It was a steamy one. Before we dive into how sweaty each of these men were on their respective dates, I’d like to wish a very happy birthday to my big sister, Wendy. Wendy, like myself, is still hoping against all odds that Ben Higgins will show up on one of these dates and declare his love for JoJo all over again. I mean, think about Alex, who someone (I won’t say who), now refers to as “Alex the Smurf.” Not nice. I will avoid all height knocks because I’m short myself, however, it’s more Alex’s over-confidence and obnoxiousness lately that’s been his biggest turn off. If JoJo can fall in love with Ben H, can she actually think that Alex would be a better option? Puh-lease. It’s like dating a grasshopper after you’ve ridden a dolphin. Not even in the same species. Pity rose is absolutely right, Alex. At least he knows better.
So for Wendy’s birthday, I wanted to make sure everyone heard that Ben H and Lauren landed their own reality TV show. It’s coming this Fall on Freeform (is that a channel?) and will feature their life together in Denver. Ben is apparently eyeing a run at politics for the Republican Party in Colorado. The show, which will be produced by Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss, will also cover their wedding planning, of course. Back to JoJo.
I’m feeling very down on these guys tonight. The way they were all ganging up on Wells and the fact that he hadn’t gotten a kiss yet, was just incredibly unattractive. They just seemed collectively like immature schmucks. I was sorry to see how they carried on. I like Wells. He did seem like one of the only normal, down to earth types. Like your artsy funny guy friend. So what if he didn’t kiss her yet? Maybe he’s taking things at a normal pace. Still, the fact that JoJo had to congratulate him after he finally did it – their relationship was never going to go anywhere. JoJo definitely wants a guy to take control of the situation. Also, Wells didn’t seem too optimistic about keeping the passion alive long term. I mean, come on, Wells – at least fake it. JoJo is living a fairy tale, he’s got to try to live in it. But alas, they were stuck in the friend zone with little hope of moving out. Especially when you’ve got guys like Luke turning up the heat factor.
Side note: Was it awkward for JoJo to go back in to see the Fuerza Bruta show by herself? Obviously this was meant to be the activity she did with Wells had things gone better for them. Not to worry, Wells – come to NYC and you can see the show in Union Square.
Let’s talk about that group date. I so badly wanted them to play the Evita song with the lyrics, “What’s new, Buenos Aires…” while the group was exploring the town. The soccer segment was cute – another opportunity for Jordan to show off his athleticism and Luke to wear a shirt that’s too tight on him. As for Robby, what does a Former Competitive Swimmer do for a living these days? Is he also Formerly Earning a Living? Did he make so much money off of his swimming that he can retire? I was worried for JoJo that she was going to have to kiss one of the Argentinian men, but we never saw them actually compete – just her guys.
Not sure what to make of Sweet James throwing Jordan under the bus during his JoJo time. Is there video tape of this poker game somewhere so we can all judge? I think it’s very evident how confident Jordan is, how he’s got his little clique going with Robby and Smurf (sorry, there I go again) and he’s definitely got the wide eyed smug thing happening. I thought he was going to strangle James after his conversation with JoJo revealed that James attacked Jordan’s character. As you may recall, it was around this point in Ben’s season when that blonde girl, Leah, attacked Lauren B’s character to Ben. Maybe James was feeling threatened. He admitted to not being one of the frontrunners. He also feels out of place around the other guys, feeling like he’s not worthy. That said, he never should have said anything to JoJo. She seems very capable of figuring people out – I’m sure she’s also worried about Jordan’s intentions, given that she’s spoken to his ex girlfriend.
So then we come to the dreaded two on one. JoJo was smoking hot in that red dress and red lips (she is like an A+++ in terms of wardrobe this season). I am pretty sure we saw that professional tango dancer’s beyond bikini line during one of her dance moves. Was that an Argentinian special dance move? Seriously – way too much information in the groin area. I felt bad for Jim from the Office (Derek). His relationship with JoJo has fizzled since their one on one – his feelings have grown because he’s literally had nothing else to do but sit and dwell on it. Derek seems like a nice enough guy, but I have felt that he’s not quite at the sophistication, eloquence level that JoJo needs in a partner. Even when Derek was confessing that he’s falling for JoJo, he could only kiss her to express himself. He didn’t talk about how or why or where this was coming from. So he’s just expecting Jojo to feel it too – when she’s been feeling that way for some time with the other guys. I wasn’t surprised when Chase got the rose. He seems a bit more in tune with JoJo’s feelings and has that passion where Derek just felt lackluster.
So it was rose ceremony time and JoJo is in a gorgeous blueish / purple mermaid gown. She looks absolutely beautiful as usual. So glad they haven’t made her do crazy things with her make up and hair – she looks like herself in pretty much every scene. Such a breath of fresh air.
So everyone in the world knows that she’s either sending home Smurf Alex or Sweet Baby James. We want to scream at her TVs and tell her Alex (ok, at least I do), but JoJo takes pity on both of them and saves them both for one more week. The Husband was convinced she’d be sending both home. I mean, can she really see a future with either of these guys? I can’t even see her doing hometown dates with them. James is a sweetheart, but JoJo will get bored of him in about 3 minutes.
A few other points that are keeping me up at night:
(1) What’s going on with Luke’s teeth? They’re super white and seem like veneers. Perhaps my sister can comment on this as she’s a dentist. Wendy: are these veneers? Or is he just genetically blessed with ultra bright chompers?
(2) What’s with all the leather jackets? I felt like everyone was trying to be like Danny Zuko in Grease tonight. At one point, Jordan and his black leather jacket walked off with JoJo in her black leather jacket and it looked like a scene from a ’50s movie.
(3) Jordan and Robby’s side parted do-wop bump is wavering on obnoxious. Do they purposely comb their hair in the same direction like that? All I want to do is mess up their hair.
(4) Is Robby going to turn on us all next week and become the crazy guy? The previews don’t make him look too great plus the first guy to drop the I love you bomb usually crashes and burns pretty quickly. Yes, yes, yes, JoJos is so relieved that someone said this to her, but she doesn’t necessarily feel it back when she’s got Jordan and Lustful Luke on the radar. PS – was Luke squeezing her upper thigh in a gyrating motion? I did notice some thigh petting, but not sure where he was going with that.
(5) Why haven’t we had any other dudes come back on this season to try to win over JoJo? Especially considering she’s the best Bachelorette EVER?? Where are all the guys who want a shot at her? Seriously, this is probably one of the only seasons where a past contestant would have a real shot at “winning” considering the lot he’d be competing with.
(6) My Spanish teacher in college told me that most Argentinians HATE the show / movie / soundtrack of Evita, because it completely misrepresents the history of their country and Eva Peron’s character. In fact, when the whole “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” craze was going on, he would forbid anyone from singing or even humming the song. It was funny to see that singer belt out the main song of the musical in tonight’s date knowing this piece of information. This didn’t stop Chase from going for it with JoJo – so good for him!
(7) Was JoJo’s kissing this week just extra detailed? I thought they were going to stick a camera into Luke’s mouth at one point. How much tongue do we actually need to see here? I mean, we get it. Luke and JoJo have passion. Even his leather jacket and white teeth scream “soap opera king,” And then I felt bad for James who was speaking to JoJo right after her Luke make out tongue bath session thinking – GROSS, he’s literally making out with Luke if he goes anywhere near JoJo’s face, which he did. I wonder if there’s a mouthwash / tooth brush session in between serious make outs.
Alright, Bach fans. It’s been a long Monday. I seem to have passed my cold onto my daughter, so I better grab sleep while I can. I hope you all have some fun 4th of July plans brewing. We’re still undecided. Much like JoJo is about her men. I just don’t see anyone being a long term choice for her and this makes me sad (but gives me hope that she can be The Bachelorette again later on with a better crop of men).
Wishing you all a wonderful evening and week ahead.