Bachelor in Paradise: Jesse the Jack-Ass, Brooks and Tasos Arrive

lovebirdsThis week, on Michelle Money’s Bachelor in Paradise…nothing too interesting happened except for the following:

(1) We finally learn that there will be an ending to the season. We still don’t know how or why or in what way – only that next week is the finale and EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE. I was starting to think that we could stay in Tulum for years and just watch couples make out and steal each other’s dates as there seemed absolutely no point to the show. I doubt my opinion will change much after the finale next week.

(2) I forgot how effeminate Brooks was from Desiree’s season and now I can’t picture him ending up with a woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. When he broke out the nail polish for Jackie, this sealed the deal. Seems like a very nice guy and I hope he finds the right man.

(3) The editing on this show needs improvement. Christy was wearing the same outfit in her side interviews when she spoke about how special Jesse Kovacs was. Then 30 seconds later she talks about what a “douche bag” he is and goes off on him. Which is the same outfit she was wearing for the gang up on Jesse farewell. Did they tell her to say nice things about him at first so she could bash him later? They should have at least made her change clothes. There was also confusing editing with Sarah’s decision to stay with Robert. They made it sound like she was going to “break up with him” – I’m pretty sure she said that she was going to do that before she got his letter to meet her on the beach. This doesn’t make any sense to me and seemed very set up by the producers. Sarah has searched for so long for someone to make her feel special and that’s a quality guy. Robert fulfills everything and more – why would she throw that away for a chance to be with Brooks? Was Michelle pissed that she was stuck with Cody and didn’t have a chance to start a relationship with a man from her home state (Brooks is from Utah too). They also made it seem like Michelle couldn’t take another second with Cody – then all of a sudden she’s having nighttime, fireside beach chats with him and deciding to just go with it. Is she actually interested in dating the blonde incredible hulk? He’s known her for a couple of days and is saying he’s in love. WHAT??! She is definitely acting – there’s no way she’s interested long term. If he can still be into her after witnessing those white feather drop earrings, she best reconsider her feelings for him.

(4) Best line of the night – Graham’s description of AshLee’s reaction to him not getting a date card, “She’s going to cut someone.” So he acknowledges that she’s insane, but chooses to stay with her. Sad man.

(5) I like Tasos and Christy, even if they are a default couple resulting from Jesse being a scumbag. The sad thing is that Jesse has zero remorse for how he treated these women and for referring to Tasos as “Tacos.” Zack-Jack(ie) are an interesting pair. Ok, not really.

(6) I was thinking about being an 80s go-go dancer for Halloween and am wondering if I can borrow Lacy’s pink tie dye outfit and some of her blush. Is that stuff in style? Maybe it is and I have no clue. I also feel a serious need for the side French braid and head bands in general after watching this show.

That’s all I got.

The Husband and I are going to battle next week over the big television in our apartment as its Monday Night Football. How on earth will Bachelor in Paradise compete with opening MNF night?? YIKES. Happy Labor Day weekend and end of summer. I’m wishing you all a slow, easy transition into autumn!

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Bachelor in Paradise: Michelle Money’s Show Gets Wild; Chris the Farmer’s Our Bachelor

Yup - you, Clare, and Michelle Money, who I now want to marry after 48 hours in Tulum

Yup – you, Clare, and Michelle Money, who I now want to marry after 48 hours in Tulum

For the second time this week, I watched Michelle Money’s Bachelor in Paradise, Part 2. Only this time, I saw it with my parents and had to translate what was happening at each commercial break. They couldn’t remember who was dating who. They couldn’t hear what anyone was saying through the music. They didn’t understand the purpose of the show since it wasn’t for money (good question, they didn’t really explain that). They kept asking how long the season would go (another good question, this is also unclear) and what was going on with Jackie’s boobs. Truthfully, that last part was the most confusing. I think we all agreed that she got bad implants.

General comments and then I’m calling it a night. I have a headache from trying to decipher why Graham is still interested in AshLee and how anyone could find Jesse Kovacs attractive.

  • I’m really sad that the whole meltdown once Graham left the rose ceremony was NOT that he rejected her and she went into a tailspin resulting in an ambulance ride to some mental relief center. Seems like Graham and Lacy either ate the wrong thing or were drinking too much. 
  • Not sure why AshLee wouldn’t chase after Graham when her man is clearly not feeling well and Michelle rushes back to get him water. If she was remotely interested in the guy and not just looking pretty for the cameras, shouldn’t she have tried to help him out? She’s an ice queen. It’s really irksome that he hasn’t figured this out already.
  • I felt bad for Clare that she finally got the “he’s just not that into you” truth out of Zack, but had respect for her that she didn’t drag it out any longer. Once she got the news, she decided she was done. I don’t think she actually looked like a big fool for calling it a night early. She chose to walk away instead of trying to hold on to someone who was giving her “red flags.” Good for her, she’s growing.
  • What I didn’t understand is why Zack didn’t then go back after Christy once Clare left. He didn’t want Jesse’s sloppy seconds? He had a sudden change of heart for Jackie’s odd boobs?
  • The fact that Michelle Money has zero interest in Cody is so blatantly obvious that it makes me feel uncomfortable watching them together. As my mother said – what does a mid-30s something single mom want with a 25 year old single guy? She should be looking for an older guy – perhaps someone divorced in their 40s who’s a bit more experienced, mature and looking to settle down (but not completely overwhelm her). He’s known her for 48 hours and is ready to propose. And this after he was so sure that he was there for Clare. I get yucked out just from seeing his little puff of blonde hair, obscenely muscular body and intense piercing blue eyes. Poor guy has no idea what he’s getting involved in with Michelle.
  • Best part of the episode was watching everybody react to Marcus’s little love speech for Lacy. I cracked up the whole time and so did my parents. It was borderline ridiculous. They’ve known each other maybe a week at this point. I’m guessing they will be engaged by the finale of this show, whenever that is.
  • Lucy looked very pretty during her brief time on the show, better than Juan Pablo’s season. Christy is absolutely beautiful, but not sure she’s got the wits to see Jesse for who he is. Not exactly sure what happened with Lucy getting into bed with the two of them, but don’t really care.
  • I’m thrilled for Sarah and Robert!!! I really hope they can make it work because they seem to have a very strong friendship between them underlying whatever romance they have. Are we only going to see Sarah wearing black from now on?
  • Marquel went from having 3 women after him to zero. Things change quickly in Paradise.

My mother is showing me Carters outfits online and my father is snoring away on the couch, so it’s time to call it a night. I miss The Husband and Wally who are at home while Ellie and I decided to escape to the suburbs for the night. Off to bed here…

OH AND IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD, WE HAVE A NEW BACHELOR – IT’S CHRIS THE FARMER. Arie the Race Car Driver from Emily Maynard’s season tweeted yesterday that he wasn’t chosen. Apparently he’s pretty bitter about the whole thing. The Bachelor has its work cut out for them – how will they make 25 women vying to be a farmer’s wife in Iowa seem interesting? Will they move the show to Iowa? Will they wear overalls and plant things? Milk cows?

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Bachelor in Paradise: AshLee Frazier’s Evil Hammock Chat, Clare Crawley Fights Back, Kalon Dates Himself

AshLee "on camera"

AshLee “on camera”

This week on Michelle Money’s Bachelor in Paradise…

Did anyone actually watch tonight over the Emmy’s? We kept switching back and forth, but ultimately, I wish we had waited until tomorrow and watched both shows back to back. But since there are limits to how much Bachelor I can make The Husband watch in one night (4 hours is a LOT, even for me), we did watch tonight’s episode. I’m left with a lot of questions. Questions like the following:

(1) If a 95 year old single man showed up on Bachelor in Paradise, would Michelle Money find him attractive and go after him? And if this 95 year old man rejected Michelle, would she cry? My guess is YES.

(2) Could Kalon look any worse? He is a pretty self-important, pompous jackass. How awesome that nobody wanted to go out with him! Loved that he tried to get Sarah to go out with him after he clearly chose Jackie over her RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Then we got to hear Sarah’s awesome line, “I didn’t want to let him get close enough to my mouth so that I’d barf in it.” (Truth be told, I loved Kalon’s line too – something about “I want to zip line straight into Michelle Money’s _____” ) Although Michelle Money tweeted during the show in response:

@MoneyMichelle: Dear Kalon. I would highly suggest zip lining your way to another country if you plan on getting a date. Ever. In your life. With anyone.

(3) Can anything happen on Bachelor in Paradise without Michelle Money being involved? Is there any chance in hell that she’s actually attracted to Cody? He seems like a nice enough guy, but he’s a complete cartoon character. Actually, if Michelle had held out a little longer, there’s another Utah guy on the way for her to freak out about. I don’t see a single spark of interest between these two except the fact that they can actually play out the whole, “If we were on a deserted island and you were the last person on earth…” scenario.

(4) Will Michelle convince Graham to reject AshLee’s rose and that she’ll give it to him instead? Will we ever found out how these two went from “lovers” to “best friends?”

(5) Why would Michelle agree to do Sarah’s hair for her date with Robert if she was so upset about it? And was it REALLY daggers to Michelle’s heart to be doing this when she barely has spoken to Robert? I’m still not sure we’re seeing anything more than a strong friendship between Robert and Sarah, but I hope things progress. They haven’t even kissed yet as far as we know.

(6) Does Graham have any kind of independent backbone without Michelle telling him what to do? He’s already somewhat in the know about AshLee’s insanity. Why can’t he make a decision on his own that she’s nuts? I get it, she’s got a great body and wonderful mascara-coated eye lashes, but can’t he see it’s a fatal attraction type thing? I could have told him that from day one. I really wish he would have seen Sean Lowe’s season.

(7) What is going on with Jackie’s boobs? Was it the bikini top she was wearing or did she have very odd implants leaving her with a concave cleavage situation?

I predict a Marcus / Lacy engagement by the finale of this show. And speaking of which – will they cut this show free by football season? Because they’re going to lose a large chunk of their male audience (do they have a male audience?) very shortly. Does Marquel have any hope of even trying to keep Jackie? We didn’t see any game from him. He should have stepped in when Kovacs stepped up. That guy is a creepy player – at least from the previous season of Bachelor Pad that he was one. He’s just there to party and hook up. Basically – he’s like Kalon with a better disguise.

So let’s talk about the Clare / AshLee show down. For once, I completely agreed with Clare and had a lot of respect for her on this episode from beginning to end. I love how she handled the Cody date. It must have been flattering to be singled out for a one on one date and I’m sure she was happy that she had the opportunity to pin Zack down to exclusivity. He certainly did not seem completely sold on Clare, but the Cody situation brought things to a head faster. What was AshLee doing canoodling with Zack in a hammock if both are tied to others? She was like a snake offering the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. It’s not like she was offering her opinions of Clare to a girlfriend. Not innocent venting or gossiping. She went directly to Clare’s man and used her opinions of Clare as a means to get him to dump her. That’s pure evil. AshLee thought she was off camera. Her true venom came out. And after Clare took back the date card from Graham for her. No matter what AshLee’s pre-conceived notions were of Clare, all of that should have disappeared once Clare did that for AshLee. So AshLee’s apology to Clare was ridiculous. Clare was right not to let her “hug it out.” AshLee is a true lunatic.

Get ready for the fireworks. Michelle Money has set up the show nicely for all of us. What will happen next? Will AshLee try to drown herself? Disappear into the jungle? Stab Clare? Michelle? Both? It’s only a matter of hours before we’ll find out.

On a brighter note, my cold is getting better and we got Ellie back from my parents. The Husband should be on the mend soon enough too. Ellie’s smiling more and more each day and we’re having a lot of fun with her. Seems like a completely different lifetime and human being we were dealing with when she was up constantly throughout the day and night, crying at everything. We are 5 months and 15 days in.

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Baby Girl’s Away :(

IMG_6160It’s Friday at 11 AM and I hear a baby crying, but it’s not mine. I just packed up Ellie’s bags and sent her off with my parents. The Husband and I have come down with nasty head colds (I got it first and now The Husband’s is kicking in) and before we know it our little 5 month old baby will get it too, so we’re doing everything possible to keep her healthy. I’ve been sanitizing every nook and cranny of this apartment and wiping down things I’ve never wiped down before. I have no idea how any human being takes care of an infant when they are sick. I’ve had this cold since Monday and would like to just cut my head off to feel better. I’ve never had to give a bath, diaper, put creams on, pajamas and then feed a squirming baby while having a slight fever, sore throat, hacking cough and headache. It’s not fun. The Husband has been helping out where possible, but an infant is more than a one person job. You need an army of sorts.

To make matters more complicated, our beloved babysitter who was supposed to come on Monday, texted at 9:15 AM Monday morning that she had a family emergency and would not be coming this week. We haven’t heard from her since and now we’re worried that she may never be coming back. Did she break up with us? Were we dumped?

Ok, need to go strategize on how to get better and do the 1000 errands that I can never get done. I miss my baby girl…

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Bachelor in Paradise: Marquel’s the Man, Chris B’s in Pain and AshLee’s Planning Hot Babies

A glimpse at "intensity"

A glimpse at “intensity”

I’m not sure why I thought that being a new mom would prevent me from getting a head cold. It didn’t. I woke up this morning with a runny  nose, sore throat and a slight fever. It’s gotten worse this evening and on top of that, our new babysitter called to say that she had a family emergency and will be away at least this week. So I’ve been trying not to get Ellie sick, which is really hard when she’s so darn cute and needs those cheeks kissed constantly. The Husband took her out for a long stroll today and by the time he got back, I wanted to chop my head off. Damn these head colds. Now he’s got me locked in the bedroom as he watches the Redskins game on the big TV in the living room. As a consolation prize, he ordered me some awesome chicken noodle soup with grilled cheese. Yum. What’s the remedy for a bad cold? Hot soup and Bachelor in ParadiseB, obviously.

So Elise, is obviously out of her mind if she thinks that Chris B is her rainbow after the storm, her light at the end of the tunnel and she’s following him to Chicago after 3 days of hanging out with him. Guess he didn’t have anyone at home that could ice his knee for him and bring him cocktails. Dylan is probably thanking his lucky stars that he got rid of her.

I feel like we’re having a mini-series of Marquel as The Bachelor. He’s really popular with the ladies! I feel bad for Danielle because she seems quite genuine but their connection didn’t compare with the way he looked at “Jackie’s silhouette” when she approached everyone on the beach. Is Marquel super Christian or conservative? Why wouldn’t he kiss on the first date? Why is he offended at Michelle’s drinking? Why is he even on Bachelor in Paradise if there are so many things that go against his values?

Graham needs to RUN from AshLee. She’s got an insane look in her eye when you get past all that mascara. She mentioned their “hot babies” at least twice, so you can only imagine how many times she’s thinking about this in her head. Plus it looks like she completely loses it next week and it’s sooo dramatic, that it required back to back episodes. Woah.

I love how the producers don’t even TRY to come up with original date ideas for each of the one on one dates this week. They’re like, “Let’s just send them all to the same little area of Mexico by plane and hope they don’t run into each other.” Because why go through the effort of creating unique dates when these people create enough to drama to steal the show?

lemurs

Lacy and Marcus look so much alike here

The more in love Marcus and Lacy fall, the more they start to look alike. With their tan skin and green eyes, they look borderline possessed with love for each other. Like a pair of lemurs, perhaps.

twins?

twins?

In case you’re counting, Michelle Money has cried in EVERY episode. Tonight she’s only crying because she realized that nobody is falling for her nonsense. Marquel has moved on. Robert is realizing that he’d rather hang out with sweet Sarah than deal with drama queen Michelle. Go Sarah, btw! Graham’s too wrapped up with AshLee to be an option and everyone else is TAKEN. Michelle’s little double date didn’t do the trick (did we even see the actual double date?) and she was DONE until Chris B announces that Michelle deserves to find love. BARF. I can’t for the life of me figure out if Michelle is ever being genuine or is playing the role of an actress. 99.9% of the time, I think she’s acting.

I wonder if Zack has regrets in being wifed up with Clare. He seemed to be a little too excited to see Jackie. I’m sure if another hot girl arrived and gave him a rose, he’d be more than willing to test the waters.

Ok, Nyquil is calling and I’m excited to fall asleep and dream about whether Elise’s make-up will stain Chris B’s sheets back in Chicago. Did they break up on the flight home? Also – how does one get injured in Paradise? He was probably running away from Clare. Good night! xoxo

 

 

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Bachelor in Paradise Video Review – Stacey B & The Family!

All four of Ellie’s grandparents came to New York City tonight to hang with their granddaughter and grab dinner together at our apartment. We had to do a video review of last night’s Bachelor in Paradise episode since we all watched it. The Husband’s parents are much more civilized and refused to participate. His father thinks we’re all absolute nut jobs for being interested in this sort of entertainment. Regardless, if you want to hear our thoughts on “confused Elise” and the crazy Michelles – tune in below.

P.S. The video was taken from a pretty unflattering angle. We all look stuffed from eating amazing Italian food. My favorite part is how Ellie is just mesmerized by her daddy.

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