Pre-Order My E-Book – Knot the One

knottheone-final-revisedYou guys, it’s here!!! I am beyond thrilled to announce that after 7 years of working on the story of how I got dumped before my wedding, my e-book, Knot the One, is out tonight for pre-order. Please spread the word and get your copy. It’s available through Amazon and iTunes – this link will take you there.

If you need your crazy relationship fix now that Bachelor in Paradise is over – this is the answer! Thanks in advance!!



Bachelor Pad Finale Ends With Engagement, An Awkward Reunion & Surprising News

jadeIn less than 9 hours, I’ll be battling for nursery school applications on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. The infamous day-after-Labor-Day nursery school craze is almost upon us.  More on that topic another time (and how I’ll need to spend a small fortune for a great 2’s program, undergo interviews and send my now 17 month old on playgroup interviews)- for now, let’s talk BACHELOR PAD FINALE.

Before we start, other BIG NEWS is that my e-book, Knot The One, will be available for pre-order tomorrow. If you think the Carly / Kirk break-up was dramatic, you’ve seen nothing yet. I had to go through my own hellish break up before I found The Husband. Check back here for details on how you can pre-order your copy!

But back to tonight’s finale: I’m not sure that the Jade and Tanner proposal, beautiful as it was, was any more shocking than the fact that Samantha and Nick are still together. What on earth does she see in the guy? They’ve only known each other for a couple days in real life. When he alludes to their texting for several months before the show, she doesn’t comment on it (is she taking the 5th Amendment on this one?). I just don’t get it – she was clearly texting with multiple men yet Nick is the one that panned out. Was she hoping that there’d be some huge monetary reward for staying together? Was she going to try and steal half of that reward? Or did she just want to be deemed a “winner” by staying with Nick and proving to everyone that she had pure intentions of finding love when she came on the show? I still think she’s hiding big secrets in her hair. She is a complete Ursula from Little Mermaid. The only thing Nick could say about her is how attractive she is (with a wink that grossed me out). She had zero to say about him except that he saved her from Joe. This relationship will last about 30 more seconds before it fades into the sunset.

I was super excited when Jade and Tanner made their love declarations to each other. It was very sweet and natural. I love these two together. It’s very easy between them. Loved Jade’s dress during the proposal. Also liked that the ring was not a huge over-the-top trinket – just simple and classy, like Jade. I thought Tanner was going to absolutely melt during the proposal – like there’d just be a ring, a rose and pool of sweat where Tanner was standing next to Jade. Thankfully he made it through. But how awkward to be celebrated by Samantha (who Jade disliked) and Cassandra (who they knew for about 48 hours) along with cheesy Nick and Justin (another semi-new guy).

I was very impressed with Tenley’s decision to pull a Jane Eyre and choose her head over her heart in dumping Joshua. She made a very mature decision and said it in the sweetest way imaginable. I totally thought she’d choose to “see what happens,” but she’s right. It wouldn’t have ended well. Best case scenario, one of them would have to move and she didn’t see that happening. Sad. Romantic. I hope we’ll see her pursuing Ben H, though is she deemed too old for this?

As for the After Paradise segment – there are too many sidekicks. I really hope they revamp the hosting if they decide to do this show again. Did we need Sean and Catherine there for any particular reason? I thought they were going to announce her pregnancy, but I guess they were just there to look happy? There were multiple blondes that kept trying to interject jokes – such filler!

The Carly / Kirk reunion was blatantly awkward. She was still so angry and hurt. He was really upset too and just fumbling to give every angle of what was going on in his head. Could he have handled it differently? Yes, probably so. Should he have told her sooner? Yes, probably so. But does a person’s feelings and actions always perfectly line up the way their supposed to and make complete sense 100% of the time? HELL NO! Bottom line – he lost interest somewhere along the way and didn’t know how or when to tell her. He just wasn’t into her – ultimately. It is confusing that he’d say all of the things – about her brother’s wedding and implying that he wanted her to move to his big house. He probably did mean all these things in the moment. But feelings change. People change. And when he really sat down and thought about the reality of being together as a couple for the long haul he realized that he wasn’t where she was (or he was completely freaked out). Either way – it wasn’t going to work. He had let it go on too far and had to do something about it before it went any further. What if he had waited until AFTER that second date? I don’t think she would be any less angry. There’s no great time to break someone’s heart.

As for Cassandra announcing her relationship with Jonathan (very hot and heavy from the way these two were staring at each other!), I was so excited for them!!! I mean, poor Justin, but the logistics of that relationship and them both being single parents who can’t travel back and forth to visit each other just makes it too complicated. I love how these Bach people just always seem to run into each other at things – they met up independently from anything that took place on the show. How does this happen? So happy for them! They never even asked Jonathan whether he’s pissed at Joe still. Who cares when he’s got Cassandra??

On that note, I’m signing off for now. Will have more to say tomorrow.

Ben H is our NEW BACHELOR. His season starts January 4th. But we’ll have much to discuss before then.

If you want to track us before then, check back here regularly for updates and follow us on Instagram: 


Kirk Shocks Carly As Bachelor in Paradise Winds Down

In happier times

In happier times

My hair still smells like chlorine and my skin has that post day in the sun summer scent – so basically, I’m in desperate need of a shower (or a beach). I’m mid-Labor Day weekend here (as are the rest of you), so let’s keep this short and to the point.

My stomach is still in knots at watching the Carly breakup. It was painful. Brutal, even. I can feel her pain. Kirk was probably terrified to do what he finally did and there’s really no easy way to tell someone who you care about and who you’re kind of interested in that you’re not ready to have babies with them after only 5 weeks together (has it been a full 5 weeks yet??). I mean, I get it. Carly had a vision and was almost over-confident in how great things were going between them. But Kirk never appeared to be quite on the same page as her. It was always Carly making the comments about how smitten she was. About how great their relationship was. How giddy she felt. Kirk was swept up in the ride. Carly’s an outgoing, energetic and fun-loving girl. I’m sure he got a kick out of her. But she was in love with the idea of finding love. Kirk fit the bill but clearly he wasn’t quite ready to go on such a whirlwind journey at the same pace as her.

He was really upset about how the break up went down, but it’s clear that her reaction and the thought of losing her has not made him regret his actions. Jaclyn Schwarz was tweeting her rude comments as per usual and her comforting words for Carly tonight were, “At least you won’t have ginger babies.” Not nice. But that kind of sums up Jaclyn. She pretty much insulted every person on the show so I hope that this finally solidifies her retirement from this series.

Back to Kirk – like I said, I met the guy and he couldn’t have been more genuine or seemed like more of a solid guy. Perhaps his timing needed some work. Yes, he probably should have told her earlier. Yes, by not telling her, he let her fall deeper. But when is a good time to crush someone’s dream? Was he hoping his feelings would change? Probably. Did he probably like Carly a lot? Of course he did. But he set off the fireworks on tonight’s episode and had three women crying (Bachelor record?). Carly didn’t give him a second to try and clarify anything. She was too hurt, understandably so.

Well, both Carly and Kirk will be on tomorrow’s After Paradise show. That should be plenty of awkward to watch.

So Ashley I FINALLY went home after Jared FINALLY broke up with her for the third time? At least she didn’t lose her virginity. At least she met a nice guy who made her hopeful that there are other nice guys. Let us please be done with the tears for now.

Still don’t understand Tenley’s attraction for Joshua.

Samantha and Nick? Really? It’s hard to watch them. All he could say to her was how pretty she is. Like his favorite doll. He had absolutely nothing of substance to say, but hey, they somehow are part of this final 5 crew.

I really liked Cassandra back in Juan Pablo’s season. She was very mature and sweet there, but she’s still only 23! Is she ready to commit to Justin after only 1 date? They seemed to hit it off really well, but that’s a lot of pressure to pack into a very limited amount of time together. (Is Chris Harrison telling them that they have to have sex with the intent to stay?). I remember when Michelle Money came back from this overnight fantasy date with that blonde body builder Cody and she claims she was head over heels in love. That had to be a joke??

Will Jade and Tanner be getting engaged on tomorrow’s episode? I don’t see how it could be anyone else? Unless we find out that Samantha’s pregnant with baby Joe and he comes back to make it official?

Can’t say I was surprised about the Mikey v Juelia sitch. He was never interested – he just wanted to come back on the show for another chance to meet someone else. And he uses that chance on Mackenzie?? Whatttt? At least she had the sense to turn him down.

Signing off here. Have a wonderful holiday weekend! Check back here tomorrow!!! You can find me on

I hope you’re all mending your broken hearts tonight. It was pure torture – here’s where it particularly stung:


New Blondes Arrivals Attempt to Shake Things Up on Bachelor in Paradise

scaryeyesBut it ain’t working…

I was sad to see Carly’s intentional manipulation of newcomer Chelsie but happy that she chose to take Nick over Dan. Dan has become extremely uninteresting to me the moment he decided that he’s still interested in Samantha. Now he’s just a lovesick puppy, another insect caught in Samantha’s web of lies.

The break-up of Ashley S and Nick was semi-comical but also sad, because it just shows how difficult Ashley S must find it to be in a relationship. She’s not the average woman and needs someone who finds her quirky qualities endearing.

I felt really bad for Chelsie since her date also had eyes for Samantha. Chris Harrison should send Samantha and everyone interested in her to their own separate island. Or maybe just make a separate season called “The Bachelorette Biatch,” and she can team up with newcomer Jaclyn (who nobody is interested in) and torture the crap out of the men in a dramatic fashion.

So once again, we had kind of a BLAH episode, except for the last 5 minutes where Ashley I came up with a genius plan to wooo back Jared: get an overnight date card from Chris H. Was this something that came to her on her own? How do you just get one of these? Could Tanner and Jade get one? Kirk and Carly? Tenley and Joshua? Probably not. The requirements are this: you have to be a virgin, be insanely head over heels in love with someone (or think you are) and that person has to be the object of someone else’s desire. Bingo, Ashley I passed the test. Not sure I understand what Jared’s story is. Is he too nice to say “no?” Is he interested in Ashley I? From the After Paradise segment, these two couldn’t have been further apart physically once the show ended. Are they just in a very awkward break up phase? Jared kept saying how great a person Ashley I was when interviewed. That’s code for: he dumped her and I don’t think they ever got to the sex part.

Why are Tanner and Jade going to break up? WTF?? They were solid. Does Tanner have a girlfriend back home? Does he freak out about being too serious? Could anyone other than Kirk and Carly be getting engaged?

I loved Joe’s leather bound book of text messages between Samantha and him that he sent to Chris Harrions. Amazing. Can we all get copies? Samantha really couldn’t answer the basic questions of why she lied and why she didn’t give a crap about Juelia. Making the co-host of the show leave was a pretty bold move. I mean the co-host is incredibly annoying, but making her leave just proves Samantha’s guilt. I also love that Samantha was totally trying to sway the audience back in her favor by throwing things out like (1) I was just a girl who got swept up in a guy – many others can relate, right?? (2) she’s getting death threats – ugh, it worked for Kaitlyn – we all felt horrible for her, but somehow Samantha isn’t as sympathetic. She made Juelia out to seem like a desperate, lunatic who she was only really “Bach” friends with and not real life friends with. So yay for sticking up for her and boo for knocking her right back down again, Sammy.

The part about Chris Buwhateverhisnameis, just NEEDED TO END. Couldn’t we have spent a few more minutes with Jared and Ashley I sitting awkwardly next to each other rather than have Chris Booooo say anything? I am so sick of this guy. Met him at a fundraiser event in Central Park a few years ago and he was absolutely full of himself. I was hoping that he might take off with the silver, purple blondish haired Jaclyn. Just so BOTH of them could vanish.

PS – I at least hope that if Ashley I doesn’t lose her V-Card AND gets dumped by Jared, that she can at least be invited to the Kardashian household to hang with Kris Jenner. They’ll never know she’s not one of them.

PPS – I was grossed out again that Mikey was willing to go out with Chelsie (not because of her, but because Mikey’s sole reason for being allowed back in Paradise was to date Juelia. If he’s nolonger interested, he should be forced to leave).

Ok, I’m getting tired and frustrated. The Husband has attempted to start a load of laundry because it’s 11 PM and the washing machines in the basement of our building are FINALLY available.

If you haven’t seen the news: my e-book, Knot The One, is available for pre-order on September 8. If you want to hear the story of how The Husband and I got together, now’s your chance. Please check back for details shortly!!!

Best of luck to Ashley I in getting it on next week:


Samantha Steffen Shocks Everyone on Bachelor in Paradise

Meet the Master Manipulator

Meet the Master Manipulator

I’m still confused by all of the manipulation going on tonight. Samantha hides secrets in that long hair of hers. Ashley S’s insane declaration that she’s caught up in Samantha’s looks is still haunting me. Is she bewitching the men? Does she drug them with Samantha juice? What the heck is going on? I was completely shocked that she did a 180 and got “back together” kind of? with Joe. I mean, these guys didn’t end on the best note. So what on earth motivated her to rekindle that flame? Even when the NEW GUY gave her an “out?” and she seemed to be interested in him from some pre-existing relationship via text?

Ok, so NEW GUY was not appealing to Samantha because he sent her running back to Joe. She’s making out with Joe and giggling at his drunken, half-closed eyes. But then a conversation with Dan and his glistening goatee and she decides that she wants to use the word “drama” even more than she already has and then dump Joe for Dan? We have entered another planet – or maybe Greek mythology since Ashley S has pointed out that Samantha may very well be Aphrodite. I have to give it to Ashley S – she may seem looney tunes, but she nailed it with her Samantha analogy.

NEW GUY’s date with Amber was semi-awkward to witness. She seemed to immediately regret having any physical contact with him and went running back to get dumped by Dan moments after her return. I don’t think she’s going to last very long in paradise.

I was annoyed with Carley’s manipulation tactics as well. Why wouldn’t she give Chelsea the full scoop on all of her options: Samantha’s a lying puppeteer and everyone wants her off the show – so go out with Dan, please! At least let her be in on it! She could have also been a little more forthcoming about Jared (who I’m sure would have gone out with Chelsea) or even offered up NEW GUY as an option. Not nice, Carley. You’re already smitten with Kirk – let someone else have a chance too!

There is no way in hell that Joshua came up with the idea to take drunk Chris’s date card. First of all, that’s never even been an option in the history of the show (“Dates cards are not a commodity!” – this is what The Husband announced when Joshua took it from Chris). So a producer probably recognized that Tenley would never go out with Chris, so might as well film an actual romantic date between Tenley and Joshua that involved a cheesy aphrodisiac. Joshua looked completely out of his element but was happy to be with a pretty girl. I’m not sure if these two could make it 24 hours together in the real world. This makes me sad because Tenley does seem like a very nice girl. But perhaps this means she’ll be a surprise arrival on Ben H’s season of Bachelor!!!!! Rumors are flying that these two were “talking” before he was selected.

Which brings me back to Joe showing the world Samantha’s text messages on his exit limousine ride. Could he have faked these? If they’re real, what does Samantha have to say for herself? She was completely lying to everyone’s face when she said she did not have any kind of a relationship or sense that her and Joe would be together. And then there were her tears. Is she just a psychopathic liar?

I can’t let this post end without mentioning Ashley I’s love letter to Jared. And the fact that she thinks his face was chiseled exactly for her (or something like that?). She IS out of her mind but in a very third grade level crush kind of way. I just go back to feeling awkward and sorry for her. She must have absolutely no strong male figure in her life to make her put guys on pedestals like that – just these unachievable gods that deserve worshipping and leaving her speechless and in tears constantly. BE STRONG Ashley I!

One other point that bothered me. When Chelsea arrived, someone was asking a group of the guys whether they’d accept a date from her. Kirk said no. But someone who did NOT say no was Mikey. I didn’t like that. His response was that he’d have to “speak to Juelia,” about it. This is code speak for: Yeah, he finds her attractive, so before he makes out with her, he’d want to give Juelia a head’s up so he doesn’t look like a total jerk like Joe. If he’s thinking about going out with another girl, then things aren’t solidified or happening with them. Grrrrr.

Alright, bed time. Xoxoxox.


IN OTHER BREAKING NEWS: My e-book, Knot the One, will be available for pre-order on September 8, 2015. This is the story of how The Husband and I got together – it’s a long and crazy road. Please check back here for more details!

I’ll leave you like Joe did – with the Sam text gate clips:


Ben Higgins for President (and next Bachelor!)

Humble and HOT. Ben H is our next Bachelor!! (He's almost as cute as The Husband)

Humble and HOT. Ben H is our next Bachelor!! (He’s almost as cute as The Husband)

Samantha is lying. Joe is pissed. Repeat. That was the theme of tonight’s show. If you didn’t see the episode, you didn’t miss much. Really. Except that BEN HIGGINS (Ben H!) is our next Bachelor. Even The Husband was drooling when Ben came out in his dark suit looking like Superman. The whole Nick V trick didn’t throw me for a second. “Bring out Ben!” is all we could chant in our household! Is it January yet?? Do we think he’s going to have phone sex with Amy Schumer tonight? I love her.

So I finally found something that could be worse than spending time with Joe or Samantha. It’s not even a root canal. It’s the RE-TREATMENT of a root canal gone awry. That’s what I had done this afternoon. My original root canal tfrom earlier this year developed an infection. After several attempts to treat the infection, I had to see a specialist to fix the problem and that all went down today. I’ve got to hurry up and finish this post so I can take my antibiotics, advil and fall asleep before I end up doing something terrible. Picture sitting in a dental chair, when they strap on a stretchy rubbery contraption to keep your jaw locked into an open position and you’re just stuck there while they stick instruments into your mouth, poking and prodding, even drilling – while you’re just there with your thoughts – like will Ashley I ever seem like a normal human being? Will we ever understand what the heck Samantha’s story is? Do Juelia and Mikey stand a chance in the real world?

So I’m still recovering from that and was looking forward to seeing Samantha’s villainous text messages, but we never actually saw anything, just some whining and an attempt at blackmailing Samantha back into his arms. It didn’t quite work and we didn’t see anything too scandalous. I’m not even really sure what her whole “never before seen footage” with Jade was all about. It was just Samantha denying her relationship with Joe? I mean, it sounds like they just texted a lot. I don’t think she’s denying that happened, right?

Does anyone care at this point? I kind of love how NEW GUY came in tonight, heard from his good friend Joe that he’s into Samantha and then NEW GUY couldn’t care less, and goes straight away to ask her out. That should be interesting next week.

Nothing from Tanner and Jade tonight. They’re still glowing from their overnight.

Nothing from Tenley and Josh.

Nothing from Dan and Amber.

It’s hard to take Ashley I seriously. She cried almost the entire episode and I’m not sure why she thinks her relationship with Jared will take a very long time to get over.

Kirk and Carley went fishing. Very cute. Beautiful sunset. Do they do anything other than giggle when they’re together?

Is Ashley S still there? She’s pretty non-existant at this point.

Ok, mouth is starting to pound and I’ve got to find a pic of Ben H to post so we can stare at him. Who’s excited??

Leaving you with my favorite part of tonight: