Nick Goes Canadian on Bachelor Finale, Rachel the Bachelorette Meets Her First 4 Men

Fire brewing between these two at all times

Fire brewing between these two at all times

Happy Finale Night, Bachelor Fans!

There have been some very exciting developments apart from tonight’s show:

(1) My daughter, Ellie, turned THREE on Friday. It has been non-stop partying, pizza and cake eating and I’ve gained 10 lbs and am exhausted. I’ve also become a cake master – check out my photos on my Instagram account.

(2) Today is my 7th wedding anniversary with The Husband. SEVEN. I can’t believe how fast that went. And I’m feeling the romance as we’ve ordered in Chinese food and are watching 3 hours of The Bachelor and couldn’t be happier. The Husband will soon be in tears of joy (just calling out the truth) for whomever the winner is. Or maybe he’ll be watching hockey on his phone and be crying over that. Hard to tell.

Whitney Fransway, my new BFF

Whitney Fransway, my new BFF

(3) Something amazing happened on Thursday night. I was home alone, baking birthday cakes so hard, when a mysterious California phone number lit up my cell phone. It was The Husband’s best friend from growing up (let’s call him Chase). So Chase lives in Los Angeles and says to me, “You’re never going to believe who I’m having lunch with right now.” Moments later, I, Stacey B, am chatting away with Whitney, the 25 year old Minnesota – tall, beautiful brunette pilates instructor from Nick Viall’s season! We didn’t get to hear much from Whitney during the season, but in the brief time I spoke to her, she was absolutely lovely – sweet, gracious and appreciated my complete Bach fan girl moment. I should also mention, that I was mid-worst cold of all time, so I sounded like the combination of a groaning 87 year old man and a dying goat. Hard to make that sound pleasant, sane and intriguing to a current Bachelor contestant, but Whitney didn’t seem to mind. She wished me a happy anniversary and gave me a few inside tips on the show, which I was sworn to secrecy on. I learned that Whitney was best friends in the house with current Bachelorette Rachel, so I don’t think this is the last we’ll see of Whitney on the series. Chase had told Whitney about my blog and she said she’d check it out.

So Whitney, if you’re reading this, who are we inviting to Rachel’s premiere party in NYC at my apartment? We only have about 2 months until the premiere, so time to start planning :)  Chase, you’re welcome too. Thank you both for making my night! I will bake a giant Rachel bachelorette cake for the occasion.

Ok, so now to the main event…

This doesn't look like platonic ice lovin' to me (Nick on Raven)

This doesn’t look like platonic ice lovin’ to me (Nick on Raven)

Every ounce of this episode just screamed to me that he should choose Raven. I mean, their love was easy. That doesn’t make it simple or boring or too good to be true. The type of laughter, mutual respect, communication and honesty that I saw in their relationship are the true skills needed to last in the real world. I was heartbroken for Raven that she had to go through that entire experience only to have to hear from Nick that he wasn’t in love with her. It just didn’t feel right. He certainly seemed in love with her on that ice skating rink in Finland. Especially after having such an intense night of convincing Vanessa to hang in there. There was zero drama with Raven. And yet they seemed to have that passion every time he would lay her down on the ground to make out with her. She certainly did NOT feel like friend material then. Also, what about that orgasm? Nick always was happy, upbeat and incredibly playful with Raven. What’s not to be in love with about being his best self? With Raven, we see Nick taking more of the lead, like he’s courting a young, impressionable small town lady. With Vanessa, Nick is mentally challenged at every turn. He’s met his match and then some. Every sentence he said, every look he gives her – she gives it back to him and questions it from every angle. She’s no wallflower. What’s the opposite of a wallflower? It seemed absolutely exhausting. And yes, I can clearly see passion between them too, is it sustainable with so many questions still looming in the air?

So here’s what I loved this episode:

  • Everything about Finland and the final dates that they went on. This may have been my favorite final week locale EVER on this show. I loved the home Nick’s family was staying in, the little Santa Clause hut where Santa was chillin’, all the beautiful snowy backdrops for horseback riding, the reindeer just chillin’ in front of the main building where all of the events were going on, the puppy huskies (please tell me Raven got to take one of them home to comfort her), the ice skating rink, all of the quaint fires, candles, opportunity to wear knee high snow boots and cozy parkas, frizz free gorgeous hair from both of the final ladies and sled rides.
  • Nick’s family. I mean, this is our 5th time meeting them (once with Andi’s season, twice with Kaitlyn’s season and 3x this season). Bella is starting to feel like my own little sister. I think Nick’s mother either has pink eye or is going to need a major vacation from all the tearful stressing she’s done over her son’s love life these last several years. I do feel for her. That moment when Nick’s father cried with Vanessa, we knew she was a shoe-in, even if they were only showing us all the negative scenes of her questioning her relationship.
  • Raven’s hair in the finale and then again on the After the Final Rose – how on earth does she keep it so smooth and shiny and tangle free? She has a future in shampoo commercials if Bachelor in Paradise doesn’t work out.
  • Raven’s revenge dress (and hair) on After the Final Rose. It was just screaming, “You obviously picked the wrong girl. Look at what you’re missing out on and how easy and happy your life would have been with me and this do-me dress.”
  • Nick and Vanessa’s proposal. Not a dry eye in the house around here. I mean, they’ve got a long road ahead of them, but how can you not root for them to work it out? There’s clearly a passion and love there – but can they make it work? Time will tell.
  • Seeing Rachel own her new role as Bachelorette. She’s going to be great. Smart, sweet and beautiful.

Here are the remaining questions that I still have from watching this:

  • Did anyone else think Santa was going to set his coat on fire by walking by that gigantic fire in that tiny hut?
  • Is Bella wondering what the hell is wrong with her brother? What does she think of Vanessa versus her best friend Raven?
  • Did Raven and Nick have any actual music during the ice skating portion of their date? Because Nick was busting out all sorts of dance moves and if there wasn’t music, is that just strange or just his body’s way of realizing it’s not in love?
  • DID RAVEN HAVE AN ORGASM?
  • Did Nick sleep with Rachel and Raven and Vanessa on the fantasy suite overnight dates? If so, how is Vanessa handling that information?
  • Was Raven ever a consideration to be the next Bachelorette? Feel like she’s too classy to be on Bachelor in Paradise? Or maybe she’ll be like Jade and find one good guy and end up engaged there?
  • Was beginning The Bachelorette’s season on tonight’s After the Final Rose really the most shocking thing that’s ever happened on the show? I mean, it was creative and new and kind of fun to get a preview, but most shocking ever? I still think Jason Mesnick’s switcheroo on his after the final rose was most shocking. Or perhaps Juan Pablo being unwilling to admit that he loved Nikki Farrell, the girl he chose.
  • Did anyone else think they were going to announce that Nick and Vanessa actually broke up and he was pulling a Mesnick (i.e., he wanted to pursue Raven instead?). What about announcing that Vanessa was prego? I mean, both of these things would be more shocking than Rachel starting her season, right?
  • Where the hell in the US are Nick and Vanessa going to live to start their life? How is this life going to start if Nick is in rehearsal all day in LA with Dancing with the Stars? I can’t see someone like Vanessa being satisfied with just sitting on the sidelines with a smile on her face. She’ll grow bored in 2 minutes. What will she do to occupy herself? What happens when Nick is amongst all these celebrities and hot dancers on the show? Will he remember that he’s off the market?
  • What will Vanessa’s students do without her coming back? What about Sunday lunches with her family? Maybe she really is more willing to compromise than was let on during the show.
  • Is Vanessa taking Nick’s last name and agreeing to be called “Mrs Viall (Vile)” for the rest of her life?

So the good news if you’re a Nick and Vanessa fan, is that a lot of their struggles have been based on the process of Nick being the Bachelor (there being other women, Nick not being able to fully commit to Vanessa when she wanted him to, etc.). Other problems were them both having to be holed up together and never being able to be out in public. So now they can be seen together and Nick can finally move forward with Vanessa instead of dwelling on his past heartbreak and current role as Bachelor. That may actually give them a chance. Especially if they’ve made it this far and are good communicators.

Ok, eyes are closing. I need to go love on The Husband even though he wants nothing to do with me until my cold goes away completely. Also, we’re expecting Snowmageddon tomorrow in New York City (12-24 inches being predicted), so time to turn the heat on.

It’s been an amazing season with all of you, Bachelor Fans. I hope you’ll come back to check in on me or follow me on Instagram (@OfficeStace). See if Whitney agrees to a Premiere party. I mean, it’s not that far away. I’ll miss hearing from you and your thoughtful, witty, funny comments. Can’t wait to hear more of them about this finale and all that comes up next season.

So what do you think? Are you happy for Nick and Vanessa? Were you cheering for them or couldn’t care less? Did you feel bad for Raven or did she dodge a bullet? Do you think she had an orgasm? What did you think of Vanessa’s first 4 dudes and are you excited for her season?

Til next time, Friends!

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

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The Bachelor: Exotic Overnights, Orgasms and Outrage on Women Tell All

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Holy three hours, Bachelor Fans. I remember wondering last week how the heck I was going to convince The Husband to sit through 3 hours of this insanity (thank you, DVR, for cutting this down to about 75 min). Add in a hacking cough, lost voice and a sick toddler. I took my first sick day from work in forever and I could probably use another week to get rid of the cough. Watching Nick try to sort through his last 3 women doesn’t soothe it. I even went to the doctor today who confirmed that I have a virus and no, she wasn’t giving me antibiotics and yes, the entire world is sick with the same thing right now. Most terrible of all is that our dog Wally had to go under anesthesia to have his teeth cleaned and we were anxiously awaiting the phone call that he made it through ok while watching Vanessa try to convince Nick that they are not entirely incompatible. [Wally’s home now and completely out of it which is the real highlight of the evening besides Corinne. P.S. my double root canal cost less than half my dog’s dental work. Also in my next life, I’m going to be a NYC dog dentist. How on earth would anyone know if your dog ACTUALLY needs a tooth pulled? This is just like going to a car mechanic except worse because there’s a living being involved. Not only did they pull a tooth, but they said he tested positive for lime disease which we treated him for over a year ago. Again – how on earth would we know if this is actually true?].

So out of the 3 exotic overnight dates, it looked clear (except for what we already know in the public news) that Rachel was THE ONE. She’s smart, fun, can challenge Nick in playful and upbeat way. Their relationship just seemed so easy to me. Their chemistry was palpable. I was most impressed by their body language during “the morning after.” Nick couldn’t seem to get enough of her. He even stayed to make her breakfast. If a man has seen all the goods and is staying to make breakfast, that’s a pretty good indication. Plus it’s during those “non-camera” hours that the real convos happen, right?

There was a split second that I thought ABC was fooling all of us. And that Rachel DID make it til the end and then rejected Nick to become the next Bachelorette? Or that maybe they just wanted a decoy and so had us thinking she was the Bachelorette when really she ends up with Nick? Who knows. In any event, I don’t dare try to understand what’s in Nick’s head. He’s a tough read. He seems to desire these very alpha, dominant female types (e.g., Andi, Vanessa?). Even Kaitlyn in her own way was outspoken and opinionated. I saw Rachel as a nice balance of confident, strong minded and assertive without being overly aggressive. Whatever. Nick’s loss, right? One last thing about Raven’s date – It looked like a scene from out of Frozen. From the reindeer (where was Sven?) to the sled adventure (just like Anna and Kristoff) to the snowy adventures they took on. I have to admit that I MAY have thought that reindeer were actually mystical creatures like Rudolph and Santa. The Husband corrected me that they do in fact exist. So now we have to take my daughter to Finland and tell her we’re going on a Frozen ride with Sven.

We saw the very tail end of Raven’s date. Where she basically does the “I had an orgasm” walk of shame. But instead of shame, she’s feeling giddy and happy to be alive. She never tells us it happened, but we know. Her big grin says it all. Too much even. Nick’s body language seems to be a bit reserved, almost dodgy during their morning after – perhaps a bit ashamed of what went on for the cameras. The Husband keeps referring to Raven as another member of the Adams family with her dark hair, pale skin and often dark lips. I can see it. You know when Raven got that rose tonight, she’s thinking, “AMAZING, I get to have at least one more orgasm if I play my cards right!”

So then there was Vanessa’s date. Just like hometowns, their conversations were tough and uneasy. I felt stressed out just listening to them discuss all their differences – She’s traditional and wants Sunday lunches with her family. She called this one of her Core Values and WILL NOT COMPROMISE on it. He’s not even sure that he wants to move to Canada. Um, how’s this going to work again? While she’s saying that she’s falling in love and that Nick’s her dream guy, we’re wondering whether her family being up Vanessa’s grill is too much for Nick. He says multiple times that maybe they’re too similar (too dominant, too impulsive). This is why I thought Rachel was a nice balance for his personality. And if the rumors of Nick going on Dancing with the Stars after this show are true – how on earth would his relationship with a Canadian teacher actually survive that?

That ice plunge thing looked absolutely horrendous, btw. Almost as horrendous as Vanessa trying to convince herself she’s in love with a person who has pointed out as politely as possible that they have very little chance of making it work in the real world (neither wants to move countries, Nick’s not traditional and is worried about her dominating family, both are impulsive which will bring a lot of conflict into their relationship, etc.)

So let’s get to what everyone is actually interested in. Did Nick sleep with all the ladies remaining? I think he must have. Nothing else could have explained his tears and fears of saying goodbye to Rachel. I wonder if she was blind sided. I wonder what they talked about when the cameras left. Could he point to one thing or another for not ending up with her? Normally they at least try to give that whole, “It’s not you, my heart just wants someone else more,” like it’s not Nick’s fault, it’s his heart’s fault. But he just gave Rachel and Corinne the same sorta – I’ve got lots of love for you and don’t regret anything.

I miss Corinne.

I don’t really like Women Tell All, but have a few comments:

  • The women really vamped it up tonight for their return moment. Blonde Danielle basically forgot to finish getting dressed. I don’t quite understand how her dress had such a huge gap down the front middle and no boobs popped out. She’s also blonder than blonde. Almost white hair with a white dress.
  • I’m terrified of Josephine’s lipstick and gothic look
  • Who on earth is Elizabeth the blonde marketing manager who is bejeweled and suddenly has a LOT to say?
  • What was Taylor doing with her tongue facial expressions while receiving negative feedback?
  • Jade’s maid of dishonor, Liz, is blonder and her teeth are a lot whiter than when she was on the show. She’s on a rant for female go-power and she’s put herself back together from just being Nick’s one night stand. Good for Liz. I think she’s trying to build a Bachelorette march after this show.
  • After viewing Taylor try to explain herself, I’m liking Corinne more and more – including her naps, her side quips, her nanny – all of it.
  • The Husband is squirming watching Taylor trying to redeem herself and her career. Corinne ain’t budging. Don’t mess with her. She did warn everyone.
  • Is Corinne’s hair all hers? Or did she add corkscrew extensions?
  • I love the “Emotional Intelligence is my Jam” shirts and the “I want a Raquel” signs in the audience
  • Corinne’s logic is that she’s doing everything to get Nick’s attention and whatever else she did doesn’t matter. The ends justify the means.
  • Napping is actually a point of controversy on this show
  • Corinne, without having to apologize at all, got Taylor to apologize for something. Brilliant.
  • Kristina is beautiful and I kind of love her. I wonder if there was ever a consideration of her being the next Bachelorette.
  • Lots of women still visibly upset from how Nick ended things without explanation (Kristina, other Danielle, etc.)

Rachel being a Bachelorette who knows exactly what she wants will be wonderful – so long as he’s amongst the group of Bachelors vying for her attention. I still want JoJo to be the eternal Bachelorette, but I guess we’ve got to move on. Wishing Rachel lots of luck in her journey.

Wishing me a night of minimal coughing and to wake up not feeling like I’m choking, but rather, fully ready to take on a work day.

Official countdown has begun for Ellie’s birthday which is this Friday. Which means it’s almost the THREE year anniversary since Juan Pablo’s Bachelor finale. Follow me on Instagram for the latest pics: http://www.instagram.com/OfficeStace (@OfficeStace)

See you for next week’s finale, which happens to be my 7th wedding anniversary with The Husband. Can you believe?!

 

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The Bachelor Fantasizes in Finland With Final 3

Husband's cake tonight

Husband’s cake tonight

Thank goodness this show was only an hour tonight. Normally I’d cheer for 5 hours of a Bachelor marathon, but tomorrow is The Husband’s 40th birthday and we’ve got festivities going on, Bachelor fans! How many times in your life do you turn 40? Or your husband turns 40? In this lifetime, it’s happening ONCE and we happen to be 25 days apart. So we had a very casual pizza and cake situation here tonight and I’m wiped out. The Husband is a crazy Star Wars fan for life, so it was only appropriate to have a cake. Tomorrow night is a hockey game at MSG after a full day of work, so I best get on with this crazy show.

When I told The Husband that Bach was only an hour tonight, he blurted out, “Best news of my life.” Uh, I think we’re all ready to fast forward on this season?

So Corinne’s reaction to getting dumped by Nick reminded me of Ellie’s meltdown at 8:30 PM tonight after a no nap day, and her almost 3 year old body was running solely on Star Wars birthday cake and a packet of green beans she wolfed down.  She was delirious and scream crying. Poor Corinne can only apologize to Nick for doing something. Oh, Corinne. You are a miracle for making it this far. She was the tiny elephant in the room of the final 4 girls. It was quite simple – Corinne is still a child and the other women are adults. While Corinne is a lot of fun, I don’t think Nick pictured a life with her, her nanny and her dad. This was probably the clearest decision we’ve seen. Ellie’s nanny told me there are rumors that Corinne his hooking up with evil Chad. Remember Steroids Chad? Oy.

So we only get to see Raven’s date and I was happy to see a cold weathered fantasy week. Finland looks absolutely magnificent. I told The Husband he can take me to a remote candlelit cabin any time. Our apartment building lost heat yesterday and I think we’re kind of cold, but it’s nothing like what Finland cold looks like. Those taverns look very cozy.

Itchy Neck meets Never Orgasmed

Itchy Neck meets Never Orgasmed

Raven’s got that sweet Southern thing going for her and she’s so soft spoken and innocent. I really didn’t want to hear about her lack of orgasms – couldn’t she have told Nick that in private? Why does the world (and her family?) need to know this level of detail? Nick’s turtleneck sweater looked unbearably itchy and like it would swallow his face. At one point he rolled down the neck and something fell out of the collar (or maybe his bushy beard?). Anyhow, there was a LOT of wool going on this episode.

Raven’s little love declaration was dragged out BEYOND a tolerable pace, but I guess it was kind of cute.

Oh wait, let’s rewind – what the HELL was Andi doing there? She wanted to know what Nick was thinking about his remaining women? WHY?? Was she paid to come back? Who needs her? How did she manage to be annoying in just a few minutes? Why does she care what Nick is up to or is thinking? She needs to go. And why does she need whiskey to ask him how his Bach season is going? She takes herself way too seriously.

Ok, so Raven accepts the fantasy card and off they go to snuggle in her Raven hair. Will she have an orgasm? Does the world now need to get an answer about this? Does Nick love her back? I’m not sure how I feel about them. Perhaps she’s the best match of the remaining 3? They just seem to have such a natural affection and respect for one another. But I wonder if Raven will bore Nick down the road. He seems to want to be continuously challenged and have an “edge” in his ladies. I think after a few months, Raven’s sweet talk might not be enough? I don’t know. What do I know? I’m too tired to think at this point.

Til next time. We’ve got some celebrating to do over here. Happy Birthday, Husband. Thank you for being born 40 years ago (and to his mother for giving birth!) and for being my Bachelor loving companion. Love you.

Xoxo,

Stacey B

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Bachelor Nick Gets Grilled at Hometown Dates

Getting hot in Hoxie with Raven

Getting hot in Hoxie with Raven

It’s been a VERY long Monday, Bachelor Fans. Was this an actual federal holiday? It certainly didn’t feel like it at 7 AM when we woke up and declared it Day 1 of potty training for our almost 3 year old daughter. This was our second attempt at potty training since several months ago. We’ve got a stubborn little girl who screams bloody murder at the mere suggestion that she use the potty. Like we’re insulting her by proposing it as an option. She was going consistently for months before her bath about a year ago and then as soon as we tried switching her to the “big” potty, that was it. Never again. Today, there was a lot of screaming, tears, accidents and threats. And then my mother FaceTimed us and told us not to bother. That maybe she wasn’t ready. That there was no sense in torturing her. That was at 5 PM after literal hours of hell. I looked at Ellie who looked absolutely miserable from being forced to sit on a potty all day and had literally hid under our dining room table from The Husband and me to avoid going and wondered what the heck I was doing to her.

I immediately ceased the potty training, the screaming, the declarations that she had to go potty “or else,” and gave it a rest. We put on our shoes and went outside to walk to our local drug store to buy children’s bubble bath that Ellie picked out. Then we hit up Starbucks and the grocery store to pick out Dino-shaped chicken nuggets. I apologized to Ellie for screaming at her all day. I explained that I had been frustrated but that I was wrong to push her. I told her that when she was ready to use that potty, I would be there to help her. That she didn’t have to go just because everyone else was going. That it was ok to do it at her own pace. I’m already feeling a lot better and so is Ellie as she had the best bubble bath of all time. She decorated my face with bubble beards and our entire bathroom wall was covered in suds, but it was the happiest point of our weekend. Ok, back to Bachelor…

I can’t believe we’ve still got multiple weeks left of Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor. Perhaps it’s because we’ve seen Nick on three previous season of this show or maybe it’s just the lack of any serious drama this season, but this has felt like a verrrry long season already. That said, the 4 remaining women could not be more different.

It’s really annoying watching Hometowns with the knowledge that one of these women is no longer in the running. I still HATE that ABC disrespected its fans to the point of releasing premature information about the next Bachelorette. Any interactions between this woman and Nick now seem like a waste of our time. Even wondering what went wrong between them seems pointless. And what’s so annoying is that their connection seems so effortless. Actually out of all the hometown dates I’d say they had arguably the best one.

So Hoxie, Mississippi seems a lot more fun with a friend like Raven around. Going muddin’ and climbing up grain containers might seem uninteresting but Raven somehow makes them charming, particularly when her brother plays a prank on their grain time. Her physical chemistry with Nick is probably the most palpable of the remaining 4. You could feel the love between Raven and her parents, particularly when he revealed his heart-warming cancer-free news. Even Nick teared up witnessing all of this. They had a picture perfect hometown date and I’m not sure why Raven regrets not telling Nick that she loves him – because she did tell him that. Remember when she let it slip a few episodes back? She was referencing her time with Nick in his hometown and how “that was the moment I fell in love with you.” So it’s not like he’s oblivious to her feelings. Still think Raven’s trip to Nick’s hometown puts in her in a much different state than the rest of the remaining women – he’s actually seen how well she got along with his family and little sister, Bella.

Rachel’s hometown date was both eye-opening and engaging on a number of different levels. Her family kept grilling him about whether he had ever dated another Black woman. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about Rachel – has she ever dated non-Black men?  They almost never discuss religion, politics or race on the show, but two of the three were discussed on this date. I’m not sure how Nick felt about being taken to a Black church – it looked like a very warm and welcoming community. Is this something that Nick sees as being part of his life? Would he feel comfortable joining an all-Black church if they end up settling down in Dallas? Have they had those conversations about where they would live? Rachel sounds like she has a legal career down in Dallas. For her to move elsewhere could require her to take the state bar of wherever she settles down.

Side note: Rachel’s younger sister, Heather, looked like she could have been a twin sister. I really liked Rachel’s smart mother (asking about red flags) and her older sister. Interesting that her older sister had married a Caucasian man – it sounds like they’ve had to face some real societal criticism of their interracial relationship. If Nick hasn’t been in an interracial relationship that was serious before, it might be hard for him to anticipate what kind of effect that might have on his relationship with Rachel.

I thought there was a repeated concern for at least half of these families regarding – what are Nick’s long term intentions professionally? It didn’t seem like anyone had had these discussions with Nick yet. Kind of scary as they are on hometowns. Not surprising for Corinne who hadn’t yet had a one-on-one date with Nick at this point. But seriously, what will Nick be doing after the show is over? Besides promoting Hello Fresh, sunglasses, teeth whitening and tea blends on his social media like every other Bachelor cast member? Because I think about what his life with Corinne would be like and have to cringe.

On the one hand, Corinne lives in a crazy fantasy world. She’s completely out of touch with reality. Can’t seem to have any sort of a deep conversation and yet, seems to still be living the lifestyle of a wealthy high school student. Comparing her “typical day” with Vanessa’s day is borderline laughable. And yet, is it bad to go shopping all day and spend $3000 on an outfit before drinking expensive whiskey with your father-in-law at your luxury Miami condo? It can’t be all that bad. Corinne wants to be his Sugar Momma and wouldn’t mind being the breadwinner. Nick could have a very easy going kind of life. He could even hire Raquel to help out with their future kids. I loved Nick’s comment about him being more of a bargain shopper.

I’ve got to hand it to Nick in being able to blend in to each of these very different ladies’ families and remain invested enough to ask each of their parents for permission to marry their respective daughters should they get to that point.

Then there was Vanessa’s hometown. Holy intense. It’s not just that Vanessa is a prolific, assertive, animated, sensitive human being of epic proportions. She’s on a different level than Nick altogether. It just seems like a Martian trying to date an Earthling. They’re in two different countries with two entirely different lifestyles. I think Nick is used to the big family thing with Vanessa’s mother’s side. But I don’t think he was used to the tough scrutiny her father put him under. I laughed out loud when the father asked whether he had asked the other women’s families the same question. Nick squirmed through that one! But ultimately, he seemed to get the ok from her dad. Though at that point it wasn’t clear if he wanted it. It was clear that him and Vanessa had not even talked about where they would end up if things worked out between them. I’d think this would be a pretty important talk to have considering they live in different countries and do entirely different things.

Vanessa just seems very Type A and assertive as everyone in her family was. I left their date feeling like she is an emotional cannon ball. So now she knows that he’s asking permission of all the other families too and her boyfriend has 3 other serious girlfriends. That is just not going to fly with someone like Vanessa. It could destroy her altogether.

So next week we’ve got to see what Obnoxious Annoying Andi has to say to try and prolong her 15 minutes of fame. Who needs her? The ratings, is my guess? Might as well have Kaitlyn show up too just to keep it interesting.

Ok, it’s late and we’ve got a long shorter week ahead of us. Will leave you with some side comments:

  • Corinne had alcohol at almost every point of her date with Nick from the champagne during shopping to the red wine she drank in bed with her dad while having a heart to heart. It’s really hard to figure out if she’s drunk or really serious about coming on this show to find love;
  • Loved watching Nick tear up when he saw Vanessa’s students’ reaction to seeing her. They really love her – she is like a hometown celebrity. She kind of had the feel of when the American Idol contestants go back to their hometowns and get treated like celebs.
  • I am sure there is some kind of rule about a federal judge not wanting to be on The Bachelor which is why we didn’t get to meet Rachel’s dad. Too bad because that would have been an AWESOME convo of him SCHOOLING Nick.
  • I wonder why Rachel didn’t show Nick anything about her job? No visits to her law firm?
  • Does Corinne live at home with her parents AND work with them? Talk about red flags. At least the Scotch will always be good.
  • Nick will use any excuse to take his shirt off. His Hoxie mud wrestling with Raven looked fun.

Anyone have a favorite at this point? I just can’t see him lasting with anyone other than maybe Raven…

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The Bachelor Nick Rejects Corinne’s Platinum Offer in the Bahamas

Corinne - about to say something ridiculous pre-vagine offering

Corinne – about to say something ridiculous pre-vagine offering

Is this the most depressing season of The Bachelor EVER? Is there any hope at this point that Nick will find lasting love with any of the women? I’m frustrated, Bachelor Fans. First off, on my way home from work this evening, The Husband texted me to say that ABC had announced the next Bachelorette. And not only that, but it’s one of the currently “active” women pursuing Nick. WHY THE HELL WOULD ABC DO THAT TO US? Don’t they have any respect for the true fans of this show who enjoy watching the journey and being kept in suspense??? Or does ABC just accept the fact that there are so many spoilers out there and they want to ruin anyone from exploiting them?

When they announced Nick as the next Bachelor on Bachelor in Paradise, it was annoying, but I was like – Ok, fine, it’s the side kick show. Annoying because I liked Jen and Nick together and still don’t completely understand why it didn’t work out (although now we know that Nick doesn’t like sweet pretty girls – he likes smart, spicy, passionate girls). But fine because there was also Lacey & Grant and nerdy Evan & Carley and crazy high energy Josh & Amanda to focus on too.

But ABC’s premature announcement is unforgivable. In case you haven’t seen it, I won’t ruin it here and I request that we not disclose it in the comments either if anyone out there has managed to avoid the news. I’m so disappointed that they would just throw out this information so early on in the process. This had to be a ratings ploy. Pure and simple.

As for tonight, I’m still ready to punch Nick in the gut for crying out his confusion / emotions to the ladies in a group format and basically making them feel unworthy of his facial hair, white teeth and weepy eyes. Also, on what planet does he view Corinne as an actual, legitimate, serious partner and potential wife over someone with the strength & beauty of Kristina or the kindness / genuineness of blonde Danielle. Did he not enjoy rubbing sunblock on Kristina’s inner thighs in front of Raven and Corinne enough? I’m so confused by his actions.

[Side note: Kristina’s last name is Schulman. Is her adoptive family Jewish?? Kristina Schulman is kind of a beautiful oxymoron name like Christina Schwartz or Christopher Goldberg, so now I’m more intrigued by her than ever.]

So let’s start from the beginning and try to sift through this mess together…

Weepy Nick feels bad because once promising relationships have turn to shit and now he’s freaking out that he can’t trust his own feelings. But then a little pow wow with Chris Harrison gives him the strength to continue on the journey (or whatever contract he signed with ABC). Fine.

So in he goes to apologize to the ladies for being a wuss. Also fine.

So this week, they jet out of St. Thomas immediately because THAT was the problem – a beautiful Marriott resort on a gorgeous Caribbean island. Forget about the fact that if you can’t make a connection in one of the most beautiful places on earth, you’ve already got issues. But hey, let’s leave it all behind and go to Bimini in the Bahamas. Literally get your bikinis, we’re going to Bimini? We’ve got 3 one-on-one dates and one group dates with Corinne in a bikini once again. Is there anyone who hasn’t seen Corinne in a bikini at this point?

I was waiting for Vanessa to reconnect with Nick. As soon as I saw their yacht, I prayed that she remembered anti-nausea meds. Can you imagine two dates of Nick cleaning up Vanessa’s motion sickness? So they have a very deep convo about how Nick is scared and how that made Vanessa scared and she thinks they’re all falling in love and decides to tell him only to find that he’s more confused than ever. Or holding back. Or whatever he is that he told her. Also, The Husband was convinced his body language was more than hesitant – he was borderline bored. I took it for pensive. Whatever. He just doesn’t seem over the moon in love like Carrie Bradshaw was for Big, you know what I mean?

Then the awful “let’s swim with sharks” group date. Who the hell in their right mind would go into shark infested waters? No thanks. And don’t tell me they are harmless if you leave them alone. Uhhh, why take the risk? Particularly once Nick jumps out of the water to comfort Kristina? Then you’re literally just shark bait. But Raven seems way too unbothered by Nick’s indifference towards both her and Corinne on this date. She does a lot of analyzing of how Nick must be dealing with being Bachelor and is a little too understanding in my opinion.

Meanwhile, watching Corinne’s every reaction is a little bit of comedy in this sad, sad season from the reflex blonde hair flick she does when Nick unexpectedly enters their home, to her reaction of not getting a one-on-one to her “freaking out” when she realizes that one more person needs to go home before group dates and it could very well be her.

Raven gets the group date rose and is the first to be guaranteed a home town. We’re going to Hoxie, Folks and I don’t think there’s anyone that actually cares. Except for Raven maybe. I don’t even think Nick cares. Also – it seemed like we saw very little of these dates. We saw the awkward conversation between Vanessa and Nick and then he takes her somewhere (to go weep together again?) but we don’t ever see where and next thing we know it’s the next morning. Same on group date – Nick makes out with Raven after giving her the group rose date and then boom, he takes her somewhere to make out to live music on the beach, but we don’t hear any more of them talking – we just see the Platinum Vagine wondering about her worth if Nick didn’t choose her (Guys, she’d give up diamonds to be with Nick!) and Kristina wondering what all the thigh rubbing was about if he didn’t choose her.

Then it’s blonde Danielle’s turn to charm (ahem, bore) Nick. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say to her. Only that they’re two kids from Wisconsin and since this is now his FOURTH season of the Bachelor franchise traveling the world, we can only assume that Wisconsin is the last place he wants to end up. I felt bad for Danielle because she’s probably just a quieter type and Nick sees that as a weakness that he can’t fall in love with. Run, don’t walk, back to Wisconsin, Danielle!

So then the MAIN EVENT that we all have been waiting for is upon us: Corinne dangling herself on a platter for Nick to eat up. We watch her primp and say ridiculous things to the camera. She must have Nick. She will have Nick. She’s a sexpert. She knows how to make men want her. The only positive thing we’ve learned from this insane attempt to seduce Nick is that he has learned from his past mistakes. He didn’t have a cheap Kaitlyn one nighter. He is definitely attracted to Corinne so it’s even more noble of him to reject her advances (or maybe thinks he could break her heart more easily after hometowns than risk getting murdered by an angry Kristina later on??). Though he may be going to meet her family without ever having a private date with her. Insanity.

Ok, so we’re on to Rachel and they seemed to have that magic chemistry that Nick’s been searching for. These two can’t keep their hands off each other. We were kind of hoping to see this with Vanessa more. Rachel is the only one who is holding back with her feelings at this point. She’s smart, confident and not in her head. She’s just enjoying the experience. She can’t contain her happiness (which is driving Corinne insane). She returns from her date all giddy and excited, sending Corinne into a tizzy.

Nick arrives to confront Kristina that he’s just not that into her. She’s shocked. We’re all shocked that he could actually prefer Corinne at this point. We’re not at all shocked that Corinne fell asleep.

Other thoughts and then I must go to sleep (there’s major political news tonight, I didn’t finish watching the Grammy’s and I’ve got Girls, The Walking Dead, Homeland and SNL to catch up on!):

  • Does Corinne’s breath stink like cheese when she kissed Nick after stuffing her face with cheese?
  • Why did Corinne go through the closed glass door entry to the Hilton after getting rejected by Nick instead of the open sliding glass doors?
  • All the girls seem to really support and like each other – and see Corinne as like the house pet. I don’t think we’ve seen a house that likes each other this much in a while – and all despite some of the mean things Corinne has spouted about the other girls.
  • Is Vanessa just simple and boring like Corinne proposes?
  • Are you kind of just a little bit curious to meet Corinne’s family and her nanny / housekeeper?? I am.
  • Is Nick remotely interested in a long term relationship with any of these girls? When Vanessa poured her heart out to him and his only response was a long speech about why he likes her but wants to take things slow – I almost gagged. That’s the last thing you want to hear when putting your heart out there.
  • Raven has HUGE boobs.
  • What happened to Vanessa after her one on one date? We literally never see her again in any of the other scenes. So odd.
  • Why does blonde Danielle have to go back to the villa and collect her things after getting dumped? Couldn’t the crew have done that for her? There are other times when the Bachelor unexpectedly sends someone home (like Danielle L) and she doesn’t have to go home and cry to the other girls. I’m not sure what the purpose of all that is except to depress us more.
  • Is it just me or is this a gloomy season that I’m feeling like Nick is absolutely neutral about? I mean come on – you’re the Bachelor – be happy. Show a little excitement. Give us something to work with. I feel like he’s playing eeny meeny miny mo on whom he picks and rejects.

I can’t even tell you my favorite anymore, because they all seem mismatched with Nick?? What do you think?

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Corinne to the Rescue? Things Go South in St. Thomas on The Bachelor

Danielle L: latest crash & burn

Danielle L: latest crash & burn

I can’t believe the success of The Bachelor this season may be riding on Corinne’s lady parts to boost Nick out of his funk. Happy Monday, Bachelor fans. Three people at work asked me what I did this weekend. Other than staying up to watch the end of the exciting Super Bowl and wondering how to get a pair of Lady Gaga’s suspension cables to avoid using the terrifying elevator in my apartment building, I couldn’t remember much. I did manage to make turkey chili for the game and nobody got food poisoning or died, so I consider that a success.

So tonight’s show was a train wreck from start to finish. Crash and burn #1 was Taylor’s staged revenge march to let Nick know the truth about Corinne. You could even feel Nick’s annoyance that he had to disengage from Corinne’s pouty lips to let Taylor plead her case in futility. I know Taylor was trying to make a point, but all I could hear was “Sour Grapes. Sour Grapes. Sour Grapes.” Enough about Taylor. She’s too young and immature to settle down with anyone at this point.

We said goodbye to Dolphin Girl Alexis who was very sweet, but definitely in the Friend Zone. Also Jaimi the bi-sexual lady and Josephine who scared me.

So then we move on to Kristina’s one on one date. At this point, we can conclude the following about Nick’s interest in women:

  • He’s not interested in “sweet” and “vanilla” girls. He wants a woman with a little sass to her. Opinionated. Street smart.
  • He’s not interested in a polite, easy relationship. He even described what he was looking for to Danielle L as “raw.” I think that means someone who challenges him, who knows his flaws and loves him for them anyway. Kind of like how Vanessa gave it to him for his actions with Corinne in the Castle of Lust and how Rachel was basically like – I was ready to go home because I was not feeling like myself.
  • The remaining women are all brown eyed and he’s definitely into brunette petite types (with the exception of other blonde Danielle who is very tall and therefore likely going home).

So back to the dates. Kristina definitely has the extra spice to her step. Turns out, she’s got a pretty horrific back story. Now, I’m not a therapist or psychiatrist, but I can only imagine the kind of damage that must be done to one’s psychological state to have basically been emotionally abused by one’s mother. That’s what happened to Kristina, right? So she willingly leaves her mother (or gets kicked out??) to go to an orphanage and her mother doesn’t come after her or realizes she made a mistake?? How horrible is that?! And then after living with all her new Russian co-orphans, she then chooses to go to the US but can never make amends with her mother because she died? And her sister ended up living with her father? And all the while her options are a) be a homeless kid b) leave the orphanage to become a prostitute in Russia c) give up the safety of her friends around her to go live somewhere completely unknown with people she’s never met? Talk about BAGGAGE!

So we know Kristina’s had to overcome a lot but what we don’t know is how does this affect her ability to love another human being? Can she trust anyone? If she feels jealous or insecure, how does she react? Because it’s all islands and roses on The Bachelor, but how does she deal with hardship? I need to know these things if I’m going to invest in Kristina. I hope Nick is kicking the tires on this one – I’m slightly terrified of how dark things can go if she’s having a bad day. The Husband thinks she might double as a secret assassin. I could see it.

The group date was Crash and Burn #2. Might this be the worst group date in Bachelor history? I’m not sure where things went wrong. But I think when you don’t have an actual activity planned and the idea is to sit around and have a “chill” day when you’re fighting for time with the same guy – bad things are bound to happen. Like who wants to play sand volleyball with and against the women you’re competing with? Wouldn’t you rather have that time to bond with Nick? Vanessa is right that she’s really not getting to know him and spend that essential quality time that’s needed to figure out if Nick is her person. I was frustrated for all of them.

Jasmine’s behavior was just tough to watch (Crash and burn #3). She’s been slowly spiraling out of control and you kind of just watch her go down that road like there’s nothing that can be done. Her one on one conversation with Nick was the biggest disaster of the season. On the one hand – she has a point – Nick HASN’T given her any one on one dates or group date roses. How is she supposed to have any validation from him? She has a right to be frustrated. All she has is time to think about what could be between them. On the other hand, she’s so angry by the time she actually talks to him that it just unleashes itself like frustration vomit. Her whole “I want to choke you” rage came off as awkward and creepy, especially when she started making sexual references to choking him?? This is way beyond me, but it was going somewhere Nick didn’t want it to.

The only calm one during the night was Raven. I think Rachel casually mentioned that Raven got the group rose date. She’s the voice of reason. I’m wondering why we didn’t see Raven get the group rose (too much foreshadowing??). Raven doesn’t seem to let her nerves get the best of her. She’s already confessed the “L” word to Nick – so she’s gotten it out there that she’s in it to win it.

Then we get to the two on one date. I was wondering when we’d actually see who the heck Whitney was. I still know nothing about her. She is, like Nick says, absolutely beautiful. But as we learn, she’s only 24 years old to Nick’s 36 and we see a bit of the immaturity when she starts questioning Nick’s interest in Danielle after Whitney is dumped. Nick wisely tells her it’s not about Danielle, it’s about his relationship with Whitney. Nobody buys it, but we give Nick props for coming up with such a compelling argument on the spot.

Then we get to what is probably the low point of Nick’s breakups. Poor, innocent, sweet, open and honest Danielle. She’s pretty, she’s upbeat, she’s got a nice giggle to her. This is her kiss of death. Nick just can’t bring back that loving feeling from Date #1 with Danielle. When Danielle (are they calling her D Lo?) confesses (in almost a yawn state) that she’s falling for Nick, he couldn’t look more sleepy. Or unenthused. Which has to really be feeding Danielle’s confidence. So he looks into her pretty brown eyes and tells her he wishes it were her, but his heart doesn’t agree. Sure, blame it on your heart. At least he’s not blaming it on his penis. But he kind of is.

What I can’t understand is Nick’s dramatic, Oscar worthy, melodramatic outpouring of tears and despair to all of his women COLLECTIVELY. Like sure, pull one or two aside and tell them how he had a shitty 2 on 1 and now he’s worried that all his relationships will go to hell. But to go and have a group confessional to air your dirty laundry of what’s in your head? This is definitely one that he should have slept on. You know how you’re never supposed to send an email or put anything down in writing when you’re upset? This is one of those situations.  Because how will these women react? The guy they’re taking away time from their lives to pursue is an emotional wreck and isn’t sure the process will work for him. So why exactly should any of them stay one more minute???

Pull it together, Nick.  We need something a little more positive and enthused to watch. Right now, the most entertaining part of this season is watching Corinne say ridiculous things like her nanny Raquel would be jealous of the caretaker in the hotel at St. Thomas. It’s got to get better, right?? So I know this sounds insane and like we’re grasping at straws here, but Corinne seems to be one of those light hearted people who can lift Nick out of his death march. He seems to always be in a good mood around Corinne and perhaps what Nick needs right now is pure old chemistry. A spark. Something or someone that excites him and can put his faith back in the process that the journey is worth it after all. Now I’m not saying that Corinne will be the person standing there at the end, but she certainly makes him feel good and that’s what we need right about now.

Who are our frontrunners now? I have to go with Raven, Rachel and Corinne’s boobs.

What do you think??

T118-vSide note, if you want this adorable Bachelor inspired t-shirt, go to the website here: http://www.tandjdesigns.com/will-you-accept-this-rose-tee/ and enter in your code: STACEY15 for a 15% discount off the entire site.

You can also find me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/OfficeStace (@OfficeStace)

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