THREE Engagements, 1 Bachelor on Bachelor in Paradise Finale

bachI am still in shock that “Grace” not only made it to an engagement, but is still together at the live finale of Bachelor in Paradise. This was a real life version of Taming of the Shrew. I love that Lace refers to him as the Lace Whisperer. Did he talk her into cutting out those horrible hair extensions and getting her eyelashes down to a manageable size? He’s in for a wild ride with that one. Chances of staying together to a wedding are at about 15% in my opinion.

So Carly can’t stop giggling and Evan can’t stop staring at her in the most smitten way possible. Their proposal was incredibly sweet. Now that she’s finally stopped talking about Kirk, she might actually begin to realize that she’s in a new, completely separate relationship. It’s interesting how Evan’s family was quite skeptical when he told them the outcome as they had only seen the first part of the show and how mean Carly was to him. She almost seems like she’s under an Evan spell – but they do seem extremely in love and I hope it stays that way. I’d give them a 85% chance of making it to a wedding at this rate. I don’t think two people have ever been as excited to have someone to love as they are.

As for Josh and Amanda – I think they are actually a good fit for each other. If Josh does want to be a family man, he’s picked the right girl. Getting woken up each morning by 2 little girls is a way different lifestyle than being a bachelor. Maybe Andi Dorfman wasn’t ready to settle down right away. She gave up her lawyering job to do Bachelorette and then never went back – she was looking to be a celebrity (still is). So now that Josh has met someone who is more on the same page as him – perhaps that’s what he needed. Yes, he’s very alpha (he calls it “passionate”) and that will rub people the wrong way, but he makes Amanda very happy and how wonderful that a single mom has found a potentially loving husband and dad for her kids. I think if they last the next 6 months, they have an 80% chance of getting married.

JENNIFER for next Bachelorette? I mean, we already knew the outcome of Jen and Nick, so nobody can be surprised at their breakup, but I’m not quite sure where things went wrong in Nick’s head. Things seemed to be going extremely well – even after their overnight time together. Was he already told that he had a chance at being Bachelor while he was making his decision about Jen? Or was he just too much in his head? I think Jen was an absolute sweetheart – maybe a tad vanilla for Nick, but there WAS NOTHING VANILLA ABOUT HER REVENGE DRESS on the Live After the Final Rose segment. Did you see that thing?! Seductress! While Nick was getting manscaped for his upcoming gig as Bachelor, he had to have noticed Jen’s look tonight. What kind of ridiculous astronomer segment was that for Jen? How about asking her if she’s dating anyone, how she’s feeling about Nick and where she goes from here (she said mixed feelings, but I want to know if she’s angry, if she thinks the show set her up to get dumped – or maybe they didn’t want to let her talk for fear of what she’d say).  Might she end up making an appearance on Nick’s season?!!

Til next time, Bach fans. Please check back for updates throughout the fall. You can find me on Instagram (@OfficeStace) and Facebook (Facebook.com/OfficeStace). Let’s hear what you all thought about tonight’s results, who is going to last and what you make of the Nick/Jen breakup.

Xoxo,

Stacey

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Bachelor in Paradise Wind-Up: All Ends Wells, Where Will Nick Go Wrong & GRACE?

I just can't understand what went wrong with these two...

I just can’t understand what went wrong with these two…

I feel like watching a bunch of people who got fairy dust sprinkled on their face.

Do you?

Happy Labor Day Weekend, Bach fans (or really end of it!). First off, my reaction to Nick Viall being announced as our next Bachelor: SHOCKING. My initial thought was that this was a joke. They once did that to us before announcing Chris Soules as the next Bachelor from Andi Dorfman’s season. Do you remember that? They panned to Nick went saying who the next Bachelor was and it was all a lame fake out because Nick was such a villain and not well liked at all.

Is the decision to go with Nick an admission by the producers that JoJo’s contestants were a flop? I mean, I know some people really liked Luke, and apparently he had his bags packed to be the next Bachelor before the last minute decision to choose Nick took place. I was pretty lukewarm about Luke being the next Bachelor. Yes he seemed like a stand up guy, but I didn’t feel that connection with him (not that I personally needed to) and as an avid viewer of the show – I didn’t feel very motivated to cheer for him.

Nick, on the other hand, is a very interesting character. I felt that he was shady, shifty – even creepy at times from his other two season. He was the guy everyone hates on Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season of Bachelorette. A latecomer, a repeat pursuer. Who needed him? So as an audience, we didn’t know what to make of him though he did have very real chemistry with Kaitlyn. But only second place again for Nick. I think we were all mostly relieved.

But on Bachelor in Paradise, Nick is THE MAN. The voice of reason. The bullied by strong personalities such as Josh. We see how the ladies rely on his sage advice. I also like that he’s a bit older – 34 instead of 24. Perhaps we’ll get some women who are really ready to settle down. This is also a sort of wonderful slap in the face to Andi Dorfman who wrote some non-flattering things about Nick. But who cares about her, because now it’s Nick’s turn to shine.

The only remaining question is – what the heck went wrong with Jen? She’s way cooler, more confident and charming than all his former ladies combined. Had they already offered Nick the question of being the next Bachelor? Or did they wait for things to end with Jen? Did he say something offensive in the fantasy suite? Will Jen end up being one of the ladies on his season? It’s all very confusing because they have serious chemistry – so if he can’t fall in love with someone like Jen, does he really have a shot with a whole bunch of other women (some who won’t be nearly as wonderful as Jen?).

As for the others…

Good riddance to Izzy. So glad she got a taste of her own medicine. BUH BYE. So glad Vinny didn’t take her back. She was such an idiot but he’s absolutely right – their little fairytale ended the moment she flipped the switch and went for a lamp guy. And it’s not like she came to the conclusion on her own that she made a mistake with Vinny. It took getting dumped by lamp guy Brett. What if Brett decided he really did like Izzy and wanted to pursue things? Would she then have gone after Vinny? I don’t think so. So buh-bye, Miz Izz. Sorry not sorry that I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for you. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

The Amanda / Josh situation terrifies me. I didn’t realize they were saying the I love you’s. This is like watching a horror movie – because how on earth are we supposed to have confidence that Josh isn’t impulsive and that his terrible temper won’t come back? How are they supposed to make a life long commitment with each other before he’s actually met her kids? It’s really too bad that Bachelor in Paradise is forcing them in this position where they have to make such a serious decision with two other minor human beings involved. UGH.

Carly and Evan – another mystery that I will never understand. Carly couldn’t have been crueler to Evan at the beginning of the season. Now she’s in love with him? Is this is a joke? Is she just clinging to something to avoid being alone? To say that she got her redemption from being “Kirked?” Why is she even thinking about Kirk if she’s so happily smitten with Evan? Her desperation is just oozing out of her – I just don’t understand her complete 180 degree change of heart for Evan.

GRACE. Another walking disaster. Lace is just way too flippant, emotional, immature – CRAZY? to make a serious decision about Grant. She can barely commit to a hairstyle – let alone a long term relationship. They are never going to make it – she’s just way too out there. Grant wants to “fix” someone and Lace is a head case. Their wrist tattoos were the dumbest decision – considering in less than 24 hours, they’ll probably have broken up. STUPID.

As for Wells and Ashley – I mean, was there any other way for that to go? They’ve been on one date, Ashley is a virgin and Wells is a nice guy. That formula resulted in 100% break up. Even though Ashley got it in her head that Wells was the man to get the job done – it was never going to happen. She’s drinking the BIP Kool-aid. Now the question is – will she pine over him like she did for Jared or find a new target to manipulate? I think Wells is wise to her insanity. I was happy for her that at least Wells chose Ashley for once over 2 other ladies. Ashley’s gotta feel good about that – but too bad they ran out of time to get to know each other.

Here’s hoping tomorrow’s finale gives us some insight on Nick / Jen’s demise, Lace’s self-destruction which is bound to go off, Josh’s ability to be Amanda’s kids’ soccer coach and Carly’s ability to actually love Evan versus being desperate to not die alone.

 

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Bachelor in Paradise: Saved the Wells for Last

ashley.wellsHooray for Wells and his arrival! It was a pure miracle sent from the heavens to drag Ashley I away from Jared and Caila. Not that Wells had a long hold on Ashley’s attention. But he gave us a spark of hope.

I am absolutely terrified of Lace and her eyelashes. They’re kind of messy like her hair but I worry that you (or Grant) could get sucked into them and snatched up like a Venus fly trap. That’s how I view Lace’s ability to snag a man of Grant’s fine character. Has she tricked him? Why on earth would he be interested in someone like her who is emotionally unstable and was ready to dump him for being upset that she was flirting with other guys? She seems like a very unstable person – someone who needs the back and forth drama (like she had briefly with Chad).

Something equally terrifying was Josh’s temper. His reaction to Amanda wanting to actually get some sleep versus playing moan tonsil hockey with him was intense. Is she just prone to being attracted to dominant, outspoken, moaning pizza loving men? Did she even watch him approach the rest of the people about who ratted him out to the twins? Who wants a guy who talks to other people like that? His reaction to Nick wanting to take his sleeping place was also “red flag” behavior. I’m with Nick on this one. Not sure why Amanda can’t see it. The only explanation is that this sort of behavior is a turn on. When your two best friends are going out of their way to warn you about your boyfriend of a couple weeks, you should probably listen to your two best friends. Especially when multiple people have the same opinion. Yes, Amanda has a right to make a decision for herself, but we all know it’s the wrong one. Poor thing.

Carly and Evan are hard to figure out. She was absolutely cruel to and repulsed by him. Now they give each other these knowing smiles, claim they’re falling in love with each other and I get nauseous. This relationship is unfathomable. It gives me the creeps. Is she just completely desperate? She’s so determined to find love on this show and this has got to be redemption for her Kirk embarrassment in just the tiniest way. I have no doubt that she’s going to wake up 3 months from now thinking – what the hell?! I mean, can she see Evan’s mustache / facial hair situation and be turned on?

Back to Wells – I thought he and Ashley had a great connection and I laughed a bunch at their conversation. When the bartender from Canada arrived I genuinely felt bad for Ashley. Wells has the right go to go out with whomever he wants, but I was hoping he’d be a little more into Ashley.

I’m very sad the twins and Daniel the Canadian have left. Not sure why the twins wanted to leave this week when they could have stayed for another round. Were they bored? Told to go? Have NFL cheerleader try-outs? Twin convention in Vegas?

Caila is still very confusing to me. She really can’t make up her mind and can be swayed by the wind. Why is she even engaging Ashley? Does she really think she can talk some sense into her? Why is she so willing to throw Jared away just because Ashley’s nuts? She either doesn’t care enough about Jared or she doesn’t have enough of a backbone. I’m not sure why Lace randomly said that she can’t stand Caila. What was that about?

Happy Monday everyone. Can we just vote to have Bachelor Pad on every night from now until eternity? Wouldn’t life be a little better if we only had to focus on Ashley I’s freak outs? Josh’s groaning? Nick’s commentary? Lace’s irrational breakdowns and Caila’s confusion?

In case you haven’t realized it – Wells is the new Jared. The women seem to be flocking to him. Good for him – he was the best catch on JoJo’s season. Glad to see he’s finally picking up some stamina.

That’s all for now.

Xo,

Stacey B

 

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Bachelor in Paradise: Confused Caila vs. Absurd Ashley

This image will instantly make Ashley I cry.

This image will instantly make Ashley I cry.

We can finally take a break from Josh’s moaning to focus on who is crazier in Paradise. Some strong contenders this week:

  1. Caila’s back and forth as to whether to go on the date with Brett or stay home to canoodle with Jared was certifiable. Seriously, who is that confused? Was she staying with Jared just to be nice? Can you just picture her bringing home a hair dresser to her CEO dad? At least she’d always be able to maintain her gorgeous locks. She’s a goody two shoes from her reaction to the booze cruise. Jared seems the most like Ben Higgins in “nice guy” personality. She likes them sweet and a tad on the boring side. (Not that Ben is remotely boring). Don’t forget that in the past, Caila has a problem falling in love. So if there’s an ounce of doubt, she runs. Which I think is what we saw tonight. But it just made her seem like a nut job.
  2. How did Ashley I get another chance? Can people who don’t get a rose just go back to the group and ask permission to stay? Can I ask the group for permission to stay? Assuming we can get past that, I’m hoping that all of Ashley’s insane sobbing is an act. Because if it’s real, she should spend less time in Paradise and more time in therapy. It’s terrifying watching her try to keep it together around Jared. And despite him laying out as clearly as he can – at any chance he has to interact with her, she’s hoping he’ll change his mind. It’s really sad and disturbing. Jared is too nice – or maybe he enjoys having a little virgin puppy dog following him around?
  3. Are we really supposed to believe that Carly is interested in Evan? Or has desperation just taken over any sense of logic?
  4. Izzy is nuts. Or maybe this is why she’s still single. She’s throwing away a perfectly nice guy for a physical attraction to someone else? I hope that Brett is her husband because otherwise she just made a huge mistake. I’m not sure what all these guys are seeing in Izzy. Was Brett attracted to her and is there any chance he wouldn’t jump ship when the next attractive girl arrives?
  5. I love the twins and am glad that they are each making connections. So funny how much Emily loved the firefighter, especially on their date.
  6. I have no idea why Grant is head over heels for Lace and her mumbling. He seems sweet but he’s getting sucked into a drama queen’s den.
  7. Was sad to see Sarah go but it never seemed like Daniel was that into her. Love how he thinks he has a chance with Haley. Daniel is the most entertaining person on the show and I really liked his advice to Ashley I (you shouldn’t waste time on someone not interested in you. You deserve someone who is crazy about you.). Daniel is like the Canadian Damai Lama.

 

Ok, must close eyes. Til tomorrow…

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Sweat, Booze & Tears on Bachelor in Paradise

Amanda hug & kiss?

Amanda hug & kiss?

I am not sure who is more insane:

  • Carly for being so desperate to meet someone that she actually finds Evan’s own desperation as strangely erotic?
  • Evan for pulling Amanda away from a moaning Josh TWICE to try and woo her and then warn her?
  • Amanda for being remotely attracted to sweaty, moaning Josh?
  • Sweating, moaning Josh?

I’m finding Nick to be more and more attractive, and like the Dalai Lama of Bachelor in Paradise. He’s borderline soulful. I love that he can make fun of himself for being dumped twice on national TV.

I don’t quite understand where Sarah’s head is at. She gave up the potential for a perfectly legitimate strong, long-lasting relationship with Christian for the Canadian goon? Then it doesn’t even seem like she’s interested in him or vice versa? What happened to their little flirtation? Was it an act put on by producers?

Some VERY intellectual thoughts at this late hour:

Is Evan for real? Was he just really drunk that the producer couldn’t wake him? What prompted the producer to try to wake him? I get the desperation creeps from Evan. He’d fall in love with an iguana if it showed interest. It would be amazing if Evan somehow seduces Carly into liking him and then he gets to dump her.

I think Canadian Daniel might do better going after dudes than ladies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He enjoys shaving men’s backs and mounting males for sport (who sucks water out of a person’s belly button that they don’t want physical intimacy with?).

Was anyone else not too secretly hoping that Chad would reappear just to stir things up? Is it too late for that to happen?

I am counting the seconds until I see Ashley I witness Jared with PERFECT Caila. I’m also loving all the perfect hair perfect body perfect face references to Caila. Jared’s seemed just kind of depressed and subdued until Caila arrived. Maybe his personality will come out bigger than her boobs almost did on their horseback riding romance. Their entire day together was like a Calvin Klein ad. Though I did feel for Emily and for the first time I’m starting to tell the two of them apart. Haley is smart. I love that she got rid of the humdrum date to give Nick a chance at love. Can Emily & Haley be the Bachelorettes?

If you’re wondering why I haven’t spoken about the Fabulous 4, it’s because they are completely unappealing. I’m still mad at Vinny for dumping Sarah and I’m not sure about Izzy. Lace scares the hell out of me and Grant just likes wild women.

On that note, my eyes and brain need a rest. I’m going to have nightmares of Josh moaning over pizza and Amanda all at once. A threesome. I did agree with Evan that Josh just seems to spew motivational quotes but maybe that helps him. I’d be more concerned about his moaning issue. He literally wants to eat Amanda. Like she’s the best pizza pie he’s ever digested. Gross. Time to go.

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It’s Nick Viall vs. Josh Murray, Round 2 on Bachelor in Paradise

nickjoshThere’s nothing like a Monday night Bachelor in Paradise episode like tonight to make me sit back, forget my worries and get lost in the absolute madness of this spinoff. Some immediate questions come to mind – like didn’t they show a preview of Chad coming back to scream at everyone and cause more havoc? Does that happen later on? Is the meat eating thing for real? Like there happened to be turkey in the back seat of the car he left in or does he always carry it on him?

Is there anyone that didn’t want to see Chad go on a date with full lipped Leah? Why on earth Grant would want to get involved with Lace after her Chad makeout/hate/punch flirtation of two hours, I have no idea.

Then there’s the Amanda tug-of-war between long time rivals Nick and Josh. Now I have always been skeptical of Nick – he always seemed a bit shifty. But on Bachelor in Paradise, he’s a saint. In fact, I may start calling him Saint Nick. He’s funny, he’s real and he’s honest. He was completely honest with Leah and was able to see through her nonsense / Fatal Attraction vibe despite her bright red clown lips and seduction outfits. Nick may be my favorite guy on the show right now.

So what’s the Amanda obsession? Sure she’s cute, sweet and soft spoken, but they all seem to see a little feistiness in her that they find irresistible. Are they in it for HER or just to compete to see who can get her to fall in love? Nick seems to have good intentions – I wonder what it is about Josh that Amanda finds so attractive. I bet the twins would have some great things to say about this situation. Good for Amanda, actually. Single mom of 2 little girls needs a little TLC and some cute men fighting over her. My only question is – did she really need to play tongue war with Josh in front of everyone (including Nick)? Could she have taken Nick aside and explained that she really enjoyed getting to know him, but she’d like to explore things with Josh for a little? I mean how do you handle a situation like that? And Josh’s whole slightly rambling, intense defense on his ex-fiance’s tell-all book about him made me fearful for Amanda. Josh seemed charming and promising on Andi’s season of Bachelorette, I can see this sort of fireworks madness flare up in his eyes when he talks about his ex and their break-up. We’ll have to keep our eye on him. Or maybe our ears because that nasty deep moaning coming out of him during his Amanda kisses was quite frightening – almost like there was a demon trying to come out of his throat or perhaps he swallowed a dying goat?

Vinny the Barber disappointed me tonight. He had the chance to start something real with Sarah and threw it away for more time with Izzy? Thank goodness the Awkward Canadian saved the day by giving Sarah a rose. I am so entertained by him. That conversations he had with Leah Lips was out of this world awesome. I wonder if Leah is still considering whether she’s an orange or an onion.

Am I really still talking about this show?

I hated Carly’s actions tonight. She was truly mean to Evan and it reminded me a lot of how she said really awful things about other people last season – and also how she came down on Kirk when he broke up with her. If she didn’t want to go out on a date with Evan, she should have just said “no” and given him an opportunity to take someone else. Instead, she bad-mouthed him the whole date and made fun of him. She should be ashamed of herself. I didn’t think her comments were funny at all and really just painted a sad, unappealing image of her low self esteem. She needs to go home.

The twins are completely entertaining. I’m not sure why they keep reminding us that giving one twin a rose, means you keep both. How long will that last? I loved Emily’s seduction of the apparently aloof Jared – does he have any mojo? Glad he went in for the kiss in the end, but he seemed almost depressed. It’s nice to see the twins exploring relationships. I’m also loving the “twinnerviews” – they always make me laugh, especially when they’re rubbing the Canadian’s abs and boobs.

Ok, have spent too many brain cells thinking this episode through. Good thing we have another one tomorrow night. How am I supposed to keep up with this AND watch the Olympics? Still haven’t gotten through the Opening Ceremony which we DVRed and then there’s the Women’s Gymnastics that I’m obsessed with.

Til tomorrow night…

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

 

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