11 Days: The Bachelorette Countdown

By | May 16, 2013 | 2 Comments
Best subway reading EVER.

Best subway reading EVER.

Bachelorette fans, it’s time to start getting excited.  We’re almost in countdown mode until Desiree’s appearance as The Bachelorette on Memorial Day Monday, May 27th.  The previews are starting to scare me with the ridiculous quality of men they’ve shown us who step out of the limo.  I’ve already seen a shirtless, oiled up muscle man (they have to give us a new set of abs now that Sean Lowe won’t be on our TV screens any longer), a man who dresses entirely in armor from head to toe and another man who arrives with his son.  Can Des send away oily ab man and armor guy before they go into the mansion?  Has that ever been done before?  Forget about the first impression rose, how about a “Get the hell out of here, I wouldn’t date you in a thousand years” rose?

The new writing class has taken up whatever free time I used to have (did I used to have free time?).  Two days a week, I now leave home before 7 AM and don’t get back until after 9:30 PM. Yesterday, was one of those days and even after I came home I had to watch and blog Nashville (which was GREAT, btw).  My recap is here: http://haveuheard.net/2013/05/nashville-recap-51513-season-1-a-picture-lifes-side/

But I’ve noticed a change in my mood when I walk through the apartment door after these long days.  The Husband says I  normally arrive from work angry and exhausted and just generally cranky (so kind of him to point out).  Going to these writing classes has kind of been the equivalent of going to the gym or having some much needed personal time to do something that makes me feel alive.  I’m exhilerated after one of these classes.  My brain is working overtime but in a creative way.  I want to write this.  I want to write about that.  I want to write now.  I can’t sleep at night thinking of all the things I want to write about.  So now that I’m on less than 5 hours of sleep, when that alarm went off that morning, I didn’t feel angry or resentful.  I kept thinking of all the things that needed to be written about.  

I’m getting off topic here, so let’s get back to Bach.  On my train ride home from the writing class last night, I finally whipped out the People Magazine special edition of The Bachelor / Bachelorette.  Thanks to my mother who gave that to me on Mother’s Day.  (Does she know me well, or what?).  A girl sitting next to me in my writing class last night remembered that I was a Bachelor fan freak.  She also noticed the magazine popping out of my bag and confessed to loving the show.  She said she’d need to buy the magazine on the way home, but I told her that if she waited a week, she could have mine.  I think I may have a found a new friend (which is good, because the last new friend I tried to make is moving back to Houston in a couple weeks). 

So there I was, on the uptown 6 train, flipping through the magazine.  I learned all sorts of things.  I wanted to know more.  They didn’t really discuss in any great detail the reasons why the relationships didn’t work out between the Bachelor / Bachelorette couples.  The most we got was how long the relationships lasted (there is an actual graph laying out the time length of every Bach relationship from shortest to longest.  Who has THAT job?  Sign me up, please).  There was a funny interview of Andrew Firestone, Jake Pavelka and Bob Guiney who they threw together in a limo and got drunk. 

One part that REALLY annoyed me was that at the end of the Sean and Catherine section, the last sentence is never completed.  Seriously – how could they do this to us?  If you have the magazine, turn to page 7 and read the last time.  It’s a Sean quote:

“I know this is meant to be,” he says, “And I promise you, I”ll never be with

AND THEN IT CUTS OFF.  WHATTTTTTTTTT? No really, I’ve searched for the end of this sentence all over the magazine and it doesn’t exist.  This is really annoying.  I’m guessing Sean’s sentence would have been “I’ll never be with anyone else.”  But maybe they purposely left this off because they found out about something that we don’t know.  Let’s hope not.  So glad Sean is off Dancing With the Stars and can focus on his bride to be. 

Actually, I just took a picture of it – you can see what I mean (click on the pic to enlarge).

Last sentence is cut off - this is KILLING me.

Last sentence is cut off – this is KILLING me.

Til the next Bachelorette update (which will be soon!), have a great day!

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Wally Woes, Bat Mitzvahs and Moms

By | May 13, 2013 | 4 Comments
Wally After his ER visit. Is there anything sadder than a sick puppy?

Wally After his ER visit. Is there anything sadder than a sick puppy?

When I took our puppy Wally out of his crate last Friday morning, he let out a sharp yelp, as if I had stepped on his tail.  He crouched and gave me this look like, “Do something, Mom!”  I picked him up and carried him to the elevator and then outside the building to do his business.  At 6:40 AM, there weren’t many people on the street.  As soon as I put Wally down, he wouldn’t budge.  After a few seconds, he let out another yelp so loud that the doorman who was 100 feet away came running over to see what the problem was.  Poor little doggie took a couple steps, then yelped a third time.  I have decided there is almost no worse sound than a puppy screaming out in pain for no obvious reason.  He wasn’t making any progress on the bathroom situation and after studying him for a couple more minutes, I realized he was shivering.  It was 68 degrees outside already so I was knew it wasn’t the weather causing him to shake.

By 7:30 AM, I am usually on a train bound for work, but instead, I spent the morning at the Animal Emergency Room at East 62nd Street.  The vet there took Wally away for a physical exam.  Almost 45 minutes later, he took us back into a room (without Wally) and said, “I have good news and bad news.”  I felt my pulse beat out of my head as he explained that he couldn’t find anything wrong with Wally upon his examination.  I waited for the horrible bad news – that there was bad bloodwork results, or a bone was in the wrong place, or he had some horrible disesase that only cavaliers get or something fatal.  But he never seemed to get to the “bad” part.  The vet finally finished speaking.  I told him to give us the “bad news,” and he said, “Oh, well that’s the bad news. We don’t know what it is.”

Jerk.

We then asked him how much Wally weighed (he was 13.5 lbs at his last vet visit several months earlier).  The vet had his weight in grams and then after using a calculator to convert it to pounds, was alarmed that the number was 12.1 lbs.  He advised us that this could be pretty significant problem and that we should definitely follow up with our vet.  He threw out terms like “cancer” or “internal organ deficiencies” and a bunch of other horrible scenarios.  We asked if Wally was ready to be discharged and the vet said he’d go get him. Twenty minutes passed and no Wally. I eventually had to ask one of the vet technicians to bring our dog back. 

When we got out of the hospital around 9:15 AM, Wally pooped and peed on the sidewalk – his first of the day.  We were relieved.  He started walking normally up the block. We got him in a taxi and back to our apartment.  I headed to work with a suitcase as I had a family bat mitzvah up in Connecticut on Saturday, and The Husband and Wally were meeting me at work, where I’d rent a car to drive out to my sister’s for the night and attend the bat mitzvah the following morning.  An hour after I left for work, The Husband called to report that Wally was still yelping and not moving.  We called his breeder (who offered to come watch Wally for the weekend so we could attend the family party).  We called the place that was supposed to watch Wally (the breeder there gave us a bunch of helpful advice and recommended giving Wally a baby aspirin).  I called Wally’s regular vet and explained the problem.  He gave him a prescription for a pain killer.  The Husband was in a panic.  So was I. How could we leave our little baby puppy when he needed us the most?

I picked up the rental car and drove directly home after work.  We nursed Wally for the night and at 8 AM Saturday morning, I was on the road, headed back to CT while The Husband stayed behind with Wally.  They went to the vet who discovered some back pain on Wally. They did an x-ray. No broken bones. They weighted him – 15 lbs, 11 oz!! Guess that ER vet didn’t know his math.  And worse – he made us panic that our dog could have some horrible disease based on a miscalculation of his weight.  Wally’s regular vet believed it was a back muscle issue and that rest, pain killers and some TLC would resolve it in a week or so. 

What a relief.

I got the news at the bat mitzvah reception. To celebrate, I ate pigs in a blanket, sushi, chicken piccata, a Heath bar cupcake, chicken fingers, french fries and a Diet Coke to balance it out. YUM.  Hit major traffic on the way home, so in total, I did 5.5 hours of driving in one day including 30 minutes of looking for a parking spot once I got back into Manhattan.  Owning a car in New York City is absurdly stressful unless you’ve won the lottery and can have someone drive you around.

On Sunday, Wally seemed a bit better (he was walking finally without yelping), so we drove up to my parents’ house for Mother’s Day.  It was the first time we took Wally off the leash and let him run around the backyard.  He seemed almost back to normal, but by night, he was moving slowly again.  I’m crossing my fingers that he improves each day.  My mother was wonderful and made French Toast and Hot Lox for a stressed out Husband.  She gave Wally an early birthday present – a plush squirrel toy.  She also got me a present – for my first mother’s day as a doggie mama. Anyone who says that having a dog does not qualify you as a mother should spent 72 hours with a sick puppy. 

Anyhow, glad that it’s finally a work day.  I need some calm time.

Another crazy week is brewing here. Less than 2 weeks til Aruba and EXACTLY 2 weeks until The Bachelorette premiere. I can almost hear the limos rolling in for Des.

Grandpa and Wally on Mother's Day. He's looking better.

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Showing Up Exhausted

By | May 7, 2013 | Leave a Comment

exhaustedMy new writing teacher said that one of the rules of success in writing (and life) is just showing up. This can often be difficult as I’m great at making plans, but not as great in actually following through. The day is long. I’m tired when I get home from work. When the weekend comes, I just want to sleep in and cuddle with my puppy. My brain is in overdrive on any given work week day so I look forward to catching up on TV shows and vegging.

I had the opportunity to go listen to some speakers last night in Union Square. The speakers (one at 7 PM, the other at 8:30 PM) were editors at large publications. They were providing advice to budding writers on how to get their work published. I was anxious to attend. Doesn’t everything seem like a good idea when you sign up for it? When I woke up at 6 AM yesterday, my only thought was that my day wouldn’t end until close to 10 PM that night.

Work was crazy as usual, doing 100 small things. Answering emails, going to meetings and getting stuff out. The Husband joined my brother-in-law and nephews at the Rangers / Capitals NHL play off game at Madison Square Garden, so he left our apartment to head over there at around 6 PM. I got home at 6:30 PM, fed and walked Wally, fed myself, washed my face, brushed my teeth and ran out the door again to head downtown.

By the time, I got to the place, I missed the first speaker (which was the editor that I really wanted to hear). I stayed for about 30 minutes and then a break was announced until the speaker at 8:30 PM. That speaker was discussing book reviews. I thought about the option of staying, listening to the editor, learning something valuable and weighed that against getting home by 8:30 PM (versus 10 PM) and having an hour to myself before going to sleep and doing it all over again. I bailed.

Maybe a good chunk of success in life is showing up, but leaving early to get some personal time after a long, hard day may also be equally important. The puppy seemed to think so, anyway. Although I had only left him an hour earlier, he greeted me like it had been six months. I was proud to at least show up for him.

Writing class #2 is tomorrow night. As of now, I plan on showing up. 18 days until Aruba. 20 days until The Bachelorette premiere. An out of town family bat mitzvah, an out of town college graduation and 3 more writing classes to get through between now and then. I think I can, I think I can.

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The Relationship Judge: Why Won’t She Marry Me?

By | May 2, 2013 | 7 Comments

marryThis Relationship Judge entry comes from a close friend of mine who happens to be a guy.  We’ve got to help him!  ”Jeremy” is a kind, smart, hard working, funny and insightful man who also happens to be adorable.  Just had to give this background before you hear what he’s going through.  And once we help him, we’ve got to check back in periodically with him and make sure he’s doing okay.

The Facts:  Straight from Jeremy’s email:

 I was in a relationship with the wrong person for many years.  When I finally decided to move on from said relationship I was the happiest I had been in my life.  She was a wonderful person, just not the one for me.  After a “fallow period,” when I wasn’t looking to meet anyone, I met the most stunning woman I had ever met.  Smart, funny, gorgeous with the most out-of-this-world personality.  She had moved to NYC to pursue higher education and  I was working at an investment bank trying to figure out up from down.  From the word, “go” we spent every waking hour together.  She would come over and study while I watched TV or I would crash in her grad school single bed while she wrote papers all night.  The perfect match. I had never felt this way about someone and was head over heels for her.

I proposed to this wonderful person after 3 years of dating and she said yes.  Shortly after that I lost my job (found a new one 3 weeks later) and life started to come at us fast. We lost track of being engaged.  Fast forward 5 years, we are still engaged.  I have begged, pleaded, cried, rinsed and repeated, trying to figure out why she won’t marry me…nothing. To further complicate things, I was recently offered a very good position in NYC.  We had been talking about moving out of the city and I told her I wouldn’t take the job if it meant losing her.  The response was, “I am leaving…you should stay.”

After 8 years together. 5 years of engagement.  The rubber had met the road.  She is leaving.

The Question: Jeremy wants to know the following: (1) Was he wrong to pressure her? (2) Should he follow her in the hopes that it’s NYC that’s holding them back and (3) What if being unhappily unmarried is all he wishes for after she leaves?

The Relationship Judge Says: JEREMY! Take that job and run, my friend.  Before I can begin to answer your specific questions, let’s start with some basic facts:

First – you are a good looking, employed, smart guy who wants nothing else but to be in a committed relationship with the love of your life, get married and start a family.  I bet that if you looked around New York City (or anywhere, really), you’ll find women by the thousands who are looking for someone EXACTLY like you.  Women who want exactly the things you are anxious to give – right at this exact moment – not some day down the road.

Second – There is absolutely nothing that your fiance will come to learn about you 6 months, a year or 5 years from now that will suddenly make her realize that she’s finally ready to have a wedding and be married.  For whatever reason, she’s having difficulty fully committing yet she is not ready to set you free.  Pretty selfish, if you ask me. If she doesn’t see you as a her husband, she has no right to keep you waiting around in the hopes that it will happen.

Third – just an observation, but it does sound like at least part of your relationship has been about you sacrificing for her.  Taking a backseat to what she wants.  Now I happen to know your fiance and grew to love her like you did because she does have a wonderful personality. She IS a lovely, great person.  But even lovely, great people make big mistakes and fall into situations that they can’t even explain. It no longer seems like this person and you are on the same page about what you both currently want.  You want to get married. Have kids. Settle down.  She seems to want these things, but perhaps not at this time, perhaps not ever or perhaps not with you?? You’ve given this 8 years and you’re no closer to finding out what the story is. This is a MAJOR red flag.

Now, to address your specific questions.

(1) No, you were not wrong to pressure her. It would be one thing if you proposed to her to keep her in NYC.  This did not happen.  You proposed 5 years ago.  You have a right to know what the heck is going on.  If she’s not telling you to move with her (in fact, TELLING you to stay in NYC and take the job) – THAT IS YOUR ANSWER.  She may not want to say it. She may not even want to admit it. But she knows in her mind that she can’t move forward with you.  She may not be strong enough to tell you.  She may never be strong enough to tell you.  Her willingness to let you go is your clear answer, Jeremy.  It sucks. But it’s clear.  It’s not really that confusing.  You love someone, you don’t move away from them.  You’re engaged to someone you love? You marry that person.  End of story.

(2) No, you should not follow her.  NYC is not your problem. Wherever you go, your problems will come with you.  But let’s play devil’s advocate. Let’s say you did move there and gave up the job.  What would you do in the new city? Would she be willing to get married then? Or would she come up with more reasons why she’s not ready?  Getting married is very easy to do, by the way.  You go to the town hall and apply for a marriage license.  A wedding can happen later.  If she’s not willing to do either (and hasn’t been willing to do so for 5 years), I don’t think that moving to a new city will help.

(3) Once you make the decision to end it, it will never be as bad as you imagine. Yes, you will miss her. Being single after being with the same person for 8 years is a huge change.  You will have plenty of moments of self-doubt.  You may try to contact her in a time of weakness. She may contact you.  The sooner you put this all behind you, the sooner you will be able to heal, move on and find someone who is ready to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.  Stay busy. Keep working out. Make tons of plans with lots of different people. It’s summer – the best time to go out and meet new people – use that to your advantage.  But whatever you do, be firm about it.  You have the ability to end this heartache once and for all and start fresh.  It’s scary out there, but what’s the alternative?  This could go on for another few years and the torture will continue. Don’t let that happen.

In summary, here’s the judgment: TAKE THAT NYC JOB.  LET HER GO. HAVE CONFIDENCE IN WHO YOU ARE AND THAT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WANTS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.

Your Turn: Can you please tell Jeremy that he needs to move on?  That this relationship is not going to get him anywhere good? That he’s spent enough time being patient and needs to cut his losses and move on?

Wishing you all (and Jeremy) a wonderful weekend.  Until next time, please “Like” my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/OfficeStace) or “Follow” me on Twitter (@OfficeStace).

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May Madness: Summer Shows, Bathing Suits and Getting Ripped

By | May 1, 2013 | 5 Comments
Ready for Love, but not Ready for TV - CANCELED SHOW!

Ready for Love, but not Ready for TV – CANCELED SHOW!

We finally made it to the month of May!  While the weather will hopefully be getting consistently nicer, my schedule is getting consistently crazier.  I can’t remember a month in which every single weekend and most weeknights were booked up.  I’m usually not this cool as I take pride in having no plans most days, but for some reason, everything seems to be happening in May.  Tonight I start a new creative writing class with a focus on getting published in newspapers and magazines.  The last time I signed up for a writing class, I did the required writing samples, paid my $100, showed up to the first class and never went back.  That was about 5 years ago.  There was something about having a class that met weekly for 3 months, with homework and required me to take 2 subways to that I just wasn’t willing to commit to.   Excuses, excuses.

As we approach summer, I’m constantly looking for some new TV shows to get behind. Obviously, there’s The Bachelorette, which kicks off on Memorial Day – Monday, May 27th.  Besides that, not sure what else is coming back besides Showtime’s Dexter and HBO’s True Blood. For those who attempted to watch the unwatchable Ready for Love (NBC’s answer to The Bachelor where 3 men are set up with 36 single women hand picked by professional matchmakers) - it was (thankfully) canceled.  Episodes are running on E! as well as online, but I have to say – good riddance!  There was way too much focus on the commentary of the hosts (Giuliana and Bill Rancic trying to be witty and snarky) and the matchmakers’ opinions of why a certain woman is the PERFECT match for a certain bachelor.  The music was cheesy, the girls were mostly beauty contestants or “surprise” exes of one of the bachelors.  It was an all around contrived drama fest and I can’t say that any of the bachelors were remotely as charismatic or likeable as someone like Sean Lowe.  Plus we are being introduced to every single one of these contestants for the first time, versus having a reason to know and cheer for them (like we will with Desiree).  Nice try, NBC. Back to the drawing board.

25 days until The Husband and I take a much needed trip to Aruba. We’ll actually be there for The Bachelorette’s premiere and I’m happy to report that the hotel has ABC (phew, or we’d have to cancel!!) Have any of you been there before? Any restaurant recommendations or things we have to do? I’ve been in search of bathing suits lately and it’s not an easy quest. First of all, the average price of bathing suits has really gone up in the last few years!  I’m seeing tops for $85 and up and bottoms for $52.  Why would they sell a top without a bottom?  I am pretty sure that places used to sell the top and bottom of a bikini or tankini as one set – am I wrong? I guess it’s an extra way to make more money.  So far, it looks like the department stores have the best options, but I’ve been considering suits from everywhere including  Target, Old Navy, Everything But the Water , J Crew, Victoria’s Secret, Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s.  I have no idea when I’m actually going to have time to go try on bathing suits at a store, so this may turn into an online shopping experiment. Which will ultimately mean a bunch of mail order returns. Yikes.

Speaking of bathing suit preparation, I took a week off from Jillian Michael’s Ripped in 30 exercise program due to a ripped ass muscle (guess the program worked as it really did rip a part of me within 30 days).   The injury occured as I was walking in Harlem at 125th Street. I normally try to walk faster there during my commute home as the area is constantly filled with people asking for money and there is always a fight about to break out, but in this particular case, I took a step and felt something pop out of place on my tush / inner thigh region.  By the time I had to take 2 flights of stairs into the subway entrance and another 2 flights of stairs down to the subway platform, I was worried that taking any additional steps might do more damage. I stood still for about 30 seconds and then decided I’d be safer leaving the platform on a subway train than remaining where I was.

After not exercising for over a week, I was about to go crazy and so on Monday I started doing Jillian Michael’s Killer Buns and Thighs.  So basically if my ass was ripped in even a tiny way, I’m basically cruising for some ass suicide with this video workout.  I can only do the beginner’s version which is quite challenging enough.  It’s only been 2 times so far but it’s really good except for the part where I’m sweating so badly that my dog comes running over to lick my face while I’m trying to do mountain climbers.

What are your plans for this May? Any good TV shows on your calendar for the summer? Any tips on good bathing suit shopping? Let’s hear it.

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A Monday Bachelor Gossip Update

By | April 29, 2013 | 7 Comments

I took off from work today and I have to say – not working is amazing.  The iced coffee tastes better, I have Wally curled up sleeping on my lap right now and The Husband is recording a voiceover audition from the living room.  Why can’t every Monday be like this?

Since we don’t have a beloved Bachelor episode tonight, I’m going to give you some Bachelor related gossip to fill the void.

Kacie B & Her New Man

Kacie B & Her New Man

First, let’s start with Kacie B.  Remember Kacie B?  Two time Bachelor contestant, most recently rejected by Sean Lowe for seeing her as a friend more than anything romantically? Plus Kacie committed the cardinal sin of bashing one of the other girls.  It was pretty awful to watch considering that Kacie was a fan favorite on Ben Flajnik’s season.  But not to worry, because Kacie now has “the best boyfriend in the world,” according to a recent interview.   Kacie is dating Rusty Gaston, a music publisher in Nashville who has worked with many a famous country singer.  Kacie describes him as a good Christian too, which was my next question.  This can hopefully be a better fit for Kacie since he’s local and her parents were against her moving in with anyone before they were married. Wishing them lots of luck!

Kirk and Madison

Kirk and Madison

One of my favorite contestants from the Bachelorette series was Kirk DeWindt.  You remember Kirk.  He was that adorable red head whose father was the taxidermist and scared the crap out of Ali Fedotowsky during their hometown date. Kirk does personal training and is an all around cool guy.  Happy to say that he’s still dating his girlfriend of over a year – Madison Pattridge and it’s going strong.  This is definitely a record in Bachelor time.  I met Kirk at a Bachelor event in Central Park this past fall and was so happy that he was as genuine and laid back in real life as he was portrayed on the show.  Kirk is all over Twitter (@KirkDeWindtPT) so if you want the latest updates on him, his lady friend and his PT business, you can find him there.

Jason, Molly & Riley Mesnick

Jason, Molly & Riley Mesnick

Not sure if all of you have seen the adorable pictures of Jason Mesnick and his wife, Molly and their new baby girl, but the baby is ridiculously cute.  I wonder what little Riley Anne will think of the story of how her parents met.  Will she give her father crap for choosing Melissa Rycroft as the “winner” before dumping her and trying to get Molly back?  Perhaps it’s too soon to tell. By the way, this is the fifth “Riley” that I’ve heard of in the past month.  Popular name right now, no doubt. I think little Riley looks like big brother, Tye, what do you think?

catherineandseanloweAnd finally – and perhaps most importantly – Sean Lowe and Catherine are still very happily together. There were all these tabloid reports of them fighting, etc. and Sean has taken the offensive on this information, saying it’s utter nonsense. The latest rumors running rampant are that Sean and Catherine have done the deed, making him no longer a “virgin.” (Wait, he kind of wasn’t a virgin to begin with, but this latest rumor meant he was a de-virginized born again virgin).  Someone close to Sean denies the “new” sex rumor, but the tabloid claims that Sean and Catherine had sex the night they got engaged.  How do tabloids find out this stuff? Do they put cameras in the rooms where they are staying? Does a friend of Catherine or Sean decide to call up a tabloid with info in exchange for money? It just sounds so ridiculous that a tabloid would try to sell their magazine based on such an event. Either way, the important thing is that the two of them are happy and going strong. Can’t wait to hear about when a wedding date will be announced.  Hopefully Sean will get the boot soon from Dancing With the Stars so he can focus on wedding planning and virginity breaking.

I hope you enjoy the rest of this Monday.  I’ve scheduled a nap for 4:30 PM.  The exact time when work would be at a crazy level and I’d have to soon think about commuting home.  Kind of sad that my day off plans include a nap, but I guess that’s what happens.  Wally already has a head start and so, I must catch up.

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