Let me clarify, for anyone who’s confused about the title of this post, by saying that I do not currently have any human children. Nor do I pretend that owning a dog is nearly as complicated and stressful as dealing with human babies, toddlers, children, teens and adult offspring. I have a sister with four kids and hands down she takes the cake every time in the motherhood category. Her stresses far exceed mine at the moment. These days, we generally just worry about how to keep Wally from eating my underwear and how to afford our puppy’s vet bills. Between the neutering, several bouts of diarrhea, ear mites and the need to empty his anal sacs (no good reason to elaborate on that last one), our little guy has tacked up quite a bill. In fact, we may be our vet’s best customer. I’m thinking of asking if they have a card that enables us to a free visit on our fifth time there in under 10 weeks.
The past few days have been especially hectic. We think Wally ingested some feathers from our down mattress pad or a stuffed toy based on the unidentifiable feathery objects that came out with his poop over the weekend. NASTY. The poor guy was crying every 2.5. hours around the clock begging to do his business outside or simply be comforted. The Husband and I took shifts on puppy bathroom duty, blocking the view of any pedestrians who may have been interested in what was coming out of Wally’s tush and judging us . (Side note: it’s really tough to pick up wet poop from the sidewalk).
By Sunday morning, the poops had turned bloody (Apologies for the mental image). Despite our multiple orders of Chinese food delivery to give Wally white rice and steamed chicken, the poops could not be improved. So we found ourselves running to the vet yesterday. Some medicine, scans and prescription dog food purchased, we debated on whether to keep Wally home for the afternoon. But one look at his puppy face told me that he could use a little pick me up. Fortunately, we had the perfect thing in mind…
A few weeks ago, we received an invitation to a doggie birthday party thrown by a former work colleague of mine. The invitation arrived by email and was directed to Wally. The party was to be at a doggy daycare / grooming facility on the Upper West Side and was in honor of Daisy, another cavalier king charles spaniel female, who was turning 1. The invitation specifically stated “No Gifts, Just Licks,” and a private room was reserved for the occasion. Fresh from the vet, meds administered, The Husband, Wally and I grabbed a taxi over to the West side trying to get one more poop out of him before he entered the party. We walked him upstairs and immediately saw that this was unlike any birthday party that we had ever been to. In a private rectangular room with glass walls all around stood about 20 or so dogs of all sizes and breeds along with their owners.
Normally when I go to birthday parties and don’t know anyone, it can be intimidating or awkward. But as Daisy’s mom pointed out to me at the party yesterday – “People who own dogs are usually pretty awesome,” which I have found to be very true. Being dog parents, we all immediately had something in common to talk about. Wally was not shy at all. My little neutered puppy of 7.5 months went straight up to the birthday girl and started humping her with the utmost respect and devotion. He didn’t realize that he had raging diarrhea. He had no idea his balls were missing. He followed Daisy around like a man on a mission and eventually she gave up and started lifting her hind legs for him to do as he pleased. I kind of wondered why Hasbro hasn’t thought to make a toy dog based on My Little Pony, but calling it “My Horny Puppy.” It would have the ability to cling onto small objects and hump away (with batteries of course), completely embarrassing its owner but kind of making them smile too. Once Wally was done with Daisy, he went on to hump a number of other dogs. I guess nobody has told him yet that he’s lacking some necessary equipment to get the job done. It won’t be me.
It’s funny – the last few dinner parties I’ve been to with friends my own age have centered around the baby talk – potty training, day care vs. nanny, when to stop breast feeding, etc. I don’t mind the talk at all – it’s a normal part of where many of my friends are at these days, and I’m always trying to build up my knowledge base for down the road. I guess the equivalent of this was our conversations regarding wee-wee pad trainings vs. crate training, which dog runs and parks we take the dogs to and what kind of training we’ve done with the dog. Finally I had something to contribute! It was a pretty awesome afternoon with a bunch of warm, friendly people. And in case you’re wondering just what happens at a doggy birthday party – I’ll fill you in. It’s a free-for-all with all the dogs running around, leash free in this room and sniffing each other. Some hump (like Wally), some nap and some just chase each other around. There was a delicious cake for humans as well as one that the hostess made from scratch for the dogs. Wally also received his own doggie cookie favor on his way out. The humans chit chat about their dogs, play with the other dogs around them and get licked a bunch.
We decided to walk home by crossing Central Park, our first long walk with Wally in a long time. By the time we got to our apartment, Wally’s eyes were closing. He hopped up on the couch and immediately fell into a long snooze by my feet. When he woke up, hours later and The Husband took him out for a walk, he made his first solid poop in over 3 days. I know this information, because The Husband texted me a picture of it on the sidewalk with a “He made a solid poop!” explanation. Both of us had tears of joy at this news. We need a life. Good thing Bachelor is on later – Wally will probably be getting Chinese food once again for dinner and there’s nothing like a little bit of rice, chicken and Sean “Lowe Mein” when recovering from a hard Monday and the runs.
I’ll leave you with some additional pictures from yesterday’s birthday party: