Don’t Cry For JoJo, Argentina! The Bachelorette Takes Buenos Aires

Lusting for Luke

Lusting for Luke

It was a steamy one. Before we dive into how sweaty each of these men were on their respective dates, I’d like to wish a very happy birthday to my big sister, Wendy. Wendy, like myself, is still hoping against all odds that Ben Higgins will show up on one of these dates and declare his love for JoJo all over again. I mean, think about Alex, who someone (I won’t say who), now refers to as “Alex the Smurf.” Not nice. I will avoid all height knocks because I’m short myself, however, it’s more Alex’s over-confidence and obnoxiousness lately that’s been his biggest turn off. If JoJo can fall in love with Ben H, can she actually think that Alex would be a better option? Puh-lease. It’s like dating a grasshopper after you’ve ridden a dolphin. Not even in the same species. Pity rose is absolutely right, Alex. At least he knows better.

So for Wendy’s birthday, I wanted to make sure everyone heard that Ben H and Lauren landed their own reality TV show. It’s coming this Fall on Freeform (is that a channel?) and will feature their life together in Denver. Ben is apparently eyeing a run at politics for the Republican Party in Colorado. The show, which will be produced by Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss, will also cover their wedding planning, of course. Back to JoJo.

I’m feeling very down on these guys tonight. The way they were all ganging up on Wells and the fact that he hadn’t gotten a kiss yet, was just incredibly unattractive. They just seemed collectively like immature schmucks. I was sorry to see how they carried on. I like Wells. He did seem like one of the only normal, down to earth types. Like your artsy funny guy friend. So what if he didn’t kiss her yet? Maybe he’s taking things at a normal pace. Still, the fact that JoJo had to congratulate him after he finally did it – their relationship was never going to go anywhere. JoJo definitely wants a guy to take control of the situation. Also, Wells didn’t seem too optimistic about keeping the passion alive long term. I mean, come on, Wells – at least fake it. JoJo is living a fairy tale, he’s got to try to live in it. But alas, they were stuck in the friend zone with little hope of moving out. Especially when you’ve got guys like Luke turning up the heat factor.

Side note: Was it awkward for JoJo to go back in to see the Fuerza Bruta show by herself? Obviously this was meant to be the activity she did with Wells had things gone better for them. Not to worry, Wells – come to NYC and you can see the show in Union Square.

Let’s talk about that group date. I so badly wanted them to play the Evita song with the lyrics, “What’s new, Buenos Aires…” while the group was exploring the town. The soccer segment was cute – another opportunity for Jordan to show off his athleticism and Luke to wear a shirt that’s too tight on him. As for Robby, what does a Former Competitive Swimmer do for a living these days? Is he also Formerly Earning a Living? Did he make so much money off of his swimming that he can retire? I was worried for JoJo that she was going to have to kiss one of the Argentinian men, but we never saw them actually compete – just her guys.

Not sure what to make of Sweet James throwing Jordan under the bus during his JoJo time. Is there video tape of this poker game somewhere so we can all judge? I think it’s very evident how confident Jordan is, how he’s got his little clique going with Robby and Smurf (sorry, there I go again) and he’s definitely got the wide eyed smug thing happening. I thought he was going to strangle James after his conversation with JoJo revealed that James attacked Jordan’s character. As you may recall, it was around this point in Ben’s season when that blonde girl, Leah, attacked Lauren B’s character to Ben. Maybe James was feeling threatened. He admitted to not being one of the frontrunners. He also feels out of place around the other guys, feeling like he’s not worthy.  That said, he never should have said anything to JoJo. She seems very capable of figuring people out – I’m sure she’s also worried about Jordan’s intentions, given that she’s spoken to his ex girlfriend.

So then we come to the dreaded two on one. JoJo was smoking hot in that red dress and red lips (she is like an A+++ in terms of wardrobe this season). I am pretty sure we saw that professional tango dancer’s beyond bikini line during one of her dance moves. Was that an Argentinian special dance move? Seriously – way too much information in the groin area. I felt bad for Jim from the Office (Derek). His relationship with JoJo has fizzled since their one on one – his feelings have grown because he’s literally had nothing else to do but sit and dwell on it. Derek seems like a nice enough guy, but I have felt that he’s not quite at the sophistication, eloquence level that JoJo needs in a partner. Even when Derek was confessing that he’s falling for JoJo, he could only kiss her to express himself. He didn’t talk about how or why or where this was coming from. So he’s just expecting Jojo to feel it too – when she’s been feeling that way for some time with the other guys. I wasn’t surprised when Chase got the rose. He seems a bit more in tune with JoJo’s feelings and has that passion where Derek just felt lackluster.

So it was rose ceremony time and JoJo is in a gorgeous blueish / purple mermaid gown. She looks absolutely beautiful as usual. So glad they haven’t made her do crazy things with her make up and hair – she looks like herself in pretty much every scene. Such a breath of fresh air.

So everyone in the world knows that she’s either sending home Smurf Alex or Sweet Baby James. We want to scream at her TVs and tell her Alex (ok, at least I do), but JoJo takes pity on both of them and saves them both for one more week. The Husband was convinced she’d be sending both home. I mean, can she really see a future with either of these guys? I can’t even see her doing hometown dates with them. James is a sweetheart, but JoJo will get bored of him in about 3 minutes.

A few other points that are keeping me up at night:

(1) What’s going on with Luke’s teeth? They’re super white and seem like veneers. Perhaps my sister can comment on this as she’s a dentist. Wendy: are these veneers? Or is he just genetically blessed with ultra bright chompers?

(2) What’s with all the leather jackets? I felt like everyone was trying to be like Danny Zuko in Grease tonight. At one point, Jordan and his black leather jacket walked off with JoJo in her black leather jacket and it looked like a scene from a ’50s movie.

(3) Jordan and Robby’s side parted do-wop bump is wavering on obnoxious. Do they purposely comb their hair in the same direction like that? All I want to do is mess up their hair.

(4) Is Robby going to turn on us all next week and become the crazy guy? The previews don’t make him look too great plus the first guy to drop the I love you bomb usually crashes and burns pretty quickly. Yes, yes, yes, JoJos is so relieved that someone said this to her, but she doesn’t necessarily feel it back when she’s got Jordan and Lustful Luke on the radar. PS – was Luke squeezing her upper thigh in a gyrating motion? I did notice some thigh petting, but not sure where he was going with that.

(5) Why haven’t we had any other dudes come back on this season to try to win over JoJo? Especially considering she’s the best Bachelorette EVER?? Where are all the guys who want a shot at her? Seriously, this is probably one of the only seasons where a past contestant would have a real shot at “winning” considering the lot he’d be competing with.

(6) My Spanish teacher in college told me that most Argentinians HATE the show / movie / soundtrack of Evita, because it completely misrepresents the history of their country and Eva Peron’s character. In fact, when the whole “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” craze was going on, he would forbid anyone from singing or even humming the song. It was funny to see that singer belt out the main song of the musical in tonight’s date knowing this piece of information. This didn’t stop Chase from going for it with JoJo – so good for him!

(7) Was JoJo’s kissing this week just extra detailed? I thought they were going to stick a camera into Luke’s mouth at one point. How much tongue do we actually need to see here? I mean, we get it. Luke and JoJo have passion. Even his leather jacket and white teeth scream “soap opera king,” And then I felt bad for James who was speaking to JoJo right after her Luke make out tongue bath session thinking – GROSS, he’s literally making out with Luke if he goes anywhere near JoJo’s face, which he did. I wonder if there’s a mouthwash / tooth brush session in between serious make outs.

Alright, Bach fans. It’s been a long Monday. I seem to have passed my cold onto my daughter, so I better grab sleep while I can. I hope you all have some fun 4th of July plans brewing. We’re still undecided. Much like JoJo is about her men. I just don’t see anyone being a long term choice for her and this makes me sad (but gives me hope that she can be The Bachelorette again later on with a better crop of men).

Wishing you all a wonderful evening and week ahead.

Xoxo,

Stacey B

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Two Chads Crash and Burn as Bachelorette JoJo Takes Uruguay

After a week hiatus (which seemed like FOREVER), we are back Bachelorette Fans!! I was giddy with joy knowing that our favorite show was on tonight. A head cold hit me like a thousand knives – similar to how Chad must feel watching all the guys throw his protein powder around the deck as his symbolic ashes post-dumping by JoJo. I’m not sure what’s more challenging – understanding how Evan has stuck around until this point or trying to stay up, watch the show and blog after taking an adult size Benadryl dose. Eyes are literally closing and I’m swaying.

I must make this post shorter – I’ll make up for it tomorrow. Promise.

A few comments before I suddenly jolt myself awake, it’s 5 AM and I’m drooling over my half written blog post:

  • It's getting hot in here

    It’s getting hot in here

    Is Derek from the Office (Jim) so insecure that he’s kind of the closet loser nobody has noticed until now? Perhaps everyone was so focused on getting muscle man Chad out of the house that they didn’t have time to “out” Derek as uncool. It was kind of odd that he singled out a small slice of the guys to berate their chumminess. And I liked Derek, particularly during his Chad confrontation a couple weeks earlier. That said, Jordan seems to have this suave way about him that rubs people the wrong way. Even the gesture of throwing JoJo up again an opposite wall from where the guys were, was semi disrespectful. Was he trying to throw it in their face that he’s making out with their girl behind their backs (literally?). Is he over confident?

  • Robby seems to have a nice combination of all the things that JoJo likes. He’s got the confidence of Jordan in his hair. He’s got the intensity and serious side like Luke. He’s got the clownish personality of Chase and Wells and he seems warm and likable. He’s the first to declare open love for JoJo versus this, “I’m falling in love with you” that Jordan sprung on her. Robby is gaining serious momentum.
  • I felt horrible for JoJo regarding her ex-Chad jerk. I didn’t read that In Touch magazine article since I avoid spoilers like the plague, but can only imagine what it must be like to have an ex-boyfriend say horrible lies about you for money and out in public. It’s hard to imagine that anyone could make JoJo feel insecure. She’s a total goddess. Did you see that white dress she had on for Robby’s date? Did you see her bikinis du jour this week? My goodness. If she feels insecure, there’s no hope for the rest of us.
  • I’m honestly too drugged and tired to get into it on anyone else at this time. My eyes must close and I can’t do anything about it, so I’ll just say the following:
  1. I’m worried about Jordan. I fear there’s a side to him that JoJo hasn’t seen. I don’t 100% trust him. He kind of admitted to getting carried away in flirting with other girls while he was in a relationship. I’m sure women will be throwing themselves at him now that he’s been on the show. Will he be tempted? Is he in this just for the publicity and to “win?” He’s a competitor!
  2. I’m over both Chads. I’m still not sure why Roid Rage Chad came back to the house. His death grip on Jordan was kind of strange to watch. Is Chad going to Bachelor in Paradise? Maybe JoJo’s ex Chad can go too and they could be like a 2 for 1 special.
  3. I like Chase and think he’s a decent guy. Robby stood out to me the most tonight. Luke’s nipple freaks me out a bit. Does he ever lighten up? I think he’s a bit too intense for JoJo. I’d like to see a Wells date.

Literally, typing with one eye closed. If anyone can recommend a cold medicine that will stop me from sneezing and a runny nose but won’t make me drowsy, I’m all ears. More on tonight’s episode tomorrow when I’m conscious.

Xoxo,

Stacey

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Mad Chad is on the Loose After Dumped by Bachelorette

chadmadLock your doors and shut your shades, Bach fans. Has anyone been able to turn off the creepy Chad whistle in their heads yet? I certainly haven’t. I’m going to have Chadmares tonight about him eerily walking through dark woods, looking to beat up one of his former castmates or even JoJo.

Gary Oldman in Fifth Element or Evan?

Gary Oldman in Fifth Element or Evan?

On the other hand, Evan and Alex are a bit over the top. I’m not into Evan at all and think his time should be over. His little smile / smirk when Chad acts up, is starting to really drive me crazy. BTW, Chad has some very funny analogies and one of them was comparing Evan to the guy in Fifth Element. Look at this photo that The Husband showed me tonight. Is this Evan or what? The guys on the whole do rather seem over-sensitive when Chad’s behaving himself. I think it’s that tension of whether Chad will snap or not. What’s really annoying is that the ChaDrama is taking over the show, when there’s actually some really genuine relationships forming.

Let’s take Luke, for example. Before tonight, I had no real interest in Luke other than thinking he’d make a great soap opera star. After tonight, I find him very intriguing and grounded. His experiences in life have made him into a self-confident, compelling man and I can see why JoJo digs him. That hot hot tub scene was especially revealing and not just because we got to see Luke’s impeccable top half and another picture perfect bikini style from JoJo. I loved how Luke just took the heat and gently guided JoJo in. She likes strong men. I guess the big question with Luke other than why the heck he feels the need to wear that silly beanie is whether he can be light hearted enough for JoJo.

I’d also like to say that Jim from the Office Derek really stood out tonight, particularly in how he handled himself when Chad took him aside. I loved his response to Chad’s statement, “You act like JoJo is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen” Derek said, “She IS the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” Derek’s personality really came out in his interaction with Chad – more so than we saw on his one on one date with JoJo. It made me want to see more of Derek.

The football date just felt like a good time being had by all. I love how James Taylor refused to leave the field to get stitches – he just wanted to stay and hang out with JoJo. Note that JoJo referred to him as “the nicest man on the planet.” Translation: he’ll be let go in a couple weeks.

Other notable points about tonight:

  • Her sparks with Jordan seem to fly off the screen. He’s the only guy that makes her nervous and she’s nervous because she’s completely into him and isn’t 100% sure of where he stands. It sounds like after tonight, however, he’s falling for her. He’ll definitely be in the Top 3 and I expect him to get a one on one next. Speaking of making someone nervous, Chad’s statements to him about tracking him down after the show and beating him really cross that sanity line. Does Bachelorette provide post-show protection to its contestants like to former Presidents? Couldn’t Jordan sue the show if anything happened to him? Don’t they conduct extensive psychological testing on these candidates before they get chosen? Perhaps Chad’s explosiveness is why they picked him?
  • Robby is making a power play. I don’t think we know much about him except I’d like to really mess up his hair to see his reaction and he drinks wine straight from the bottle. Sparks were flying between him and JoJo tonight, so he’ll definitely be getting his own date soon.
  • I honestly thought JoJo was going to send home both Chad and Alex. I just don’t see her with Alex – but again, she must have felt gratitude and protected by his warnings – enough to make out with him for a bit. Charity kisses?
  • Chad marching off whistling into the woods was absolutely terrifying. Was he going to find JoJo and Alex in their little log cabin and hack them to pieces with that machete he was carrying on their hike? Would he eat meat while doing this? Surely the camera guy would have warned them? But no, he somehow found his way back to where the rest of the guys are staying. He took a helicopter to their two on one date, so I’m assuming he didn’t hike his way in the dark woods back to the bachelor pad hotel. I’m thinking we’re in for an epic showdown.
  • The pool party over a tense rose ceremony was definitely a good call. JoJo’s body – I mean, could she be any more perfect? Once again throughout this episode – she seemed to be practically make up free. I think every guy in the house is in love with her already.
  • My father texted me to opine that he thinks JoJo’s attraction to Chad is maybe because he reminds her of her brothers. Interesting theory. You wonder why she loves bad boys and then you look at her brothers. Hmmm. I love that despite knowing all she did about Chad’s violent tendencies, she still was thinking about his recent loss of his mother. The Husband still thinks this is made up. Either way, it didn’t help his case tonight.
  • I’m ready for Wells to get some alone time. He seems like such a character and personality – would think JoJo would be into him, but she likes the more manly types (sorry Evan, Alex too).
  • A bit of personal trivia – Nemacolin, Pennsylvania is where The Husband’s parents went on their honeymoon. Must have been a very romantic spot because they now have four grown children and are just as in love as their Nemacolin newlywed days.

After tonight, the power rankings are scattered again:

  1. Luke took the lead tonight with his Leading Man way and confidence that JoJo loves.
  2. Jordan is a close second. I’d like to ruffle up his hair too
  3. Robby – their attraction is definitely there. I’d like to see it go places
  4. Derek / Jim from the Office
  5. Chase

What do you think?

Xoxo,

Stacey B

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Evan The Erectile Dysfunction Expert Gets a Rise Out of Chiseled Chad on The Bachelorette

JoJoIf JoJo was a comic book series heroine, this was the episode that would make a best seller. Was there anyone who thought she’d keep Evan after singling him out to have a “chat” when having to make a date rose decision? Evan the underdog / erectile dysfunction expert got physically assaulted in front of The Bachelorette, his shirt ripped and told anyone that would listen that Chad is a bully. Evan basically strong armed JoJo – either he goes or Chad goes. For better or worse, he can’t continue in the process with Chad.

Now let’s break this down a bit further. First, we must remove the physical violence exhibited by Chad. Is it ever right to physically rip a competitor bachelor’s shirt in an aggressive manner? Let’s assume not. Is it ever appropriate to threaten a competitor’s life or physical well being? Again, let’s assume this never happened and would never be acceptable.

Have you erased Chiseled Chad’s bloody knuckles from your mind yet?

Good.

Now let’s look at Evan’s behavior & some of Chad’s other behaviors tonight:

  • Alex (shortish marine) calls Evan “the smallest guy in the house.” Now coming from Alex, I’m not sure we can take his word, but let’s just say this is true. We saw at the beginning of the episode, Evan obsessing over Chad. Watching him work out with the insane weights. Getting more intimidated by the second seeing Chad’s veins pop out of his arms. Chad’s got a meat hangover. He’s counting calories. He’s talking about bench pressing. He’s an iconic meat head in every sense. Chad certain is not worrying about Evan, nor has he initiated any physical violence towards anyone.
  • Dates cards arrive and everyone is picking on Chad for voicing that he’d rather not go on the date because he doesn’t want to be on a date with 12 guys. Chad is basically called Hitler for this. Well, not then, but later on his best Canadian friend in the house calls him that, but for an unrelated purpose. But back to the not wanting to go on a group date. Is Chad wrong? Yes, all time with JoJo is precious, but think about being out with someone you’re really into, are desperate for time with but you have to share that time with a bunch of other dudes that you think are wimpy and ugly. Yes, that’s the concept of the show and they all signed up for it, but Chad’s at least consistent in thinking this whole process is bonkers. The rest of the guys all start picking on Chad one by one. I think he’s ok to get defensive. Did he need to insult Aaron Rodgers’ brother? Probably not, but they were all ganging up on him.
  • The group date activity: talking about your sex life. Not exactly the most comfortable topic to discuss in front of total strangers on national TV. Again, I don’t think Chad was so off in not wanting to open up. Yes, it’s all in good fun and he’s probably not smart enough to come up with something playful and lighthearted, but his resolve to take the fifth during the activity still doesn’t offend me too badly. What DID seem a bit off balance was Evan’s unsolicited bashing of Chad. It really felt like Evan was getting up to bat in the bottom of the 9th, with 2 outs after striking out his whole life to a bully pitcher only to face off with him at a critical moment. Instead of using that moment to tell an incredible story about his profession, something he learned while training, a thank you note from a former patient – he takes the spotlight to just go after Chad and steroid use? It seemed a bit odd to me. Perhaps it was supposed to be funny, poking fun at one another, but Chad was really doing it to be mean. Which in reality is just as low (minus the violence) for any of the insults that Chad said. Plus Evan was not doing this in response to anything in particular that Chad did at that point. So it does feel like Evan sunk to a new level.
  • Security guards are called up on to watch Chad. Even when he’s sleeping.
  • Evan has a little chit chat with Chris Harrison and then Chris calls Chad out to address the accusations of physical violence. Chad’s humiliated at the very least. He’s a powder keg waiting to go off. Then the show ends and we have to wait until tomorrow night. Has Evan and the producers set Chad up for complete failure here? Is there any scenario where Chad’s actions are justified? He may not be the brightest bulb and he basically confessed to Chris H that he does steroids (but he’d never bring them to the mansion, of course), but who is the victim here?

Could this entire Chad gate episode really just be a masterminded plan by Evan all along? Play the victim. Antagonize the Roid Rage and sit back to watch the fireworks? Maybe that is Evan’s best strategy for getting JoJo’s attention. So far, it seems to have worked. He got the group rose, JoJo’s sympathy, a KISS and her protection when Chad openly questioned JoJo’s attraction for Evan (definitely rude, but a fair point).

Ok, now is when you remind me that right after Evan’s sex confession performance, Chad went ape sh—t and attacked Chad right in front of JoJo. That was pretty shocking to see. Did anyone rewind to see if Chad’s defense holds any weight? Did Evan shove him on the way back in? Or was Chad just pissed that Evan was going to hug JoJo after his performance which consisted of mocking him? The came the door punch of bloody knuckles. Followed by Chad interrupting and stalking several of JoJo’s private conversations during the group date.

By the time Evan is pulled aside by JoJo with the group date rose, he’s already used his one-on-one time to warn JoJo about Chad. We know this has never gone well for anyone warning The Bachelorette before. The Husband was actually annoyed that Evan tried to give JoJo an ultimatum. “If you can’t take the heat, LEAVE!” We thought that JoJo might send him home and use the “You’re a dad and I wouldn’t want to keep you one more night away from your kids when I know you’re not the one.” But what she did next made my jaw drop. Not only did she decide to keep him and give him the rose, she actually kissed him!!! I really feel like JoJo is doing charity work for Evan’s ego at this point. I mean, come on. He seems like an ok guy in a nerdy nice guy kind of way, but let’s think about Ben Higgins for a second. And then let’s think about Evan. Can JoJo be attracted to both of these human beings?

Hands down, the best part of the season is what came after JoJo gave Evan the rose…

You could just feel Chad’s anger through the screen. I was gripping our dog, just terrified of what might happen. Even JoJo noticed the look on Chad’s face when Evan got the group date rose.

“Is this for real?” he hissed. Then SuperHero JoJo used her magical disarming powers by basically calling Chad disrespectful and saying that she “doesn’t like this side” of him. AMAZING. Bad ass. JoJo rocks. How badly do you wish you could slay a bully like that in the moment? JoJo is so powerful here. Truly a historic moment for the Bachelorette history books (I’m sure our grandkids will be reading about JoJo in Mythology class one day).

On a side note – this is probably the most air time and publicity that Evan the Erectile Dysfunction Expert will ever receive in his whole life. He literally knows how to get a rise out of a man. That was too easy, sorry.

Other observations about tonight:

  • One last Chad point and then I’ll move on. It must have been quite shocking for JoJo to witness what Chad did to Evan. It happened really fast, but JoJo’s a smart girl and had a close up view of what went on. She was then immediately called on stage by Chad. What a horribly awkward moment for JoJo. Should she have thrown him out at that point? Or was she still processing what the heck had happened? At least she had the sense not to kiss him. Her gut spoke for her. He’s going home. It’s just a matter of minutes now.
  • The yoga date. This reminded me of that very awkward first date between Chris the Farmer and blonde Carly’s love guru date. Lots of sweating, stretching and nose to nose poses with a total stranger. Somehow JoJo and Chase were able to find chemistry in this. They didn’t seem to have such a free flowing conversation, but maybe we missed some of it. Chase knew exactly who the country singer Charles Kelley, founding member of the famous country trio, Lady Antebellum. Quite honestly, I thought Charles instantly became the most interesting bachelor there. Unfortunately for JoJo, he’s married. Still, Chase seems like a good enough guy. Like a strong B+
  • James Taylor and JoJo had a cute throwback date. If only James liked to dance even a little. JoJo would have found that extremely sexy. We got to hear a bit about James’ deep rooted insecurities about his looks. JoJo seemed to do more charity work here – boosting James’ confidence and tearing up (for the second time) at his music playing. She’s got a little soft spot for James. I can’t decide, however, if JoJo is looking for someone to look after or if she wants a big, strong, tougher guy to take care of her. She seems to be more attracted to the latter.
  • That’s where Jordan comes in. He’s the perfect balance of boyish, confident, chemistry, her type physically and nice guy. They seem to have the strongest connection to date. Luke’s still standing out like a dramatic soap opera star at this point.
  • Jim from the Office (Derek) also seems perturbed by Chad. So maybe there’s something more to his Roid Rage than just Evan picking on him.
  • Canadian Daniel’s association of Chad as Hitler was another highlight of the show. Daniel’s trying to coach him into being something gentler like “Bush.” Hysterical.

I absolutely love the way JoJo dresses. She’s super casual and drop dead gorgeous. There was one scene after the dancing date with James Taylor where I don’t think she was wearing any make up. She is so naturally beautiful and I’m glad they haven’t over made her this season so far. Love her plaid shirts, her jeans and casual JoJo just as much as dressed up JoJo.

So what do you make of tonight? Can you barely sleep until you know what happens tomorrow? Should we all sleep with security guards watching over us in case Chiseled Chad hulks out? Stay tuned!!

Xoxo,

Stacey B

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JoJo the Bachelorette’s Got her “MoJoJo” on Full Blast as She Goes on First Dates

THE BACHELORETTE - "Episode 1202" - Twenty anxious men look to get their love story with JoJo off to a good start. The the first group date give ten lucky bachelors a chance to see sparks fly when they head for a firefighting training facility, where one of the guys might need saving himself. JoJo and Derek get to pick their own adventure, and they choose a romantic picnic by the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Six bachelors get a dream date to ESPN's popular "SportsNation" with hosts Max Kellerman and Marcellus Wiley. They are sure they will be able to help JoJo find a perfect match, but Chad seems determined to "shock and awe" all the way up to the rose ceremony, on "The Bachelorette," MONDAY, MAY 30 (8:00-10:01 p.m. EDT), on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell) JOJO FLETCHER

JoJo in action.

Happy Memorial Day, Bachelor Nation! Before we dive into another juicy episode and our first round of dates for JoJo, I’d like to thank all the men and women who have sacrificed for our freedom.  Memorial Day is about honoring and remembering those military personnel who died in service of their country. We are insanely lucky to have the ability to sit on our couches this evening (or later this week with the invention of digital recordings) and talk about the nonsense that I’m about to unleash on this blog post tonight.

Chadhead

I’ll start by addressing the Chad in the room. Meathead? Hanging Tough Chad? Chadhead? I’m not sure what to call him yet. In some ways, I applaud his honesty. He’s not the type to get swept away in the magic formula of Bachelorette land. The cameras and sparkly dresses don’t do it for him. He repeats throughout the show that these guys are acting like JoJo is the first beautiful woman they’ve ever met. Doesn’t he know that’s an absolute law in Bach land? The Bachelorette IS the only woman on earth that ever lived. Every single person there is put in the absolute best position to fall in love with her. Not that JoJo is hard to fall in love with. Is she our most attractive / lovable / smart / funny bachelorette EVER? I dare say, she may be. Even Chadhead is intrigued by her and with good reason. But where Chadhead goes wrong is fourfold:

(1) Making fun of your housemates for falling for JoJo or telling them that they’re lying for saying “what they love about her,” is a bit too far. Have your opinions, buddy, but keep them to yourself. Also, please stop saying that you’re “financially” ready to be married. We heard you last week. No need to repeat. We get that you think you’re wealthy and don’t need to do a 10 hour work day like the common man or woman (btw, I have more than a 10 hour work day tomorrow).

(2) Chadhead thinks he’s on a physical spa retreat. Are there really no regular weights in the house so that he has to exercise using a suitcase? Also, not sure we’ve ever gotten a full view at the catering line up for rose ceremony nights, but WOW! Looks like some amazing choices. Chadhead was eating for an army – did you see him chewing meat during the rose ceremony? Gross. You can take a break.

(3) The “I don’t give a $@*$! attitude” will only get him so far. He’s revving up the men. Alex despises him. Evan reminded me of Marty McFly when Biff tried to steal his prom date. Evan wanted so badly to deck Chad, but held back and then completely regretted his cowardice.  Chad’s behavior on the group date was hopefully a red flag to JoJo. Is she creeped out by him and his badly in need of shave face? Even his facial hair doesn’t seem to care one way or another. It’s not exactly a beard and it’s not trimmed up to be deliberate, so it just hangs there, bothering everyone (well, at least me). He’s already threatened physical violence on Alex, though, I’m not really sure what Alex wanted Chad to do after calling him out.

(4) He says really stupid things. Like calling the hottest Bachelorette in history, “Naggy,” (is that a word? My spellchecker says, NO.). Doesn’t bode well for the future of their relationship when on their first group date, he’s already annoyed with her. His funniest comment of the night was feeling like a West Side Story scene was emerging when a group of the guys confronted him. They didn’t do it in the most direct or clearest way, so yes, he did have a point. Still, he doesn’t think these guys are worthy enough to hear them out. One of his early comments, about how he tells his friends, “Stay away from the nice guys” makes absolutely no sense. Yes, Chad. Just go for the a–holes. That will work really well.

Where’s Ben?

But let’s go back to the dates tonight and comment on how badly I still miss Ben. JoJo wants a love like Ben and Lauren found. I want a Ben for JoJo to find. She’s a rare gem and she’s dating a bunch of guys beneath her. I’m hanging in there and staying hopeful, but I fear this season will play better off the drama than a true love story. JoJo deserves her own love story and Ben. I don’t see any Bens in the mix still. Ok, but let’s focus on what we do have.

Group Date

The first group date of firemen doing fire stuff was a great opportunity for JoJo to show off how attractive she is in uniform firing off a hose. I loved Wells’ attitude throughout this date, his funny one-liners to JoJo that his dehydration tactics are really a way to get JoJo to talk to him. He’s adorable, in a boyish kind of way. I equate him to Rhode Island Jared from Kaitlyn’s season and Bachelor in Paradise. He’s not the athletic type and fully owns it. I like everything about him except his beanie. That’s just overkill, though JoJo said it’s “hot.”

If Grant didn’t win this challenge, shouldn’t JoJo just send him home? Then again, Robby’s former competitive swimming (is that code for funemployed?) and Luke’s war veteran status should have given them an edge.  Speaking of Luke, I know we’re supposed to think he’s intriguing or Dylan McKay from 90210ish, but I’m just not feeling him. I find him a bit metrosexual and I can’t get past his hair. He reminds me of an overdramatic soap opera star whenever I look at him. Others will disagree with me here, but I’m not feeling it.

Side note: I’m sensing a general lack of sophistication in these guys compared to what JoJo’s lifestyle seems to be. She lives in Dallas, her parents have a house the size of a train station, she’s involved in real estate development, is a fashionista and seems to be pretty successful in life already. Now compare that to someone like the “Bachelor Superfan” or the “Vinny the Barber” – I’m just not sure there’s much in the way of compatibility for many of these guys with JoJo.

First One on One Date

I was thrilled to see that JoJo chose Jim from the Office, otherwise known as “Derek” for the first one on one date. Unlike Jim, however, Derek was pretty reserved. JoJo certainly seemed to lead the conversations and had to drag out of Derek regarding his past relationship that left him closed off. Is that why he’s so tight lipped? The kissing was there, otherwise, I wasn’t sure JoJo was feeling it much for Derek. He needs about 10 beers before they go on their next date. Was overall impressed with the spontaneous format of tonight’s one-on-date. It was very cute that they could pick each element of the date together (choose your own adventure). I guess Chadhead or Jordan will be getting the “sea” or “south” dates, wherever those were planned for. If we see a date coming up in Southern California or Mexico, we’ll know that’s where they were supposed to go.

Second Group Date

The ESPN Sports Nation / Bachelor Nation group date was great because the guys were forced to use personality and quick thinking to woo JoJo. Chad couldn’t take the heat. Very telling, btw, that JoJo made Chad wait while she finished her conversation with Alex. I thought the Bachelorette always had to allow her suitors to interrupt no matter how little time she got with them. Not JoJo. She won’t stand for that.

I do have to say that Nick B (Santa) made me laugh with his fake shower routine. But it was James Taylor with the win. Who knew that all you had to do was write a love letter and read it during your one on one time? We saw our first JoJo tears of the season – she totally melted from his words. Sweet Baby James. Killed it tonight. Nice job.

Other random thoughts about tonight:

  • It’s borderline cruel to make Alex sit in a that oversized king like throne chair. Not sure that was on purpose, but he should not be sitting in furniture that accentuates his height.
  • The Husband is convinced that Chad’s speech about his mother and the puppy are made up. This was an especially interesting sensitive moment in contrast to Alex’s comment about Chad as “the highest level of douche bag.”
  • JoJo’s sparkly dresses are beautiful this season – as is all her casual wear. She could certain be a fashion model, sportscaster or firewoman once this season is over
  • Chad waiting around to steal JoJo before her entry to the rose ceremony was bold and unnecessary. I think JoJo was a bit off guard and how awkward when she walked in with him like her prom date. Alex put it perfectly by announcing that “The house has been divided. Winter is coming.” Amazing and accurate Games of Thrones reference.
  • I loved Chase’s impromptu date he planned for JoJo with the fake snow and mittens, since he didn’t get a date this week. Chase is one to watch – I believe JoJo took anyone she was really sure about and made them wait a week for a date.
  • I knew nothing about Christian until that outtake when he slipped down into his banana hammock and tried to do a hot tub scene with JoJo. Bold move!

Roses go to (Derek, Wells and James Taylor got the date roses):

Alex, Christian, Robby, Luke, Chase, Jordan, Grant, Ali, Daniel, St. Nick, James F (Who the heck is that??), Vinny, Evan and Chad. Goodbye to the Superfan. I’m sure he got the thrill of a life time.

If I had to choose some top picks (and this is VERY hard) at this point – I’d go with:

  1. Wells
  2. Chase
  3. Jordan (he was pretty calm when Chad was nasty to him)
  4. James Taylor (he’s sweet, but not up to JoJo’s sophistication level)
  5. Evan (I’m rooting for Marty McFly, but he has no chance)
  6. St. Nick. He’s funny, He’s an electrical engineer!

What did you think? Is there a Ben in the mix that I missed somehow? Wishing you a quick, productive work week!

Xoxo,

Stacey B

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JoJo is BACK as The Bachelorette – Season Premiere Recap

THE BACHELORETTE - "1201" - Successful and stunning real estate developer JoJo Fletcher, 25, gets a second chance at her happily-ever-after, choosing from twenty-six handsome bachelors. After being devastated last season by a shocking rejection from Bachelor Ben Higgins, who confessed his love to both her and Lauren Bushnell, the Texan beauty is ready to leave that heartbreak behind and write her very own love story as the Bachelorette. JoJo will embark on her own journey to find her soul mate when she stars in the 12th edition of ABC's hit romance reality series, "The Bachelorette," which will premiere at a special time MONDAY, MAY 23 (9:01-11:00 p.m. EDT), on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell) JOJO FLETCHER

It’s JoJo’s Turn in the Driver’s Seat!

Hello, Bach Fans!! I’ve missed you! Welcome back to another amazing season of la la land. I have been waiting for JoJo’s journey as Bachelorette ever since Ben Higgins chose Lauren B last season. Staring into Ben’s dreamy baby brown eyes (still was hoping he would pop out of one of the limos tonight pining for JoJo), I fell in love with his inability to hold back from declaring love for JoJo. Who wouldn’t love her? She’s funny (hilarious outtakes of her doing curl-ups with a glass of wine), smart (all the other girls flocked to her for advice), articulate (she’s confident, classy and a people person) and has the most amazing Bachelorette hair we’ve ever seen. Yes, JoJo is the perfect package (minus her two intense brothers). I’m crossing every finger and toe for her that one of these duds dudes is HER dude.

Lots of over the top introductions straight from the limos. And even before that we got a gorgeous shot of JoJo walking down the beach, rocking a bikini. You can love her for her mind, her personality, but you can’t ignore her insane body. Not to mention that the dress she wore tonight just hugged everything in exactly the right way. Yes, I have a crush on JoJo, just as I loved Ben.

So as much as I love JoJo and need her to prove to us that there’s another man out there as perfect as Ben (is this actually true besides The Husband?), I’m not feeling very hopeful after watching tonight. My general feelings about the guys are this:

  • There are a lot of guys named James.
  • There were about 5-6 guys that she could have (should have) sent home right away. These include the 2 drunk dudes that couldn’t hold it together to avoid busting in on her solo interviews, the guy that jumped into the pool, the awkward kiss guy and some of the intense dudes (don’t know there names yet – they just seem very serious and gave me the creeps).
  • I didn’t feel that gentleman spark that I felt when meeting Ben – an absolutely stunning tall, dark and handsome gentleman, small town dude, legit job who was ready to settle down. That was Ben in a nutshell. Maybe he was a bit boring, but he was real. There do seem to be a handful of guys (if not more) that are just there for a good time. Example – the Superfan contestant? That’s his actual job? I can’t even remember if he got a rose, but REALLY?
  • 3 Texas boys.
  • THANK GOODNESS NO JAKE PAVELKA. When he first walked on the set, I said to The Husband, “Oh no!!! Not this ass clown!!!” Some of you may feel differently about Jake. I will never forget that interview he did with his ex-choice as Bachelor, Vienna. He was so disrespectful to her and I just can never imagine him as anything other than a failed Bachelor experiment who has been trying to live out his 30 seconds of fame. See here:

Some of my favorite entrances tonight:

  • As cheesy as it was, I loved Santa. The Husband felt he must be badly sweating and wondered why he didn’t remove his costume at some point. Joke’s over, Santa. I did love how St. Nick kept saying “Jo-Jo-Jo” throughout the night. JoJo’s heartfelt, “Hi Santa!!!” greeting was said with so much enthusiasm, it just made you picture her 5 year old inner child.
  • Robbie who arrived with a bottle of wine – that seemed to impress JoJo and be right up her alley. She even commented that her mother would like him. Hmmm, I wonder why.
  • Wells was one of my favorites of the pack, and even more memorable than bringing the singing group was his declaration to JoJo of, “You are so out of my league.” Humble Wells. I like him.
  • I loved James Taylor and his guitar singing. I’m not sure he can carry a tune very well, but he’s charming in a Woody from Cheers kind of way (at least that’s my first impression). JoJo called him “smart” later on during a one on one interaction, so maybe there’s potential there.
  • Unicorns and motorcycles don’t really do it for me, so wasn’t too impressed.

Other Noteworthy Moments:

  • Aaron Rodgers’ brother (I can’t remember his name, so poor guy will be identified by his brother for now) getting the first “real” kiss and impression rose. I really hope this guy doesn’t become JoJo’s final guy merely by process of elimination. Couldn’t ABC have found some more Ben types? Even the other Ben from Kaitlyn’s season would have outmatched any of these guys. Is it too late to campaign for him to come back?
  • I find many of these men simply unattractive. Sorry to say this – but the first night is a lot about initial impressions and chemistry. Maybe they’re running out of men and Kaitlyn got the last great batch? I was completely not into Grant, Chad (is he the one that told JoJo that he’s not in a financial position to find a wife? Is that a disguised way of informing her that he’s loaded?? She doesn’t need your money, Chad – she’s plenty loaded on her own), Brandon with the long hair, Evan with the side parted long floppy hair and Daniel.
  • Ali is Iranian – and into wooing ladies with his intense classical piano playing and 5 o’clock shadow.  Joelle’s mother was raised in Iran and she is Persian (her father is from Tennessee).
  • I REALLY hope this isn’t a season where Joelle falls for all the wrong types (bad boy Chad who seems to have violent tendencies via the previews??). I love JoJo and want her to find Mr. Right. I just don’t know if I see it with this group of dudes. If I HAD to pick someone

If I had to choose someone, though I really don’t think I’d want to at this point because I’m personally not feeling connected to anyone, I think JoJo’s top prospects are:

  1. Luke
  2. Wells
  3. James Taylor

I think the Aaron Rodgers’ brother is a bit over-confident and I need to know he’s on this show for more than just publicity. First impression rose rarely wins it all. He really seemed to be the only guy with confidence, that wasn’t awkward and who could carry an actual normal conversation with JoJo. Of course she’s falling for him. What does she have to choose from???

Ok, here’s where I pause, remember that I have to get up in 6 hours and ask what you all thought of tonight’s premiere. I think we can agree we’re all on Team JoJo, but the question is – would you choose any of these men for her? Do any of them hold a candle to Ben? I’m sad to say that I don’t see it. I wanted some amazing, out of this world types for her to choose from and I just don’t think we’re seeing it. I’ll remain hopeful for her that “Other Ben, Ben Z” will show up, or we get a couple of wild cards thrown into the mix. Fingers crossed.

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