Bachelor in Paradise: Confused Caila vs. Absurd Ashley

This image will instantly make Ashley I cry.

This image will instantly make Ashley I cry.

We can finally take a break from Josh’s moaning to focus on who is crazier in Paradise. Some strong contenders this week:

  1. Caila’s back and forth as to whether to go on the date with Brett or stay home to canoodle with Jared was certifiable. Seriously, who is that confused? Was she staying with Jared just to be nice? Can you just picture her bringing home a hair dresser to her CEO dad? At least she’d always be able to maintain her gorgeous locks. She’s a goody two shoes from her reaction to the booze cruise. Jared seems the most like Ben Higgins in “nice guy” personality. She likes them sweet and a tad on the boring side. (Not that Ben is remotely boring). Don’t forget that in the past, Caila has a problem falling in love. So if there’s an ounce of doubt, she runs. Which I think is what we saw tonight. But it just made her seem like a nut job.
  2. How did Ashley I get another chance? Can people who don’t get a rose just go back to the group and ask permission to stay? Can I ask the group for permission to stay? Assuming we can get past that, I’m hoping that all of Ashley’s insane sobbing is an act. Because if it’s real, she should spend less time in Paradise and more time in therapy. It’s terrifying watching her try to keep it together around Jared. And despite him laying out as clearly as he can – at any chance he has to interact with her, she’s hoping he’ll change his mind. It’s really sad and disturbing. Jared is too nice – or maybe he enjoys having a little virgin puppy dog following him around?
  3. Are we really supposed to believe that Carly is interested in Evan? Or has desperation just taken over any sense of logic?
  4. Izzy is nuts. Or maybe this is why she’s still single. She’s throwing away a perfectly nice guy for a physical attraction to someone else? I hope that Brett is her husband because otherwise she just made a huge mistake. I’m not sure what all these guys are seeing in Izzy. Was Brett attracted to her and is there any chance he wouldn’t jump ship when the next attractive girl arrives?
  5. I love the twins and am glad that they are each making connections. So funny how much Emily loved the firefighter, especially on their date.
  6. I have no idea why Grant is head over heels for Lace and her mumbling. He seems sweet but he’s getting sucked into a drama queen’s den.
  7. Was sad to see Sarah go but it never seemed like Daniel was that into her. Love how he thinks he has a chance with Haley. Daniel is the most entertaining person on the show and I really liked his advice to Ashley I (you shouldn’t waste time on someone not interested in you. You deserve someone who is crazy about you.). Daniel is like the Canadian Damai Lama.

 

Ok, must close eyes. Til tomorrow…

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Sweat, Booze & Tears on Bachelor in Paradise

Amanda hug & kiss?

Amanda hug & kiss?

I am not sure who is more insane:

  • Carly for being so desperate to meet someone that she actually finds Evan’s own desperation as strangely erotic?
  • Evan for pulling Amanda away from a moaning Josh TWICE to try and woo her and then warn her?
  • Amanda for being remotely attracted to sweaty, moaning Josh?
  • Sweating, moaning Josh?

I’m finding Nick to be more and more attractive, and like the Dalai Lama of Bachelor in Paradise. He’s borderline soulful. I love that he can make fun of himself for being dumped twice on national TV.

I don’t quite understand where Sarah’s head is at. She gave up the potential for a perfectly legitimate strong, long-lasting relationship with Christian for the Canadian goon? Then it doesn’t even seem like she’s interested in him or vice versa? What happened to their little flirtation? Was it an act put on by producers?

Some VERY intellectual thoughts at this late hour:

Is Evan for real? Was he just really drunk that the producer couldn’t wake him? What prompted the producer to try to wake him? I get the desperation creeps from Evan. He’d fall in love with an iguana if it showed interest. It would be amazing if Evan somehow seduces Carly into liking him and then he gets to dump her.

I think Canadian Daniel might do better going after dudes than ladies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He enjoys shaving men’s backs and mounting males for sport (who sucks water out of a person’s belly button that they don’t want physical intimacy with?).

Was anyone else not too secretly hoping that Chad would reappear just to stir things up? Is it too late for that to happen?

I am counting the seconds until I see Ashley I witness Jared with PERFECT Caila. I’m also loving all the perfect hair perfect body perfect face references to Caila. Jared’s seemed just kind of depressed and subdued until Caila arrived. Maybe his personality will come out bigger than her boobs almost did on their horseback riding romance. Their entire day together was like a Calvin Klein ad. Though I did feel for Emily and for the first time I’m starting to tell the two of them apart. Haley is smart. I love that she got rid of the humdrum date to give Nick a chance at love. Can Emily & Haley be the Bachelorettes?

If you’re wondering why I haven’t spoken about the Fabulous 4, it’s because they are completely unappealing. I’m still mad at Vinny for dumping Sarah and I’m not sure about Izzy. Lace scares the hell out of me and Grant just likes wild women.

On that note, my eyes and brain need a rest. I’m going to have nightmares of Josh moaning over pizza and Amanda all at once. A threesome. I did agree with Evan that Josh just seems to spew motivational quotes but maybe that helps him. I’d be more concerned about his moaning issue. He literally wants to eat Amanda. Like she’s the best pizza pie he’s ever digested. Gross. Time to go.

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It’s Nick Viall vs. Josh Murray, Round 2 on Bachelor in Paradise

nickjoshThere’s nothing like a Monday night Bachelor in Paradise episode like tonight to make me sit back, forget my worries and get lost in the absolute madness of this spinoff. Some immediate questions come to mind – like didn’t they show a preview of Chad coming back to scream at everyone and cause more havoc? Does that happen later on? Is the meat eating thing for real? Like there happened to be turkey in the back seat of the car he left in or does he always carry it on him?

Is there anyone that didn’t want to see Chad go on a date with full lipped Leah? Why on earth Grant would want to get involved with Lace after her Chad makeout/hate/punch flirtation of two hours, I have no idea.

Then there’s the Amanda tug-of-war between long time rivals Nick and Josh. Now I have always been skeptical of Nick – he always seemed a bit shifty. But on Bachelor in Paradise, he’s a saint. In fact, I may start calling him Saint Nick. He’s funny, he’s real and he’s honest. He was completely honest with Leah and was able to see through her nonsense / Fatal Attraction vibe despite her bright red clown lips and seduction outfits. Nick may be my favorite guy on the show right now.

So what’s the Amanda obsession? Sure she’s cute, sweet and soft spoken, but they all seem to see a little feistiness in her that they find irresistible. Are they in it for HER or just to compete to see who can get her to fall in love? Nick seems to have good intentions – I wonder what it is about Josh that Amanda finds so attractive. I bet the twins would have some great things to say about this situation. Good for Amanda, actually. Single mom of 2 little girls needs a little TLC and some cute men fighting over her. My only question is – did she really need to play tongue war with Josh in front of everyone (including Nick)? Could she have taken Nick aside and explained that she really enjoyed getting to know him, but she’d like to explore things with Josh for a little? I mean how do you handle a situation like that? And Josh’s whole slightly rambling, intense defense on his ex-fiance’s tell-all book about him made me fearful for Amanda. Josh seemed charming and promising on Andi’s season of Bachelorette, I can see this sort of fireworks madness flare up in his eyes when he talks about his ex and their break-up. We’ll have to keep our eye on him. Or maybe our ears because that nasty deep moaning coming out of him during his Amanda kisses was quite frightening – almost like there was a demon trying to come out of his throat or perhaps he swallowed a dying goat?

Vinny the Barber disappointed me tonight. He had the chance to start something real with Sarah and threw it away for more time with Izzy? Thank goodness the Awkward Canadian saved the day by giving Sarah a rose. I am so entertained by him. That conversations he had with Leah Lips was out of this world awesome. I wonder if Leah is still considering whether she’s an orange or an onion.

Am I really still talking about this show?

I hated Carly’s actions tonight. She was truly mean to Evan and it reminded me a lot of how she said really awful things about other people last season – and also how she came down on Kirk when he broke up with her. If she didn’t want to go out on a date with Evan, she should have just said “no” and given him an opportunity to take someone else. Instead, she bad-mouthed him the whole date and made fun of him. She should be ashamed of herself. I didn’t think her comments were funny at all and really just painted a sad, unappealing image of her low self esteem. She needs to go home.

The twins are completely entertaining. I’m not sure why they keep reminding us that giving one twin a rose, means you keep both. How long will that last? I loved Emily’s seduction of the apparently aloof Jared – does he have any mojo? Glad he went in for the kiss in the end, but he seemed almost depressed. It’s nice to see the twins exploring relationships. I’m also loving the “twinnerviews” – they always make me laugh, especially when they’re rubbing the Canadian’s abs and boobs.

Ok, have spent too many brain cells thinking this episode through. Good thing we have another one tomorrow night. How am I supposed to keep up with this AND watch the Olympics? Still haven’t gotten through the Opening Ceremony which we DVRed and then there’s the Women’s Gymnastics that I’m obsessed with.

Til tomorrow night…

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

 

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Bachelor in Paradise: A Complete Chadwreck

BIPI refuse to spend more than a few minutes wasting brain cells on analyzing tonight’s Bachelor in Paradise premiere. For those who missed it, basically it went like this…Lots of People from Ben’s Season Arrive. Lots of People from JoJo’s season arrive. Then Chad comes. Chad gets drunk. Chad gets REALLY drunk with Lace. Chad and Lace fight / make out for hours. They break up. Everyone else watches and talks about Chad. Chad says nasty things about the ladies. Chris Harrison calls everyone together and announces that Chad’s a turd and he must go. Chad refuses to go at first. Finally he leaves, but he’s still being belligerent during his exit interviews and has threatened Chris Harrison. I mean, who threatens Chris Harrison?

I’ve been in a car for over 4 hours today and my eyelids are getting heavy. Time to use the next several hours til that little 2 year old screams for us for shut-eye.

Before I go, I will mention that I am very much looking forward to seeing the following:

  • Nick and anyone – Nick’s definitely got an “ick” factor, but in Paradise, he’s a real catch and seems actually very funny and charming. I hope he finally gets a love story.
  • The Twins. I’ve missed them. I forgot how witty they are and how ridiculous it is that the show treats them as one person and they still accept it. Even one of interviews of a twin said “Haley or Emily” and “Twin” as her occupation. Talk about insulting.
  • Caila and Jared. I love how Jared is once again the MAIN squeeze for everyone there. You can only imagine the insanity when Ashley I arrives to drive him crazy. They didn’t show us much more about his date with Jubilee. Looks like they had some nice conversation – but I’m guessing no kissing or we would have seen?
  • Carlie going home soon. I was not Team Carlie when her break up with Kirk happened last season. I’m not into her playing the victim card now and I find her snarky narrations of everyone else just borderline obnoxious. She’s looking for a singing career along with a boyfriend.
  • I have no idea who Izzy is but glad she’s hitting it off with the Barber (Vinny, who reminds me of someone from Jersey Shore).
  • I’m sorry but there’s no way Evan is “more attractive” in person. I just don’t see it. Why was he going through Chad’s luggage?

Ok, I’ve already overdone it. Must save braincells for tomorrow.

Hope you’ve all recovered from the JoJo / Jordan finale. I got to see them on some of the ABC morning shows today and they looked very happy.

Til next time – you can find me on Instagram @OfficeStace or Facebook (http://facebook.com/OfficeStace)

xoxo,

Stacey B

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It Was Always Jordan: The Bachelorette Gives Her Final Rose

The-bachelorette-finale-jojo-picks-robby-or-jordanAnother season of Bachelorette is in the books. These 3 hour finales always take us on a wild ride. I was so sure that they were selling us Robby, that I knew it had to be Jordan. JoJo always liked him best. Even from the very first night when the guys arrived in limos, Jordan gave her a kiss that knocked her socks off. She tried to put him on the back burner for a while. That’s how Robby got thrown into the final 4 mix to begin with. But in the end, nobody quite matched her chemistry with Jordan, his skinny, metrosexual appeal and his hair bump.

I thought that with all of JoJo’s confusion, she might do what her foresisters (former Bachelorettes) had done in taking the “safe” choice. Because we all know that the safe choice works. It lasts. Take the very first Bachelorette, Trista. Her final two guys were hot gorgeous steamy soap opera Charlie and Sweet poem writing Ryan. Everyone was convinced she was lusting for Charlie, had an insane connection with him, despite having very strong feelings for romantic Ryan. Still, Trista had been burned before by the bad boys, and in the end, turned down Charlie for Ryan. They are still together today with two kids. In fact, I’d say that anyone who chose the fun, wild, gorgeous stud over the nice, reliable guy who would adore them endlessly did not last. (e.g., Ali Fedotwosky chose Roberto Martinez, Jillian the Canadian chose Ed, etc.). But that’s the past and I love JoJo, so let’s look at it this way…

JoJo always would have wondered what it could have been like with Jordan. Jo and Jor? JoJo and JorJor? JoJor? If she went with Robby, she would have been happy, loved and potentially bored to tears. I thought it was interesting what she said at the After the Final Rose – about how they were sort of lacking in the friendship department. They had the physical chemistry and love, but it sounded like the day to day conversations between two lifelong partners had never taken place. I feared this was the case as Robby never seemed to be able to talk about anything else other than “I fell in love with JoJo in Uruguay” and proving that he fell in love with her.

Some things I’m still confused about:

  • JoJo’s brothers. They were surprisingly tame. They accused Ben Higgins of being “coached” when JoJo brought him home to Dallas on hometown visits last season. The brothers came off as cruel bullies, completely full of themselves and seemed to have potentially jeopardized JoJo’s chances with Ben. The Husband and I had been looking forward all season long to watching the brothers GRILL the final two guys (especially Jordan), but we didn’t see ANY interactions between them and Jordan. I wonder why that was. In any event, it seems like they hired an Image Coach to clean up their reputations. Are they trying to get on the next season of Bachelorette? They were on their best behavior tonight which was too bad.
  • What’s the Aaron Rodgers deal? We were promised Aaron information but got NOTHING. Seriously, what gives? Jordan’s answer did not have anything to do with Chris Harrison’s question about the whole thing. Jordan was basically like – “It’s a family thing, Chris and you’re not family.” What the heck happened?
  • JoJo’s family. What do they think of her final choice? If we interviewed the brothers would they still be on Team Robby? Did they not have JoJo’s family in the audience because they’re opposed to her choice?
  • It was amazing to see Ben Higgins (and Lauren), but I kind of still hoped that Ben would just openly declare his mistake and love for JoJo. Not quite sure why they were in the audience except to show that they’re still together or maybe to promote their new show?
  • Robby still seemed very much in love with JoJo and perhaps he’s biding his time to see if JoJo will break up with Jordan so he can sweep in. I don’t think he’d be in the running for Bachelor, but who the heck knows.
  • Can Chad just go away already? He was so disrespectful to JoJo at the Men Tell All, why do they even allow him to speak? The Husband thinks Chad as Bachelor would be an amazing “unofficial” season of Bachelor, but I think that would be the demise of the franchise.
  • Did we ever get to the mystery of why Jordan didn’t feel right proposing to JoJo’s dad when he had the opportunity? Something about him not knowing if he was the only one, or that JoJo picked him? She was super pissed about that. They made it seem like she woke up the morning of her engagement with Robby in mind but then the letter from Jordan arrived and she changed her mind. I wish they had clarified that she was going to choose Jordan the whole time. Did Jordan ever get to have that face to face conversation with her parents? Also, why didn’t we get to hear the phone call they made to their families after? I always love that moment.
  • Robby gave JoJo a bunch of photos for the last date gift. What did Jordan give JoJo? More insecurity? Doubt? I don’t think we saw anything.

Highlights of tonight:

  • JoJo’s finale dress. AMAZING. She is a goddess. I’ve said it all season. I’m going to miss her as Bachelorette and she’s left some very big shoes to fill.
  • Hearing my father-in-law (who can’t fathom why any human being would devote time, brain cells or any devotion to this show) get into the finale. He watched the entire 3 hours. AND he thought JoJo was very sincere in her confusion re: Robby vs. Jordan. What he thought was difficult to understand was how she could be so emotionally invested and physically involved with two guys at the same time, in such a short amount of time. I didn’t want to tell him that he’s now going to have to watch all of the Bachelor/Bachelorette episodes to show the formula – that this is actually quite common and the real mystique / fascination with this series.
  • Having my mother-in-law scold anyone who interrupted the show, made petty remarks about JoJo’s mother’s plastic surgery or in any way tried to interfere with our viewing experience. That is true devotion and nobody appreciates that more than me. Thanks, MILLY!
  • The Husband handing me a bowl of S’mores ice cream and a glass of water because it’s important to binge and stay hydrated during the finale.
  • Learning that it was my sister-in-law who had her honeymoon at Nemacolin Resort, not The Husband’s parents as The Husband had informed me several weeks back. I’m hoping The Husband and I can stalk JoJo’s Instagram / Twitter account, find out when she and Jordan are going there so we can crash and casually befriend them.

So overall, I think JoJo made the best decision that she could have made given the guys presented to her. She was clearly in love with Jordan from a very early point and I never saw anyone else even come close to matching their chemistry and connection. It’s only for that reason, that I can rest easy in her final choice. Jordan’s always had this over-confidence about him that kind of rubs me the wrong way. I just hope that this confidence can help him navigate the stormy tabloid sea they’ve had to face and will have to face going forward. I would have liked to hear more about the potential cheating rumors that Chad was referencing (wish they would have confronted Chad about that).

I was very happy to hear that Jordan will be moving to Dallas and buying a new house with JoJo ASAP. This is the best chance they can have at making things work. So that whole “we’ll see what happens within the next year” nonsense he gave her earlier was for the camera. Also, if it doesn’t work out, at least JoJo didn’t have to be away from her family.

As for Robby, I hope that he can lick his wounds and find a job, like perhaps as a competitive swimmer instead of a former competitive swimmer.

It’s after midnight here and I’ve got a 2 year old that hasn’t slept past 6 AM for the past 2 mornings. Gonna grab the sleep while I can before our road trip home tomorrow.  It’s been a great Bach ride, Friends.

So excited we only have to wait 24 hours until Bachelor in Paradise. I’ll be blogging that too, so please check in to discuss the train wreck.

Xoxo,

Stacey B

 

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Bachelorette FINALE is NOW…

I’m watching LIVE from my in-laws home in Maryland this evening. Ellie, who hasn’t taken a bath in 48 hours and is demanding to watch the “Let it Go!” movie (aka Disney’s Frozen) may need to watch with us as she has missed her bedtime and could quiet possibly stay up all night if allowed.

So here is the scene at this moment:

I cracked the wi-fi password here, grabbed The Husband’s laptop and am up and running on the blog.

The Husband is changing a diaper.

The Mother-In-Law is clearing away dinner

The Father-In-Law is wondering why the heck we are watching this ridiculous show

The Sister-In-Law is gathering up her husband and sons to escape before she gets sucked in to the 3 hour madness.

Almost party time. Please let the DVR work so we don’t miss any of this glorious 3 hours.

I will be checking in after the Final Rose. See you then, Bach fans!

xoxo,

Stacey

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