge to a good friend? First off, just as you should probably never date anyone from work, for the same reasons, you should also heavily discourage a close family member from getting romantically involved with a co-worker. That’s just a recipe for disaster, particularly when things go south. Having good, solid friendships with co-workers is essential for a number of reasons. Co-workers can become just like family – you probably see them more than your actual family depending on your job, so treat them kindly and honorably.
As for your question, though, there’s no easy answer here, but clearly, if Whitney rightfully thinks that she is in a committed relationship with your brother, then your brother is the “wrong” one here. I would go to him this very second and give him the option – either he ends it or you’re telling her the truth. Normally, I’d tell you not to get involved, but Whitney is your friend and you WILL be in the middle of it to some extent and you don’t want the middle of it to be at work. Leave all that drama outside. Be prepared for Whitney to put some distance between the two of you for the immediate future even if you are physically working near her. It’s not fair – you’re just the sister to the dumper, not the actual dumper. Still – she’ll need time to heal and get over it. Try not to share too many details of what you did or didn’t know – that will only get you in trouble and truthfully it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is they needed to break up and you made that happen a little sooner.
PS – Maybe you can set her up with someone else when she’s ready?? Or nominate her to go on the next Bachelor?
Your Turn: Should Lesley get involved here? Is it her job to let Whitney know what’s happening or should she stay out of it?
Have a wonderful weekend!! We are starting a dog training class for Wally on Saturday and on Sunday we have a dog birthday party. This is not a joke. Someone rented out a private room for a dog’s first birthday and we got an invite to join the festivities. I hope Wally’s missing balls can handle the excitement.